"This would be a stadium. Say it with me now...stay-dee-um," I said, taking my hand and moving her lips to form the word.
"Sonny, I don't think this is doing anything," she said, reaplying her lipgloss again.(The third time in five minutes, actually.)
"It will, trust me. Here, take this and throw it to me."
Okay, maybe handing her the football wasn't my best idea ever.
"Ow! My eye! Aim lower a bit next time! And put your fingers on the laces in the little creases. And try using your hand this time...not your foot."
"Okay, where do I put my thumb? There's no crease for it," she said, looking strikingly confused.
"You just hold the bottom of the ball with your thumb, there isn't a specific spot for it. Just not on the top of the ball. That's...well...not right."
"Wait! Can I aim for that big yellow monster?" she asked, pointing to a goal post.
"Tawni, that's not a monster. That would be a goal post. Players run the ball there to get a touch down. They Y-shaped lines going vertical are eighteen feet, six inches apart. They're thirty feet tall and the crossbar is ten feet off the ground," I informed her.
"What's the crossbar? The pole at the bottom of the smiley face?"she questioned.
"Um...no. The crossbar is the pole that connects the smiley face to the ground. That pole sticking in the goal line. The goal line separates from the end zone. The goal line is where the offence tries to cross to score a touchdown. The end zone is ten yards deep and is located at both ends of the field. As you can tell from the name...it's the end of the zone."
"How do you know so much? This is crazy!"
"No, it's fun. Now, when you throw the ball, slightly turn your wrist so it goes the way you want it to. Try to get in between the goal posts."
"What are those again?"
"The corners of the smiley face," I sighed.
"Oh, okay!" She tossed the ball and totally missed the "yellow monster". She hit the bleachers. Not. Good.
"Here, I'll go get it," I offered, jogging over to the bench it now sat on. I turned back around to see some guy sitting on the guest bleachers, watching us play. I ran back over and told Tawni he was staring at her. She looked over and gave him a little wave. "I think he likes you! You should try and hit the right gaol po- corner of the smiley face. Ya know, show off your hidden talent!"
"Yeah, it's hidden alright! Way, way, way down deep. It's burried like my dead great great great great great great great great great uncle Marvin! He got tied up and burried alive by pirates because they wanted his booty. They burried him ninty feet below the Carribean beach! Even back then my family had the best booty! I mean, just look at it! Mine's like...perfect! It's not too big, not too flat, not too anything. Just perfect!"
"Okay Tawni, I don't want to hear about your booty! Just make the shot," I said, gesturing towards the goal post.
"No, you throw it. I can't make that shot! And besides, I don't want to hit poor Mr. Tough Guy in the mouth!"
"You named the- wow. You've really got issues. Here, just watch my hand and arm movement." I threw the football and hit the goal post dead on. "See, it's not that hard." The guy sitting on the bleachers came over and started talking.
"Hey, nice shot!" he said. Wow, that's not just any guy! That's...that's... Skylar DeVane from Mackenzie Falls! The guy with the Electric Man Scaper! And he's totally talking to us without being all snobby!
"Thanks. Tawni and I were just out for our daily football practice," I said, lying to get him interested in Tawni.
"Cool! Tawni, I know that we've had our differences, but...would you like to go out for dinner this friday?" he asked.
"I'd love to!"
"Awesome! Here's my number. Call and I'll give you the details."
"Okay! I'll see you then!" she said, waving to him as he walked away, smiling.
"It worked! I did it! I helped you get a date! Woohoo!" I shouted, doing my famous happy dance.
"Wow, it did! And I'm happy about one of your plans working! What happened to me?"
"Love happened to you," I stated, taking her hand and running to the car to go back to the set for rehersal.
