7.
Alone in the Dark
I've been lying on this bed for who knows how long.
Just staring at the ceiling.
Thinking.
Trying not to think.
Failing at both.
Hard to do that.
But I am.
My head hurts though, from doing it.
My stomach hurts too, because I ran all day and didn't eat anything. That's just stupidity on my part.
I can't believe that Tails is gone.
He left.
He didn't come back.
Why was I treating him like shit? He didn't do anything wrong. He was just worried. No crime in that.
Now I'm worried.
He didn't tell me where he was going. Or when he'd be coming back.
Or if.
I don't know what to do.
Honestly, it's all I can do not to freak out completely.
I know that dark thing is doing this to me. But I don't know how to fight it. It seems to be able to control me at will. It makes me do things and say things I would never dream of doing.
Okay, maybe I sometimes think about mouthing Tails off. But I never actually do it. Everybody thinks bad things about other people sometimes.
But how do I fight something I can't see? Can't touch? Can't find? I only see it when it wants me to.
What if I ask to see it?
Will it come?
"Your wish is my command."
I'm floating in nothingness. I don't like that, but I'm in that dark place again and I'm scared if I try to stand up I'll just fall and fall and fall. I have to strain to look around but I can't see it. I'm starting to panic. Knowing that no one is there to help me, that I'm alone in my room and no one will care if I don't wake up, it makes my chest tighten so bad...
"Where are you?"
It appears right next to my face. It of course takes advantage of me and 'stands' while I'm forced to 'lie down'.
"You called?"
"Stop doing this to me!"
"I'm not doing a thing to you. You're doing it all by yourself."
"Why would I do those things? What kind of guy do you take me for? I would never talk to Tails like that, not ever!"
"And yet you did."
"NO! It was YOU!"
"I can assure you it was not. Now I have more important things to attend to, little hedgehog, so cease bothering me. My work with you is concluded."
It vanishes.
It leaves me alone.
I'm counting.
I'm counting.
My number is getting very high.
It's so hard to breathe...
I can't take this anymore! Is it going to send me back or what?
Fuck.
I'm going to panic. I am literally going to lose it.
Sonic the Hedgehog is going to lose it.
The terrible, jolting panic is gripping me all over, and I know I shouldn't, I know it's stupid, 'cause no one can hear me, but I start screaming.
And I can't stop.
I'm just screaming and screaming and all of a sudden, somehow, I can feel something is covering my face and I don't care if there's a black hole under me or not, I have to stand up, and thank God my foot hits something solid and I sit up on my bed covered in sweat, my throat raw.
Tails is getting up off the floor.
"Geez, Sonic, do you HAVE to get into bed with your sneakers on? 'Cause that really hurt."
I fly across the bed and pull him into what is probably the biggest hug I've ever given the kid. He lets me for a minute.
"Back off a little, Sonic, I can't feel my face."
"Sorry, buddy. I...I'm just happy to see you."
God, I'm so happy and relieved I'm almost crying.
When did I become so sappy?
Sonic, now you're being a jerk to yourself. Tails just pulled you out of a black hole. It's okay to be a bit on the mushy side for a bit.
Tails wanted me to back off to free his arms, I guess, 'cause he doesn't pull away, just hugs me back.
"Thanks, Tails. I was...I was really...I mean..."
"I know. I'm sorry. But I couldn't wake you up."
"I was playing the statue again?"
"Yeah. It was really creepy, 'cause then you started sweating and I couldn't see why, and then you just started screaming, but your mouth was closed. It's really scary when you do that, by the way."
I let go of him and sit back on the bed. I realize that I'm kind of shaking.
I was really scared.
Don't think I've ever been that scared.
Even THINKING about being left lying down in the dark forever makes me shiver.
"So what gave you the idea to smother me?"
I know that sounds crass and ungrateful, but I'm still in panic mode and I have to calm down. I have to make stupid jokes or I'm not going to.
"I just wanted to stop you from screaming. It...I never heard you scream before. I don't like it."
"Well...I owe you one. And I don't think I'm ever gonna pay up."
"That bad, huh?"
He's looking at me, those big blue eyes of his glowing in the dark. He's so serious.
"I think you'd better tell me right now what goes on when you do that."
So I tell him, and he listens carefully like always, taking in everything and filing it away in his head, and I know that if I can just tell him everything it will be okay. He always helps me solve my problems.
"It sounds kind of like you're being possessed."
"Oh great."
He laughs. It helps me relax a bit.
"Y'know what that Hell Itself thingy said? 'bout stayin' away from me? I know what that's about. Don't do it."
"Why not? I almost hurt Amy, I almost hurt you. Maybe I should."
He shakes his head.
"Don't. It's trying to keep you away from me. It knows that if anyone can get you out of this, I can."
I feel really stupid for not figuring that out. Classic supervillain psych-out right there.
He puts a hand on my shoulder and looks right into my eyes. I actually hate it when he does that. His eyes are way too intelligent. I feel like he can see right down into the bottom of me, into the places I hide from myself.
"I'm here for you, Sonic. I'll help you fix this. Don't worry."
The darkness and the worry and the stress are crushing me, I swear to God.
"Could you hurry up about it? I'm turning into a completely different person here."
This makes him laugh too.
"I'll do my best!"
I still feel crappy, so I guess I'll eat something and then go running again. I know I just spent the whole day doing that, but I really don't want to lie in the dark right now. I need to move.
The more I think about it, the more I need to.
