Part Seven- "What I really am"

"I really want to see you," Faith said to Wood into her little red phone. Who would ever think she would have one of these little phones? And a real boyfriend to talk on it with, and a semi-real job? She looked at her reflection in the pastry counter. She was a mess. She had gotten Frappacino in her hair again.

"I really want to see you too," he said to her. He might not if he saw what she looked like now. Robin's look was always so together; it made her really aware of when she was disheveled. She supposed it was easier being able to be bald and fine.

"Couldn't you get someone else to watch the detention kids?" she whined.

"It's my turn. I didn't want to be a jerky Boss and not do my share of the shit jobs," he said.

"What's the point of being the Boss if you can't jerkily avoid the shit jobs?"

"Good point. Why don't you take the night off and let Lazarus deal with the hired guns? If we stay under the protection spell there should be no problem, and hey I think the protection spell is where your little house is...with the big bed," he teased.

"I can't. Angel and Wes are here to help us with those fighters. Angel is throwing down mad money. The least I can do is my part. Besides, I'm not the boss!" she laughed.

"Right, business man vampire, is he the boss now? You know, when that Buffy was here she made it clear that the Slayer was the boss," he reminded.

"Well, no one is the boss... We are a Feminist non-hierarchy here...more evolved than you male hierarchical structure," she joked. A student of Robin's had proposed that model instead of "traditional student government" and they were still laughing about it.

"Tell that to your little punk nurse vamp," Robin laughed. His new name for Spike since Spike had the ability to heal her.

"He'd be into it. Just replace the 'feminist' with 'anarchist'," she said.

"Well can't you tell your fellow anarchist vampire to meet business man vampire? They are like Barbie dolls that come free with souls. Business Vampire that comes with fighters, Punk rock vampire that comes with his big bad coat...Is there a hippy one? Are they all white?"

"So far. Hey that's not right! You should become one and then go get a soul due to your undying love for me," she cackled loudly. People getting out of Starbucks stared. He was so cool. How many guys could deal with this let alone make really good jokes?

"No thanks...I'm kind of a day guy."

Yeah, even the best of the best don't go getting souls for you. You had to be the right kind of girl.

Mr. Ordered Myself a Soul had been trying to help her control the demon, as he did with his own so easily. He kept insisting the demon was part of her, and that they could control it. Control the demon-fine. She was all for control. Give her a whip; throw her in with the lion. Faith just wished Spike would shut-up about with "The demon is part of you" theory. Faith had made herself a coffee drip. " You think It's a little bit like stealing?" her co-worker Madison asked. "There's no such thing as a little bit like stealing. It's like being a little bit pregnant. Either were stealing or were not. And we are, but the real question is who is it hurting?"

3..2..1..the burrito was ready in the Starbucks microwave. She liked them better than any fancy dinner date because she knew just how they would taste every time. Yeah, she did like Robin taking her to all those French or Belgian restaurants or whatever. But there was something good about going back to the familiar food that was good in that bad for you way. You can have peaches flamb' every once in a while, if you had the money, and the time, and the place. But there was always a 7-11 and a burrito if you had no money you could steal one...a little bit. Faith heard rapping on the door. UG! Why couldn't these jerk-offs read closed signs? She'd let Madison deal with it.

"Your boyfriend's here," Madison said.

Spike was walking behind her his black duster trailing behind him made him look like a short punk blond friendly Darth Vader. Okay, he looked nothing like Darth, but the coat just made him bad assed. He did that head-tilt grin thing when he heard that he was once again titled her boyfriend.

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend. Principal Wood is my boyfriend," she told Madison. Madison had just graduated from the high school.

"Very funny," Madison snipped. Why did none of her Co-workers, who were recent Sunny D high school grads believe she was dating Robin? Was she that white trash?

"Spike, tell her you are not my boyfriend and that Robin is my boyfriend. This is how rumors get started," Faith said.

"What can I say? The girl has a thing for playin' the bad school girl and the naughty headmaster, as old hat as it is," Spike winked at Madison.

"Go fmmck yoursmmlf," Faith said with a mouthful of whipped-cream.

"You're English?" Madison asked.

"What gave me away?" he smiled.

"You're English. dude, that's crazy," Madison decided.

Madison was tiny and blond, like B. Spike could screw all these little girls as easily as he smiled at them, but he didn't. This confused Faith. Screwing helped people feel better, especially men, but not him, not enough.

"Thought I'd come by early so we could train sooner. Need to talk more about it all, don't we? It's not just all rough and tumble between us with training," Spike said.

Spike was probably assuming Madison wouldn't wonder what he was talking about, or he didn't care. Faith was so relieved to be with someone that wasn't obsessed with hiding. People could do the whole denial thing on their own, if that's what turned them on.

She told Madison she was going out to smoke.

"Damn! Fuck! Taste this. It's fuckin' nasty. It just came in," Faith scowled as she tasted the new coffee, and handed it to Spike. She knew it would never occur to him to not taste it. They both wanted to know how bad stuff could get. There was no sense in trying to hide.

"S' all right," the vamp said after he swallowed,

"Just needs sugar is all."

"It needs a freaking pound of sugar, and maybe whipped-cream and so much fucking chocolate that you can't taste it anymore... Hey, that sounds good. Let's make those," she commanded.

"If it's on you, Slayer," Spike said.

"Screw that!" Faith croaked, "you know the coffee is never on me. It's always on Harry!"

Good ol'Harry, Starbucks ,CEO her sugar Daddy-literally. He gave them free sugar and stupid drinks. Spike grinned. Was he picturing the CEO of Starbucks buying the two of them coffee? No, he was much more interesting than that. Faith knew he was picturing sticking it to a rich prick, like Harry. He had Harry by the balls in game face as he demanded Harry stop putting Starbucks across the street from each other because that was "just bloody wrong"...and he also wanted one of those Johnny Cash cds. Yeah, it was something like that going on in English boy's dead brain.

"I wonder if Harry really is evil. Pushing all the Mom and Pop coffee shops outta business, putting Starbucks everywhere. All he would have to do is put mind control drugs in the coffee and BAM world domination, Dude! He's already got me working for him with all the good benefits," Faith said.

"An evil CEO wouldn't give good benefits. He'd work you to death promising some pie in the sky reward," Spike said.

"Angel gives good benefits. I should work for him, better pay, more rewarding," Faith said coyly. She knew it would get him going. She felt like talking about the evils of corporations. Work had sucked today. "No way in Hell I'm letting that happen. I like it better this way, when Angel comes to work for us." Spike stiffened.

"You mean with us, E," Faith reminded. If the CEO in Starbucks wasn't evil couldn't Spike admit Angel wasn't? Nope, probably not.

"His boy's done more to help us than him and all his fancy soldiers so far," Spike grumbled.

"Yeah, I really dig that kid... almost as much as you. Who knew you'd have a thing for troubled youth?" she teased. She was in a mood today to just get him going. She could use a good real training session or a nice friendly fight.

"I'm with you for hours a day, aren't I?" Spike asked.

"I'm long past troubled youth... I'm now into wanted criminal," she laughed and then stared off at nothing, until he lit her cigarette with his.

"You don't have to train with me all the time if you don't want to. I can find another way... It must be getting boring. I just want to make up for all the training I missed not playing nice with the Council and all," she said between puffing. "You can't do without me for the demon part of you," Spike said.

True. God damned demon. She was sick of it. It was getting old.

"...And screw the Council!" Spike continued, "All they ever did was teach a Slayer how to die. I should know the Council did nothing for the two Slayers I bagged."

"You did two Slayers in your prime, right... I always forget," she said dully, "Well, technically you've done three." She then burst out laughing. She often tried to picture him and B going at it and for some reason she just couldn't. Good for B though, she had got to really throw down with an ensouled vamp and not have to worry about him killing everyone the morning after. Geez. Faith never thought about Angel and B's romp like that! No wonder B had been so uptight. Of course, any experience would be better than Faith's first time, and she wasn't uptight. No sir, she was just totally fucked up constantly trying to make something up to B, who wasn't here.

"It's true what they say. The third time's the charm," Spike laughed.

Spike suddenly grew serious "The reason Buffy was able to beat me was because she knew to put all that Council rot aside... and she had a mum and friends." Was he trying to tell her to be careful because she didn't have as many friends? Even Spike could be tactful with some things.

"Hmmm... I'm kinda borrowing B's friends now. The more things change... Maybe I should just take off with the kid. He's the only Super Friend I have not directly connected to B," Faith frowned.

"No other big bad vamp has killed two Slayers alone, you know? So you're not going to get a better trainer... And don't have any thoughts of going off to the big city with Angel. I can be the first to tell you he's a horrible teacher-No patience," Spike said.

"Wha? " Faith grunted. Okay, Spike was saying that the vampire she had tried to kill several times, who ended up redeeming her, had no patience. Meanwhile, Spike couldn't sit through the commercials between "Passions" with out cursing the TV out.

"Well, if you take off with the boy he'll be with his Da at the family business, no doubt. As much as I tried to stop that," Spike said.

"I wouldn't really take off with the kid, Spike! I need to be near you for the demon healing. And, I have a boyfriend here, remember? And a job and something resembling a real life... Don't listen to everything that comes out of my mouth sometimes it just spews random shit."

He could be so thick sometimes.

"Pity, a pretty mouth like that doing such a nasty thing," Spike smirked. He did have a bit of that subtle Brit charm huh? Nothing else was subtle with him, which could work your last nerve. At least he didn't have that stick up his English Channel. Was that why he hated Wes so much? But Wes had seemed to have his stick removed. No, Spike was just a catty bitch to all men, except for Angel's son. What was up with that? Faith thought it was just mutual Angel-bashing, but she realized when she saw them together again, it was way more than that.

"Besides, if anything the kid will be with you. He can't stand his own Dad, but you have some kind of big brother thrall on him," Faith said.

"No thrall, Fi... I just didn't diddle the boy around. But, Angelus will get the boy back. He always gets everyone back then he hurts them again."

"It's Angel not Angelus. Angel wouldn't hurt his kid or me. I wouldn't want to work for him just because it would be awkward- me being hired to kill him before with the place he owns now," Faith laughed.

"That company will bring Angelus out," Spike said.

"Pffft," Faith responded with a talk-to-the-hand gesture and he was going to talk to the hand until the mouth moved. She had a way of getting into the same things with him over and over. A co-dependant relationship-- her prison shrink would say. No shit! She needed him to keep her alive after her demon came out. He needed her for...what exactly?

"I know you don't want to hear it but it's the bloody truth, and when he does come out he's going to have that sodding corporation at his feet and a city to play with. We'll have to move fast to save the kid... and the sodding world. I need you with me," Spike said.

"If it happens, and it won't. I'll be with you... as long as you promise we'll save Angel," Faith's eyes narrowed. She had never gone this far before to give him the satisfaction of admitting it was possible. Faith did not want to remember what Angelus said: I'm always here, Faithy.

"Bloody---fine, if we can we will, all right?" Spike sighed.

"And I'll be the one to decide if we can't," Faith said.

"No way!" Spike snorted, "You'll bloody throw yourself to the lions for him, just like Buffy... I'm not gonna burn just so some bint can die for Angelus!"

"You think I'd let you burn? Screw you. Then I'm not with you. I'd save Angel myself. Just like I did before... No need for you to get involved. You and the kid can go off to Dodger stadium that day. Not that this is ever going to happen. Angel knows not to screw around like that again," Faith said. As if she would let Catty-Bitch Boy here fight Angelus and die? As if she would let him alone with psycho GQ for three seconds. Angelus just feeds on hate, and no one seems to hate him more. Faith really couldn't blame Spike. He'd spent twenty years with Angelus on and off. It was the one thing he didn't go into. This vamp, who was good enough to love women and ask for a soul had lived with the most evil vamp ever. No one seemed to tell Spike that he was supposed to be totally evil. Guess he was absent that day. Or maybe not, Spike didn't follow rules very well.

"Remember what Mr. Green Jeans said. You should trust me, little girl. Angel is already screwed," Spike said. He stood an inch from her face with that "I know better" smile, and pointed at her. She should have shut this little talk down the minute it started. Give some people an inch and they'd take a mile. She would know, she was a taker.

"Lorne meant to trust you about the demon and shit... and I do. Do you think I would let just let anybody try to help me control that thing?" she said as she knocked his hand away. "That demon isn't evil, not really, its part of it is you. You just need to learn to accept your dark-"

"Would you stop saying that? It is not me. I worked so hard to have a demon like that not be me. B knew what she was doing when she refused to take it in. Do you think it's fun for me to let you put your healing junk inside me just so the demon can go off again? ...Feeling all your fucking feelings, and how good you are just so I can keep that thing that isn't good in me?" She interrupted him, her eyes burning.

Okay, there were worse things to talk about than Angelus. Faith's own monster that Spike was in total denial about. He thought it was okay to have this evil rageful thing in her. He probably thought everyone was like him. Everyone could have a demon in them and learn to control it and become a Champ or a little Jesus and go skipping along their merry fucking way. It was like when artists said that anybody could draw...only there were people's lives at stake.

"You just said you trusted me with the demon and you obviously don't. I'm sorry it's so bloody horrible having me save your ass, but you have no choice," Spike said.

"Of course I have a choice; I always have a choice," she said softly now. What? Did Spike think Faith was going to risk fucking up again? That she was going to let herself slide back into being a disgusting nothing?

"No you don't. With out me there to heal you, you'd die. You know tha-" Spike actually stopped talking with Faith's eyes burning defiantly.

Why couldn't he see it, how badly she could turn on him, on everyone? He had seen it so easily two years ago when she wasn't able to convince B that Faith wanted her to stay. Spike had seen that Faith allowed herself to betray B-again.

"I always have a choice," she told him firmly. He had to get that she was a Slayer and.... Faith felt something cold and hard hit her in the mouth, like a mallet.

Faith realized what had hit her before she could grunt and stumble back into the Starbucks wall. Spike had hit her...again. Harder than the last time. It had almost been as hard as B's little crowbar fists. So he did see the evil in her, and it pissed him off.

"Oh god!" Spike said as if he was commenting on horrible shocking news, and not something he'd done. She had pissed him off so much he didn't even realize what he did. Maybe that was how it was for B....and for the people when she was a kid.

"Faith, I'm sorry... Are you all right?" Spike gasped. Had she looked upset for a second? That was only because she was surprised. Of course she was all right. It was just one hit

"Let me see... Please. Let me see," he said so low.

Oh man! There was no reason to get so upset about this now. Spike should take lessons from B...and everyone else. She always called him a crybaby, because he could get really down but she had never seen him actually cry-cry, and he looked like he was about to do it.

"Relax, English," Faith scoffed as she held her face. She didn't want him to see if he had hurt her.

"I get hit all the time. That was actually kind of sad compared to the last time you really hit me," she said.

"I just can't handle another girl with a bloody death wish...but... I'm so sorry," he repeated.

Okay, he was looking better, like he wouldn't cry after all. Thank God. That would have sucked so bad. "Yeah, you said that already. No drama. Okay? It's five by five. I bring it out of people. I think you're the first one to ever apologize for sucker punching me... That earns you a free mocha," she chirped.

"So, we're all square? You really trust my sodding ass now," he laughed bitterly.

"I told you. I do. Just not with the Angelus thing. If he ever needs putting down I'll be the one to do it- not you," she said firmly. She stood on her toes to match his height.

Maybe she could win the Angel fight now, since Spike was feeling guilty. She may not want to be evil, but why stop being manipulative, right? She felt like she said that before to someone-It wasn't Wes. It was someone just like him that pissed her off and pulled at her in the same ways

"Man, I just got total deja vu. Have we ever talked about this? Maybe you did sock me harder than I thought," she laughed and shook her head now.

"You decide and I'll be the one... I know it would hurt you to do it. We should keep your hurt to a minimum," Spike said apologetically.

"Yeah," she laughed, "You. The vampire that can't hit the Slayer with out getting all weepy is gonna take down Angelus. Come get your fucking mocha."

"I'm the big bad that got two Slayers. Angelus let you slip away, the ol' Spike wouldn't have...Another reason why I'm the best trainer you'll ever have. I can get you ready for Angelus. Angelus with a bloody whopping load of power. The fight of your bloody life. But, if we learn to control the demon enough, you could get your wish and save Peaches... unless your little death wish supercedes that, or training with me is just too bloody scary," Spike said.

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Spike was really beginning to piss Faith off, but she wasn't going to let that happen. She was going to learn to control her anger. That is what she promised Robin and herself. Spike was saying that the demon was part of her, that she had more control over it then she thought. Faith wanted to be trained hard, that is what she told Spike from the beginning. Spike said he was no Watcher from the beginning. Faith said that was good, and it was. But, she never expected training to be the way it was. It was like doing some mystery brand of acid because no one could score any X. Totally fun at times, totally terrifying at others, and you were in control as much as the guy who dosed you, even though he had more of an idea of what would happen. Now, Spike told her to bring the demon out so they could work on controlling it. Faith insisted it wouldn't work. It wasn't a freakin' puppet, if anything SHE was its puppet. They argued about this until she offered to do Zen meditation to try to get the demon to come. She was getting so pissed at him she felt like she needed to meditate to stay calm anyway. She wanted to be Zen.

"That's not the key to it, pet," he snorted.

He told her it wouldn't work. She had to try. If Red could go all black-eyed Goddess without meaning to Faith should be able to will her demon out...No, not will it just let it come...Zen.

"Meditation is the key to controlling the body and mind. If this thing is a part of me I have to be Zen to control it," she told him.

"Hung out with the Buddhists in prison, love?" he did that smirky eyebrow raise.

"Yes and fuck you!" she said.

"And Om gara jiya sabaha to you too, Firecracker," he said.

"Wha?" she asked.

"It's a Zen Mantra...It means 'break through Hell'...and that is what were going to do," he said.

"Can we just try it my way, Love?'" He said doing that raised eye brown eye-roll thing he did.

"Why should we? You're being an asshole," she retorted.

"What? I just asked a bloody question!" he grumbled. Good anything to get that saner than thou look off his face.

"It's not what you said it's what you did," she said.

"I think you've gone too far into Nirvana, Fi," he scoffed and there it was again.

"Now it's what you're saying as well as what your doing! Knock it off!"

"I know I'll regret asking but what am I doing?" he sighed.

"Giving me that look with those eyes! Just don't, okay?" she accused.

"Um, these are the only two eyes I have to look at you with."

"No, they're not...It's those than 'This chick is psycho and I can't believe B stuck me with her' eyes ...they really piss me off even more than the 'I feel really so sorry for this poor little poor girl' eyes," she insisted.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"Look in the mirror right now to see the 'Psycho chick' eyes," she told him.

"Can't do quite do that, enlightened one. Vampire, remember?"

"Yeah. That doesn't seem fair. If you get your soul back you should get at least the sun-light thing or the no reflection thing revoked," she said. She was always forgetting he was a vampire. Funny, she always remembered Angel was one.

"I don't know if I'd wanna see it. Apparently, I've developed some sort of cross eyed problem in my old age," he scoffed.

"It's not so bad... At least I know you can't lie to me. You know how people wear their heart on their sleeve. It's like you wear your brain on your face," she yawned as she laid on the mat.

"Oh, thanks, that sounds bloody attractive," Spike said. He brought out a huge box with something banging wildly inside of it. He was practically carrying it with one arm, yapping the whole time. She liked to look at him. He was this kind of tiny, but well muscled creature that could do amazing things with his strength and never gave it a thought. It was like seeing herself, what she must look like when she was in the moment...Zen.

"Ugh!" she moaned, "Are you punishing me, English-Boy? I've been a Slayer for almost seven years now. Aren't I beyond fighting the vampire in the crate?"

"Yes," he answered.

"Oeew! It's not a vamp. What is it? Something slimy? Something hot? I don't mean hot like Vin Diesel I mean like Volcano demon," she said.

"Nope, it's a boring old vampire. A field mouse we're feeding the big snake...Vin Diesel? Please at least pick someone who can act!" he grumbled as he opened the crate.

"You did not just call me a big snake, " she shuddered, then she smiled, "You're just jealous because Vin Diesel's wrist is as big as your waist."

The vampire jumped out and wordlessly looked at Spike and Faith and then growled. It was a pathetically average one. It didn't bother with questions or witty batter. It was just all kill, kill, kill. He looked like any guy she'd give a cup of joe to at Starbucks, accept he was in game face and lunging at Spike as Spike darted out of the way. Spike was a fast little shit, and a hard hitter. Not little- wiry.

"What did I do to deserve this?" she whined.

"You got more of your share of Slayer demon in you... Now, I'm gonna let this friendly little sod beat the bloody piss out of me and you are going to sit there like a good little Slayer and watch," he answered.

"What am I being trained for Watcher now? No, thanks. Good little Slayers don't watch, in fact they do the opposite....and I'm not little. That was B. I'm wiry. And why the fuck are we doing this?" She winced as the vampire punched Spike.

"Have you no insight at all, girl! The demon only comes out when you think someone you love is in mortal danger." He scoffed as the vampire kicked him

"No it-I don't---You-Someone I love, huh? Aren't we all full of ourselves? You'd have to bring my Mom back to life and then have a vampire try to kill her." She folded her arms and the vampire was kicking him.

"Fine! People that you care for...You mean to tell me you don't love your headmaster?" he asked as the vampire was pulling him up.

"My head---? Oh you mean Robin. I don't think I wanna talk about that with you,"

"Why the hell not? Don't I know about everything else? Who else can you talk to?" he demanded.

"In order: because Robin hates you. No you don't. And Kennedy and Harris, I suppose," she said.

"You suppose, but you don't talk to them about your boy either...Anytime you want to let this demon out and save my ass, by the by."

He was getting tired. Soon she'd just kill the vampire with her hands, like a good not-little, not-girlie, not-blond Slayer.

"Why would I need to talk about Robin when everything in fine? People only talk about relationship shit when there is shit. There is no shit except for the shit I cause. ...And maybe the demon doesn't respond to people I care for if they're being idiots...This isn't going to work. I don't have any control over the shadow demon Spike. It's not me," she insisted. She and Robin had easily made-up, though he was really upset about her running.

"It's part of yoo-- OW! OW! OW!" he yelped as the vampire grabbed him by the balls and started to lift him up. The way he cried out had jolted her. Like he was scared. Spike was never scared, but of course when people mess with your privates all the rules are out the window. Faith knew that better than anyone. No one hurts Spike like that. No one makes him scared like that. Faith would fucking kill this thing with the five torture groups.... That's when she felt that storm cloud inside her. It felt like an internal sucking chest wound that traveled her way up to her throat and out her mouth as a scream, but it wasn't a scream it was the shadow demon.

"Thank you," he whispered as the demon came out of her and only made her float six inches of the ground. It surrounded the vampire's head and broke his neck off. Her eyes were closed but she knew it did that. The sucking chest wound feeling was now like a vacuum. It was vacuuming out everything that made her be to walk and talk all that motor stuff...If it went on it would take the main engine, the heart.

*STOP!* A strong voice that lived inside of her head said *You killed the vampire, and Spike is fine.* Then the demon came back inside of her. It never did that before, if it had, Faith hadn't been conscious for it. She dropped on the matt with an "Uhh!"

"Sorry, sorry couldn't catch you that time, Love...Too busy with my aftershocks," he whispered as he crawled over to the matt.

He did look so sorry and she was the one who let his balls get hurt.

"I'm five by," she croaked.

She wasn't. She felt like shit. "I just need the healing is all," because she knew he knew she was lying. He found her hand.

"But, It's getting better, see? You made it come out and you made it stop," he stopped and took a breath in pain, "There's hope here, at least you didn't pass out, love" he said weakly to her.

"No, but if you asked me to get up I couldn't," she said.

"Actually I was talking to myself with that last bit. You have no idea how much that hurts a fellow," he said.

"And Spike stumbles on why Slayers are all women," she laughed weakly.

Then their hands started to glow.

"So was that O-um garment Gia whatever your mantra when you were not in the best of places?" she asked.

"No, it was 'She believes in me,'" Spike told her.

B believed in him. Well, of course she did.

They started to glow all over. He pulled her into his lap again. That was the kind of thing that really pissed Robin off. She explained that Spike wasn't holding her for kicks or some kind of New Age therapy because Faith was never held as a kid. It was to have the healing work. She told Robin (again) that it was not some sexual mojo. "No, but it's intimate!" Robin insisted.

But Robin was a reasonable guy, even if something about Spike made him unreasonable at times. He knew Faith couldn't help it. So he tried not to bring it up. Faith knew it bothered him. She just found reasons to take Robin patrolling less often in case the demon showed up. Too bad she couldn't exactly plan around when the assassins came after them. That's why she had to learn to control the demon. Man, she had become a normal chick. She wanted to control her demon for the sake of her relationship... and not killing people would be nice. Faith could never reach the normal-chickness that B had in her all along; B managed to not kill any humans.

______________________________________________________________________

Faith was glowing with the light she brought out in him. But she always glowed didn't she?

"It-it can't just be me getting angry...It's not me...It's the thing those men put inside of me," she whispered looking up at him with big eyes. She was trying so hard to tell him this, but she was asking it instead.

She always glowed even when she was worried, or dying, or angry. She never stopped trying; no woman had that over her. She never gave up. He'd never have to run his mouth to get her to try again, though he may have to run his mouth to get her to try things his way. She'd go down before she stopped fighting. That's what bloody terrified him more than any demon living inside of her.

"Partly, it is what those Pre-Watcher Wankers did to you...but partly it is you saving our asses, because you lo-care for us," he said.

They used to have to cut the chatter when they did this, but all things change-evolve. Soon he wouldn't be needed. Spike could feel it, like he could feel the potential in her, and the soul in himself.

He held both of her hands. They were ice cold. Painfully cold, like when a human girl would be outside in the Boston snow with no gloves. He had forgotten all about human cold hands and how they hurt. They could get so cold that it hurt to come back from numb, and it made you just want to stay there. But he'd fix them up. Even if he could feel how hurt they were to come back from numb.

"Can you do this, E?" she gasped suddenly, "You aren't too hurt."

"No, love," he said.

Hurt. When was he not hurt or hurting? With Buffy gone, with his rising from burnt bits of himself?

"I feel something. I feel your hurt... You're sad," she said.

And he knew she did. In a way that no one else had. In a way that she would take it into herself if she could.

"Well, that's nothing you didn't know, right?" he assured her, "I'm five by five, love."

Didn't she know how hurt she was herself and that she couldn't take in anymore? No, she was really so nave. The opposite of Dru, Faith pretended to be seasoned, while part of her was a child. His child, right? That was the feeling he had come to have for her. What else could it be? It wasn't like the love he had for Buffy, and he knew he really loved Buffy.

"You better be. I need you...You know for this and those mistaken identity assassins," she said.

He wanted to tell her that he was here for her, but the glowing had grown into fire now and this was when they fell into meditative states, he supposed. His insides burned, but not in a bad way. Faith was calling to him. Firecrackers did make you explode if you held them for too long, right??

**********************************************************************

**He saw that nice lady again with the long almost-white hair, or he was going over what he had seen before. Bits of dreams coming back to him that he was slowly putting together like his body out of ashes: Did the nice lady mind if he kneeled before her? It wasn't as if he really had this body anymore.

"So, it's your choice to go back. Rise from the ash and return to it, for her", nice lady wanted to be clear. It wasn't as if he was making a deal with the devil or Drusilla- Goddesses weren't underhanded. She asked gently that he look at her this time. It made him cry to look at her. He was nothing more than a man, and she was- she was--. No he was less than a man he had been a disgusting evil thing for so bloody long.*

*"Yes, but I like eye-contact. It's just a personal preference," she said.*

*He told her again: Why does a man do what he mustn't, for her- to be hers? He wouldn't belong to her that way. He had tried to belong to a Slayer like that and it hadn't worked. He wasn't worthy of that, of course. This was a way that was one hundred percent pure. To rise again and burn out. It was what he was bloody good at.

*"Yes, but this time it's all your choice. You were chosen, so you also get to choose. You could be human, live out your mortal years in peace. Let things fall where they may. You do like to leave things to chance you aren't like the other one. Not at all. You could stop, get out of the battle... You look at me, William and you shake and you cry. What you don't realize is that all that we have done-all that we have not done--- all depends on the free will of all the champions. The champions present and past," she laughed at him as his eyes widened.*

*He was before a Goddess. She glowed. Her eyes made his core shake. He should be graveling more. Making up poems about how wonderful she was. He was failing her. How could she ever tolerate him? How could he even think he was worthy of being tolerated? He could feel himself crying again.*

*"William none of this would have any meaning if you didn't truly chose it. The God that resides within you, that is life, wisdom and compassion gives you the power and gift of Freewill. Freewill means that the Universe never judges, never interferes with your own choices - and sees you as a being of equal creative power," she said as she stood before him glowing awesomely.*

*"Oh, my lady...It hurts me that you say such things!" Spike cried, "That can't be true. You're the only God here-Goddess. I should beg you to be judged! Look at what I've done with my free will! My bloody power-every decision was bloody selfish...Even in this last one, I wanted to save the world, but Buffy is in the world and I love her!"*

*"Look," she sighed, "I'm just saying, Billy. If you thought the last round of being a champion was hard...I'm sure being a returning one will be harder... You could get out of the fight... If you want to get on your bike and see the country, really live, get away from your demons...Now's your chance,"*

*She was tired of all of this groveling, was she?*

*"If you think I'd want to get out of the fight you must not know me very well then," It was the closest he could come to ribbing a Goddess.*

*"No, I do," she sighed, "I just had to ask."*

*Yes, he was a bloody fool that couldn't change.*****

********************************************************************

Spike took a startled breath as he felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest. Yes, technically he didn't need his heart or his breath, but it wasn't pleasant all the same.

"Spike!"

She was angry with him? Hadn't he made the right choice? It was his choice, she had said!

"Spike!"

Oh it was Faith. Well, she was always brassed off at him. "You broke the connection! How many times must I bloody tell you don't do that! It's very disturbing!"

He was brassed off now.

"You're disturbing!" she barked, "It was getting too hot, and where were you?"

"I was the bloke that had a hold of you and was healing you...I'm the one that does it every time after the demon comes out and weakens you to death's door. That was me. And it's very rude to interrupt me before I'm done!"

"That's not what I meant. You weren't there with me. I could feel that you were somewhere else...Where was it?" she demanded.

"I swear, baby, I was thinking of you the whole time...It's all about you, baby. She means nothing to me," he laughed.

"I'm serious!" she spat.

"So am I! This isn't sex, Firecracker. You have your man for that. One of the few benefits a fellow has with no regular girl is that he doesn't have to get this inquisition," he sighed.

"I'll give you a Spanish inquisition, if you don't stop it!" she grumbled and then paused and took a deep breath. "I could just...tell you weren't present in the moment. I think you should be if you're healing me. I get your aura or whatever you wanna call it, and it's creepy when you go to that heavy place... This time... this time, I could feel you getting ready to leave... You can't leave! I-I mean... the Hellmouth is quiet, but we have assassins after us and we need to stick together...because if you left they would still be after both of us anyway, you know?"

"I think you are taking this mediation stuff way too far. I was just thinking about the big picture for a second. And don't worry, if I leave, it will be because you don't need me anymore, or because you need me to, all right? Real men don't leave."

"So, you should be gone already," she joked now.

"I suppose I should be," he smiled.

______________________________________________________________________

"You are a disgusting male chauvinist pig and I don't know why I even talk to you!" Kennedy yelled over the bar music as Spike's gelled peroxide head had the nerve to give her a surprised look. If it was any other man....All she did was throw nachos at him. She was glad when he seemed to be bothered by it.

"Oy! Watch the coat!" he grumbled as he brushed the nachos off.

" I just can't believe something like that would come out of your mouth. Maybe it's left-over evil," Kennedy spat.

"Could be, I may kill you if you stain the coat. I had to buy this one, and they're not cheap," Spike sighed coyly.

"Don't you dare change the subject. You damned fascist!" She brushed back her long dark hair angrily.

"I'm no bloody fascist. You take that back! Man's got a right to his opinion, and I think a Slayer shouldn't have children. I think a 'Bit deserves to come first, and a Slayer can't put them first," Spike repeated his stupid opinion again.

He grabbed at his onion blossom and licked his black finger nails like they were just talking about something stupid. This was really important! Not that Kennedy ever thought about having children. She saw them as short annoying people that cried to easily. But Willow could want one someday. It was just like Willow, to be a Goddess and want to care for something small. This had all come about because Wood had told Faith his mother had been Slayer. Faith was shocked that Slayers could have kids, which was weird. You think she'd be more shocked her boyfriend had kept this huge secret form her. But, whatever, Spike was the one that shocked her. It just goes to show you beware of the woman worshippers, they have a flip side

"K!" Faith laughed, "Slaying isn't being head editor of 'Ms.' Magazine. It's dangerous, mind blowing , emotional work! Even if you live who had time for a kid after that?"

"Oh, so you can only have a safe cushy job if you want to be a mother...and if your one otherwise you suck! Shame on you, Faith! I can expect it from

Mr. I-think-I'm-an-expert-on-women-just-because-I'm-obsessed-with-them but not you!" Kennedy said.

"I NEVER said I was an expert on women. I just know Slayers. I know the life. I know how they shut everyone out," Spike said.

"I think you just know Buffy...Everyone wants to think that Buffy shut everyone out because she was the Slayer because it was nice to have that to blame it on," Kennedy said.

"K! This is where I start to wish you had an 'off' switch. You didn't-you don't know B and everything she went through- that we put her through," Faith said quietly as she looked at Spike.

"I don't, but all I'm saying just because Buffy was too closed off to be a good mother---"

"Listen-" Spike began.

Ha! How does it feel to have your buttons pushed, Jack ass? Kennedy would win this one either way. Either Spike would have to admit that Buffy wouldn't be a good mother. (And she wouldn't be, she had treated all the Potentials like dog meat.) Or he'd have to admit that Slayers could be good mothers. But Faith jumped in before he could start.

"K, you met her at one of the worst times in her life. The world was ending. It was all on her. I couldn't get it together, as usual." Faith said.

"Would you stop saying that? You were together. You were so together! You were tight! You did what you had to do, while you still felt for us unlike-"

"You know what? I think this is our cue to cut you off." Faith said as she held up a beer.

"I haven't had one drop of alcohol," Kennedy said.

"All the more reason for us to be off like prom dresses...Bye you guys," Faith said and grabbed Kennedy's hand and exited the bar with her.

"See, you would make a great Mom! Whisking the kid away before they can start making fun of the fat lady, or in this case the anorexic Slayer," Kennedy laughed as Faith had her by the hand outside the bar on the sidewalk.

"K that is not cool! Not cool!" Faith grumbled but then laughed.

"See you know the things I say are true," Kennedy insisted.

"K, B isn't exactly here to defend herself...and you don't need to be putting Spike through the wringer like that. I can hear his heart break whenever anyone even mentions her in less than stellar terms," Faith lectured. She really did sound like a mom.

"Yeah, exactly," K said, "Just what we need more of around here making saints of people that are long gone that we have to learn to live without... It's really easy to think someone who isn't here is perfect. They aren't around to make any mistakes while you are."

It didn't matter that there were other people who had been here before them, no matter how great those people were. This was there time now. Why should Faith and Kennedy feel like they were stepping into other people's shoes? Faith was the Slayer now; Kennedy was Willow's girl. Of course there had been other Slayers, other girlfriends.

"Something tells me this isn't all about B," Faith sighed.

"Well, yes!" K grumbled, "You're not the only one that has some lost Super-Hero that everyone feels they wronged that you can never live up too!...Did you ever meet Tara? What was she like?"

"I met her for a few seconds. She was nothing like you," Faith said.

"Oh," Kennedy said quietly now.

"She was very nervous and twitchy and closeted. Not that I did anything to make her comfy. But, I really think that Red has evolved with you," Faith said.

"Oh," was all Kennedy found herself saying.

"You know, K. It sounds like you should follow your own advice and not take this out on people who aren't here like B and Red's ex. Now, we better stop before we get in trouble for ill talking the dead. Not that B is-Hello? You wanna take a picture it lasts longer?" Faith grumbled suddenly realized there were a group of guys following them.

"Hey...you girls wanna party?" one of the drunken trio asked.

Men were always coming up to Kennedy and Faith and Kennedy and Willow when they obviously wanted to be alone. It was like they didn't want women to get too far with out them. Kennedy had been having the day for it. Faith saw them coming, but she never let herself get too pissed about the small stuff.

"You couldn't handle us, baby," Faith laughed, and they kept on walking.

They knew they weren't vampires. You just get a sense for these things after a while. But no matter what you never fully developed a sense of what men could do. Kennedy heard zap and Faith pushed Kennedy out of the way, or the other way around. She didn't know what happened because she wasn't giving these guys any thought. She saw Faith on the ground. One of the guys tried to grab her and she nailed him in the nuts.

"Let her go. It's me you want... Get out of here, K," Faith said as she lay there.

"We will let you both go if you tell us about the kid," one of the guys said.

All tall and sober now. What kid? Wasn't this the part where the assassins usually told Faith that they had been hired to kill her for that mistaken prophecy? All of which was Buffy's fault for screwing that Angel vamp.

"What? You don't want me, I'm hurt," Faith laughed, but Kennedy knew she was in pain.

"The one that that carried your sweet ass into the bar. And I'd much rather have you, but you couldn't handle me...baby," one of the guys said.

Kennedy felt hate rise up in her. They would kick these guys asses hard.

"Where did he learn to fight like that? How can he move so fast? Do they have him take drugs? It's all gonna be all right, girls. Just tell us what you know," one of them said quietly.

What kid went into the bar with Faith? Spike didn't look that young. The vampire's son. What was his story again? Kennedy had barely given him a thought. He was just another fighter that loved Faith. Didn't they all.

"Faith, get up!" Kennedy cried.

"I can't. They zapped me with a thing that makes you paralyzed for a while. Don't worry. It only lasts for a little while. The Council downed me with one once. Just run!" Faith said calmly.

"Faith," Kennedy pleaded as the quiet talking guy grabbed her.

"K, do what I say! You know who will know how to find me. We have a better chance that way!" Faith said.

A chance? Why was she even talking about chance? These guys had no chance against them. They were only human. The Council had paralyzed her with some weapon? How could they do that? What were they going to do to her? What were these guys going to do now? She could tell they were trained in restraining people by the way they grabbed. Luckily she was trained in getting away from people restraining her. Something in Faith's voice made Kennedy listen to her. She knew that these weren't assassins hired to kill Faith. They were something else. Something different, for better or worse. Despite their humanness they weren't normal, and Kennedy couldn't take them on alone. So, she ran for Faith.

"We understand. You probably had no place to go... Did your parents die here? This is the perfect place to start a militia cult. It's small, but so many things seemed to happen here...We'll get you out of here just tell us about your boyfriend... Guys like this, they don't really care about you. They'll kill you and themselves all for their twisted cause, and they always have more than one girlfriend. Your boyfriend had another girlfriend, ya know? He had her unconscious with a bomb strapped to her at a mall...He was going to her blow up, all the people, children until someone stopped him, but he got away. Men like your boyfriend are a threat to our freedom and our country," the soldier said to Faith.

He was the oldest. Cute, if you liked the corn-fed bouncer type. Faith could see the other two soldiers roll their eyes at his bullshit, even in the dusty lamp light of her favorite dingy motel. They were rolling their eyes and smiling at each other, trying to be patient with big brother's good cop bullshit. It's funny how even Army Seals, or whatever they said they were to try to scare, could be like a family. The motel that they dragged her into was no family place, though.

"You paralyzed me and dragged me to this motel that I really only had shitty times in...give or take seven minutes with a boy, and you're fucking telling me some kid is a threat to my freedom? You think even some Okalahoma-bombing girlfriend would fall for that? You're in over your head, Beetle Bailey!" Faith laughed.

"Fuck it, Lyle! She's too far gone. She's one of them. Just let me at her and she'll talk...Maybe she'll even start to like us," the "bad" Soldier said to the "good" one as he leaned over Faith on the bed.

"Don't, Ray. Not like that," the good one said.

They used first names. They didn't call each other "Sergeant" or "Sir." They probably had worked together a while.

"Yeah, Ray...Stop. I doubt you'll last longer than my seven minutes I had...maybe in this very room. Did you know most rapist can't get a normal hard-on, or have other sexual inadequacies? Still, maybe it would be more fun than this one's yapping!" Faith laughed.

He slapped her and squeezed her tits and laughed. She had learned it was better to "ask for it." It always ended quicker that way, and he still hadn't won if he didn't know you were afraid.

He showed her his knife. He made it a point to show her.

"You can still talk to me, Faith. I can help you," the big bro one said. "That's right I know your name is Faith."

Fuck! She had looked at him and shown her surprise.

"You work at Starbucks... Funny, there isn't much else about you to be found... are you running from something? Did your boyfriend make you do something bad? I can make it all go away. ...Just tell me your boyfriend's name...Who hid your records? You can have a good life," he said.

"Okay," she smiled, "tell me something."

"Sure. Ray, back off. I told you Faith was our girl. She can be a hero, for her country," the big bro said. Ray put the knife back.

"I just wanna know... Do you guys switch off with the good cop, bad cop thing... Do you draw straws? And what about you?" she asked the one who was silent.. She managed to turn her head even though she was mostly paralyzed.

"Are you always the strong silent one? Are you guys trying to do the superman villain thing...with the two masterminds and the mute? Because I hate to tell you one of them was a woman, but both of you do seem to be the lead guy's bitch."

"You're gonna be one sorry bitch," the "Ray" one said and he cut open her shirt and her bra. He knew she couldn't move her arms to cover herself.

"I hate to tell you, but I've had bigger knives in my day," she said.

"It's not how big it is. It's how you use it," he said.

"That's what boys with Swiss army knives always say. You never hear the ones with the big knives say that," she laughed.

The Ray guy took the knife and grazed it over her, her face and her exposed upper half. Well, Faith was being her usual fun-loving self. Nothing could stop that. There was some little girl that was throwing a temper tantrum demanding that Faith cry and beg, and stop egging them on. Maybe she lived under the shadow demon. It didn't matter because she would never come out, not ever again. She did no good. She had done no good the first time.

These dudes were so in over their heads that she kind of felt sorry for them, even the one that traced her body with the knife. He was an expert, a boy after her own heart. Tracing ever so lightly with the blade and then pushing just enough to leave a cut. She joked that if he had half a dick it may be a turn on, but he probably didn't since he had to use this knife. See, she had bated him. She always seemed to be doing things like that- still. She had asked for it. She actually thought about it being a turn-on if you played this game with someone you trusted. The whole turn-on would be that they could hurt you and they could cut you, but you trusted them not to. She had never got it from the bottom side before. What a great time to have a sexual epiphany. She had closed her eyes and thought of Robin, those huge cut black arms holding her down tracing her with a knife so lightly. He wouldn't want to play the knife game; he wouldn't get it, and that was what was so awesome about him. He didn't have ANY evil in him. She missed him so much. She would die with out getting to say good-bye to him. To any of them.

It was her was fault for being so fucking stupid. You had to keep your guard up at all times. Of course you wouldn't go down during a patrol, but when you were talking to your friend about her relationship problems. When you linked arms with her like you usually do on your walks when her girlfriend wasn't there. Talking loud like the two of you always do- about her girlfriend and her girlfriend's dead girlfriend. When a group of young corn-fed looking boys stop you of course you think it's just to harass you about being dykes. The boys were so obviously human and stupid. That was how you went down by thinking thoughts like that; by thinking you could be just an ordinary girl on her way home from a bar with her friend. Caring more about patching things up with your man than anything else. Thinking about how you were going to explain to your man why you had drinks in the bar with the dude he hated while he had been looking for you. Wondering how you somehow managed to snag all these friends-yeah that was when you went down.

The soldier said something about her tits she didn't quite catch. She spat in his face. What the fuck was wrong with her? The other soldiers laughed. Of course it only made Mr. Fore-play madder. Even when she was being tortured she was the real torturer. She didn't know why she was saying the things she was. She knew she would rather die than let this guy know she was afraid, but she had made herself deserve it.

Was that how Wes did it? She wished she could ask him. Maybe she could. Maybe they could have tea. Faith really should have tea with him, yes. She laughed out loud. Maybe Wesley did have a hard-on for her-still, like Spike said. Maybe she had done something to make him have one, and that was why Wesley still couldn't forgive her. Sometimes she could be joking and men didn't see it that way. She had wrapped her legs around Spike the last time they drank together...had that been just hours ago? She had only been kidding. Faith had wanted to make Spike smile and forget about his pain...like she had been doing for Connor. It had worked. Spike had smiled. He got it. She was like a sixth grade boy who punched her friends when she wanted to hug them, or a slutty sixth grade girl... or something. It wasn't right though. Why couldn't she just stop that shit? What would Robin say if he saw her jumping on Spike, or even the kid? No wonder Robin thought everyone wanted her. It was because of her. What a surprise. She tried being a real girlfriend and she was bad at it, if Kennedy and Robin saw her now they'd hate her.

Faith knew Kennedy had gotten away. She knew she would have felt it if she died, like she had known something happened to B that time before Angel could come and tell her. K wanted to stay and fight, but Faith demanded that she go get help. K could run and K could fight off soldiers, but K was no longer a Slayer. She couldn't save Faith alone. At least Faith had saved her one last time. Maybe K was the Slayer now. Faith realized she loved K. She also realized she loved Amanda and hoped Amanda would be the one called. Maybe it was because Faith reminded K too much of herself.

"All right...That's it!... You don't wanna talk!" the good soldier was yelling.

The bad one had taken the knife away. They were acting like they were giving her another chance.

"Oh, the boy scout is blowing his cover. Are you giving up all ready?" She laughed, "Nice stamina! You haven't even done four of the five major torture groups...and you're gonna go straight to getting off."

Faith saw his hard-on in his pants. She always could see unwanted hard-ons from a million miles away. It was a skill you that never left you. She still had it, even though for almost ten years 99% of the hard-ons that had made themselves known had been wanted, and she'd easily made the 1% that weren't wanted sorry.

"This bitch has got bite!" the one that had been silent laughed,

"She's been trained to withstand interrogation, and I'll bet she won't crack."

"I'll show her stamina," the bad cop said.

He opened his pants.

"The minute you touch me you're dead. You have no idea what you're dealing with. You're in way over your head here," Faith said fiercely.

"In over our head?" the former good cop asked smugly, "You think a couple of kids that have some kind of designer drugs that make them fight hard will stop me from protecting my country? We don't take magic pills to fight, pretty. We're the real thing!" he snapped, but then his voice softened, "I can still help you, Faith. Just tell me your boyfriend's name and we won't have to hurt you."

"If you try to do anything to him you'd be dead before you hit the ground. You have no idea. You should get the hell out of here before it's too late," she said.

"I hate to say it, guys, but I don't think this is an outsider getting to the crazies we have here in the U.S. No, this is no John Walker... This is some home job. Some cult that has declared war on us. Maybe they're connected to the people we did in Michigan. I HATE these fucks!" the quiet one said, as the "bad cop" one had his dick in his hand, smiling at her .

"You guys," the former silent one said, "You always have to pick the hottest girl for your reindeer games. Now not only are we going to get no where, but I have to sit through them. You never listen to me. I told you we wouldn't get anywhere with her, that we should just go for the kid again, or that Billy Idol dude might have talked."

"Jonesey, Jonesey, Jonesey," the good cop one tisked as he took off his pants and folded them up perfectly, "This is why I'll make general and you'll still be out here in the trenches. You are just not a big picture guy. If we just saw her as unimportant, we'd still have bitches like her to worry about. The ones that breed their future terrorist babies. Now, at least she won't feel like making babies for a while. How many times do I have to tell you? The best way to weaken a group is to go for their women. Even if we just bag the kid and we don't figure out who is behind him we've still hurt them. We've hurt them all. I'm sure this cow is one of their finest prizes... So, we'll do this with her, capture the kid, kill his Billy Idol friend for good measure and they won't be so quick to blow up malls and start shit. It will bide us time to do more investigating."

"I'll die before you hurt them---I'll tear you a part!" Faith roared.

Connor was Angel's son. She would die before anyone took him.

Actually, it didn't matter who Connor belonged to. She had only known the kid a few weeks, but no one was getting him. These boys might not be able to find a clue if it was hidden up their ass, but she knew the government knew about vamps and demons. No surprise they didn't want to be friends with them. She didn't want to think of what would happen to Connor. What would they do to Spike when they realized what he really was? Put another fucking chip in his head? No one fucks with Spike. Not anymore. There was a new Slayer in town.

"You're little boyfriend you're protecting? They'll be nothing left of you for him. You'll be nothing," the bad cop one said and he put his hands around her throat.

"I'll rip your fucking face off!" Faith snarled.

Faith closed her eyes and waited. She felt the shadow spiral around her. *Hello, darkness. My old friend* She would be nothing. The demon would be everything. It was that scream that wasn't hers, but it really was the real her. The huge black shadow that looked like a monster you saw, but it was only a shadow, right? Wrong. It came up out of he body and rapped around the guy who had her by the throat. Look, Ma no hands. Laughing at causing pain. Laughing at killing. Together Faith and the shadow were an animal.

Faith was finally in Hell. She always hoped she would have enough time to make up for what she had done. But hadn't she told Robin you could never make these things up? Hadn't Angel been the one to tell her? She knew she was in hell because when she woke up she could move. The demon had come out again, or rather she has let it out. There was no use lying to herself anymore, she was already in Hell, wasn't she? She could never move after the demon came out not with out Spike. She could barely keep conscious after the demon was out. And now she was. She could see the different shapes in the blackness. One of them was a person lying there. Cold, so cold. Hell was supposed to be hot. Well, it made sense. She always did like it hot.

Faith coughed. She saw that her tank top was cut open along with her bra.At least she could spend eternity with her pants buttoned. She never thought she would be so happy about that

"What the fuck man? What the fuck?" someone cried miserably. She smiled sadly. Ah, yes hell was a bitch. She knew she had to be in hell because the voices she heard sounded so terrified. Maybe they had just gotten here too, and weren't expecting it.

She looked down a dead man lying there. She was too weak to roll him over, but she knew he was dead. Dead in Hell?

"What? What the fuck just happened? Ray? Ray!" Someone was screaming over other people's terrified cries.

A guy came over to where Faith and the dead man were. Faith was felt like she was freezing to death, but how could that be? The guy turned over the dead man and screamed, and turned to Faith.

"What did you do? What the fuck are you?" he demanded.

Oh, she was still alive. Ray was the solider- her would be rapist. But, she was freezing death. Freezing to death with out Spike.

"I was no one. Nobody, just like you said," she shivered so much she could barley talk.

B had told her a story of Hell. They made you go around saying you were nobody. Of course, B was having none of that, but Faith could hack it. Too bad she wasn't dead. She couldn't be somebody she had tried and she had failed. Every time she was someone that mattered people got hurt.

"He has no face. He has no fucking face!" One of the soldiers screamed.

I'll rip your fucking face off! She had said to the guy as he went to unbutton her pants. Couldn't people live with out faces? Wasn't that a Mel Gibson movie? Maybe the guy was still alive. Did the demon want the guy to live? Did Faith? It was funny all the thoughts you could have in times like these. It seems it took hours to have them and it was only seconds.

"It was her. She did it," The one who had been playing to good cop said.

*CRASH* The door was kicked open. No, no, no... Not now. It was too late. She was beyond saving. She was really going to die this time. She really was. Dust, Candle, Wind- all that. There was going to another Slayer. Amanda. She had worked so hard to save Amanda- she had killed a man. They would all see Faith now. They would all know. How guys kept doing this to her. Angel and Wes would be ashamed. Spike would blow her off. He would think this is what she wanted, that she hadn't fought it enough, like he told her to.

"You finally got what you wanted." He had said that to her before, when she had taken charge when B got tossed out. Now he would think it about this. He was the one that knew it had happened before, and demanded that she fight it off. She didn't want it. She had never wanted to be in charge. Even when she was the bad Slayer, she had Wilkins. She thought he was the man. He gave her a play station and moon-pies and never asked for any touch in return. She had just wanted stuff. The want take have wasn't about power it was about stuff. A cool knife, an apartment, toys, a good fuck, a snake-boss-Dad, something to love, whatever. The only power she wanted was the power to keep them all off her ass. She had managed to do that for ten years now, and it must have meant a lot to her because she just killed for it. Then why did this happen? Why had she let her guard down with these guys?

"Hold it right there, Unit seven! Don't move!" he said. Oh God! Faith actually laughed. She WAS in Hell.

"B's college boy," she coughed when she tried to laugh, "You told them how to get to me."

"I wouldn't advise that. I could kill you both before you got to your guns, and in your case you pants," he said sternly.

Her pants? But her pants had stayed on. She had just summoned the demon for that. Oh, one of the guys had his pants off.

"What? Did they get too rough? You only wanted them to scare me? If you wanted revenge on me couldn't you just tried to kill me? That's what everyone else does," she wheezed. He didn't answer her. Maybe she was really dead - watching this.

"Who are you?" one of the guys demanded of him. They weren't war buddies?

"I'm Special Agent Finn, CIA. I came here to check on your progress with catching the LA Terrorist when we got word that it was code X. I never expected to find this! What is this...shit? Don't move!" he said.

They weren't war buddies, but they did all look the same-like vampires. But, they weren't vamps, they were people and she killed one. She could tell it was really hard for B's ex to say, "shit." Like he only used it when he was really pissed. He said, "don't move" well enough as the tried to step away from Faith.

"God Damn fucking CIA always in our," the guy paused as he saw B's college boy go down like a ton of bricks "...business,"

"Man, that was fun!" Angel smiled. Then all expression seemed to drain from his face.

"Faith," he said quietly.

This was the most humiliating thing he could have ever seen. She'd rather have him bite her a thousand times. She'd rather try to kill him and end up crying in the street. Those things had been easy in comparison. She was almost relieved when B's college boy got up and started to fight with Angel. Angel was pissed and in pure game face. Faith was fading. She really hoped Angel wouldn't feel bad for not being able to save her. She was already dead. Just had to lose that one last bit of dignity before she went.

"I think there are more issues going on here than some teenage terrorist. I don't think we've been fully briefed on this mission," one of the soldiers whispered to the other. She forgot who was who.

"Well, allow me to brief you now. You're going to die for what you did to my girlfriend."

Faith opened her eyes and saw Robin with a gun. What was he doing here? He wasn't supposed to be with Angel. This really was Hell.

"We didn't do anything to her. Just relax. We were just questioning her about the terrorist. You're girlfriend isn't what she seems. She's involved with someone else. We have pictures of them together. Someone who's a threat to our way of life. We have to take necessary steps in order to protect our way of life," good cop said calmly.

Very smart. Make it seem like Faith was cheating on him with Connor. Get Robin to drop the gun. They had done this before.

"I couldn't agree more. God Bless America," Robin said. He cocked the gun at the one who had his pants off.

"No! Robin don't! They aren't assassins. They're some military guys that are looking for some kid," she said. She couldn't die and let Robin be a killer.

"You mean they're looking for me. Well, here I am. Nice of you to dress-up for me."

Connor came out of nowhere and nailed one that was running towards Robin in the nuts.

"Get out of here! They're human. Human and government, I think. We can't kill them," Faith yelled to Connor or wheezed really. He was beating the shit out of the guy as Angel had tried with B's college boy. Father-son tag team. But, someone stopped Angel from beating on Joe college and Faith knew who it was. She didn't want to face him. She couldn't.

"I know who they are," Robin answered, even though she had been talking to Connor.

She realized Robin still had that cocked gun on the other guy.

"Robin, don't you're not a killer! They didn't get to do anything." Faith pleaded.

"You don't have to lie to protect me, Faith. I can tell what happened by the way you look," he said. Right.

She looked like she was dying because she was dying. He thought she was lying. He didn't realize how much demon there was in her to kill a man before he even did anything. The dude was a pile of soot on the floor now. It had ripped his face off first, like she had wanted.

"I look like this because of what I did!" Faith told him.

"Oh Fuck!" Robin yelled in realization, "Spike! Spike! Where the fuck are you?"

Spike was the one that saved the B's college man, of course. He was involved in some kind of debate with Connor, Angel, B's college boy, and the quiet soldier. Faith had known he was here the minute the door cracked even though the first one she saw was Angel. He would be so disappointed in how she had handled this. But, she had bigger problem now.

"Please, Robin!" she said again, "You're not a killer." Robin had been yelling for Spike. He had thrown his jacket over her cut open shirt, but he only looked at the bad cop soldier with the gun on him the whole time. Faith could feel herself passing out. She fought to stay awake.

"Get out of my way Spike," Robin said as Spike now stood looking at Faith wordlessly between Robin and the guy.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't want this. I can't harness my anger. I can't fight anymore... You're right the demon is me, and I can't control it. I'm really sorry," Faith said as Spike looked at her. She couldn't read his expression. He looked like someone was nailing him in the nuts, and he was begging them to stop without making a sound but, he was also angry, really angry.

"What are you doing? Just get to Faith. Get the fuck out of my way Spike, or I'll shoot right the fuck through you," Robin said. Robin just looked angry.

Faith tried to object again, but found she was too weak.

"Faith is right, Robin," the soldier said in his relaxed Psych 101 trained voice, "You're not a killer."

"Well, there must be a first time for everything," Robin sang in his sarcastic pissed off voice...like he was responding to a student who said they never had detention before.

"Please," Faith begged, knowing that it was too late by his voice. She had infected him.

"But, there can be an eleven hundred and first," Spike said. Faith heard that familiar crunch of a neck breaking, and the guy that Robin had the gun on fell. Spike broke his neck.

"It's over now," Spike sighed and seemed to smile at Faith for a second.

Spike touched Faith with shaky hands. The next thing she knew was Spike was talking to her, but he wasn't really. Nothing seemed to be happening really. She saw, but wasn't really seeing anything. She heard, but really heard nothing. She felt really warm. There were voices arguing and one of them was hers.

*Stop. You weren't supposed to come in time. I was ready to go down!* She heard her voice say.

*Don't feel bad. Love. Why does a man do what he mustn't, if only for her? It's for you this time. The one who wasn't afraid to let the demon in...It's better to burn out than to fade away, and I always like to do things worth doing more than once... he said*.

"Stop it!" she screamed and she had pushed Spike away into the Motel wall. She was on the bed and everyone was looking over her "Wizard of Oz" style.

"You have no right! No right!" she yelled at him.

"Oh, thank God!" Kennedy cried, "I was afraid he didn't get there in time."

"Fi, don't break the connection. It's not good to break the connection...or throw me into walls. How did you do that? You're usually too weak to---" Spike began.

"Don't touch me! Don't you fucking come near me; I swear to God!" she said through gritted teeth.

"Faith-" he began.

"What the fuck did you do to her? You did something to her with that shit. I KNEW it was no good. What did he do, baby?" Robin asked.

"You have no right to burn for me! Don't EVER touch me again with your ashes in your head!" Faith yelled at Spike.

"She's not making any sense...It's like when she took that drug. This is all my fault. I never should have come here," Connor said sadly.

"You're right this IS your fault!" Robin said.

"No, not his fault. He holds my hand when I sleep to save his Dad," Faith tried to explain to Robin, though she didn't really understand what she was explaining.

"She's obviously shock from what's happened. I'm getting her out of here," Robin said.

_____________________________________________________________________

"Guess what?" Kennedy just busted in. Bringing Faith back to the now of today. The girl didn't understand there really was no today. There was what happened before, and what happened after. This was after. Nothing usually happened after unless you count the thing happening again. But, it-men touching her against her will like that-- couldn't happen again, could it? That was what Faith thought until yesterday. She had been wrong-almost. Almost did count sometimes.

"Harris talked to that army guy and he never had any intention of taking you back to jail. He was just here to help those soldier fucks get the kid, because the government realized that there was some mojo going on with him!" K smiled.

"So, now the government has Blade because he came to save me. It wasn't worth it. We'll need to go get him. Where is my phone?"

Faith realized she would have to pull herself together. She stood up. It made her dizzy. She'd have to get used to it.

"No, No... He isn't taking the kid either. Harris convinced him that Buffy wouldn't want that. Thank God all these guys are suckers for bitchy blondes! The biggest battle was over Spike," Kennedy said.

"So, there really ARE good cops," Faith said hoarsely "Wait...Spike?"

"Yeah, since Spike killed that fucking slime that was going to rape you, Mr. Secret Agent man was afraid he was dangerous now that Buffy decided to de-chip him or whatever," K chirped like this was all in a day's work.

Faith hated the way she said B's name as if B had no right to exist here anymore. If it wasn't for B the way out of this would have been much harder.

"Can you imagine?" Kennedy was still talking, "Spike snaps a rapist in half and this guy is worried about Spike. Another person my Willow is tight with and I'll never get it. Xander explained we need Spike to keep you around. So, Agent Pin-Head said he'd have to keep monitoring him...I heard that the yuppie vamp was like 'fuck you' when he said that and then they almost fought but Xander stopped it. Doesn't yuppie vamp hate Spike?...Whatever, the guy is gone for now. Xander is a total gem with his ability to deal with outta control people."

"What about me? What about me killing that guy with my demon? Doesn't the government care about that?" Faith demanded.

"Oh, I don't even think Xander and the dude talked about it."

"What do you mean? I killed someone."

"Yeah and the government is so against that. Don't worry no one can prove you had anything to do with it. It's just like the guy dying from a demon attack or being MIA, since there's no body," K assured her.

"That's not the point! I'm out of control. I'm hurting Robin, I'm hurting you and I'm hurting Spike...and one person Xander can't deal with when they are outta control is me, ask him what happened last time," Faith snapped.

"The only person that got hurt is you, and it's okay to be upset about it. Well, okay...so those two guys died, but they got what they deserved. Some monsters are human, Faith, and we kill monsters. Spike knows that that's why he did what he did, and if he didn't do it Wood would have done it, and if Wood wouldn't have done it I would have done it, or that half-vamp kid, Connor. I only wish Spike hadn't done it so quickly we all could have lined up and had a piece," Kennedy said sternly.

"Shut-up! I don't want to here that kind of talk from you! You think you're so big and bad because you always knew what you were, that you were a Potential. What you don't realize is that you're a spoiled brat that never had anything bad happen to her! You never killed a person. It's not like killing vamps or people on your X-box!" Faith yelled in Kennedy's face.

"You don't have to remind me of what I really am. I'll be the first to admit I'm a brat, but I'm telling you I have what it takes to see you through this," she said. Her face was stern and unflinching. Her feelings weren't hurt. This was the part where she was supposed to drop Fait for her own good.

"To see me through what- my third murder? To think it's no big. Well, it is! I'm not going to sit here and see you turn like this because of me...God, I just bring out the worst in everyone! I should get out of here. That's what I planned to do in the first place. I just got caught up," Faith said with a little laugh.

"Don't be an idiot! You have assassins after you! You could be killed... and besides, there is no way you can leave because if that demon comes out you need Spike to heal you," Kennedy scoffed.

"It doesn't matter. I'm through sucking to life out of people," Faith said, "Do yourself a favor and get out of my face. If you're going to be around keep everyone else away from me too, or they'll have the fun trip you just had."

"Here... I brought you 'Tomb Raider', and I'll come back in a few hours with some pizza. I told your job you had strep throat. That gives you two weeks," K said with her back to her as she went out the door. Faith knew it would only make things worse if she yelled out that she didn't need two weeks. She was leaving.

Faith stuck the tape in the VCR K had given her. It would be very easy to leave, practically all of these things were K's. For now it was actually relaxing to watch Angelina Jolie pretend to beat up people. Had she killed the soldiers that broke into her house or just wounded them? The movie wasn't clear on that. Lara Croft did like to meditate and slept with knives. Spike would say Faith "fancied herself the real life Lara Croft." Sort of pathetic. It was relaxing to watch her meditate. Angelina Jolie WAS a good actor. Faith had been trying to act like a real Zen warrior too. Preparing for the future but living in the now. Acceptance. Again she had failed. She had killed again- brutally.

She had made Spike kill again. She had to thank Spike if he hadn't done it Robin would have blood on his hands. Was that why he did it? She had yelled at him? Who stopped Connor from killing the third guy? Yesterday's trivial times where so sharp, but the events after were fuzzy. Just like before she was a Slayer and that thing would happen- right afterward was a blank spot and all of a sudden you were in school being called on. Spike must have healed Faith. He had saved Robin from becoming a killer. That could NOT happen. Robin was her rock, her tether in the ground as she spun out of control. He had challenged her to trust- to take that leap of faith (ha ha), and she had accepted the challenge. He was her only sign of improvement, of normalcy, that she was something more than a tool to fight evil, that she wasn't evil herself. She swallowed, her throat tight as Lara Croft was just zipping along on her top of the line bike. It was becoming all to real- the magnitude of what had happened because of Faith getting caught by human beings. Because of Faith Robin had almost....

______________________________________________________________________

"Was there yelling?... I heard yelling," Willow's broad mouth made an "O". Her mock bright green football t-shirt hung off her shoulders as if she had some huge boyfriend that played football. As if.

"It's cool, Baby. No worries," Kennedy said as she shut Faith's door.

"What are you doing?" Willow now asked Spike. He was sitting against the wall with his knees drawn up. He looked younger today, stripped of something. Faith looked like that too scrubbed raw or something.

"Don't want to bother her. If I stay out here I can hear her breath, hear her heart and such," Spike said this casually, but his eyes focused on nothing.

"Ug! I'm having creepy stalkie Spike flashbacks from Buffy days," Willow said softly as she wrinkled up her little pointy face.

Kennedy smiled. That was the first time she had said "Buffy Days." That was what Kennedy called the time when that Buffy Summers was here and had everyone dancing her way.

"Well, quit having' em! Because this is different. I'm not done healin' the Firecracker is all, and this way I can make sure she is okay, with out being all up in her face," Spike grumbled. Kennedy liked how he called Faith "the Firecracker."

"Ease up, Spike," Kennedy said to him.

Kennedy knew that Spike and Willow tolerated each other. The way you tolerate an ugly turtle lamp your roommate loves or two ex-spouses that had to meet for the sake of the kids.... No, they were more like Stepsisters; they both had one person in common that forced them to live with each other. Stepsisters would save each other's lives, but only because they had to- it was family.

"Do you think Faith is still in danger?" Willow asked.

"Not sure, have a bad feeling," Spike answered.

"What do you mean you have a bad feeling? Isn't she all right?" Kennedy demanded.

"No, she's not all right. She was almost.... hurt...yesterday and when I heal her I can feel how she feels... She's not singing happy folk songs. She is so so sad. She wants to run," Spike said, annoyed.

Maybe this is what her sweet Willow had a hard time with. She never spoke roughly to anyone, unless she was livid. Maybe she thought other people were the same. Kennedy knew this was just how Spike talked.

"Well, I knew all that. That's all you meant when you said you had a bad feeling, right? Like she's not going to die or anything... and you won't let her run, because she needs you to heal her, right?" Kennedy asked.

"Right," Spike nodded, not looking at her.

"We can always do a locator spell if she runs," Willow said.

Kennedy's Redhead, always thinking. Kennedy was so used to Spike just doing what had to be done regarding Faith's demon that she never worried about it anymore. When he knocked on the door in his blanket and told Kennedy he was here to "check up on Faith's bad boy" she had let him right in. She told him Faith didn't want to see anyone, but she hadn't meant him. However, when she told him he said he would just "keep his ear to the wall." She hadn't thought to ask questions or doubt him, which was very un-Kennedy. But Kennedy could always recognize a good guy when she saw one; they did exist. Kennedy knew that Spike and she were the only ones that would die for Faith without question. Well, Amanda might, but she was just a kid. Everyone else was tainted with some Buffy-glamour on them, when it came to Faith. She knew her sweet Red had the most of this glamour on her. It wasn't that Red wasn't the best person around. She was the best. Willow could never fully forgive Faith for having the balls to mess with Buffy. It was because Red was such a loyal friend even to someone who was gone... for almost two years...and was a total bitch. But Kennedy should be thankful Red loved total bitches, even though Kennedy would never be the type of bitch that Buffy had been.

Kennedy followed Red up the short staircase into Kennedy's attic room. Willow's ass was like two tiny sweet round green apples pushed together in that skirt. Apples she wanted to feel firmly in her hand. Willow turned on "The Sundaes" on the stereo. She began checking on the crystals she placed on Kennedy's bureau. Kennedy wasn't really crazy about the crystals. They gave her room a kind hippy dippy feel, but "The Sundaes" were okay. Willow said the crystals were extra protection from demon violence. She did her sweet true fairy tale chanting over them to freshen the crystals up or whatever.

Kennedy listened to her girlfriend's chanting as she laid on her brass bed. It was relaxing even though she couldn't understand it at all. She didn't remember a lick of Latin from boarding school. She turned off the lights and slipped out if her jeans, letting the candles glow. They were hippy dippy too, but sexy. Kennedy closed her eyes. Then she felt the mattress sinking around her.

"Hello, Lady," Willow said with her sweet smile as she kneeled over Kennedy.

Kennedy rose up to meet her girl's pert open mouth, and kissed her lips firm and tight.

"Are you done with the crystals?" she asked Willow.

"I'm done with the crystals," her girl answered with vigor as she played with Kennedy's hair.

"So, why do you have to keep chanting it up Enya style with those things?" Kennedy asked as she pulled off her green ribbed sleeveless T.

"They are like light bulbs you have to change, or batteries you have to recharge... Is this Faith's shirt?" Willow asked.

Kennedy kissed her, throwing the T-shirt aside.

"If you lived here you could make sure they were on all the time," Kennedy said.

"I DO make sure they're on...They're on all the time," she smirked.

Willow kissed Kennedy's neck and settled down on her cleavage. Kennedy was stroking Red's hair that looked flaming in this light. The color of the kind of fall leaf that they didn't have here. The best red crayon. Kennedy closed her eyes.

"I didn't realize how tired I was until I laid myself down," she said opening her eyes and kissing Willow again.

"Well, you've been through hell, Sweetie," her Red said softly now, her delicate hand on her forehead.

"I've been through nothing," Kennedy chuckled sadly as she rolled on her side to look at her girlfriend.

"It's Fi...Faith who's been through everything, and she's right. I don't get it," Kennedy continued.

"Ah, the ol' side-kick routine... I don't get to have any feelings because all the really bad stuff happens to my friend the Slayer... the front-kick," Willow exclaimed.

"I'm not a side-kick! Faith never would make me feel like a sidekick! Is that what Buffy did to you?" Kennedy demanded.

"Buffy would never do that," Willow said very unconvincingly, "it's like kind of something you do to yourself. I think you're doing it now. It must have bothered you- the stuff you saw last night... Xander said that Riley told him that Faith's demon tore off that guys face off and that Spike snapped the other guy's neck and Angel's son beat the third guy senseless."

"Oh Red...none of that made me flinch," Kennedy sighed.

Willow's eyes searched her face. They were so soulful.

"But something did," Willow said.

"Faith told me to run and I ran...like a coward. I've fought vampires, bringers, and various other nasty-ass things. I knew those guys were human and I knew what they were going to try to do to her. I knew I could see it in their eyes, even though I never-" she cut herself off because she didn't like the sound of her own voice filling with emotion.

"You weren't a coward, baby! You saved Faith, if you'd stayed you would have just both been hurt," Willow said with a knitted brow.

"Not hurt, Red. They were going to rape her. I don't want to be like Spike and not even be able to say it. But at least Spike had the balls to do the right thing and kill one of them," Kennedy said.

"That wasn't the right thing! I don't know why Spike did it," Willow said sternly as she gently had her hands on the sides of Kennedy's face.

"Because he loves Faith. She didn't want us to do it, but me and Spike and Wood, we were all ready to do it. Spike just got there first. I'd do it for you. You know you'd do it for me," Kennedy said.

"No, I wouldn't... and I wouldn't want you to do it for me either, and if you all love Faith so much you would have listened to her!" Willow snapped.

Kennedy looked into the fierceness of her lover's eyes and turned away from her.

"You don't know, baby, but it's not something I'd want you to go through," Willow said gently now.

"But I do know, Willow... I know that there is nothing I wouldn't go through for you," Kennedy insisted.

"But killing wouldn't do anything for me. It would just make another person suffer," Willow said.

"Someone who deserves suffering... That guy you killed for Tara you can't tell me he didn't deserve to die. What good would it have done to keep him alive?" Kennedy demanded, turning back to Willow.

"That wasn't for me to decide, and I did a lot of damage. Once I started with killing him, it was like there was no turning back... If I killed him, I might as well destroy the world for Tara. You see?" Willow's mouth was pouty.

Kennedy did see. She saw that there were no depths where she wasn't willing to go for Willow. But the Redhead had a clear line where she stopped for Kennedy, even though Kennedy had been the one to keep her from swimming out to sea. It wasn't fair. Why did the girls that were no longer here get the kind of love from Will she didn't? Willow was going to destroy the world for Tara because she was no longer in it, because it had done her wrong. The redhead didn't have that kind of love to give anymore.

"I don't see myself just leaving some guy to some cushy military jail if he tried to rape you... I'm sorry, or I'm not...not really," Kennedy said.

"I'm not saying I wouldn't get in a few shots, or in my case a few levitations into brick walls, but murder? Sure, I would want to do it, and sometimes I want to put that yak cheese back in my bra...don't ask, but I could never actually go through with it-not anymore-- and I know you wouldn't either. You're not that kind of person," Willow said rubbing Kennedy's arm.

"The only reason I didn't go through with it was because Spike did, and you are a hundred times more powerful than him... with me behind you," Kennedy said looking down at her lover's hand.

"If you are going to be my anchor, Kennedy, I need more anchorage. We don't kill things with souls no matter what they do. I really thought you would know that. The bad is bad and the good is good... and sometimes the good does bad, but we can't destroy the bad in the good and still be good because that would be bad," Willow said.

"So, you think I'm bad for wanting to do what Spike did. So Spike is bad! I think it took balls to do what he did... Wood and me-- we hesitated. Spike didn't... Maybe if I didn't hesitate so much this wouldn't have happened to Faith," she said.

"You can't save Faith from everything. She's going to go through some hard times. She's the Slayer, and if you think you can save her from everything you'll be the one that needs saving, baby... Believe me, okay?" Willow said softly now.

Kennedy nodded feeling the holes inside of her that ached with need fill up with desire as Willow ran her hands over her chest. "Am I still your anchor? Or am I thrown overboard?" Kennedy asked with her eyes closed.

"I'd never throw you overboard," Willow said in her ear as she lay on top of her now. She was light and long matching the length of Kennedy's body, but not the girth.

"Actually, I would throw you overboard that's how you use an anchor... Come to think of it, how do you get rid of an anchor? You can't. I'm stuck with you forever, Lady," Willow laughed pecking Kennedy loudly on the lips.

"You can get rid of an anchor. You just have to cut it off," Kennedy murmured to her lover as she was kissing her breast.

Willow looked up at Kennedy. Her hands were resting so lightly on

Kennedy's collarbone, like velvet gloves against a plate of amour.

"I could never cut you off," Willow smirked, "I'd only be hurting myself."

That's when she heard it. Footsteps. They were big and heavy. She was taught at an early age to judge how big a person was from their footsteps and to recognize the footsteps she knew.

"Stay here," she whispered to Willow, "There is someone in the house."

She did pause long enough to grab her robe. When it came down to it she wasn't as bold as Faith. She wouldn't want to fight someone naked. But now Faith was too weak to fight. Kennedy had to protect Faith and Willow. She would do it, or she would die trying. She grabbed a crossbow just to be on the safe side. It was surprising how flying sharp wood killed so many things. Yes, a vamp had to be invited into the house and there were all these protection spells, but you never knew what these fuckers could do. Spike had stories about how he got around shit all the time when he was a vamp, or an evil vamp. It was hard to think of Spike as a vampire. They were all such idiots. There had been the smart ones Kennedy had studied about with the Council. Smart ones like Dracula who had servants and stuff. There was that creepy Victorian "Fanged-Four" family. They had all been smart. Some kind of freak occurrence. She had forgotten their names.

She looked in her bathroom and saw a huge guy at her sink with no reflection in the bathroom mirror. this vamp wasn't to smart. What vamp would pause to wash their hands before they started feeding? Kennedy shot the crossbow. The vamp turned around and grabbed the stake and went after her with it. Okay, dumb, but hella fast. Suddenly, he froze.

"Get the fuck off my girlfriend!" Willow said in a low grumble.

"Willow?" the vamp grunted and went out of vampire face, but the rest of his body stayed the same. His arm raised with the stake in it.

"Angel?" Willow said, "Oh, God, I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you with the Grrrr. You all kind of look the same. You remember Kennedy... I guess she didn't recognize you either,"

"Yeah, couldn't see you in the mirror and things are kind of tense around here...with the assassins and the attempted rape and all. You shouldn't have invited yourself in. I guess you can, since you are a CEO with black magic at your fingertips," Kennedy said to Angel as she was trapped between his still body and the bathroom wall.

"Let me guess, Spike told you that," he smiled very weakly, "I didn't invite myself in-Faith did. I can't even as a CEO, I'm still a vampire... I probably could hire guys to break in with these little cameras with a picture so good; it's really like your there, but, um... Willow, could you unfreeze me?" he said all this with the stake raised above Kennedy.

"Oh, yeah!" Willow gasped, "Sorry, sorry."

And the guy suddenly backed away from Kennedy.

"Angel, what are you doing?" Faith appeared from her room looking as pale as a vampire. "I need your help with this. Spike is no good. He's wigging out. I need a more cool headed person." Faith almost sounded like she was whining.

The way Kennedy would wine to her Dad. She never heard Faith sound like that before, but that wasn't what bothered Kennedy. What bothered her was that Faith also sounded really tired... still.

"I am a cool-headed person! By definition, I am the cool-headed person around you know Peaches has to be attracting some kind of heat with that huge brow of his! I think that this plan stinks like a school girl's skivvies, and using sodding magic to solve this is as tacky as the whole naughty school girl trip you're on!" Spike could be heard yelling through Faith's door.

"Gah! And what the hell are you talking about? I'm not any naughty schoolgirl trip. Leave you fantasies out of this," Faith grumbled, but Kennedy could see her smile a bit.

"It's not my fantasy... well not at the moment. But it sure as hell is yours...'Oh, I've been so, so bad. I should be punished.' The Headmaster should come and take my Slayer powers away.'" Spike said.

"Shut-up!" Faith muttered and disappeared behind her open door. There was a crash.

"Ow!" Spike grumbled, "What have I said about throwing kitchenware at me?"

"Maybe they want to be alone," Willow said lightly.

"No, Red!" Spike called, "come and talk some sense into her about the dangers of magic, and over-protective boyfriends...I guess you wouldn't know about that half, but someone say something, please!"

"What's going on?" Kennedy demanded as she went into the room. Spike was over by Faith's window smoking and pacing.

"Robin just called and told me that there is a way to get the demon out. He said that he found someone that is powerful enough to take it out of me using magic..." Faith said.

"Bloody magic! I really thought Wood had more sense," Spike grumbled.

"I also talked to Wes about it and he's still really worried that the demon gonna end up killing me, and he thinks this may be our best shot to get rid of it," Faith continued.

"No, I know that sod has no sense. He's all books, theory, so he doesn't have to deal with reality," Spike said.

"The reality is the demon killed another human being and I-I made Robin get all crazy and he almost killed that guy... and then you killed that guy. God, I just want this demon out!" Faith gritted her teeth and looked up at nothing.

"You know it wasn't the demon that caused me or your man to do anything," Spike said in a much softer but more serious tone.

"Maybe if the shadow demon wasn't in me...If I knew it wasn't there to back me up I wouldn't have been so stupid and things would have been different," Faith said.

"The only thing that would have been different is that you would have gotten raped and we would have killed the guy. The demon saved you!" Kennedy said.

Spike, who had been pacing, looked at Kennedy like she had just scratched a blackboard. This guy had killed people, but he couldn't hear the word "rape."

"Well, it ended with me killing and dragging everyone down. So, I think I should get rid of the demon," Faith said.

"If that's really what you want, Chica. Maybe we can have Willow help with the spell," Kennedy said.

Willow didn't look too happy with that suggestion. She pursed her lips and looked at the floor. Kennedy grabbed her hand. Didn't Red realize that she could do anything as long as Kennedy was there?

"Wait...Wait, Special K... There's a surprise ending. Tell your chum the surprise ending, Faith... I'm sure she'll love it as much as I do," Spike was back to his nagging tone that made Faith roll her eyes.

"If Robin's friend takes out the demon he has to take it all, that means I wouldn't have any Slaying powers anymore," Faith said as she looked directly at Kennedy.

"That can't be what you want, Faith." Kennedy said.

"It doesn't matter what I want. It doesn't matter what anyone here wants. The demon in me is bigger than all of us... I killed a man...again! Everyone is so caught up in my lousy life and slayage no one cares that what I did was wrong...that I can't trust myself... That's it. I've decided. It doesn't matter what I want. It matters what's right. I'll take out the demon... Then I can put an end to this shit once and for all... I can have peace and just watch people off each other in the movies."

"You don't know what you're doing!" Spike yelled now.

"No, I don't. I never did. I was always a reckless Slayer, right Angel?" Faith asked the silent vampire.

Why hadn't he said anything? It was obvious Faith valued his opinion

"Well, that really isn't---" he began

"You're a chosen hero," Spike insisted.

Okay, maybe the Angel vampire had been trying to say something and couldn't.

"I'm a fucking fraud. What have I done that's so great?" Faith demanded.

"You saved the world!" Kennedy demanded.

"B and Spike and you all saved the world. I just made B mad and took in this stupid shadow demon which is killing men now...I'm killing men," Faith said.

"Shitty men," Kennedy stated.

"There are always casualties in war, Faith... That's just how the game is played," Spike said.

"Well, maybe I'm not fit to play. I'm a murderer...I've made too many mistakes," Faith said.

"But, you're redeemed now... Like I am, and Red, and Angel-sometimes,"

"Gee, thanks. I 've saved the world way more than once, you know?" The Angel guy rolled his eyes.

"Well, so have I! And I never tried to destroy it. And shut up. This isn't about you.... Or me," Spike said.

"I don't think that I'm built like you... I don't think that I'm innately good. That soldier guy, I wanted him dead... You say I should accept my darkness, but I don't think you know what real darkness is," Faith said to Spike, or it seemed like she was saying it to just Spike.

"You are so adorable sometimes, you know? You have no idea what real evil is," Spike smiled.

"You don't... you were like not even close... If evil was a sucking chest wound you'd have been a hangnail... Hangnails are really annoying and they can feel like the worst pain around...so bad you just want to cut your finger off. God, I hate them, but um, they are really nothing compared to the sucking chest wound," Willow said shakily.

You don't know... You all had these things inside you that made you do these horrible things that I may have never crossed off my to-do list, but I have this thing inside me and I'm making it kill people, not the other way around," Faith said.

Kennedy found she didn't know what to say. She had no idea that this was how Faith felt-evil. She knew Faith was wrong, but Kennedy had never thought she was anything but good. Kennedy was a potential Slayer and Faith was a Slayer, of course they were good!

"Um...no, no...It was pretty much me that did the flaying. Me really hopped up on a lot magic, but still me at the wheel with the torturing and the flaying... Thanks for the credit though...or non-credit, I guess," Willow said.

"No, Red... You couldn't have tortured as well as I did. I made sure I was an expert with the five groups and all," Faith said.

"The only person you're torturing now is yourself," the Angel guy said.

He was right.

"And there are seven groups," Spike said

"Nine," the Angel guy said.

"Oh, yeah...I always forgot those last two... I should have used a mnemonic device or something," Spike said.

"Umm, was flaying in the groups, because Warren was alive when I flayed him?" Willow said.

"That could go under bloodletting...but I don't think it's really considered torture because they die too soon," the Angel guy said.

"Ah. Well... good?" Willow said sheepishly.

"The point is, Faith...we can't ever take away the things we've done...and we still make mistakes, but we work hard everyday to do good... You can do that as a Slayer or as just a regular person... It's up to you," the Angel guy said.

Kennedy supposed that was true.

"But, if you go this regular person route there will be a price for the magic you use... just look at the bollixed-up lives of Peaches and Red as examples," Spike said.

Kennedy supposed that was truer. She had seen how magic could go bad.

"Hey! My life is good. I have a good life... There was the whole getting addicted with bringing Buffy back but-- " Willow stammered.

Of course Willow's life was good. Spike wasn't saying that.

"And then she had to jump dimensions anyway, or the First would be able to rise..." Spike reminded.

Yes, Buffy jumping had torn Willow apart. It was sad. They wouldn't see each other ever again. But it wasn't like she died. They knew she was in a good world. Kennedy wasn't sorry see Buffy go exactly. The woman could suck the fun out of a room just by entering it.

"But I don't regret that by doing that spell we got Buffy back for two years, and she saved the world... again." Willow said.

"I'm the last person that would ever regret you doing that spell, Red. It was the best time in my life...and the worst. But it saved my sodding ass, it did...Buffy did, because she came back thanks to you."

Spike put his hand on Willow's shoulder. Kennedy realized she had never seen them touch before.

"But these bloody spells... they never work out the way you want them too," Spike sighed.

"I really have to find Connor... You sure you haven't seen him?" the Angel guy said and looked out the window.

"Take it from father-knows-worst here," Spike rolled his eyes.

"I'm not sorry I did the spell for Connor," the Angel vamp said defensively, "Even though it didn't work out the way I wanted it to. You don't know where he is, do you?" he ended softly, turning away from them.

"Oh, who bloody asked you? You're an idiot!" Spike grumbled, "And no I don't know where he is. You're the one with all the spies on him. I'm surprised you don't have a lo-jack for the boy!"

"We can look for him. Red can do that locator spell thing," Faith said.

"No, no," Angel said, "You have enough of your own things to worry about. If he wants to lay low for a while, I can understand. It's up to him."

"Finally catching on. Peach... How people have to make their own decisions," Spike said.

"Yeah," the vamp sighed, "I'm learning so much from you and how you are really laying off Faith with this demon removal thing,"

"This is different! Faith doesn't know how much bloody potential she has!" Spike insisted.

"Well, Connor didn't either and that's why I--- Why am I talking to you?" the Angel vamp demanded, "Look, Faith you have to have faith...in yourself, no matter what you decide to do, whether you decide to stay the Slayer or not."

"You always say I have so much potential. Why? The whole reason Red had to bring back B was because I was too dangerous to take over being the Slayer. If B really thought I had potential she wouldn't have made you promise to stick to me like glue to make sure I didn't lose it. Potentials are supposed to be the ones with potential, English. Slayers are supposed to have reached it. Maybe I'm just a washed up Slayer that really missed her chance." Faith said.

"Look-" Spike began.

"Oh screw Buffy!" Kennedy said "I'm so sick of hearing about Buffy. Look, I know you guys all loved her, but she was a Slayer-not a goddess. She wasn't perfect. Just like we're not, Faith. I'm a total brat, but I'm still good enough to be a potential. So, you're not perfect. But you're the Slayer now Faith, not Buffy. It only matters what you think of yourself."

Kennedy expected Spike to start to lay into her about insulting Buffy, but there was silence until Faith spoke.

"That's the thing. I don't know what I think of myself. Maybe I'm just a piece of shit that will keep offing people no matter how hard I try."

"Faith... I've been watching you work for two years," Spike said.

"Yeah, and what have we done in that time? Not so much with the closed Hellmouth. I thought I'd get to save the world at least twice by now," Faith said.

"That doesn't matter. I've worked with you. I fought by your side. I know you... You think I'm so good. Whatever you think of me you're a hundred times better," Spike said.

"That's not what you said when we first met...Actually, when we first met-"

"I don't give a toss about anything I said before I really knew you. Your mouth isn't the only shit-spewer, you know?... I've never seen anyone try so hard to make themselves the best person they can be when they already are one of the best. I've never seen anybody be so kind to people and do it in a way that was so unassuming that no one would ever think that they were in your debt, but they are... I really know you, and you're not good...you're the best," Spike said.

He had Faith by the shoulders and a lit cigarette dangled from his mouth. There was silence. Willow swallowed uncomfortably. Kennedy knew Spike made her a little nervous. She often called him "Mr. Grabby-Hands." She didn't understand all of his moodiness and shoulder grabbing for what it was. Willow should have had a Greek father, and then she'd understand Spike way better. This was love. Love wasn't polite and into personal space, like the Rosenberg's.

"You're just saying this because you want to get your way," Faith said quietly.

"No, he's saying it because he believes you're strong enough to control the demon, and it's about freakin' time you believed it too instead of relying on magic," Kennedy said.

"You're worse than he is," Faith said to Kennedy.

Faith smiled as she took the cigarette out of Spike's mouth and puffed on it as she turned away from him and to Kennedy.

"You always have to get your way. You both suck. I don't know why I hang out with either of you... I should have minions or something, right? Instead I get you two pig-headed wise-asses," she said.

"Well, if you want to be in charge more you'll have to keep those powers. Because I won't take orders from some ordinary girl with a bull-whip in a school-girl outfit," Spike beamed.

"I might," Willow sighed.

"Honey!" Kennedy laughed in surprise.

"Sorry," Willow said, "I thought I'd get in on the joking. You guys are joking. She doesn't really think you guys suck, right?"

"No, I don't think anyone here sucks," Faith said, "In fact, you all really really don't suck."

"Oh, I think I get it," Willow said, "If this was Buffy and me and Xand we'd all be doing a group hug,"

"Well, thank God for small favors that we aren't the three of you," Spike rolled his eyes.

The other vampire grunted something like agreement.

"Totally," Kennedy said, "But, you guys are great, honey... But I just am into you, no group things for this girl."

She hugged Willow tightly.

"What's this?" Robin said as he stood at the doorway with his arms folded.

"Robin," Faith said and quickly put out her cigarette and went over to him.

Kennedy felt herself stiffen. There was something about Wood. He carried that Principal vibe around like he was waiting to catch them all at doing something wrong. It was like Faith always had to prove something to him. Willow loved him, and accused Kennedy of being overly protective of Faith "who is the last person that needs protection." Kennedy thought Red was wrong on that one.

"Hey," the Angel vamp said to Wood.

"Hey," Wood grunted, "How's your son? Or I guess I should ask: How are your son's fists? I do appreciate what he did for Faith."

Yeah, there was something about Wood that made Kennedy cross-eyed pissed. Faith could appreciate her own friends, but Kennedy had learned to chill. It was like Wood didn't know any better.

"Faith," the Angel guy said, "I can't thank you enough for trying to protect Connor. But next time, just talk. Tell people whatever they want to know when it comes to me, and I'll deal with them when they come to me."

Okay, maybe this was some man thing. Faith was the Slayer. Protecting people is what she did. Well, maybe the Slayer wouldn't ordinarily protect vamps and their day-walker kids, but nothing about Faith was ordinary.

"You're welcome, but there is no way I can refuse that order enough. I'm not on your staff, Angel. I'm your friend. I don't squeal on friends... You think I would have more friends in prison," Faith smiled.

"There won't be a next time...You still look tired. Are you getting enough rest? Why is he here?" Wood said all this quietly to let everyone know it was only for Faith to hear, even though everyone could hear it.

"I'm five by five. I vegged all day. Spike just came to heal me, and I wanted to take a poll on the whole de-demonizing spell you were cool enough to find for me," she said and stood on her toes to kiss Wood on the lips.

"You mean you're still thinking about not doing it after yesterday?" Wood asked her quietly.

"Yesterday is totally the reason she should keep the bad boy in her...It saved her from an awful time," Spike spoke before Kennedy could.

Spike wasn't one to play these little social games and pretend he didn't hear something he heard. Maybe that was partly why Wood hated him. It was partly why Kennedy liked him. Wood loathed Spike and in a way Kennedy understood. She wouldn't like it if Red hung out with a really cute girl that had more power than her all the time. But Wood was usually so slick, and his hate for Spike was so obvious, immature even. It was Spike who was the mature polite guy around Wood. It was like they switched personalities when it came to their rivalry.

"Maybe she wouldn't be in any of these situations if she didn't have to fight. Did you ever think of that?" Wood barked.

"That's crap! Those guys didn't even know she was a Slayer. Women are attacked everyday," Kennedy grumbled.

"Call me crazy, but I think it's a little safer to have mace and no power than be in the mission against evil, and have friends that occasionally go evil who have enemies coming out of the woodwork." Wood said calmly to Kennedy.

"I never meant to have anything that my son did affect Faith, or anyone. I only came to help, and I only brought him to help. If I could have seen this coming..." the Angel vampire said.

"Angel, it is so not you're fault, or Connor's, if anything it's mine. I had my guard down," Faith said.

"I'm not blaming you, man. You did your best to keep your boy out of trouble. Sometimes parents just can't keep their kid out of trouble, no matter what. They just have to go through their little phase. Granted wild phases usually don't indirectly lead to bloodshed and the assault of my girlfriend, but I know you did your best," Wood said to the Angel guy.

What was this a PTA meeting now? Was Faith a kid Wood wanted to keep out of trouble so he could spend some time with her after school? She could understand wanting to sweep a woman away and save her and make her do nothing but smile. But Kennedy never thought of any woman she wanted to sweep away as a child. She was a Goddess, a wise all-powerful Goddess, that Kennedy was honored to make happy. That was what Rhett never understood about Scarlet. She wasn't some little bratty girl, she was far shrewder and wiser than Rhett himself, and if Rhett could have just accepted that he could have been hers. Men, men, men. Kennedy really just wanted them to leave. Spike was the only one of them that remembered that this was about Faith here.

"All right..." that Wes guy was coming into Faith's room now with all these books and rolled up paper, "I've got it all." Now Kennedy really wanted everyone to leave. She didn't like this Brit. He reminded her of the Watchers that made her life hell.

"Oh, good," Wood said.

"Wes?" Faith looked like a ghost showed up in her room.

"What's he doing here?" Spike grumbled.

"How did you get in here?" Kennedy asked.

"I left the door open for him... Faith gave me a key," Wood stated.

"I wouldn't just barge in if it wasn't important," the Wes guy said,

"but I'm afraid I have some more disturbing news."

"It's not about Connor, is it?" the Angel guy asked.

"No," he said, "It's about Faith and Spike and the whole Rhoshobi prophecy."

"Oh fuck!" Faith grumbled, "I swear the fun just continues!"

"Don't worry, Faith. Taking out the demon will stop it," Robin said.

"Stop what?" Faith asked.

"The merging. I met with the Roshobi's again," the Brit Wes said.

"Oh, you had a nice sit-down with the demons that are trying to off us," Spike sang sarcastically as he lividly folded his arms.

"Why am I not surprised William the Bloody isn't in favor of peace talks?" Wes said.

"It must be those enhanced squishy lobes, and the good education that Daddy's money bought... You have something of use for us finally, or is it just more bollocks?"

Spike marched up to the other Brit's face. He was shorter, but it didn't seem to matter. Not that the Brit shrunk or even blinked at Spike getting in his face, which surprised Kennedy. Those holier than thou Watchers she hated where always such complete wusses.

Maybe it was that Spike's hate for this other Brit was so strong that Kennedy took some of it on. Spike seemed to hate him for Faith. Kennedy was surprised Faith didn't hate him. Instead she had this odd respect that Kennedy didn't get. Not all of the Watchers had all been assholes; he just embodied the ones that had been. May they rest in pieces.

"Nothing for you, my friend... Just an order to go away. This prophecy was never about Angel and Buffy sleeping together. It's about your unclean soul and you putting into Faith," the Wes guy said this very softly into Spike's face, but he made sure he said it as fiercely as an attack dog growled their first low growl.

No, Kennedy didn't like this guy. Why did her Red have such bad taste in friends sometimes?

"What?" Faith exclaimed.

"And all he has is more bollocks from a bunch of idiot fanatics," Spike sang.

"No, Faith. It's true," Wood said, "This prophecy is about you and him. He was supposed to become human after he rose again, but he's not, and he has a soul, but it's not pure, like a human soul..."

"It's unstable. When the shadow demon escapes into you he uses his...soul to jump start you...like defibrillators," The Wes guy finished.

"You mean those heart starting things in the ER? Well, that's good, right? Otherwise I'd be dead," Faith said.

"Yes, but the way he's doing it is not good...not good at all," Wesley said.

"When the demon comes out of you, so does everything else, Faith. The demon is too strong, it takes your soul with it... He's taking his soul and merging it with the shadow demon and your soul and putting it back in you with that glow worm thing he does," Wood said.

"No, she's still in there... She calls for me to give her back what ever it is she loses. I can feel that...feel her," Spike insisted.

"You're fucking poisoning her with your demon soul!" Wood shouted now.

"What?" Spike asked more bemused than pissed.

"Spike's soul should be human and it isn't. It's still demonic, and he's pairing it up with that Shadow demon and putting it in you," Wes explained to Faith.

"So, Spike is putting himself inside me? What's so bad about that?... I mean--uh-I guess it is bad. You need to stay in your own body, E, and I'll stay in mine. Body switches, body sharing, it just confuses everyone as you know," Faith said.

"No, it isn't like that. It's not his lovely personality that's going into you, that stays with him...Thank God... It's his...life force... his power," Wood said.

"I'm making you weak? Why didn't you tell me?" Faith demanded of Spike.

"I think your man and his new best mate got some bad information... You know I'm as strong as I ever was," Spike said.

"Faith!" Wood snapped, "Listen to me! Look at me! I don't know why he's not getting weaker and I don't care! The important thing is that there is an ill-fated prophecy involving you and him, and I'm not letting him get his hands on you."

"Baby, I've been around long enough to know that these prophecies can be totally full of crap. You've gotta be careful reading them," Faith said.

"You know that too, Wes," the Angel vamp said.

"Angel, I assure you this isn't personal. It's about what's written and it isn't like before this is written in more than one text," Wes said.

"Bloody hell it's not personal...It's more than personal when I need Peaches to defend me," Spike grumbled.

"You think it's personal? Than let's have a look at this...Shall we?" the Wes guy said.

He unrolled the paper he had. He took out all of his books. He and Spike argued about this calendar and the time period something was supposed to happen in. Spike was saying that this prophesy was ten years ago and was about Buffy and the Angel vampire. He kept taking shots at the Angel vamp. Saying how Angel liked under-age chicks, and how it almost ended the world. The Angel vamp didn't argue. He just stood there with his arms folded. But it actually seemed like Spike started to concede his argument as the other Brit went in to show them more things in the books saying:

"This prophecy is indeed happening now." But then Spike started to argue about the translation of the Latin in this one book. Kennedy admired his tenacity, because he knew he was right. He was right no matter what argument he took. Faith should keep being the Slayer. But since when did Spike read, let alone know Latin?

"All this bloody says is that I heal her and she carries all the power for a bit!" he insisted lividly.

"Give the literal translation- verbatim," the Wes guy demanded, and Kennedy was totally getting flashbacks of her dick Latin teacher, whom she had deliberately repressed along with Latin.

"She alone will hold the demon power and the healing soul of the second coming crossbred champion and there in lies the beginning of the end of the reign of the power for a score of fortnights... This is the beginning of the new age," Spike sighed.

"What does that mean? What's the score on the fourth night? Is it like a game we have to play in order to stay in the game?" Faith asked with her brow crinkling.

"No," The Wes Guy said, "That's how much time you have. A little under a year. You're holding the demon in you and you're holding the healing of Spike's impure soul...It says that you'll hold these things inside of you for a little under a year and then... It's the beginning of the end."

"What? The end of the world? Because I was wondering when I would finally get an apocalypse of my very own." Faith grinned with folded arms.

"No, the end of your life. His impure soul kills you," the Wes guy said.

"Where the bloody hell are you getting that? See, this is about change. Change is good. It's the only constant in the universe. Didn't they teach you that at Watcher school?" Spike demanded.

"Another constant in the universe is evil and that is where this change is headed, unless we stop it. Stop you," Wood said.

"I'm not evil anymore, mate."

Spike actually seemed to say this to Wood in a tolerant way where Kennedy just wanted to rip his head off.

"Of course you're not!" Kennedy grumbled, "Look, I may have cheated through translation class, but I know who my friends are. Spike has fought by our side for two years, and he fought with Buffy before that. He saved our asses more scores and fortnights than I can count. He's one of us."

"You cheated through translation class?" Willow asked Kennedy.

"This prophecy looks too dire for Faith to take any chances... The beginning of a new age probably means a new Slayer... He's been healing you with his demonic soul for what? Almost half a year?" Wesley asked.

"Yeah, but -" Faith began.

"But that shadow demon has been in you longer... So we have less time than that. We have to get it out Faith... All of it. Even the part that makes you the Slayer," Wood said as he held her shoulders.

"Spike's soul isn't demonic or impure or whatever...it's...it's all good. I can feel it. When it goes into me; it's all good," Faith said apologetically.

"Was he good when her broke that guy's neck?" Wood demanded.

"He did that for you!" Kennedy snapped.

She had never seen Wood be so manipulative, even though it was no secret he wanted Faith to quit slaying all along.

"And I killed the first guy...I did it painfully too, not like Spike," Faith's voice shook.

"If I had time, I'd have done the seven groups... or the nine." Spike said.

"That was not you. It was the demon. That's all the more reason why we should get it out of you," Wood said.

"I-I just-" Faith began.

"Wood, hasn't Faith been through enough? Just what are you trying to do?" Kennedy demanded.

"I'm trying to save Faith, Kennedy," Wood said calmly, but his nostrils flared, "I know someone who can take the demon out of her with magic, someone as powerful as Willow. I know it's unfortunate Faith won't have any of the demon left in her to be the Slayer... I happen to think that Faith is better of alive and with out her powers. My love for he goes beyond her being a Slayer."

"Listen-" Kennedy began.

This guy was so full of himself with his bullshit calm exterior. He was the type of principal who never yelled, but would just make your life hell with a million detentions if he decided he hated you.

"Robin, no one here just likes me because I'm the Slayer... I think they like me in spite of it. I haven't been the best Slayer," Faith said.

She smiled. She looked so tired Kennedy didn't want to argue.

"Well, then they should see, the demon is getting worse. And Spike...this healing thing... it's keeping you alive from demon attack to demon attack, but it's unpredictable...When Spike did it yesterday something scared you," Wood said.

"Bollocks, you weren't scared. Were you, love?" Spike asked Faith.

"I don't remember... Spike was whispering something to me. Not really, not in real words, but, sometimes, I can feel his feelings...He was telling me it was okay to burn or something...Do you remember, Spike?" Faith was cut off by Robin.

"Oh, this just is sounding safer and safer...if I was comparing it to us having a date at a KKK meeting. You want to argue about semantics, Spike? Fine! Argue this!" Wood grumbled.

He took the one of the books out. It had a drawing of a vamp holding a girl as she burned. He was holding her over water that she was struggling to get too. The girl did look desperate for the water. The vamp did look insistent on burning her up. It was just a drawing. Kennedy had seen worse real life things, almost on a monthly basis, but she found herself looking away. She had seen that the light in Spike was growing to a fire when he healed Faith. She had even felt it growing hotter if she happened to be near when he had to heal Faith. It was becoming easier for Spike to do it, and it was becoming more intense.

"This doesn't quiet bring out my eyes," Spike laughed, "Look, I don't care what any of this ancient prophecy bullocks says. Faith is the Slayer for a reason and it's not to end because the two of you have a bone to pick with my sodding ass."

"A bone to pick! That's all it is to you? This is all still some stupid game to you! Only now you do your Slayers in a more sophisticated way. You screwed Buffy and now your gonna burn you're very essence into Faith... You won't fucking stop until you have control of all the Slayers! What are you gonna do for the next one? Get hold of her young? Raise her as your own?" Wood said with so much hate. But he never raised his voice.

The next thing Kennedy knew the Angel vampire was trying really hard to hold Spike back as Wood just stood there dully.

"Robin," the Angel guy said in a strained voice as struggled to hold back Spike. "You think you could not say stuff like that. Spike---" he paused as he threw Spike into the wall. "...would never intentionally hurt Faith. That I know... Now as far as the other stuff..."

"You okay, Spike?" Kennedy asked.

Another cracked Wall Harris would have to fix.

"I'm fine, but our girl's in trouble," Spike muttered to Kennedy alone.

"Oh c'mon!" Wood grumbled, "Look at how easy it is to make him lose it. If you weren't here to stop it he would have killed me. Look at who you're trusting your life to Faith. Say something to him he doesn't like and he'll rip your throat out."

"Faith, you know I'd never hurt you," Spike said.

"Yeah, well if you hurt Robin you hurt me, you know," Faith said angrily.

"Well, he's already hurt you more than you know," Wood spat.

"That healing thing isn't hurting me. Why won't you guys listen?" Faith demanded.

"I agree with Spike on one thing. We can't take this personally. It isn't about how it feels. It isn't about Spike's past. It isn't about Spike wanting to hurt you or wanting to be evil. He can be hurting you without knowing it. He was supposed to come back with a pure human soul, and there is still vampire in it... That merging with the pure shadow demon seems to end up killing you," the Wes guy said.

"Well, all we know here in reality land is that I'm not bloody killing her! I'm keeping her alive, and there's no sodding way to take the demon out. She needs me, and I'm here to be needed, and you can't make me go away," Spike said this in a child-like way.

"Oh, but there's where you're wrong. When we take the shadow demon out I'll never have to look at you again," Wood smiled now.

"It will also get the assassin problem taken care of," the Wes guy said, "The Rhoshobi clan, they agreed to call off the hit if the shadow demon is taken out of you."

"The assassins will stop coming after me and Spike too? That would make things a lot safer for the whole gang. Will there be another Slayer called?" Faith asked.

"Faith, I know you can't want to give up your calling," Kennedy gritted her teeth.

"The assassins will stop coming... after all of us. Who knew some demon clan would care about my life so much as to kill us all over it? I'll stop killing people...I'll stop having to fight my darkness. Really not seeing a down-side here, K." Faith smiled sadly.

"Well, I see it," Kennedy told her "You want to keep being the Slayer. You know that Spike isn't hurting you. You've come so far. You could be the best Slayer, and you're gonna have to keep fighting your darkness either way."

"Yeah... What Special K said," Spike seconded.

"This isn't about a beauty contest between me and the whole line of Slayers. It's about what's best." Faith said.

"I can tell you what's not best! Bloody magic!" Spike scoffed, "You're out of your mind. There's no telling what that could do!"

"I don't care what it does, as long as it keeps her alive. Isn't that what you care about too? Or is it just about owning her... Cowboy?" the Wesley guy was giving Spike a little smirk.

"Faith, Baby, I can take you to my place. Alistair can come by the end of the week and we can have the shadow demon out," Robin said softly to Faith.

"Alistair!" Spike roared, "Nikki's Watcher's father? He's the great and powerful one that's gonna save Faith? You can't be bloody serious?"

"Don't you ever say her name!" Wood said fiercely and hit Spike it the face.

Spike didn't even move to hit Wood back. He just stood there looking at Faith wide-eyed.

"What the hell? Who's Nikki?" Faith demanded.

"Tell her!" Wood said, "You brought her into to this. You tell Faith who she is!"

"I didn't bring her into this. You always had her in this. What would be right is not bringing Faith into the Nikki thing, but I suppose a bloke can't help these things," Spike seemed to whisper to Wood.

"What the fuck?" Faith demanded.

"Not now. Not tonight. Not after everything she's been through," Spike said softly.

"What is this?" Faith continued.

"Nikki was my mother," Robin said shaking out the fist that hit Spike.

"And Bernard Crowley was her Watcher, and Alistair was his father... He was tossed out of the Council because he went dark," Spike said.

"You knew Robin's mom?" Faith demanded of Spike.

"You mean she doesn't know? Why on Earth wouldn't you tell her?" Wesley demanded.

"Yeah, Nikki was a good fighter... and Bernard was a good Watcher. But his father, Alistair he'll rip out all your power and take it for himself. Are you out of your sodding mind, Wood? How is Crowley even still alive?" Spike asked

"Alistair has redeemed himself. I hear even the worst of the scum can do it," Wood stated blandly.

"Bullocks! That sod was in far too deep with the magics to ever come back. He has the power to rip people a part and he enjoys it. I've seen him do it," Spike said.

"I will do anything to save her, but you can't get that!" Wood yelled.

"I can get that! If that was true, you wouldn't let Faith near Alistair, just to get rid of my sodding ass! You seem to be all buddies with Peaches now, he's telling you I'd never hurt Faith. You must know Alistair. He has far too much bloody power for one man to control, it controls him, and he can't be anything but evil."

Spike was actually talking calmly towards Wood. It creeped Kennedy out to no end.

"Like me, I have too much power in me to control it. It can't go anywhere but to badness... That's why I have to take this demon out of me...Slayer and all," Faith said sadly.

"No, Faith" Spike said softly, "You are nothing like Alistair... You are good. I told you. Better than the lot of us. I believe in you. You just have to trust me."

"I do, Spike but-" Faith began.

"I wish she could trust you. I really do. But it's obvious she can't...Faith, Spike killed the Slayer Nikki Wood. Perhaps that's how he knows the power of Alistair so well. Alistair was interested in avenging Nikki's death for a while," the Wes guy said.

"That's complete bullocks! He was never interested-" Spike began.

"What?" Faith laughed, "That's crazy. Robin just said that Nikki was his mother. Spike couldn't have killed Robin's mother. You got your files mixed up, Wes."

"No, I'm afraid it's true. See, even with the soul Spike isn't honest, Faith. He may not be a killer but he stills seems to do whatever it takes in order for him to get close to Slayers, and he'll do anything to hold onto that, even if it puts the Slayers in danger. That's what he did with Buffy, when he had that trigger in him... I suppose he's a fetishist or something and with the soul it manifests differently," the Wes guy sighed.

" A fetishist, huh? Kinky and cool theory, if you were right, Wes, but you're not. Spike never hurt B with that trigger! He got it outta him and saved the world, remember?... And he wasn't the one that killed Robin's Mom; he couldn't be." Faith laughed.

"You're a fucking bastard!" Spike growled to Wesley.

"I'm sorry, Faith," Wood said suddenly.

"Sorry for what?" she asked, "Oh God!"

"I didn't tell you when I first met you because it was all too fresh for me, and then we had the big battle and then I turn around and you were friends with him-allies-I thought it would be easier if you didn't know... fast forward to now and here he is in my face everyday," Wood said.

"Fi-" Spike began

"You shut the fuck up! Don't you say one word!" Faith screamed as she sunk on the bed and stared at no one.

"Faith, you can't---" Spike tried again, and Kennedy admired him.

No one else seemed to be able to talk.

"Don't you dare say you're sorry! If you say it I'll beat you to death with my half-strength soldier molested ass," Faith yelled.

Dead silence. Then Wood finally said something:

"He's not sorry. He stood there with his wonderful glowing soul and told me how not sorry he was. He blamed---" Wood was cut off by Faith getting up pointing her finger at him.

"You... you kept this from me. All the shit you gave me about being his friend, I thought I was doing something wrong, that you didn't trust me and it was you that shouldn't have been trusted," she said.

"Of course you can trust me, Faith! I did it for you, I only hid the truth to save you pain. I knew you were gonna end up having to work with him sooner or later. I've gotta say what I didn't expect was your naivety of falling for his act, for thinking he was the great American hero-or English hero, I guess. Can you imagine how I feel now? All those hours of listening to you stick up for him and talk about what a great guy he was... Can you see what he really is now, Faith?" Wood pleaded.

And God help her, Kennedy felt bad for the guy. Would Kennedy really let lose on Willow how much she hated Buffy? What if Buffy had done something horrible to Kennedy?

"No, and I can't see what you really are right now either," Faith said.

"What?" Wood gasped.

Kennedy was surprised he didn't get it right away.

"Faith, whatever I was, I am not that anymore," Spike said.

"Get out!" Faith yelled.

"Yes, just leave, Spike," the Wes guy said.

"Sorry, let me be a little clearer. If you have a penis get out of the house! If you don't have one, go back to your own bedroom. I need to be alone, which is what I wanted in the first place for fuck's sake!"

"You're going to throw me out of your house along with him? Like we're the same? You do remember I'm the one whose mother was murdered, that I'm the one that loves you?" Wood demanded.

"I'm sorry about your mom, Robin... I can't imagine how these past two years have felt for you. But I'm really pissed at you. You were wrong not to tell me. Why wouldn't you, unless you didn't trust me. How am I supposed to trust you now? I don't even know who you are!"

"I'm the one who loves you," he said.

"Please, just go, okay? This has been a day in Hell, followed by... a day in Hades. I'll talk to you tomorrow, unless I'm off somewhere re-living the last day of 6th grade because this is some kind of hell-week," Faith laughed now.

"And will you talk to me?---" Spike pleaded.

"Oh, for God sake's get the fuck out of here, you're pathetic!" Wood half-yelled and half-laughed at him.

"At least hear me out about the magics, please... I'm not asking for free coffee and laughs..." Spike finished ignoring Wood.

"I'll see you one more time," Faith said dully.

"Faith-" Wood began.

"Go! Go! Before, I lose it on you, I swear!" Faith yelled, "Angel, wait, not you."

______________________________________________________________________

Connor was the Destroyer. He smiled after he landed hard on the roof of a building after being flipped over the balcony by some demon that looked like Lorne on steroids with no horns. Like the hulk, he was a strong one. He had no idea who he was dealing with. Connor hadn't really known what the demon was dealing with either until he was reminded yesterday. He had forgotten he was the Destroyer. Everything in Quar'toth had hated him. Angel and all of his people had hated him. Cordelia had loved him, but she was gone. He had almost destroyed her with that love. His "seed" (as Holtz would say) had made her become evil and then she almost died. Wherever she was she must hate him now.

Now Connor had wanted to protect Faith. Spike had brought Connor back into the fold, and he had failed. He had almost gotten Faith raped and killed. Angel had tried to use magic to get people to love Connor because Angel didn't. Who could? When his love for people resulted in things like this. Spike and Faith saw something in Connor, enough to bring him into their fight. Just a few nights ago it felt so fucking easy:

**********************************************************************

*Connor helped destroy those 'Rock Thing'-like assassins that had been so sure that they were going to kill Faith and Spike. He had carried Faith laughing on his back into the bar, so her feet didn't touch the germy ground. Her boyfriend had pointed out how dirty the bar was and she couldn't get it out of her head. Then she complained she wanted to dance and Spike had said- tough shit if she didn't want to get her feet dirty- and then made fun of her. For "her sudden onset of prissiness. You can't dance without getting dirty, Firecracker."*

"Totally walked myself into another nagging dancing metaphor. Maybe I got hit in the head harder than I thought," Faith said as she elbowed Connor when she sat at the barstool.

Spike gave her the English bird and she gave him back the middle finger. Connor laughed his first honest laugh since he remembered he was Connor. He hadn't fully remembered he was the Destroyer yet.

"So, that's the exchange rate. You get two Brit fingers for one U.S. one," Faith said, and Connor laughed again.

"Right, you Yanks are like our no-good runaway children, who've been coming back to rip us off ever since... No wings for you now," Spike rolled his eyes.

"No wings. No dancing. I should just leave," Faith said.

Connor told her that she could stand on his feet and dance, and she looked at him like he just grew fangs. It was a game he played with his sister when she had been younger. She would stand on his feet and they would slow dance, back when she was watching too much "Cinderella." But, that hadn't really happened, had it?. His sister probably only really did that with his father. Neither of these people were really his sister or his father. Connor was the real Cinderella... and it had turned midnight twice.... What would his family say if they knew he was the LA terrorist? What would they say if they knew he was so shitty they only sent pieces of shit killers after him that used rape as a way of trying to make women talk? Faith would have never talked. When he had shown up to save her he heard her still pretending not to know who he was. She was the only woman who really knew who he was and she had pretended not to know him, in order to save his sorry ass. She had been better off forgetting him.

Connor had Faith standing on his feet as he danced. She could be so light when she wanted to, even though she could cut him up eight ways to Sunday. He had cut Dawn Summers up- emotionally. Bu, he was helping to keep them all-safe, and he thought he could. Even the ones more powerful than him, like Faith. That's just what he thought about Cordy. He was a fucking idiot.

He remembered Faith laughing as he told the story of his spazzy sister "dancing" with him like this from too much "Cinderella."

"Did I ever watch those movies as a kid? I think my favorite movie was 'Mother Juggs and Speed' when I was with my Mom," she said as the bar played some Punk cover of "The First cut is the Deepest."

Connor saw Faith look over at Spike who looked like his dog just died or something. It made Connor nervous for a second, until Faith spoke.

"I think Spike is having a B moment... He's missing Buffy. You know, the real Slayer? She's in a dimension where she's human and with your dad... maybe you're their kid!" Faith exclaimed.

Connor doubted that highly and tried not to grimace. The idea seemed to make Faith so happy for some reason.

"Pffft!" Spike rolled his eyes. "Shows what you know. Blade would be bored stiff with my gir-Buffy and Angel as parents...and I wasn't thinking of her. I have had other experiences in my few years before I knew Buffy."

"Yeah, that psycho chick vamp!" Faith laughed, "Don't tell me you are carrying two torches. I need you to have at least one hand to fight with... Unless we could have Blade totally take your place."

"The boy's got fire in him, but not the kind that can heal you," Spike had said.

Connor had no idea just how fucking true that was at the time Spike said it.

"But Blade has this amazing power, called sucking it up, and I could really use that, not for slayage, but for this social stuff... You weepy bitches are a drag," Faith smirked.

Spike laughed and shook his head.

"Pardon me, I'll never mourn my little sister again. Sorry to bore you. What should I do for my next trick?"

"Oh, where's that stiff upper-lip, Billy-Boy? You just need a good dance is all," Faith said in a Brit accent that really sounded like Wesley's.

And she flew over to Spike like a jackrabbit and landed her feet perfectly on his. Connor laughed in amusement and amazement. He could never jump that fast with so much precision, and he could never do a Brit accent that good either.

"Tell her that doesn't bloody sound like me at all! And who the bloody hell is Billy-boy?" Spike grumbled and let out a small smirk.

"Um... that's you right? That's your name," Connor asked.

He knew from the file. Connor wasn't the only one with three names.

"This is who I have to fight my side, Blade. A bleached blond bimbo! I guess you can't look this good and get brains too? Even though you and I managed it... You better stick around, kid," Faith said as she turned to Connor.

Make that four names.

"You're a real bitch, Slayer, you know? I hope you do get athlete's foot or gangrene. The tops of my shoes are worse than this floor. You've seen the scum I put my foot through-literally. Well, not literally," Spike scowled.

"So, this little sister? Why didn't you ever tell me about her?" Faith asked as she put her arms around Spike's neck.

She lifted up her feet with the chipped burgundy toenails and wrapped her legs around him. Spike smiled now. Why hadn't Connor thought to say the tops of his shoes were dirty?

"What is this?" Spike smirked, "You wanna play my head shirker now, to get back at me for what I brought up today in training?"

"This is where I'm supposed to get pissed and then you don't have to talk about your sister. Hmmm, don't think it's working. There's nothing for me to get back at you for. You helped me, so I help you," she said.

"Leave it to you to keep score in tough love," he said.

"Quid pro quo," she said. How did she know Latin? She dropped out of high school. Connor hadn't known shit until they put all the memories of that first rate education in his head.

"Wrapping your legs around men may usually get them to talk, but they're old hat to me with all this training," Spike smiled.

He was so cool. Maybe if Connor lived to be a hundred and forty something he could play it cool with Faith wrapped around him.

"I know B was your girl, and I can sit here and squeeze my thighs together until they meet in the middle of you and nothing would come up. The only thing I want to come up is what's eating you,...and I know it ain't me, English," she said.

Could it be possible that Faith was cooler than Spike?

"Hey!"Spike raised his eyebrows, "You would not get nothing... In fact, talk like that is getting you something. More than you want to handle. I may be whipped, but I'm not dead... Not in that respect."

No, he was still cooler.

"Wow," she laughed as she put her feet back on his shoes, "A semi-come-on... I haven't heard one of those from you in a while. Why don't you want to talk about little sister so bad?"

Okay, it was a tie.

"Why don't you wanna tell me about the time between your calling and your Mum?"

"Because there is no good to remember. I'm sure there's good to remember with your sister. I don't care if you haven't thought about her in a hundred plus years because your lack of soul made you not give a shit. I don't care if you had her as part of your breakfast buffet with tea and crumpets. You don't have to tell me that part, but you can. You know I'm not the faint of heart type. Go 'head and try to shock me. I'm not gonna think any differently of you. I know you, you know me....All I care about is right now," Faith said.

Connor felt a little sick. It was then he stopped drinking. He was right to be away from his family. He should find reason to stay away until school started again.

"Right now my 'bit-my sister-is gone and I'm having the bloody piss annoyed outta me by you. I would never hurt Caroline, or anyone in my family I loved them throughout being the big bad. Not that it did them a lick of good because it didn't...Accept my Uncle. I hated his buggering ass. I tortured the piss out of him with his own dental tools. He never respected my Mum, and he broke her heart when he didn't come to Caroline's funeral. Caroline died when she was fifteen. She had TB. All the women in my family had strong minds, but weak bodies. She'd always get me to play all the Nancy games girls play with that swift mind. Kind of like what you're doing to me now. So, shocking or what? If you want I can make up a better story. Take a page out of Angelus's book," Spike said.

Connor thought all vampires killed their families, like all ducks lay eggs, but there were always the outliers, that was Stats 101. Spike was that outlier...then there was always the outlier on the other extreme. Angelus, Connor's real father. What had he done to his family?

"No, Dude!" Faith laughed. It helped Connor feel less sick. "I'm fucking floored...That was wicked! Well, I knew you were going to say that right now I'm annoying the bloody piss out of you part... And the Uncle thing was the same ol', same ol'.... The loving the fam through the loss of soul and not feeding on them part is kind of a shocker. Damn, E you're a freak, you know? Do you know you're a total freak? I don't just mean now with the soul and the rising again. I mean you were ALWAYS A freak. Did you know?"

"All of my actions have led me to be here with you and the boy. How could I not know?" he asked.

"Gee," she said, "Thanks a fuckin' bunch, English."

She had jumped back to the bar chair. It was like she flew.

"Bloody hell!" Spike grumbled, "Leave it to you to be hurt after calling me a freak."

"

I meant it in a good way, but I take it all back-you suck." she said,

"Still, you know how many vamps still have love in them without the soul? I've never seen any."

"It doesn't matter. I was still evil. Like I said, I'd have made you a footnote in history by now... Maybe I'd leave the boy alone, after convincing him to kill his old man of course," Spike sighed and then smirked.

"You'd never have killed me. B may have had all the family and friend goodies, but I'd see right through you like glass, baby...I'd walk all over you," she cackled. "Right, you'd see through me and walk on me like broken glass! I'd have cut you up," he said.

"No way! You have no idea how dangerous I was. How fucking scary," she snorted. "On the contrary, I think I do. I think it's you who doesn't know how dangerous you were, how scary, and that's what I would have used to take you down...But I'd still see all the potential in you...and in Blade here. I'd have to be blind not to see it. If I didn't have Dru, I'd make you," Spike said.

What potential in Connor did Spike see? The specialness that made him kill?

"Bigger Bads than you have tried, Baby," Faith sang.

"Who?" Spike smirked, "That huge side of beef moron- Kakistos?"

"No, your Vamp Daddy, son," Faith teased.

Connor thought maybe he was too uptight, but he didn't think this was funny.

"What!" Spike roared. People in the bar stopped talking.

Perry Ferrell was the only voice that could be heard for a second: "*she's says 'Stop, I'm a girl!*"

Then came Faith's: "Jesus Christ, E! It was a lifetime ago. I thought you knew. Haven't you seen the scars?" "All Slayers have their scars, but most of them aren't from Angelus trying to fucking sire them! How can you just--- just forgive him for that? He came here and you couldn't wait to bloody see him... You know what he would have made you! He probably would---"

"Not Angel...Angelus, Spike-"

"Angel/Angelus...Jekyll/Hyde...Eminem/Slim Shady. you know how sick I am of this evil twin bollocks?" Spike roared. He was right. He was the only one that saw it too.

"Um, I can guess...and I think all of Sunny D can now," Faith said.

"He was supposed to be your friend," Spike insisted.

"Angel is my friend. One of the best," Faith insisted back.

But how could she forgive him?

"I did some horrible things over the years...bloody awful, I killed minions...I killed little bits just for fun... But once I had a friend...I may owe them a few pounds ...all right...This one guy, wasn't really a friend, but I kind of liked him and I killed him because I was really bloody hungry. But I would never, never sire a bloody friend, better to kill them... I sired...someone once...someone I loved...They were going to die and I wanted...What they turned into...nothing but the hate in them left...Angelus bloody Angel knew that and that's why he did it!" Spike said.

"You're right, but like I said it was Angelus...not Angel. Angel with nothing but the hate in him left... Angelus really hates me. Angelus really hates... everybody. Angel he-he would never hurt me," Faith explained. She was so pretty. Of course Angel would never hurt her. Angel had hurt people that weren't as good though.

"Fine! Bloody fine! Forgiveness is divine and all that rot. That isn't what brasses me off. What does it is the fact that you all let Angel go around with the delusion that it is some bloody body switch, and he isn't responsible. Well, I am the same bloody guy... I did all of those things!" Spike grumbled.

"But you don't get it, E. There is you, and then there are the rest of us. When we have nothing but the hate in us left we have nothing pretty to offer. We aren't so pretty like you that even the worst of us has love to give, Princess," she said to Spike.

Spike looked at Faith with what wasn't quite shock, or gratitude, or happiness, or confusion. It's what Connor would look like if Faith professed her love to him while simultaneously kicking him in the testicles. "So... quit judging so harsh, dick!" Faith said. She stepped over to Spike and pushed his chest and then quickly went back to the chair.

"Oh-oh!" Spike gasped to Connor, "She's lost the game now. Her feet touched the ground. You're were down in the dank, Fi."

"Yeah," she said, "It was worth it to steal your drink. I don't comprise my principles until I want something."

"Staying squeaky clean shouldn't be one of your principles. The boy is going to be the only one of chivalrous enough to keep you out of the dirt," Spike said.

"I aim to please," Connor smiled.

**********************************************************************

That night as well as others, Connor may have fooled them into seeing something in him. He even fooled Spike, who didn't see Angelus's son, but something else. So, Connor believed it too. He forgot what he was so miserable over. He forgot without magic. Until he saw Faith lying on the floor. It was her boyfriend that had covered up her half-nakedness. It was Spike who had healed Faith, and cracked that fucking guy's neck (that was beautiful.). It was Angel who did whatever to work out the deal with the government to not bust Faith or Connor-more magic no doubt. But at least Angel had done something. It was just Connor who got Navy Seal rapists in Sunnydale on Faith's ass. They could have very easily gotten a hold of one of the other girls that had no demon inside to protect them.

Faith's boyfriend had said it was Connor's fault and he was right. Connor tried to see Faith, but the dark haired girl said she didn't want to see anyone. Connor stayed outside the house, because where else was he going to go? He saw Spike drive up in his car. Spike looked broken, like that guy's neck he took care of. Connor didn't heal, he destroyed. That was why Angel had gave him away, and he was too horrible to be what he was so Angel had to make him someone else. Because Connor was Angelus's son, really. Angel with nothing but the hate in him. Even when Connor loved he destroyed. He was the destroyer. Even if he went back to being Brian he would still be the destroyer and somehow destroy his family. He wasn't like Spike. He was like Angel. He'd somehow tear his family apart even with a soul, whether he meant to or not. So Connor had one person left to destroy.

"If you wanna kill me you better have friends... and you better bring them all out, or else I'll just pick them off one by one," Connor said,

"You hear that! I'll kill you all and then I'll go after every demon you know. So you better make some calls now to warn everyone. There's a new big bad in town!"

Connor like that "the big bad." It tickled his lips. It was Spike's. He had run back in the demon bar just to say this. He went to the baddest bar and picked on the biggest guy, but that wasn't going to be enough. He had gotten the whole bar out after him. The bartender cursed him out. He looked human. He warned the demons dropping the names of Faith and Spike and Angel.

"You think I'm tight with the Slayer, Spike and Angel?" Connor sneered, "You're full of shit. You just don't want me to take your business away. No one is coming to protect me. I fucked up the Slayer, Spike and Angel more than any of you could, and now I'm going to fuck up all of you."

"Who are you?" the Hulky demon demanded with a laugh as the whole bar was now behind him ready to kick Connor's ass.

"I'm the destroyer," Connor said, "So, are you guys all friends? Did you grow up together is this a townie bar?"

"No, we just have each other's backs," one of them answered.

"Well, I hope you know what your doing because having the wrong person's back can destroy you," Connor laughed.

"Oh, you're that kid. The Day-Walker vampire," The demon said.

"That's right," Connor laughed. There was no denying it anymore. That's what he was.

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End Forget Me Not Part 7-- Go to the futher darkness of 8 ---