The Very Secret Diary of Jayne

By Edme McCormic

Chapter Seven

Note: Again, I do not own any of it. Joss is boss, but my jokes are mine.

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Day Three Hundred Seventy Nine

Job went south again today. Was supposed to be an easy in an' out, but like all the easy in an' outs, it got mighty complicated real soon. It's like the fates got it out for us. Not wantin' us to get any coin at all. Man can't live like this forever.

Anyway, started out all nice an' simple. Went into town, was supposed ta get the money an' go, but some sons a bitches came an' ruined our plans. Mal, bein' the pansy ass he is, decided that we should give up the coin, an' go from there. Didn' work out so well, an' I ended up gettin' all kinds of shot up, an' stabbed. I got freakin' stabbed! An' that even the worst of it! After I got all shot up an' stabbed, Mal made us all take a nice lil swim in the sewer. THE SEWER! Wouldn' a been so bad if we woulda got the gorram coin, but we didn't, so it made it suck all the more.

Not to mention that we got all kinds a bad ass peasants after our blood for tryin' ta take their money. Don't matter to them that we didn' have it. They wanted blood an' apparently ours was good enough as any. I would have ta disagree on that one though. Ours is all dirty an' full a sewer sludge, not nearly as good as the blood those thievin' thieves that took all that coin. Gorrammit! If I ever see those bastards again I will gut ever last one of them!

Besides out lil swim in the sewer we had ta take off ta meet Serenity for our daring escape. Must say it was jus' as wet as the sewer, but thankfully not filled with thin's that should never see the light a day again, or a human for that matter. But I guess it don't really matter cause we are back on Serenity, an' off for our next daring adventure. Hope this one has coin attached to it. I don' work for free, not ever.

Day Three Eighty Sixty

Landed today, an' the day looked bright and shiny. A course whenever it seems to good ta be true it probably is, an' guess what, I was right. Ruttin' Badger shows up with his lackeys tryin' to force us inta some job. That wasn't fun, but what happened after that kinda was. Got to threaten him around a bit, an' almost got to cut him up. I have been lookin' forward to that ever since I met the guy, but Mal wouldn't let me. Jus' had to stand there with Berth (that's the name of my most favorite knife), an' look all threatenin'. It's nice ta be threatenin', but actually bein' physical is six hundred times more fun. Physical in violence terms, not that other way.

Anyways, we are takin' up Badger's job. The coin is jus' to good. 'Course I don't think this is about the coin, I think it is about all them dead Browncoats. Oh yeah, Badger said somethin' about how this treasure we are goin' after was some sort of somethin' the Browncoats an' the Alliance were fightin' over. More than jus' the whole thing whole independence thin' that is. An' I have a feelin' that Mal would rather go an' refight all his ol' battles than let me get paid, an' laid. Mans got it out for me, I know it.

Oh well, coin is good, an' as long as we get it done we won't have to work for a while. Life will be good again.

Day Three Hundred Ninty Four

Gorrammit. War is hell, hella fun, but this, this don't look so enjoyable.

That treasure Badger told us about is in some floatin' battlefield. Don' remember what it's called, but it ain't important. The only thing important is the fact that we gotta on all in there with all them dead bodies, an' pull out whatever it is that we are gonna need. This is gonna suck more than a five credit whore.

Well, I gotta suit up, and face the music. The very dead music.

Later

Everythin' I thought I knew about the 'verse is a lie. Can't tell no more when a person is dead, an' when they are alive. This is the second time it has happened to me in less than a year, an it is getting' real old real quick. People that are dead should stay dead!

I say this cause that guy Mal killed way back when we first brought crazy an' the doc on was apparently not as dead as we thought. I know this cause we jus' killed him again. He was hidin' in our wreckage where our treasure was supposed ta be. Got smart this time though, and didn't decide that I wanted an ear, I jus' wanted him dead. Got my wish too, cause now he is sleepin' with the fishes... Not that there are any fish in outer space. Ya know what I mean.

Oh yeah, there weren't no treasure. No treasure, no nothin'. Jus' some guy who can hold a grudge, an wanted Mal dead. As much as I admire that, it won't put food in my stomach or a whore in my bed. I'm really startin' to hate this gorram ship.

Day Four Hundred Eight

'Nara is leavin' us for good this time. No more dancin' around it, she is finally gonna do it. Took her long 'nough. I was 'sectin' her to leave ages ago.

Mal's real upset about it, but he won't say nothin' to the fact. Damn man is to proud, an' his head is to far up his ass. Dumb ass is what he is. If a pretty lady like that wanted me in her life as much as 'Nara wants Mal, then I would jump at the chance to get in her pants. Stuff like that jus' don't happen, an' now... Well, who cares, it don' have to do with me.

Will miss her though. She was so damn pretty to look at.

Day Four Hundred Ten

Shepherd came ta talk ta me today. He is gonna pull a 'Nara an' leave us too.

Says he's been thinkin' on it a long time, an' now jus' seemed right. Don't blame him. Ship ain't no place for a preacher man, even one as well versed in the 'verse like he is.

Leaves me one friend down. My only friend, gone. Oh well, could be worse. Naw, guess not.

Day Four Hundred Twelve

Dropped shepherd off today at some place called Haven. Don't seem to nice a place though. It's all gray an' brown, an' all dusty. Ain't a nice place at all if ya ask me. Shepherd tol' me it ain't about how it looks, but about what ya can do there. Guess he is plainnin' on doin' some good to all of those people. Look pretty good if ya ask me.

Kaylee cried a bit, Zoe an' Mal were stone faced, Wash said a few jokes, an' crazy, well, let's jus' say she was jus' as crazy as always. An' me. Well, I mighta lost my only friend, but that don't mean nothin'.

Boat feels kinda empty without shepherd an' 'Nara. Awe well, they wasn't crew anyhow. Thin's are almost back to normal now. Jus' gotta get rid a doc an' moonbrain, an' thin's will be shiny once again. Get rid a them, an' pick up that reward. Wouldn't have ta work ever 'gain. That would be shiny. With money like that I could have a different whore for every day a the year.

I'll be in my bunk.

Day Four Hundred Thirty

Gorramit, why do all our jobs have ta go south. Don' know what it is, bu' never seems ta play out in our favor. It was jus' supposed ta be a simple job, bu' no, ain't never that easy. Got chased off, an' had ta go run an' hide on Haven.

Nice ta see the shepherd again. An' the people he's got with him ain't to shabby either, an' not to bada cooks 'neither. Real food. Gorram, how I have missed it. Tastes so much better than that gos se we got back on the ship. Thinkin' I'm gonna take some with us when we leave. Maybe get Kaylee ta make me a cake. I could do with some cake.

Day Four Hundred Fifty Seven

Had a job, don' wanna talk about it. Jus' gonna say I ain't gonna be able ta sit down for about a week or so.

Day Four Hundred Eighty Two

Ain't nothin' ta do. No job, no coin, no whores. Life is gettin' pretty borin' on this here ship. Tried ta get a game a cards goin' with the doc an' Wash, bu' Wash don' got no poker face, an' doc is jus' to easy ta take money from, so it weren't no fun.

Somethin' interestin' needs ta happen, an' soon.

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As you all have noticed, this wasn't the movie, it was actually to comic, and some stuff I created. I didn't want to just jump from having Inara and Book there all the time, to them being gone, so I thought I would add in their leaving, and then some to connect the space between that and the movie. Hope you all didn't mind, and liked it. Tell me what you think. I love all of your reviews, they really make my day. I even love it more when you tell me what you think about each chapter, it makes me all happy inside.

The next chapter will be the movie. I promise you. Hell, if you guys keep writing it I might just add more on after that, but someone would have to help me come up with things to talk about. So any authors out there who have stories that they would like added into Jayne's Very Secret Diary then I will add some, and then tell what story it is from, and who authored it. It could be fun!