A/N: My "summary" doesn't cover every little detail for two reasons: 1. What's the point when pretty much everyone has seen what I'm describing and 2. Because I'm too lazy.
Oh, and there's a minor Atlantis season 5 spoiler.
Chapter 6
"Okay, look," Cam said. He sighed softly, unsure of how to proceed with what he needed to say next. Jackson's eyes bored into his head, and Cam met his gaze. "I'm sorry," he simply said. "I'm just getting so damn frustrated with…with the mission, and Barrett, and Sam being gone."
Jackson, whose eyes still burned with the anger Cam had so easily provoked, nodded curtly and righted his chair. Cam copied him and they sat down. Vala was staring at him wide-eyed. He didn't look over at Teal'c's expression, but he doubted he would see much there anyway.
"No offense," he said, for Jackson's benefit, if anything, "but I just don't think we're doing enough."
"Colonel Mitchell." Somehow Teal'c managed to softly cut through the music. Curiously, Cam, Jackson, and Vala all turned to look at him. "I believe Colonel Carter left for a reason."
"Well, of course she left for a reason," Cam barked out a humorless laugh. Teal'c's expression became slightly troubled. "What?"
"I believe she left with a purpose in mind that either couldn't include us, or Colonel Carter simply did not wish to include us." He sounded hesitant.
Cam wanted to argue. The possibility was something he'd been denying for weeks, but now that it was out in the open, he couldn't very easily deny it anymore. It explained Sam's withdrawal from everybody, the way she winced at the sight of her team or Landry, and how she flinched like she'd been slapped whenever someone barely touched her. The same thoughts were in the eyes of Jackson and Vala.
"That's no fair!" protested Vala, sounding hurt. "Why couldn't we go with her?"
"Perhaps," Teal'c said, "she couldn't allow us to go, too."
"I-I…I'm not sure I understand," said Vala, tearing up slightly. Cam thought she sounded betrayed, though it was difficult to tell over the booming rock music.
Teal'c appeared troubled as he tried to explain. "You observed how Colonel Carter withdrew from everyone, especially us, even though we are her friends." No one missed the "especially," and they all exchanged a quick glance. "It is possible she wished to find peace in her own way and taking us with would have only hindered that quest. For the first week, none of you could stand to look each other in the eye for more than a few seconds," Teal'c reminded them gently.
"So, what?" Cam broke in. "You're saying she doesn't want to be found?"
Teal'c inclined his head slightly.
"We should just stop searching?" Cam didn't understand why this conversation was so final to him. The feeling in his stomach wasn't a good one.
"I am sorry, Colonel Mitchell."
"But…what about General O'Neill?"
"Jack has his hands full in Washington. The NID is being even more trouble since…." Jackson drifted off, knowing they could fill in the blanks. "I'm sure if he were here, he wouldn't be doing anything you haven't tried already, Mitchell. Unfortunately, our hands are tied like everyone else's."
"We could pull a Sam," Cam suggested hesitantly. "Just up and leave."
"I don't think that's the answer," Jackson said. "As much as I hate to say this, I'm sure Sam's fine, so we don't need to look for her. We can focus on getting Barrett out of power."
"Ha! Right," Cam said sarcastically but offered nothing further.
The team, having discussed everything major, soon dispersed. At his house, Cam went through his nightly rituals on autopilot. His thoughts were on the team.
When he first took command of SG-1, it was a dream come true. Not only was he a member of the SGC's flagship team, but he would play an integral part in it. Unfortunately, getting the band back together was twenty times more difficult than he'd anticipated. Everyone had already planned something else and had no intention of staying put. Ruefully, Cam supposed he had Vala to thank for partially getting the disbanded team together again.
Everything had been going great. Soon the entire team (sans General O'Neill, of course) was back in the frontline fighting to rid this galaxy and the next of the Ori. They'd done it…eventually…and life went back to normal. Relatively speaking.
But then Sam was called in to Atlantis because of some trouble revolving around Dr. Weir. Cam mainly missed her because he felt she had the most tolerance for him (not to mention she rivaled his grandma when it came to macaroons!) and because she was a pretty easy person to miss when she was gone.
In the end, there was some debate, and Sam backed down so Woolsey could take her place. As much as she enjoyed her time in Pegasus, it seemed she missed her team as much as they missed her.
Life, once again, resumed normally in the relative sense.
Then Barrett showed up and turned their lives upside down. He had the authority to make them perform murder in its purest form. After the second mission, Sam caved.
She stopped speaking to everyone. She would shake her head, or shrug her shoulders, or make other gestures, but even those stopped. Her office became her only retreat.
Sometimes her team came in and talked to her, even if she didn't respond. On those visits, they brought food, which she picked at. After a while, she started locking her door. Not only was that saying she wanted to be alone, she was also refusing food. This worried her teammates the most. It was almost like she was slowly punishing herself. First with isolating herself, followed by starvation.
On one of the rare days her door was unlocked, Cam happened to wander in. He was staggered by her appearance. Her hair was greasy and matted and she looked gaunt, strained, and exhausted. Her eyes were dull and distant. Cam wanted to smack himself. How could he let her go so far? He tried to take her to the infirmary, but she somehow gathered the strength to fight him out into the hallway. The door slammed in his face and, as he expected, was locked.
The team was naturally very concerned, but they didn't have to worry too much longer. She left that night. Rather ingeniously, in Cam's opinion, but with her IQ, it wasn't surprising. He gathered that she'd been incrementally locking the technicians out of the system until she was able to gain total access in one fell swoop. In the long run, the whole process was so subtle, no one had noticed until the trap was sprung.
SG-1 was immediately sent to the planet she last dialed, but they knew she would have probably moved on. They were right. When they arrived, it was like she'd never been there. Teal'c couldn't even find footprints.
Cam sighed as he shifted in his bed. He felt it was his fault in part that she was gone. If he hadn't tried to force her out of the office, maybe they'd have had more time to help her. Guilt wasn't his only reason for wanting her back, but it was the driving force. Was it akin to the guilt that made Sam leave? It was a question he couldn't find the answer to.
It wasn't that he didn't feel all of the emotions she had felt after the mission, but she was the most affected. Something about that particular mission. There was just something about the second one that hurt her so much she left Earth and her family.
But what?
Just one more question he didn't have the answer to.
R&R
