Episode: Once a Crook (11.5)
Gibbs-
"Just waiting for Tony to come back"
"Where'd he go?"
"To the bathroom, he's been gone a while,"
"Ahuh"
"Boss"
"I know McGee – I'll deal with it"
Gibbs walked off not feeling half that confident. He'll deal with it? How exactly? Tony isn't a dumb kid - he's a grown man who needs to act like one. Oh who is he kidding? Since the bombing last year his own mortality has been on his mind - he wasn't going to be around forever after all, and where consciously he knew Tony could survive without him there was a small part of him that thought he'd choose not to. Gibbs had raised him to be a strong dependable agent, now he needed to teach him the hardest lesson of all, as all parents did, especially to the clingy kids. If they were too scared to move out on their own it was the dad's responsibility to push them out the nest. It sounded crueller than it was because he knew once that first step out of his comfort zone was taken Tony would be a much happy person. Gibbs was already proud of who he was, what he wanted now was for Tony to be proud of himself.
Walking in the bathroom Gibbs knew there would be no pushing out of the nest today, in fact the exact opposite was needed. Tony needed bringing back into the fold.
.
Tony-
Gibbs knows about the letters. Some would call it a reaction to a situation. He apparently calls it growing up. Tony knows that Gibbs knows about the letters, Tony also knows that Gibbs knows what he's going through. Ziva told him.
She told him three years ago when he was having a crisis over Brenda Bitner. He was growing up. Tony didn't know growing up could hurt quite so much. Was he wrong to trust people? Was he wrong about those he trusted? Did anyone ever live up to your expectations of them? He's not sure. But he thinks Gibbs might know the answer.
He trusted Ziva. Loved her, as a friend, as more maybe, probably, but he'd never know for sure because he never had a chance to find out. Not his decision. Never was. So why does he feel like he chose wrong? He loves Gibbs and Ducky and Abby and McGee too. He never realised he loved so many people. He loves his father and his mother. His mother broke his heart and his father threw it out with the trash. Ziva left to pursue her own desires, yet to be determined and Ducky nearly died. Brenda Bitner needed help. Jeanne couldn't forgive him. Jenny used him to get her revenge. Gibbs left him for beer and beaches. Kate did die - insulting him no less. Wendy wasn't ready to commit. Danny Price was supposed to be a good guy. Was he wrong to trust so many people?
"You believe in people the way a child believes in Santa. You need to grow up." Gibbs, Bourbon, basement one night back in 2007 when the truth of his Director/Frog – hunt/Jeanne triangle came out.
He wasn't happy with him back then. At the office it was business as usual, but at home they were still working through it. Gibbs knew he was sorry. Tony knew Gibbs was just scared for him. But that didn't help them find a way to move forward any quicker. Tony had cried that night, after nearly getting blown up losing the women he thought knew for sure he loved, losing the trust of his team. Gibbs had watched him from a distance as the tears started to flow, slow at first, but like a burst damn once a crack appeared it only go bigger until the whole thing collapsed. His heart wasn't solid. He couldn't stand by and do nothing. He broke cover and hugged him, hugged him until he slept. They never spoke about it. Gibbs probably hopes Tony had thought it was a dream.
Growing up sucks Tony thinks.
.
Gibbs-
Gibbs thinks the same thing. He doesn't want him growing up, he likes Tony as he is, as he was rather, when he was youthful and annoying, but we all grow up eventually and it's hard, harder than we remember once we're adults to lose our childlike idealistic view of the world.
He listens to him talk. It makes sense and he's glad Tony's finally understanding and working through it instead of wallowing or denying like he would have five years ago. But growing up takes more than realising the problem, he still needs to understand the answer. Gibbs can't provide that for him. Tony will eventually realise people aren't perfect. He'll eventually understand that if he's finally ready for a committed relationship the right girl will come along and he'll just know she's the right one. Tony too easily trusted, too desperate for love having been denied for so long. Jeanne he had to date for the job and feelings emerged, she wasn't right, never was. Barratt was another Paula Cassidy, another Wendy -forward, pushy, all excellent manipulators who knew how to toy and tease a heart as soft as Tony's. And Ziva? Ziva was just there. She needed help herself, her life having been messed up by ignorant adults just like Tony's. She was lost and looking for stability. Tony was lost and looking for permanence. They bonded over a shared a goal.
But Ziva needed to move on, focus on what she wanted instead of what people wanted for her. Tony's growing up, he's ready to be there for someone, to commit, but he needs to learn patience, wait for the right person to come along not rush into it because there's an opportunity. A damsel in distress to save.
He feels like he's made the wrong decision, but he didn't decide. He's confused and hurting and this happens to us all at some point, when we move on from our youthful adolescence into the adult state of mind, only with Tony its happening about fifteen years later than most. Fifteen years was the magic number of the day. Doesn't matter, Gibbs had been through this, was entering his next stage of life, one past the idol cares of youth, of grown up relationships and responsibilities into the rigors of old age. A thought he didn't want to think about, but no matter where their paths took them he'd always be there for Tony and he was going to ensure Tony knew that.
"I'll trust you anytime"
…
End.
