Memories: First Impressions
Even eleven year olds can recognize a life changing event. Up until that point Astoria's pentacle moment had been successfully standing up to her mother on matters of differing fashion opinions without having to succumb to fits of tantrums. Though she was thoroughly proud of such an accomplishment she was eager for something more substantial, and she eagerly awoke that early September morning to embark on a new stage of life. Hogwarts had been a mystical place only experienced through the letters and stories of her beloved sister and detested cousin. Ever since she could remember she had dreamt of escaping her mother's over barring grasp to that sanctuary of magic and education. She was so excited she had actually smiled that summer.
She was therefore all the more irritated as she traversed the Great Hall that first time due to how poorly her first school moments had transpired.
The day had started off as expected. Her mother strayed about the manor fretfully, shrieking at the house elves to make sure all of her and Daphne's supplies were in order. Her sister teetered about nervously, anxious about change as always, despite returning to a place she readily called home once she settled in. Helios' large frame had remained hidden behind a copy of the Daily Prophet for the most part that morning. He would not be traveling with them to the train station, as was tradition, and Astoria half expected he wouldn't realize his charges had gone off to school until Christmas, when his wife would announce she was going to pick them up. This being the usual case, she was very nearly shocked when he approached her standing over her trunk in the foyer, waiting for her sister and mother to find Daphne's misplaced wand. With hardly a word he handed her a small purse filled with coins. It wasn't much, but her mother had never allowed either of them with their own spending money, and was therefore all the more surprising.
"Do well," he stated gruffly in a quasi command.
"Yes sir," she replied diligently, still shocked at the gesture. The ends of his mouth nearly flickered up into a smile, and he patted her recently scrubbed head like one would a dog before retreating back into his office. She felt a lukewarm affection glimmer in her heart at the acknowledgement, but she was still quick enough to stash the coins before her mother rounded the hall.
The journey to Platform 9¾ was more insufferable than usual. Her mother scolded and lectured neurotically against offenses Astoria had never even dreamed of committing. She continued her fussing all the way to the platform, constantly smoothing down Daphne's frazzled hair and complaining about how Astoria's dress didn't fit properly.
"It's just not lying across the waist like it should," her mother bothered irately, tugging on the fabric to Astoria's contempt. "You need to grow hips!"
"Yeah, I'll get right on that," Astoria snapped back. "Let go of me, I want to get on the train!" She struggled to get out of her mother's grip, yet Phoebe held on tightly. Astoria stared up fiercely at her mother, ready for a final combat before leaving. Yet was once again she was caught off guard. Her mother's eyes were glazed with tears, taking Astoria even further aback than Helios' gift.
"My baby," her mother murmured with a sob.
Phoebe Greengrass seemed just as startled by her emotional reaction as was her youngest daughter. She quickly released her half embracing hold and saved face by clearing her own dress.
"Be good, and for Merlin's sake watch your mouth. Your future husband is most likely on this train and you want to make a good first impression," Phoebe snapped, before turning dramatically on her heel and walking away without another word. Astoria was left standing in shock, realizing she didn't know her family quite as well as she thought she did, and as she stood just outside the door to the train, she worried for the first time that she might actually miss her parents.
"Move it grease ball!"
An ear piercing shriek and a quick shove stole Astoria away from her family sentiment. Pansy stood behind her with a bossy sneer plastered on her face.
"Your mum asked me to watch out for you," Pansy taunted, further herding her on the train.
"Get bent!" Astoria shot back in frustration as her irritation mounted. Any further badgering was drowned out by the sheer chattering and the motion about the train. Pansy grasped Astoria's wrist and practically flung her into a compartment. Daphne was already sitting there calmly, looking placidly at the moving scenery. Pansy settled in and was quickly enveloped in summer gossip with two rather dull witted but shiny looking housemates. Their shallow comments and self absorbed stories were the last things Astoria wanted to hear, but she didn't know anyone else on the train, and was at least happy to be in the company of her sister.
Her cousin and her friends soon left to go find someone, and the sisters were left in peace. Astoria once again found the excitement and anticipation of the school year course through her veins. She changed into her school robes and tried to pull more information about Hogwarts from her sister. Daphne indulged her once again in the questions she had been asked repeatedly all summer, giving the same broad answers that brought up more inquires than they answered, most of which Daphne couldn't reply to. Still, Astoria was happy. She remained in good humor even when her cousin returned. Pansy was notably distraught and more irritated than normal. Astoria amused herself by half listening to her complain about someone who would rather spend time hanging out with two stupid brutes than to sneak off with her into the storage compartments. Her cousin's unhappiness actually placed her into a better mood, making Astoria think that nothing could go wrong.
Until the lights started to flicker, and all of the world's cheer seemed to be sucked away from her very soul.
What Astoria recognized as a Dementor passed by their compartment, headed straight to the back. Though she only caught a brief glimpse of its shadowy robes, she felt drained, terrified, and inconsolably lonely. The Dementor's presence soon faded, but its affects were still tangible. Pansy and her cronies all shrieked and ran out of their compartment. Astoria still struggled with a bitter loneliness and a feeling worthlessness.
She quickly pushed aside these feelings of depression and anxiety as she realized her sister was crying uncontrollably. Astoria was at full attention, wanting to help, but felt unprepared to soothe. All she could do was sit tall and firm as Daphne threw herself into her lap, stroking her frizzy hair protectively.
Daphne was still in no condition to venture off alone when the train stopped at the station, and Astoria was fully set on remaining by her side. She was therefore extremely irked when a large, booming voice insistently called after her.
"Firs' years, firs' years over here with me! You, come now little miss, on to the boat with you," the deep, slightly shaky, but still overall friendly voice ordered. Astoria turned to the giant man who had called her out, staring up into the sky at him defiantly.
"I'm not leaving my sister!" she replied stubbornly. The towering man raised his eyebrows, causing them to get lost in his unruly hair. He then laughed good naturedly at the little girl who was smaller than his right arm who glared at him so fiercely.
"I promise you she'll be fine, her housemates will take care of her, and you'll see her again soon. As for now I need you to get on the boat."
The man walked over and picked her up gently, lifting her above the crowd and placing her on an otherwise full boat before she could struggle in protest. The other passengers looked just as shaken up and forlorn as she had felt earlier. They all looked at her in a strange reverence, as she seemed irritated and belligerent rather than scared. If she hadn't been so wrapped up in her anger, she might have noticed that her outraged emotional state was actually an immense comfort to those who rode with her, as they no longer felt that despair and meekness were the only things that existed.
In fact, Astoria missed a lot of things that night. She barely took in the marvelous view of the castle. She held no reverence for the impressive magic that surrounded them. This could have been a time of sentimental bonding with her classmates. After all, she was going to spend the next seven years of her life with them. But all she could do was fume, and she glared menacingly if anyone tried to strike up a conversation with her.
It wasn't until they stood in line to be sorted that it all sank in. She was at Hogwarts. She was about to be placed in her House. As the shabby hat called out for Julian Fitzgerald she realized her turn was quickly coming. She had always just assumed she'd be placed in Slytherin, in fact there was no doubt in her mind. She had no fear of the unknown when it came to where she would be sorted. What was distressing was she had just raged out and missed out on an experience she had been waiting for her whole life.
The realization just made her angrier.
"ASTORIA GREENGRASS!" the hat called loudly. Astoria stomped up to the stool, furious with herself, and slammed the hat over her head.
"Hmmmm…very interesting," the hat mused.
"What?" Astoria demanded sharply. The hat chuckled.
"You. You are very interesting," the Sorting Hat repeated glibly. "An extremely capable and agile mind. You are recklessly absorbed, terribly prudent, remarkably cunning and resourceful… there is of course no question of where to place you…except…"
"Except what?" she fumed angrily. The hat merely hummed again.
"For Merlin's sake, will you just sort me and get it the hell over with? I'm tired of you being in my head. Spit out what you want to say or I'm ripping you off my head and tossing you into the fire!"
"Your father," the hat stated simply.
"What about him?" Astoria ordered, conjuring up an image of the burly man handing her the coin purse earlier that morning.
"You and I both know that's wrong," the hat mocked. "I can see one of your greatest desires is to escape your father's house. I'd hate for you to blame me for being the one who actually put you there."
"What are you talking about?" Astoria asked, apprehension slipping into her thoughts for the first time. The hat tightened its grip around her head and turned it slowly towards the staff table. Some of the teachers were talking lazily to one another, having seen the sorting ceremony more times than they cared to count. A few were staring at her with a casual interest, her sorting running on the long side of average. One face however seemed to be rigidly fixed upon hers. It was a pallid face, with a strong jaw and long, greasy black hair. Her fiery green eyes locked on to his stone black ones. As the life changing realization struck her, she felt like all the air had been sucked out of her lungs.
"So, you see my moral predicament now, don't you?" the hat asked with a rough chuckle. "After all, you always have a choice…"
Choice? What choice? She had never been given a choice in her life, let alone been told she was entitled to one. However, the glorified scrap garment on her head appeared to be sincere in his offer to shield her from likely unpleasantness.
It was almost tempting.
But at eleven years old Astoria was tired of being sheltered, sick of other people claiming they knew what was best for her. The bloody hat, in its own way, was right. She did have a choice. Try and hide and fade into the background, or deal with the unpleasantness of reality and somehow gather the strength and knowledge it took to get what she really wanted. It was imperative that she be placed in the proper house in order for her to do the best she could, for even then knew she had to make it on her own.
"Do whatever the fuck you want," she responded to the hat flippantly.
"Alright then, better make it…SLYTHERIN!"
Astoria ripped the hat off her head, ready to have the accursed mind reader as far away from her as possible. She ignored the loud applause given to her by her new housemates, and angrily jammed the hat back on its pedestal. This merited a few laughs from the other tables as they misread her discontent.
"I'd be pissed off too if I got placed in Slytherin," a loud red head called out from one of the distant tables. Astoria shot him the most disdainful look she could muster. The caller grimaced playfully in response, and nudged his carbon copy of a twin into winking at her.
She sat down next to her sister, who looked much better, especially now that they were in the same House. She tried to concentrate on the sorting, her food, the obnoxious reenactment of someone who apparently fainted on the train, anything but those piercing black eyes. She almost managed to make it through the Headmaster's speech without veering her head. But alas, her impulses as always got the best of her, and she turned. He was already staring at her stoically. His face was strange yet familiar all at once.
She had occasionally wondered who her father was, but never dreamed she would ever actually meet him, let alone that he would be one of her professors and the head of her House.
The irony was so absurd it almost made her laugh. Almost.
(A/N: More of an actual update soon. I plan on having a few of these "flashback" chapters throughout the story, as Astoria and Snape's relationship is a big part of the plot. The next chapter is already more than half written and should be up soon. Sorry for the delay, and I hope you liked this!)
