A/N: It cracks me up whenever I update this fic because there's just this one YuujiGisa fic swimming alone in what amounts to a sea of KarmaGisa. (Although there are a few wonderful YuujiGisa fics in Indonesian and Polish!) C'mon, guys- I'm gonna make it my personal mission to make this pairing more popular.


It was the perfect plan.

Yuuji called late at night—late enough for the day to have wound down, but not quite late enough to interrupt anyone in the middle of a homework session. "Hey," he said, "wanna go out someplace this Sunday? I know a great youshoku restaurant around here."

"I'm sure you do." He could practically hear the grin in Nagisa's voice over the phone. "That's one of the advantages of knowing a food blogger."

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I really mean it. Will you, uh, go with me?"

There was a brief pause from Nagisa. "Hmm, I suppose," the boy muttered. "I guess I could use something to take my mind off of things…"

"What's that?"

"Nothing. Of course, Yuuji! I'd love to come."

It was settled, then. They made plans to meet at the restaurant on the following Sunday afternoon. By the time Yuuji hung up, his hands were shaking slightly.

This was so exciting! He even had the perfect excuse: If anyone asked, Yuuji could just tell them his birthday was this weekend. The best part was, it wasn't entirely untrue—the big day was coming up soon. So see, this wasn't a date, just…two friends hanging out together. Yeah. Nothing wrong with going out to celebrate with a friend.

Thoughts of the upcoming event kept making Yuuji burst out in a grin all throughout the week. Sometimes this would happen at the most inopportune moments, like during class time. He probably looked like he was way too excited about math problems.


Before Yuuji knew it, the day arrived.

Yuuji stood in the lobby of the restaurant, glad to have a reprieve from the weather outside. Brr. Maybe inviting someone out wasn't the smartest thing to do at this time of year. Mentally kicking himself, Yuuji hoped that Nagisa wouldn't stumble upon the same thought.

Once his fingers had been inside of his pockets long enough to start to thaw out, Yuuji began to get a bit worried. He brought one arm up to check his watch. Right on the hour. This was the time they had said they would meet.

Noise from the restaurant buzzed in a steady drone behind him. He waited a bit more.

Just when Yuuji was about to check his watch again, the door opened with a light ding.

Nagisa stepped in. His blue hair stood out like a cloud amidst the room's red-and-brown interior. The boy seemed out of breath, clothes rumpled slightly as if he had been pressed for time. "Sorry," he said with a breathy edge that made Yuuji forget all about the past few minutes. "Got caught up in something with my classmates. Thanks for waiting."

He nodded toward the main room. "Shall we?"

They went in. The two of them were seated within moments after Yuuji talked to the hostess.

Yuuji slid confidently into the booth opposite of Nagisa. He relaxed, limbs falling into easy poses. Ahh, finally. Places like this—or even more upscale—were his element. His heart was pounding, but not in that annoying thought-stealing way. He made eye contact with Nagisa and could actually still form words after. The familiar light sensation was back in his shoulders, but instead of making him nervous it just made Yuuji feel good. He lounged in the booth with ease. Yup, nothing strange about this—just two friends out on a celebration-date.

Now that Yuuji was feeling confident, everything came easier. He looked over the menu along with the boy across from him. A swirl of English names with descriptions in Japanese stared up at him. Let's see, there was spaghetti, omelette-rice, croquettes, hamburger dishes, tonkatsu…

To Yuuji's surprise, Nagisa actually corrected him when he read off the options. He found that the other boy could read the English with ease. Nagisa even pronounced some of it out loud upon request. He told Yuuji that, actually, almost none of this food was like how it was really cooked in Western countries. The styles and portion sizes were all different.

Yuuji's eyes widened in surprise. He shook his head. He couldn't believe that. Why was it called "western food", then? Nagisa shrugged, giving a small smile.

The time spent waiting for their orders was filled with talking, grinning, and posturing from Yuuji's end. He told Nagisa a bit more about his high school. The boy seemed fascinated with what equipment their classrooms had. He also asked a lot of questions about Yuuji's teachers, for some reason. Yuuji didn't see what the big deal was. Just because things were new and cool didn't automatically mean that they were the most effective.

As the minutes passed, Nagisa sat demurely opposite from Yuuji, sipping his drink. Yuuji's eyes caught on the motion of his lips for a moment before he was able to pull his gaze back to the boy's face. Hm, he did look rather feminine-

Yuuji shook his head. No. He had to shut down all thoughts like that. It just wasn't right. Not to mention, not true. Fortunately, with practice Yuuji was finding that making the switch was actually rather easy. He always saw Nagisa as a guy first now, even after seeing him for the first time in a while. Once you knew the truth, it was obvious. Yuuji felt a pang of guilt for ever thinking anything else.

He barely noticed when their food arrived. With all of the discussion and jokes they were having, Yuuji found himself more involved in the conversation than he thought he would be. His plate was half-empty before he even remembered what he was eating.

At one point Nagisa giggled and pointed across the table. There beside Yuuji was a notepad that he had taken from his bag and begun mindlessly jotting down notes on. Nagisa laughed and said something about Yuuji still being a junior gourmet. Yuuji's cheeks burned with embarrassment, and he almost began a flustered denial before he realized that Nagisa actually meant it as approval.

A soft trill went through Yuuji as he thought of Nagisa reading his blog. Come to think of it, he had complemented it at some other point, hadn't he? For a moment, Yuuji was glad that he hadn't abandoned that old webpage quite yet.

He finished jotting down a few more thoughts and put the notepad away. The main subject of today's meal was Nagisa, after all.

Eventually, the topic moved back to Western food and customs. Nagisa helped Yuuji with the pronunciation of a few words, writing on a napkin to demonstrate some spelling.

"You see? And then…"

"Right, right."

"So in this case…"

"Uh-huh. After that's a 'c', right? …No?"

"Nope. Now with that, we…"

"Well I know there's a silent 'e' at least…"

Nagisa moved the pen over paper, his voice picking up speed until its pace nearly matched his scribbling. Excitement danced across his face. The sight of it drew Yuuji's gaze off the table. He looked so happy.

At a good stopping point, Nagisa tilted the end of the pen, offering it toward Yuuji.

Yuuji hesitated. He didn't know why, but something in his chest started to sink when he looked at the pen. He looked away. It felt like there was a slight twisting in his stomach.

Of course, Nagisa noticed. "Hm? What's wrong, Yuuji?"

Yuuji shifted in his seat. "It's nothing," he mumbled.

"You sure?"

When had his hands curled into fists beneath the tablecloth? Yuuji found that he couldn't remember. "Hey, Nagisa," Yuuji said. "The reason why you were late today…it wouldn't have anything to do with that 'training' stuff, would it?"

Nagisa stiffened ever-so-slightly at his words. His gaze flicked to the side, as if checking that no one was listening. Eventually he nodded, a slight glint hidden deep in his eyes. "We've been preparing for something big, recently. After all, winter break is nearly here. There isn't much time…" he trailed off.

Yuuji leaned his head on one hand in order to hide a scowl. "Right. You're still on about that."

Nagisa shot him a look. Yuuji glanced away. He wasn't quite sure what to think of Nagisa's mysterious 'program'. If it weren't for having seen the things he saw, Yuuji would almost doubt its existence.

Across his line of sight, he spotted their waitress. The girl had just recently come by their table, gathering up their used dishes and politely inquiring into how the meal was. Now she was making her way back across the room, weaving in-between tables and stacking other empty plates upon her arms. They balanced there in expert arrangement—bowls stacked inside bowls inside of dishes inside dishes upon trays, piled in not just one but two places on her arms. She smiled at patrons to excuse herself, balancing on her tiptoes as she tried to squeeze between two tables-

Yuuji noticed the plates starting to slip before any thoughts could even register.

Suddenly there was a flash of white porcelain. The waitress gave a sharp little cry. Yuuji squeezed his eyes shut and braced for impact.

But there was none.

When Yuuji opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that Nagisa had disappeared. The boy was gone from his seat across the booth, the red velvet couch feeling empty and bereft in his absence. Dumbfounded, Yuuji turned back towards the main dining room.

There stood Nagisa gently holding the waitress in his arms. He had caught the young woman, one hand supporting her back while another expertly held the stacks of plates. Somehow they had transferred into his grip. He had even stretched out one foot to catch the salt-and-pepper shakers, kicking back to trap them against a table leg. From what Yuuji could see, his face was cold, passive—an expression of precise concentration.

It had all happened in an instant. Yuuji's jaw hung open, although he was dimly aware that he wasn't the only one in the room staring. To see Nagisa standing like that—poised, careful, with the waitress dipped down slightly…it was like something out of a picture book. He looked so…gallant.

Nagisa's expression softened. "Are you alright?" he asked the waitress. Innocence and concern were written all over his face. When he blinked, his eyes held nothing but openness and youth. It was a face that no one could doubt. He had no ulterior motive, surely—merely a young teen with an insane reaction time.

The waitress murmured yes. Her cheeks appeared to be a slightly pinker color than they had been before.

Nagisa flashed a smile. "Oh good. I'm glad."

He bent down to help gather up the saltshakers and scattered napkins. Already Nagisa seemed to be blending back into the rhythm of life, the mysterious air vanishing from around him.

In any other circumstance, the surrounding customers might have stared a little longer at this boy, might have remembered his remarkable actions for later. But when he bent down like that, bowing and apologizing, bumping his head against the table leg, glancing up at the waitress with an embarrassed laugh and eyes as round as a rabbit's, well…. All they did was nod in appreciation, mutter some words of awe, and return to their meals.

Yuuji watched as the customers around him slowly lost interest in the scene and turned away. Within a minute, normality had returned.

Soon, Nagisa returned to their table. Already the energy around him felt just like anyone else's—his docile demeanor had returned. "Phew." He smiled at Yuuji. "Glad those plates didn't drop. That would have been messy. Not exactly something you'd want to happen on a first date, right?"

"…" Yuuji did not reply.

Concern showed on Nagisa's face. "What's the matter?"

Yuuji tried to avoid answering, but soon figured it was futile.

Yuuji took a deep breath. "Nothing, just…" His hands gripped his knees beneath the tablecloth. He thought he finally knew what had been bothering him all this time. "Compared to you, I feel useless. I can't do anything cool, or helpful…"

The moment he said it, the dark thoughts in his head seemed to solidify. Shame tore Yuuji apart from the inside. He felt bad, and then hated himself for feeling bad, which in turn made everything worse. He wasn't used to this kind of sensation. With his parents' influence, and all the resources he could ever want, Yuuji rarely felt like he was a nobody. His fingers twitched with the urge to find some kind of bottle to close around, or maybe a cigarette. Anything to fill the void. At least then it wouldn't be full of pain.

Nagisa blinked at him from across the table. He held Yuuji in a thoughtful, steady gaze. "I don't think that's true," he said at last.

"You've done a lot to help people. More than you realize, in fact. My entire class is still really grateful for the school-festival incident. But even aside from that… Remember that…person we ran into in the warehouse?" Nagisa asked, his tone screaming the word 'assassin'. "Back then, you jumped in with no hesitation. Even though you were powerless, you were still willing to put yourself out there. Thanks to you, we were able to capture that man."

Nagisa gave a wry smile. "Well, I admit your involvement was rather…unplanned. But things turned out for the best."

"And then after that, you offered to help me," Nagisa said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Do you remember the things you said, Yuuji? You offered to help with anything you could, even when you barely knew the situation that I was in. That takes real courage." Nagisa pulled his drink close and took a sip. "Just because you haven't had any formal training doesn't mean you're useless, Yuuji. In fact, I think you're very brave."

Yuuji blinked. He stared at the other boy. His mind seemed to be still absorbing Nagisa's words, their sounds echoing on inside his ears. He felt each one as they hit and then spread, soaking through every part of his mind. Suddenly the darkness faded. The shame, the twisting feelings—it all retreated like clouds washed away by a gentle sunshine. If not forever, then at least for a little while.

Yuuji felt himself breathe again. His hands rested comfortably on his knees. A new fire of determination burned within him.

Now Yuuji knew what to do. If he could make Nagisa feel even half as good as his smiles made Yuuji feel, then he would be able to die happy.

"That's part of why I like you," Nagisa said.

Any reply Yuuji was going to make choked inside his throat. What? He couldn't have heard that right. He struggled to respond.

"Besides…"

"What?"

"Nothing." Nagisa shrugged. For a moment he looked almost saddened, his gaze staring unfocused out of the window to their right. "It's alright to stay normal, you know?"

The next few minutes passed by in silence, during which the last of their dishes were cleared away and Yuuji smoothly picked up the bill. When Nagisa tried to protest, Yuuji waved one hand dismissively, saying that since he had invited them out he should be the one to pay. It was no big deal. Honestly.

"How come you're always doing this?" Yuuji said softly afterward. His body still felt a little like it was walking on air. "Always making me feel better about myself?"

Beneath the table, his fingers fiddled with the fringe of his shirt. Was it so wrong to want to keep this light for himself? To hold it close?

"I'm not doing anything special," Nagisa said. "It's just the truth." Then he ducked his head slightly, as if embarrassed. "Besides, I just realized that I might have been trying to show off for you back there."

When Yuuji looked confused, Nagisa continued. "You know. Just now, during parkour practice, even at the warehouse…"

He fixed Yuuji with a look. "Any idea why that is?"

"Huh?"

"It's just that I don't usually try to impress people." Nagisa frowned. "Yet, with you... I want to impress you."

Slowly, it became apparent that it was time for them to leave. The two of them finished pulling on their jackets, arms sliding back into stiff sleeves. Nagisa settled his bag behind his back as Yuuji gathered up his own things. They stood and began making their way back across the dining room, Yuuji lingering behind for a moment to make sure their table was presentable.

When Yuuji glanced over, he saw a thoughtful look on Nagisa's face. The boy was clearly still bothered by something. Yuuji drifted closer for a moment, hoping that the physical comfort would act as a sign that he was still listening, that he cared.

"I really shouldn't do that, though," Nagisa mumbled, as if continuing their conversation. He looked down at his hands and turned them over and over. "My…skills are too important for me to treat them like toys."

Yuuji scoffed as they reached the door. He held it open for Nagisa to pass through. "You don't need to try to impress me. I think you're pretty cool all by yourself."

Though he couldn't be sure, Yuuji thought he caught the hint of a small, grateful smile as the boy ducked his head and brushed past. Nagisa pressed in close as they both went through the doorway.

Outside, the chilled air nipped at Yuuji's skin. The warmth from the restaurant faded away behind them, replaced by a cold made even crueler by the fact that their bodies weren't used to it yet. Yuuji hid a shiver. Beside him, Nagisa pulled his coat up around his neck. He turned to Yuuji and opened his mouth as if to speak-

"Yo, Yuuji! Is that you, man?"

Yuuji's stomach jumped violently. No. Oh no. What were the chances?

There, a few paces away, stood a group of his friends. They had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, apparently either about to walk into the restaurant or continue on past it. Either way, there was no avoiding them.

"It is! I totally knew it," one of the guys crowed. "I'd recognize your ugly hat anywhere."

Yuuji gave a nervous laugh. "Haha, yeah. Fancy meeting you guys here."

In the front, Akihiro nodded. His gaze drifted over to the side. "Who's your friend?"

The group of them peered closely at Nagisa. Yuuji resisted the urge to squeeze his eyes shut, feeling his heartbeat starting to speed up. Please don't ask about Nagisa's gender, please don't ask about Nagisa's gender…

Finally, Eiji broke out in a grin. "Oh, I get it. You're out on that birthday celebration, right? Congratulations again."

"Hey, congrats!" Some of the other boys joined in.

"The big sixteen!"

"Finally made it!"

"You should have invited us, Yuuji," one of them whined.

"Sorry, sorry." Yuuji held up his hands to apologize. "This is just a little thing, so I didn't think you'd care. I mean, we usually go out and do something much better among ourselves, so-"

"Oh, true."

"Yeah, take us out later," one person piped up. "Clubbing's on you, birthday boy!"

Another boy laughed. "Yeah, make sure to drink something good to celebrate!"

To the side of Yuuji, Nagisa had drifted away slightly. The distance felt bitterly cold between them. "Oh," Nagisa said, voice like ice. "A birthday outing. Is that what this was? Just a casual meal. Nothing more."

Yuuji felt panic run through his limbs. "Um, yes?" he squeaked, eyes flicking towards his friends.

Nagisa was deathly quiet.

After a few more short exchanges with Eiji and the rest of the group, Yuuji waved goodbye to his friends. The group sauntered off down the street. Right before they disappeared from view, one of the boys leaned back and winked at Yuuji, raising his fingers up to his lips in mimicry of drinking, reminding him to consider their advice.

Yuuji and Nagisa stood for a while in awkward silence.

Eventually, Yuuji offered to walk Nagisa home. The other boy accepted with a nod. The walk back together was done in complete silence, with neither of them saying a word. The gray of the city hung all around them in stifling stillness.

At last, they reached the Shiota family's doorstep.

Yuuji scratched the back of his head. For some reason, it felt like he should say something. "Hey, um…" he started. "Look, Nagisa, I don't know what-"

"It's fine," Nagisa interrupted. "Sorry for misinterpreting things."

He walked up to the house and slipped inside, pulling the door shut behind him. Just before it closed, he paused to call out, "Have fun going out later with your other friends."

The door slammed.

Yuuji was left alone on the front porch. He flinched at the slamming noise as if he had been struck. When he next opened his eyes, the white slab in front of him looked more like a concrete barrier.

Eventually he turned and left, wobbling on his feet as if walking on broken glass. His shoulders slouched. The world was just such a confusing place.

Yuuji's head whirled with something that he knew was disappointment. He didn't understand. His "totally-not-a-date" plan had worked, so…

So then why did he feel so sad?