WARNING: This is a parody of My Immortal. The following work of fiction is not meant to be taken seriously. But then again, it's not like My Immortal was ever taken seriously to begin with.

Harry Potter and characters (C) J.K. Rowling. My Immortal and characters (C) Tara Gilesbie.

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 a psychiatrist

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. BUT I WANTED GOOD REVIUWS, U STUPID PREPS! And the god reviuws wur of course from god himself, and he criticized me 4 being a "sinner"... wutever, I still say hes a prep. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! I dont know what "god vons" are, but theyre made of tin, and I WANT dem! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U, EVEN THO U ALREDDY DO A GOOD JOB OF DOING DAT 2 ME! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok, but Ebony sure is! She isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS, which in itself is also not a perfect spelling! n she has problemz shes depressed because some1 like ME created hur 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs, though the black nail polish didn't do a good job as it is used primarily for painting nails rather than holding people's hands together. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails - whatever that means, does a red Satanist have to sing on your nails or something? - in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u? No, of course not, it sounds more like a Mary Sue, but the point still standz!). I waved to Vampire, who I am not calling Harry Potter anymore in this story even though at some point I'll brainfart and call him that anyway. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. That couldn't be because I waved to him, could it? I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Or that I was actually going out with a guy. Or that I was actually going out with someone who isn't a member of my family. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room, ignoring Draco's requests for me to let go of his arm, and locked the door. Then...

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. I said ENTHUSIASTICALLY, Draco! Ah, that's better. He felt me up before I took of my top, which is what I tend to do whenever guys are around. Then I took off my black leather bra, and after he once again reeled at the sight of my sagging hooters, he took off his pants, or rather I took them off for him. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine (because I have a boy's thingy too, apparently) and we HAD SEX IN CAPITAL LETTERS. (c is dat stupid? ...What do you mean "yes"?)

"Oh, Maria! Oh, Maria! ...I mean, oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while forcing Draco to give me my Orgasm O' The Day when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm even though I have made him go naked about ten times before and thus would have a clear understanding of where all the tattoos on his body would be by now. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... THUG LIFE!

And then I saw another tattoo with the words, or rather A word... Vampire!

I was so angry.

"Oh my god! They killed Kenny! You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed in anger, unable to understand why something that angers me would cause such angry anger angrily. ANGER!

"No! No! Nanette! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. Well, actually, I didn't know anything at all, but you know what I mean.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

"I have AUTODIN Interface Devices?" Draco asked.

I put on my clothes, which I love so much that I more likely give drawn-out descriptions to them than to people, and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but since he doesn't have any clothing on him, which I love to write about, I was too mad to care. I stomped out, even though I already stomped out before, and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people on how to avoid being written completely out of character in fan fiction.

"YOU'LL STILL BE KNOWN AS VAMPIRE POTTER, MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.