Chapter 6 – Sam

Soon after Maui's arrival to Blakeley, an email was sent around to the teaching staff telling us to teach like a normal day, and those who arrived are free to wander around and observe classes if they so wish. After settling down my year twelve class after my class, as well as settling Nic down at the back of the class with a sketchpad and some poster paints and pencils, I got back to teaching. It was coming down to the end of the day, the last lesson of the day wasn't my normal subject of psychology or the medical side of social care but rather personal development with my year ten class and it was on a sensitive subject of body shaming. We had moved the tables around to sit a bit closer, with my back facing towards the door.

'Sam,' Mardi said from across the room and I looked at her, 'are we opening up completely today?' she asked and I nodded.

'Only if you want too, I don't want to make you feel awkward,' I said and she nodded.

'Can we start with you?'

'Of course.' I said, jumping on the table. 'It's about to get extremely deep very quick, okay?'

Everyone in the class nodded and I hesitated for a moment before I started to speak.

'I grew up hating my body, and I know it's stupid but I still do and it lead to mental illnesses when I was the same age as you. You all know I was dumped at Blakeley when I was a few years old with no contacts for my parents, no form of identity, no family. Aisha and Marc adopted me so to speak and I grew up with them but I was lacking. Like Nic, I had no one. I was so left out. I was chubby five year old – fat, even. People used to call me names when I was five and this continued until I was about eleven. I knew I was different, and it wasn't in a good way. Fourteen years ago, Blakeley never allowed people to board over the holidays like it does now. I was the only one to stay on campus on Christmas and people tore me apart. And I remember the comments about weight and how my body looked like got to me and over the Christmas period I starved myself, calories then became numbers that ruled my life. I wouldn't go over 450 calories a day, but would go for a run for over three hours a day. I wouldn't stop until I went around the perimeter of Blakeley twice. And on the month holidays I starved myself so much I lost three stone. In the last week, I still wasn't happy with how I look so I went into town, and brought some laxatives and I took twice what you are meant too to try and effectively shit my weight out. When that didn't work, I then started forcing myself to throw up after dinner every school day, and I didn't eat during lunch or breaks. This continued for about six months, when I was so ill and weak that I couldn't get out of bed. I was hospitalised for a few months because I was so ill from the laxatives, burnt my throat from throwing up so often but I still hated what people said about me. They always commented on how big I was, how I looked, how uneven my skin was and spots. It's all trivial things of being a teenager, but you don't get told about it in school. Well, you get told you might get a few spots but you never get taught how to deal with them. ' I started to explain to them as I held my hands on my lap, my eyes going along my pale legs and the dress.

'I joined dance, but got told I was useless by the exterior teacher because I never got taught how to stand properly. I always stand on my tip toes anyway, and in fourth position if you do ballet. No matter what I did, people always took the piss out of how I looked. No matter what I did with myself I was never liked how I looked. I was always too fat, too ugly, too spotty and I don't think the fear ever stopped. Most days I don't look in a mirror to see how I look because I don't care. I don't think my issue is now how my body looks but rather how my brain perceives my own body. Like I'm okay now. But I'm still not happy, but I've learnt to love my body for how it is. But there are still days I'm so insecure but it's kind of, a, yeah.' I shrugged. 'But I think it's important to love yourself for who you are because people you idolise most of the time are either incredibly fit and good looking because photo shop, make up, lighting, editing, and it is their job. They have so much time to work out that it's just not accessible for 99.8% of the population. Like the people at Maui, how often do we think they work out?' I ranted.

'You're kind of forced to do an hour to two hours five days a week,' I heard someone say behind me and I realised it was Michael.

'Did you give the weird man his phone back?' I asked Nic as she came back into the room, grinning like she had won the lottery. Well, like she won the four-year-old version of the lottery, which was probably a life time supply of sweets from the school's tuc-shop. I had calmed myself down when Nic was out of the room, having a small cry before I pulled myself together when I realised how stupid I was being. Just because a random man from Maui showed up and he got on well with my toddler, it doesn't mean anything. It meant next to nothing – it probably meant that Michael was just as messed up as Nic was. Nic had found Michael's phone on one of the table and went out to give it to him but I could hear them talking quietly. Michael was probably asking her why I was such a mess.

'Yes,' Nic said.

'Why are you so happy?' I asked her.

'The man liked my clouds,' She whispered and I couldn't help smile back – that was the one thing that made me think Michael was normal and wasn't the badass asshole that people assumed he was. He straight away went to complimenting the clouds which to anyone who doesn't know Nic's gift would be a bit weird. But he did it anyway and made her day.

'Do we like Michael?' I asked her, almost like I was asking her for reasons why I don't like him. Was that pathetic and stupid?

'Yah,' she said nodding.

I realised how bitter I was being – he had just got on well with my foster daughter and I was hating him for it. But didn't he do what I hoped someone would always be able to do? He managed to make Nic happy and more confident with her gift. She actually willingly went out to give him his phone back – she went out of her was to socialise with someone. The same girl who, before his arrival, sat alone in the nursery because she was too scared to socialise. Michael, whoever he was, acted like a beacon for Nic and she had already made massive milestones in the three hours they had arrived for. I don't know why he did – it must have something to do with his gift, I mean, he wasn't the assistant manager of Maui for no reason – but I owed him a thank you for helping my Nic out. I sighed ,realising I would need to apologise to him for my irrational behaviour. Tonight, after dormitory curfew for those who stay on campus for study periods, the teachers who were involved in the meetings tomorrow and those from Maui were all due to have a barbeque on the Blakeley beach just south of the main campus. Blakeley was on the edge of protective forestry and beaches which meant at least we could all use our gifts without making too much of a fuss and panic about someone watching. I suppose then, when I was around fellow colleagues and friends and Michael was around people he knew I could slip in my apology and my thank you without it being too much of a big thing and without going out of my way. There was a gentle knock at the door and I jumped, expecting it to be Michael, who had left his god damn phone in my room after interrupting my class, but instead saw a small blonde girl.

I recognised her immediately as the girl from the second Jeep who had a car seat with her, and then the one who was speaking to Michael as they walked up the turning circle into the main entrance. She stood on the threshold of the door.

'Hey,' She said softly, her articulated accent hushing the room.

'Hey?' I replied back.

'I just came to say hello, really,' She said.

'I play with clouds!' Nic shouted at her and she grinned.

'Really? I play with ice, but my brother plays with fire.' The girl immediately retorted back softly, and my mouth dropped, realising exactly what she said. She played with ice but her brother plays with fire? Even though she was using friendly terms, I realised what she was on about; her gift was something to do with ice and her brother's gift was something to do with fire. Two very rare gifts, and there was only one family that had both gifts in their set and that was the world known Benedict clan. They were the ones who set up the Savant Net that we all belong too and they were all incredibly powerful. Their family holds seven boys and one girl, who had just been revealed as adopted after a terrible car crash killed off her family. But the girl grew up a Benedict as was known for being totally kickass when it came to it but had settled down and was now married with two children. That was the only thing that flagged up; the girl in front of me barely looked sixteen, and not old enough to have two kids. I looked at her wedding finger and saw the two rings there. She had to be Ella Benedict then and I hesitated. I didn't feel easy being around people who were powerful Savant's, even though it's rare people are aggressive to me because of my gift. I am walking therapy, effectively. When I focus my gift, people are calm and relaxed. I can then manipulate emotions when I focus a bit more but in all honestly, I barely ever used my gift. It's always on – like a car fan. It's on low and effective, but I only turn up to full volume when someone is in need.

'Can I show you?' Nic asked and Ella looked towards me.

'If you're allowed too,'

'Nic, you know you can't during the school day,' I sighed to her and Nic sulked, before giving Ella the puppy dog eyes.

'I can't go changing the rules,' Ella told her gently.

'Can you come and see me play tomorrow morning when the sun rises and... and you can show me your ice,' Nic pleaded her.

'Okay,' Ella replied back, 'You probably should get back to your work,' she said softly, tweaking her pony tail as Nic grinned to her, before continuing to paint. How has Nic's behaviour changed so much in so little time? And why to these people?

'How did you –' I went to ask.

'I have a daughter a bit older than her; I learnt the tricks the hard way,' Ella said to me.

'How old is your child?' I asked her.

'Lily is five, and I have another son, Charlie, who's four months,' Ella explained and I frowned at her. She shouldn't be here working that soon after having her child – she should still be on maternity leave. 'Oh, I am still on maternity leave and I'm out for another six months or so, my husband was coming up here anyway and I thought I might be able to help so we brought the kids with us. We don't know how long we'll be here yet, and Joe's never been able to spend a night away from the kids. And he is not leaving me with Charlie alone,'

'It was horrible raising her alone,' I mumbled, looking towards Nic where she was painting, her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth.

'She's not yours then?' Ella asked and I shook my head.

'She's a Blakeley orphan, like me.' I simply said and she raised her eyebrow. 'I was dropped off here when I was four with no identity. Samantha Rose isn't my birth name but what my guardians gave to me when they found me. I grew up with them, and when I studying my Masters' degree, someone dropped off Nic addressed to me with three letters. One to me, one to her and one to her Dad. I can only assume it was her Mum who dropped her off but I have no idea who she was. I raised her single handily having no idea what to do with a two month old baby but she has issues,'

'What kind of issues?' Ella asked softly. 'We're both psychologists, it's fine,' She told me and I hesitating, wondering how she knew that. 'It was on your summary which is why you're in the meeting,'

'Oh.' I said, realising that's why they wanted me in the meeting; I was only one of two psychology teachers. 'She basically has issues with socialising; she finds it hard to make friends because she knows she's different and doesn't have any parents. She can't concentrate either,' I explained and she nodded. It was a common thing for children who don't have that parent bond. 'I have considered attempting to find her father,'

'You think he'd help?' Ella asked.

'I hope so, but I'd be afraid I would lose her. You know what I mean by saying I can't lose her. I can't live without her,' I whispered and Ella nodded.

'Completely. Would you ever consider joint custody? So if you find him, he'd look after her during the week whilst you work than you would have her for weekends?'

'I never considered anything like that because the chances of finding the bloke is so little to start with. It would need a miracle to find him, but I think even just knowing who he was would answer a few of my prayers,' I muttered.

'Why's that?' Ella asked back, looking over at Nic.

'When I got her, there was a letter for me. It explained that if I ever wanted to find her father I would have to follow the stars as well as follow my heart, because her father would be my Soulfinder,'