CHAPTER 6: THE HARDEST THING TO DO

Harry wasn't even sure he was still on the Burrow's property when he finally stopped his journey.

Lowering himself to the ground, he tried not to let the tears escape. He was tired of being hurt, being exposed as weak, useless. Being told that he was never going to amount to anything of value because of what he didn't have – an education, a perfectly functioning body, a family, any skills.

This was the last place, these were the last people he had that still thought he had anything to offer. He wasn't going to disappoint them – he was useless. He couldn't walk very far without falling flat on his face. He only had half the use of one hand. He was broken, scarred beyond repair. Some mighty hero. As far as Harry was concerned, Voldemort could go ahead and kill him. He'd be doing the world a favour.

His hand slid into his pocket, where he still had his knife. Pulling it out and flicking it open, he was about to press it deep into his skin when somebody's hand snatched it away.

"I don't think so, Harry," came Sirius' voice. He closed the knife and passed it to somebody else, who promptly threw it far into the lake.

"What did you do that for?" Harry hurled at him furiously, struggling against Sirius' grip on his wrist. "Unlike you, it never left me in hell!" He saw Sirius flinch at the accusation, but he was far too angry to care.

"Well, Harry, unlike the knife, I care whether you live or die," Sirius finally said in a carefully controlled tone.

"Harry," Lupin's voice came on his other side. "Harry, I know how you're feeling."

"No, you don't!" Harry snapped angrily. "I'm sick of hearing that! Nobody has a damn clue how I feel!"

"You're angry."

"Oh, well spotted, Sherlock," Harry scoffed.

"Harry, would you shut up and listen?" Sirius snapped, an odd tenseness in his voice.

"You're angry," Lupin continued, "because you feel useless. Because you don't think you'll be able to do anything worthwhile." He sighed and rubbed his left forearm ruefully. "I've been where you are, Harry."

When Harry looked up briefly, Lupin pulled back the sleeve of his robe to reveal an old burn scar on his arm. "Fifth year," he said quietly. "Couple of days before OWLs. Didn't see what the point was anymore. It didn't make any difference how well or how badly I did in my OWLs, it didn't matter what NEWTs I had to take, I still wasn't going to have a 'career'. I'd be lucky to have a steady job." He sighed. "I tried to swallow a goblet of quick-acting poison in one of the hidden corridors that Filch didn't know about. That was the only time I ever regretted making the Map, though."

"Your dad and I were getting concerned about him, so we checked the Map to see where he was," Sirius continued quietly, grip still firm on Harry's wrist. "We left Peter behind in the dorm room because we knew he wouldn't be able to keep up with us. James got there just before I did."

"Knocked the goblet right out of my hand," Lupin finished, eyes clouded with pain. "The stuff spilled on all three of us."

"Merlin, that stuff burned right through the skin," Sirius said softly, showing Harry the burn on his own arm. "Don't think I ever had anything hurt quite that much. Can't believe you were going to drink that, Remus."

"I'll never forget what James told me that night," Lupin sighed.

"What?" Harry asked quietly, heart aching for the closest he was ever going to get to advice or consolation from his father.

"That nobody's useless," Lupin replied. "A person's worth isn't measured by what they can or can't do, or what they are. It's who they are."

"James and I used to have to remind him about that when we left Hogwarts," Sirius continued the story. "We had to remind him that all three of us had the burns from the poison."

"What hurts one of us hurts all of us," Lupin agreed. "Harry, Hermione and Ron especially… they're hurting just as much as you are, and they don't know what's hurting you. Don't lock them out. This year has been absolutely miserable for them."

After a long while, Harry finally said, "Sirius, you're not supposed to be in human form here. Mrs. Weasley…"

Sirius grinned and ruffled Harry's hair affectionately, making a small smile break out on Harry's face. "I won't tell Molly if you two don't." With that, the man disappeared and the dog reappeared.