AN: Warning! Grab tissues for this chapter.
Thank you so much to those who read, review, alert, favorite! You guys are amazing!
The song Rachel sings in this chapter is called "In My Arms" and it is by Plumb.
Alright, enjoy!
On a Friday about two weeks into November Rachel stood over her kitchen table as she finished decorating the tiniest t-shirt she'd ever seen. Rachel was going to take Tommy and Alana to one of McKinley's football games and she thought it would be fun if everyone was wearing shirts that supported Puck. So as a result Rachel had stopped at the craft store before they went to pick up Tommy and Alana the day before and now the table in front of her currently had two black shirts covered in puffy pant, the number twenty, the name Puckerman, and other football related designs.
"Oh shoot," Rachel exclaimed as she searched through the bag of things she'd gotten from the craft store.
"What's wrong?" Puck called from the Berry's living room where he was currently showing Tommy his football while Alana was napping.
"The craft store didn't give me all of my purchases. Now I am short a shirt and there is not enough time for me to go back there and complain," Rachel said as she walked into the living room.
"Whose shirt didn't you get?"
"Mine."
"Don't you have a t-shirt or something that you can use?"
"Noah do I look like a girl has a t-shirt that you can put puffy paint on?"
` "I guess not."
"Well I suppose I will just have to wear something red to show my support."
"I have a better idea," Puck said getting up from his spot on the floor with Tommy and going over to his bag. He rifled through it for a few moments and pulled out a shirt and threw it at Rachel, "Wear that."
Rachel caught the shirt and when she straightened out the rest cloth in her hands she discovered that it was a William McKinley High School Football jersey branded with a white number twenty and, as she turned it around, the name Puckerman.
"Noah. This is your jersey,"
"No-well yeah- but it's my spare."
"And you want me to…" Rachel said unsure.
"Wear it."
"Tonight? To the game?"
"Yeah. Unless you've got something better to wear."
Rachel shook her head.
"Good because I'd be really upset if you were the only one not showing their Puckerone spirit."
Rachel rolled her eyes at Puck's use of his nickname. She folded up the shirt neatly and turned to place the shirt next to the other shirts that were drying on the table. When she turned back around Puck was no longer with Tommy but in front of her.
"I have to run or Bieste is going to have my head. I want to see you all there," Puck said before kissing Rachel on the cheek and rushing out the door with his bag on his shoulder.
Rachel moved over to Tommy who was still playing with the football that Puck had given him; she sat down next to the boy on the floor stretching her legs forward and crossing them at the ankle.
"Rachel?" Tommy asked.
"Yes Tommy."
"Is Noah your husband?" Tommy asked completely serious. I guess it was true that kids say the darndest things.
Rachel laughed, "No Tommy. Noah and I are just friends."
"Are you sure? Because I think he loves you."
"Why do you think that?" Rachel said still laughing.
"Because he kissed you on the cheek. Justin kissed Madeline on the playground the other day and they're getting married next week."
"Well give my best to the bride and groom, but Noah and I aren't getting married."
"Okay," Tommy said looking down at his football and then back up and Rachel, "I love you Rachel."
Rachel felt like her heart had just melted inside her chest and smiled at the little boy in front of her.
"I love you too Tommy," Rachel said as she extended her arms, "Come here."
The little boy put down the football and moved until he was nestled in Rachel's arms. It hadn't been the first time they'd said it. In fact they'd said it a lot lately before bed and before school. But it was moments like this, when it was said out of the blue that Rachel cherished the most. But as she held Tommy tightly in the hug she couldn't keep that nagging thought that they could be gone in a moment from her mind.
Since Coach Bieste took over their junior year and the football team didn't suck as bad as they had before. So when Rachel pulled into the parking lot of the high school an hour before the game, she wasn't shocked that it was already pretty full. Rachel grabbed her bag from the passenger's seat and helped Tommy from the car before grabbing Alana out of her car seat.
"Make sure you hold tight to my hand Tommy," Rachel said not wanting a repeat of the movie theatre debacle as she held Alana in her arm.
"Okay," Tommy said and he shyly moved closer to Rachel.
Rachel bought the tickets and the trio made their way towards the football field. She looked up at the people who were already seated on the bleachers. When she heard her name called she turned her head in the direction it came from and saw Mercedes and Kurt calling her name and waving her over. Rachel gripped Tommy's hand tighter and led the group towards her show choir teammates, taking a seat beside them.
"Rachel. Normally I detest children but these two look absolutely adorable," Kurt said.
"Uh, Thanks. Tommy this is Mercedes and Kurt. They're friends with me and Noah. Say hello."
"Hello," Tommy said barely above a whisper.
"Tommy is very shy around new people," Rachel said.
"And who is this gorgeous gumdrop?" Mercedes asked tickling Alana's cheek.
"Alana. She pretty much loves everyone," Rachel responded.
"Can I hold her?" Mercedes asked, "I haven't held a baby in a long time."
"Sure," Rachel said and Mercedes extended her arms and without even a hesitant look Alana left Rachel's arms and was content with Mercedes.
"Oh sweet Gaga!" Kurt exclaimed.
"What?" Rachel and Mercedes said at the same time looking at the fashionable soprano.
"You're wearing Puck's jersey."
"The craft store shorted us a shirt since we were all supposed to wear shirts like Tommy and Alana are wearing. Since there wasn't enough time to correct the situation Noah offered this," Rachel said picking at the fabric of the jersey.
"Football players usually only give their jerseys to their girlfriends to wear. Have you been holding back some seriously juicy news Ms. Berry?" Kurt said.
"No. Noah and I are just friends."
"Nu-uh girl. It's like tradition or something for the jersey to be worn by the player's girlfriends."
"Well I'm not Noah's girlfriend."
"Not right now. But he certainly wants you to be."
Rachel rolled her eyes, "You guys are being ridiculous."
"No Mama. Santana was right, Puck wants all your treasures," Mercedes said.
"We talked about it and he said he wasn't doing this to sleep with me," Rachel said, the last part coming out almost as a whisper so that Tommy wouldn't hear. "Well then he's lying to you," Kurt said.
"Can we not discuss this in front of the children? The last thing I need is Tommy going to my dads and telling them what we're talking about."
"Oh he won't say anything. Will you Tommy?" Kurt said looking at the little boy who just looked at Rachel for an answer.
"No he won't. Because we're not discussing this anymore."
Rachel was happy when her friends stopped the questioning and the discussion that was inappropriate to have in front of Tommy, even if she could tell that they were dying to continue. Once the game started Tommy seemed to warm up to being around Mercedes and Kurt and even cheered a little for Puck. Alana spent most of the game with Mercedes, and even spent some time with Kurt who totally seemed to be enjoying himself. But by the time the fourth quarter hit Alana was cuddled up in a blanket on Rachel's shoulder and she must have fallen asleep because when the final buzzer rang and McKinley had won the roar of the crowd startled the little girl and Rachel had to calm the crying girl down.
Rachel waited for Puck to change before she left and they both headed towards the Berry house. Once they arrived, Rachel guided a half asleep Tommy into the house and Puck followed behind her holding Alana who had slept the entire way home. Rachel stopped though just inside the doorway when she saw her dads sitting at the dining room table. It wasn't that late but Rachel immediately could tell that something was wrong.
"Dad? Daddy? What's wrong?"
"Put Tommy and Alana to bed and then we want to talk to you. You too Noah," Sheldon said from his seat at the table.
Rachel looked at Puck who seemed as confused as she was but led the flock up the stairs. Once the children were safely tucked in and asleep Rachel couldn't get downstairs to her dads quick enough, Puck trailing close behind.
"Are Tommy and Alana leaving?" Rachel said not waiting for her dads to actually start their planned conversation.
"Rachel, honey. Just take a seat," Benjamin said.
"I don't want to sit down!" Rachel shouted and Puck fought the urge he'd had to run up and see if Rachel's clear use of her outside voice had woken the kids, "Just tell me if I'm correct?"
"You're right," Sheldon said after a few moments of hesitation.
Without another word Rachel slipped into one of the dining room chairs, Puck moving to take the seat next to her.
"We all knew this day was coming and honestly I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner," Sheldon said, "This is why we don't normally keep kids on Rachel. So no one gets too attached and then heartbroken when they leave."
"When?" Rachel asked simply and Puck could hear the pain ripping through her voice as the tears began to spill down her cheeks.
"One week from today. The family, the Porter's live in the same school district so Tommy won't have to leave school and Mrs. Porter is a stay at home mother like Mrs. Pederson and will be home with Alana all the time," Benjamin said trying to calm his daughter as much as possible.
"This isn't fair," Rachel cried.
"I know you're upset sweetie but there is nothing we can do," Sheldon said.
"You can adopt them instead."
"Rachel, you know that isn't an option. Tommy and Alana are great but we just can't take on the extra responsibility. This isn't like getting a dog. These children need more attention than we can give and I can't keep expecting you and Noah to take care of them all the time. Taking on these children was our responsibility and we've been willing to take it on until they found a home but the time has come and we have to let them go."
"But Daddy-" Rachel said to her other father hoping that she could get one of them on her side.
"I'm sorry Rachel but this is the end of this discussion," Sheldon said playing his role as house authority, "You're Daddy and I am going up to bed, Noah please don't stay too late," Sheldon announced before he and Benjamin and got up and headed towards their room.
Rachel and Puck were mostly quiet for a long time. The only sound came from Rachel who just sat in the chair, her arms wrapped around herself, but she was crying. It wasn't the dramatic crying but the soft crying one does when they just need to cry not draw attention to themselves. Puck wasn't sure what to do. He still wasn't all that great at dealing with crying girls and he was almost certain that was never going to change. So instead of sitting there watching her cry feeling like a complete jackass for doing so, Puck turned his body so it faced Rachel and reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Come here Rach," Puck said and Rachel stood up and wrapped herself around Puck who responded by pulling Rachel close to him so that the only choice Rachel had, opposed to being awkwardly positioned, was sitting on his lap.
Puck wrapped his arms around Rachel's waist and held her tight as she cried onto his shoulder, her tears first dampening, then soaking the T-shirt Puck had changed into after his game. Puck liked the way this felt, and the feeling wasn't entirely sexual. (He'd be lying if he said that wasn't the farthest thing from his mind, but it definitely wasn't the first thing he thought of). He liked holding Rachel, comforting her, being there for her. And he was there for as long as she needed, his hand traveling north to rub circles in her back as she cried instead of south to grab her ass (a move that would have pretty much fucked everything up). But when it seemed that she had finished crying she pushed back from Puck, but remained on his lap. Rachel wiped some of the tears from her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I know how much you hate crying girls."
"Eh, it wasn't all that bad."
Rachel tried to force a smile but it was a seriously pathetic attempt in which she failed miserably.
"Noah, I know we were supposed to go to that post game party but I really don't feel up to it."
"That's cool. We can just do something here."
Rachel was quiet for a moment, "I think I want to be alone right now Noah. You should go to the party without me."
Puck was stunned. It wasn't that he was particularly hurt that Rachel didn't want him around right now, but really that shit hurt. He didn't expect her to want to go out after finding out such terrible news but he certainly wasn't expecting her to push him away entirely.
"What?" was the only response Puck could pull out of his confusion.
"I'm sorry Noah. I just-I just," Rachel paused, "I want to be alone. Go have fun with everyone and I'll call you tomorrow."
Rachel took that moment to remove herself from Puck's lap and just stood waiting for him to move. It was obvious to Puck that Rachel had made up her mind and he thought that maybe it was the best to just give her the space she'd requested and wait until she'd slept off the initial shock of the situation.
"Okay," Puck said standing up, "But if I don't hear from you by noon I'm just showing up."
"Okay," Rachel said with a small laugh to add to her teary eyes.
Puck planted a kiss on Rachel's cheek just as he had done earlier that day and told her that if she were to change her mind just to call, and then he was out the door.
The next morning Puck was pretty sure that Rachel only called because she knew he'd want to be there when they told Tommy what was happening, but he rushed over regardless. Rachel cried across the room as Sheldon and Benjamin explained to Tommy that he was going to live with new people in a few days. When Tommy broke into tears and ran into Puck's arm Rachel began sobbing uncontrollably and had to move to the chair to keep from falling to the floor. The truth was, if Puck was anyone else he'd be crying to. He'd cried when they'd given away Beth. He'd cried more after that than he'd probably cried in his whole life, because that shit was the stuff badasses could cry about. But Puck wasn't crying because honestly Rachel was crying enough for everyone in the room, but as he felt Tommy's arms lock around his neck, Puck felt his heart constrict as he held the little boy who he'd learned to love close.
For the next week Rachel completely changed her behavior towards the kids. School work was still important because none of them were changing their educational path but afterwards things weren't so 'Rachel Berry strict'. Tommy was able to watch cartoons or whatever and Rachel thought she was spoiling him by letting him stay up an extra half hour every night. Rachel made sure that spend every single moment they had left together. She planned nothing and just let each and every day pass almost as if nothing was wrong, as if everything they'd done since July wasn't ending. Sometimes Rachel would let Tommy watch television after school while she and Puck went upstairs and packed up their belongings. She tried not to cry as she went through all the different things that she'd bought them over the months from clothes to toys. They came with practically nothing and now they had so much to hopefully remember her by as they moved on in their lives.
It was the night before they were set to leave. Tommy and Alana were going to be picked up by the Porter's after school the next day and after Rachel walked Puck out, Rachel returned to the guest bedroom which held the two most adorable children she'd ever met. She knew Alana was out like a light and she sort of envied the young girl who was completely unaware of what would happen to her the next day. And even if she could she was too young to convey anything but the cheery little girl she'd been since the day she'd arrived. She looked over at Tommy who was still awake in his bed, looking up at the ceiling.
"Hey Buddy," Rachel said walking deeper into the room.
Tommy turned his head to Rachel.
"Would you mind if I lay with you for a little while?" Rachel said standing over the bed.
Tommy nodded and moved over. Rachel slipped off her shoes and slipped inside with the small boy and a tear fell from her eye when he moved to cuddle next to her. Rachel ran her fingers through the little boy's dirty blonde locks.
Knowing clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms
Rachel began to sing softly to Tommy as his tiny hand clutched the front of Rachel's shirt. She fell asleep that way, and woke up in the same position.
School was practically unbearable and Rachel had to fight to focus on anything. She was glad there was no glee rehearsal because the moment the bell rang she was practically sprinting to meet Puck as his truck to get to Tommy and Alana who had been picked up from Mrs. Pederson's from Sheldon and were waiting at home. When Puck pulled his truck into the Berry's driveway there was already a strange car, a nice car, sitting on the street in front of the house and Rachel could only assume that it belonged to the Porter's. Walking into the house Rachel put on her best showface because really she didn't want to seem rude to the people who were taking Tommy and Alana away from her. She walked in and saw Tommy hiding behind Sheldon as Mrs. Porter, a very pretty woman maybe in her early thirties and her brown hair was short against her head, tried to talk to him but Tommy had immediately gone into shy mode but the second Rachel and Puck closed the door behind them Tommy was rushing towards them and leapt into Puck's arms. Rachel looked from Tommy to Mr. Porter, who looked too much like Brad Pitt for her liking, but was all smiles as he watched Tommy latch on to Puck.
"You must be Rachel," Mrs. Porter said.
"Yes," Rachel said.
"It seems these kids are very fond of you. We live only ten minutes away so if you'd like I can leave an address and a phone number and you can come visit."
"Sure," Rachel said in the interest of being polite. Truth was she would love an opportunity to go visit them, like frequently.
There wasn't much else exchanged between anyone in the living room but the next thing Rachel really knew was she's kissing Tommy and Alana goodbye and they're gone and her house has just the same amount of occupants as it did before July and Rachel is pretty sure that's the worst thing that could have happened to her. She'd take a million slushies before she'd want Tommy and Alana gone. The front door had barely been closed a minute before Rachel ran upstairs leaving her dads and Puck alone in the living room.
"I'm, uh, going to go check on her," Puck said as he turned away from Rachel's dads and hurried up the stairs.
Puck walked down the hallway past Rachel's room until he reached the guest room. He found her in there standing over Alana's crib which they had no disassembled yet.
"Hey Rach," Puck said softly.
Rachel turned around, her right arm wrapped around herself, her other hand was holding on to the collar of her shirt. Her face was stained with tears as she continued to cry, "I'm being unreasonably dramatic aren't I? Its not like I didn't know this was going to happen, I should have distanced myself."
Rachel moved to sit down on the bed and Puck moved to sit beside her.
"What if all the progress we've made with Tommy just disappears? What if he doesn't talk to anyone? They looked like good people but what if they're mean to him? What if they yell at him when he wets the bed? What if they don't know that when Alana gets crabby it's best just to lay down with her before putting her in the crib? Or what if they forget to unpack Geoffrey and Alana doesn't have her favorite stuffed animal? What if one of them wake up in the middle of the night looking for us, calling for us and neither of us are t-"
Rachel's teary ramblings were cut off by sudden pressure of Puck's lips against her own. Rachel doesn't know what it is but she knows that instead of reacting positively and kissing him back she should be furious that he one, interrupted her while she was speaking, and two was kissing her. But the truth was she wasn't angry, because as their lips began to move with one another and his hand moved up to cup her wet cheek in his hand and his thumb brushed away a falling tear, it felt like maybe there was going to be hope. That this sadness that was currently consuming her would eventually fade to a dull ache.
"Why did you do that?" Rachel asked when they pulled apart.
Puck shrugged, "I dunno." "I thought you weren't hanging around to get into my pants," Rachel said.
"I wasn't-I'm not," Puck said and then smirked at Rachel before continuing, "But that doesn't mean I don't want to."
Rachel smiled just slightly but there was nothing forced about the smile, the boy in front of her made something flutter deep inside.
They're taking it slow because really they've been down this road before, but that was a long time ago. They were different people then, so this would be different they just didn't want to rush and make any mistakes. Rachel's dads invited Mrs. Puckerman, Sarah and Puck over for Thanksgiving and Puck pulled Rachel away into the kitchen while everyone else was in front of the television watching a football game.
"What would the Daddies Berry think if they knew I was pushing their sexy daughter against their counters?"
"Let's not find out. And when are you going to stop calling them that? Maybe I should start calling your mother Mama Puckerman, to her face."
"Don't you dare! It'll go straight to her head. And if see her coming at you with a tape measure run."
Rachel smiled and let Puck kiss her while she was pinned against her kitchen counter. When Mrs. Puckerman asked Rachel what she's thankful for during dinner Rachel tells her it is the opportunities she's been given. She meant having Tommy and Alana in her life, even if it was for a short time; the chance to have the friends she does; and to chance to be with the boy who was holding her hand underneath the table. It was the most unexpected thing in her life, and currently was the most important.
AN: R&R! December is next and my list of things for the chapter is long and full of epicness! I can't wait!
