I Screamed For You

I always end up hating the end

Inm in the middle of a breakdown

Watching you scream…

In the middle of a breakdown

Screaming at me

Chapter 5 1/2: The Same

A/N: I'm gonna try my hand at writing this all my myself no help. Haha. That's what I've been doing. Lol I'm grounded from my computer that has internet so all I have is a word processing and paint. Lol so I will write a lot for you guys. Lol

I drove down the street. It was reaining now. I had no idea where I was going. I just knew I was leaving forks. I needed to get out. I needed to get away from her. she was haunting me. and I knew if I stayed here it would be the death of me. again the music on the radio made fun of me

'before you hung up the phone all I could hear was the dial tone rung in my ear if I could go back in time Id say those 3 words I shoulda woulda, coulda said it back to you, and this cant be saved if you cant be found, you hung up and left me for dead on the ground.'

I was completely numb. I waled out of the room with out even telling her how I felt about her. I told her but I didn't make it obvious. I sighed and kept driving. The faster I could make this thing go the faster I would be away from her. I looked over and my cellphone was ringing. A number I had never seen

I knew it would be the circus freak leech. She probley had seen me leave. U shoved my hair out of my face I couldn't make sense of why the parasite would care what I did. After all it didn't effect her at all

I pulled into a motel and parked I could just stay here for awhile. I was all the way in California. I had been driving for 4 hours. I went to the counter and asked for the cheapest room I could get and paid I walked the room it was a dump. But I couldn't care less. Bella wasn't within walking distance and her scent wasn't haunting me. only on my own skin but I would wash that away in the shower. As soon as I could find the will to move. I found myself crumpled on the ground choking on everything I had wished I said to her. I was in the middle of a breakdown once again. I searched through my pockets looking for the one item I felt could fix this. I found the small razorblade and I pressed it to my skin it cut through layers and blood instantly ran off my arm as I drug it across my skin I felt nothing. It didn't help. At all. I tried again deeper. But it didn't help at all. I threw it across the room and stood up throwing things across the room one of the walls buckled under the weight of the bed as I threw it I felt a snarl rip through my clenched teeth I sat down in the middle of the defiled room and let my head fall into my hands. I couldn't cry no matter how hard I tried. I was choking. But I couldn't get the sob out and I could make the tears fall no matter how hard I tried to make myself. I could smell the sweet scent of undiluted Bella on my skin. I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as it would go and stepped in sliding down the wall fully clothed I just sat in the hot water letting it flow over me getting the scent of her off of me. I could hear everything in the entire motel. I could hear people talking, I could hear the register, I could hear crumpling plastic, I could hear the click as someone lit a lighter, I could hear doors opening, I could hear the racing of engines, I could hear someone typing on a laptop, and I could hear someone having sex, but as hard as I tried to tune that one out it was getting the best of me. all I could hear was the name he uttered 'Isabella.' Then it came the sob I was choking on. it came violently too. I buried my fingers in my hair and pulled as the sobs rocked through my body. I sat under the shower head as it poured scalding hot water over me just sobbing 'Isabella..' he breathed her name

'I love you' he muttered. I moved my hands deeper into my hair so I didn't break anything else in the hotel room. I wanted to scream. The sobs made it hard to breathe. And I found myself close to hyperventilating. 'Bella, please…' he muttered. I plugged my ears childishly and concentrated on the falling water I could still hear them though. a snarl escaped my lips again as I sobbed. I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time approaching and I realized I was gonna throw up. I pulled my limp body out of the shower to hover over the sink. the heaves made my chest hurt as I threw up. it passed just as quickly as it had come on and I sank back into the shower laying down. The hot water poured down my body.

'Isabella, god, I love you.' I felt the shower door shatter in my hand. I took my had away from it and buried my fingers in my hair again. I could suddenly hear the short vibrating bursts of my cellphone ringing again I got out of the shower. And picked up the phone it was the same number that has been calling for hours I pushed the green button

"Alice." I said her name

"Yeah. It is. Jake. Come back."

"Cant." I said brokenly

"Why?"

"Her… she's… there"

"I saw everything. And I know how you feel. I am not one to reason with a dog, but your dad needs you, and so does your tribe…"

"They don't need me at all. They were fine before me and they will be fine now."

"So you are giving up?"

"Yeah it sure sounds like it doesn't it?"

"Jacob. You cant"

"I can do whatever I chose."

"Bella loves you."

"Bella loves Edward" it stung as I said it

"You don't feel anything because its not what you need" Alice said. It confused me

"The blade." She said the words sharply

"Fuck you. don't talk about what you don't know"

"I do know. I have been watching your future."

"And why is that?"

"I Love Bella and Bella loves you so I am required by her happiness to keep you safe. She doesn't know you are gone yet. But she will."

"No one knows except you and no one will know. so just. Leave me alone. I cant take it."

"Someones gonna have to pay for the room." Alice said sarcastically

"I will."

"You only have 2,000 dollars."

"1,800 now." I muttered

"Can you at least let me wire you money?"

"I don't need help."

"You do."

I snarled

"Jacob. You can either take my help or you can die."

"Well considering what I am… I cant die. And then 2nd of all if I DO die that would be REALLY helpful."

"I know you imprinted on her. I know you love her. but it is one of those things you have to let go. Or at least not run from."

I scoffed

"Okay Opera."

"Will you take the money or not?"

"No. I wont."

She growled over the phone

"WHY?" she exclaimed suddenly

"because I don't need vampire hand outs."

"Then why did you answer the phone?"

"so I could tell you to stop calling."

"No you didn't you answered because you thought in the back of your head it would be good news."

"Sure sure. Bye Alice. Tell Bella I said.. nevermind…" I said as I hung up.