AN: Sorry for the long break between chaps again. The wintertime was hell for me, with my gran in and out of the hospital, shows, rehearsals, work, depression… etc etc.. I won't bore you with the details! A fair warning, this chapter is a little shorter than usual, but It ends in a good spot and I wanted to update! So with that, I can tell you the next ch will also be EPOV and will be the second half to this chapter!
A HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to my amazing beta's Octoberland13, Calin_Durus, MinnaKoda and ScuitoLover for being amazing and putting up with my impatience ;) love you guys!
My heart belongs to my pre-readers MimiLove4Ever, ohmyitsv and Jen. Without these girls, my writing confidence wouldn't be near as strong! Thank you babies!
And last, but most certainly not least, to my #writealong crew, kaghanyou and FigSk8ingAngel! Seriously, ladies, without you pushing and encouraging me, I would be NOWHERE! *huggles*
So now, without further ado, Ch 6!
The air whipped by me in a violent dance with the evergreens, as I sat among the middle branches of an impressive Cedar; hidden from any passersby. Not that there would be any this deep in the forest.
I sighed and buried my face in my hands. I was a pathetic excuse of a man. Back when I was human, I would have never done this to Bella. Everything would have been proper and slow-in tandem. But she wasn't even alive then, and I became this… thing.
I was supposed to die.
When the Spanish Influenza took hold of me, I had resolved myself. I was ready to die. In a way, I'm glad she hadn't been born yet, for we would have never met. In that respect, I'm happy Carlisle saved me, for then I was able to meet the sweetest angel of my dreams.
Why did she have to be so tempting not only in body, mind and soul but also in blood?
No one ever said love was easy.
I scoffed. As if my existence had ever been easy in the first place. At the time, I had thought that leaving Bella was the right decision. She'd be safe, away from the dangers of my kind and able to live a normal life—that of a human.
But I had not envisioned for one moment that she would fall into such debasement as displaying her beautiful body to lowly, disgusting humans who had no care in the world for her but their own enjoyment. Just looking at her made me want to burst into tears. Her body was so thin and frail I had no idea how she had the strength to walk, let alone hold onto a stripper pole.
I had clearly made the wrong choice, but I couldn't just waltz back in now.
And why not?
I sighed again. This was all too confusing.
"Eddie?"
I was so lost in thought that I was startled when a woman's voice came from below me. I opened my eyes and leaned over to find Tanya standing on a branch lower than mine with a look of concern on her face.
"Tanya? What are you doing here?" I shifted my position as she climbed onto my branch and sat down.
"I could ask you the same question; you are in my forest after all." She smirked and I frowned.
How had I not realized where I was? "I hadn't realized I was in Denali, Tanya. I've… had a lot on my mind." I leaned back against the trunk of the tree once more and ran my hand through my hair, groaning in frustration.
She giggled, "Edward Cullen, caught off guard and not knowing where he is? That must be a first in history!"
I glared at her, "Don't give me any shit, Tanya, I'm not in the mood."
"I just love when you're feisty, Eddie boy." She purred, running her fingers through my hair.
I grabbed her hand and threw it back at her. "Please, Tanya…"
She huffed, "Well why are you here, then?"
I groaned, I didn't need to delve into this with her. "I just…needed to get away."
She chuckled dryly. "Come on, Edward. You know I know you better than that. How many times have I found you on the edge of my property, and all for the same reason?"
I sighed and tried to shut her out of my mind. I didn't need her in both places. "What does it matter to you?
"It matters, because you always seem to be running away from your problems." She glanced over at me and I groaned.
"I just needed to get away and think. As far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with that." I sighed. Why, oh why, did she have to choose now to be serious?
She scooted closer and pulled my face to look at her. "I'm just worried about you, that's all. You've been so unhappy, and I don't like it. I don't need to know your inner turmoil, that's up to you. But you need to learn to breathe, live in the moment and stop thinking so damn hard. Maybe if you stop thinking you'll come to an answer."
I sighed and gave in, closing my eyes. She was right, for once. I really did need to just calm the fuck down and learn to breathe. "I never really realized what an uptight ass I've been."
She cupped my cheek, running her thumb over it. "It's ok, Edward, I understand. You've been going through some hard emotional times lately, I know." She scooted closer and wrapped her arm around my shoulders, pulling me toward her.
I laid my head oh her shoulder, taking a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was nice to just sit and…
Exist?
Yeah, exist.
We sat there for a while, listening to the wind whip through the trees. It was calming. When our surroundings began to lighten with the coming morning, I lifted my head to find her gazing at me.
"What?" I asked, wondering how long she'd been staring at me.
She sighed, her face setting into a look of determination. "I love you so much. I just wish you'd see how much I can offer you, Eddie."
I started to say something, but was cut off by her mouth suddenly on mine. Her hands laced through my hair as she continued to kiss me, yet I sat frozen.
"Just shut off your mind and go with the flow, Edward," she thought. I breathed in her lavender scent, and it calmed me somewhat—enough to help me live in the moment.
When she nibbled my bottom lip, it snapped me into motion and I grabbed her face and began kissing her back, causing a moan to escape her. We kissed heavily before I started to nip along her jawline to suck on her earlobe. She tasted sweet, almost too sweet.
"Oh god…" she groaned, shoving me back against the massive trunk and straddling me. "That's right, Eddie, relax." She panted, before bringing her lips back to mine.
I pulled her closer to me, causing her already wet center to collide with my crotch. My dick hardened instantly, causing me to growl into her mouth. She answered by shifting on top of me, making it almost unbearable in a wonderful way.
I needed to be inside her.
I trailed my hands down her body till they came in contact with her firm buttocks and began to move her against my crotch as she nibbled my neck.
"Let's go back to my house, everyone's out hunting." She breathed heavily against my neck, before reaching down and grabbing my dick through my jeans, making it twitch in agony, and running off.
I quickly dropped from the tree, landing silently in the underbrush before catching her scent and following it.
I wasn't sure what had gotten into me, but all I could think about was her scent enveloping me as I drove inside her. Something in the back of my mind was starting to nag me, giving me the feeling that I was doing the wrong thing, that there was something I was supposed to be doing. I shook it off—it was time I went with my instincts.
I heard her laughter trailing behind her, its carefree notes dancing with the wind. I growled after her, "you can't run, Tanya, I'll find you." She was pretty fast, but I was faster and soon I was right behind her. I grabbed her and slung her over my shoulder causing her to yelp in surprise and ran into her house up to her room.
When I got there, I threw her onto her bed and landed on top of her, starting back up where we had left off. I ran my hand up her bare leg, slowly, teasing her, tickling her inner thigh. Her back arched off the bed as she fisted my shirt in her hand.
I guess she liked it.
When my fingers reached the lacy fabric of her panties, I paused. I wasn't sure what I was doing.
Noticing my nervousness, she looked me in the eyes and moaned. "Just go with how you feel Edward. What your body tells you to do." As if urging me on, she scooted closer to me, till her crotch was touching my hand.
That nagging feeling returned and I sat there scared. I'd never done this before in my life, how could she expect me to know? She leaned up on her elbows, likely wondering what the hell I was doing and sighed. "Never leave a man to do women's work."
*s*
"I'll bet I was better than your precious Bella." She giggled, rolling over to gaze at me.
That sobered me up quickly. "What did you just say?"
She snorted. "You heard me, Eddie." Her mind was swimming with contempt for Bella.
Bella.
I'd completely forgotten about Bella. My long dead heart ached at the thought.
What have I done?
Had I completely lost my sanity?
"Why do you look like I just killed your puppy? It's not like it matters, you left her anyway." She scooted over and reached up towards my face, but I slapped it away.
"Don't touch me, you whore!" I was disgusted. Not only with myself, but with her as well. This whole thing had been a grave mistake. I couldn't believe I'd let myself do such a thing, I had been saving myself for Bella.
Yeah, but you left her.
That's a mistake I'll have to rectify.
I got up off the bed and got dressed quickly.
I heard her sigh in annoyance, I didn't care why, I was staying out of her head. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Home, Tanya. I made a mistake coming here." I looked up to say goodbye but was interrupted.
"What! You mean to say that this," She motioned between us, "was a mistake?" She was in hysterics.
I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Tanya, I didn't come here for you, I ran away because I needed to get my thoughts together. Not create more problems for myself."
She got up off the bed and stormed towards me. "How dare you, Edward Cullen!" She slapped me hard across my face.
I let that one slide. "How dare I what, Tanya? You're the one that seduced me!" I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of knowing she'd also tarnished my virtue as well.
Sensing that she had nothing to go on, she screamed and pushed me through the window. I quickly flipped over and landed softly on my feet before standing up to growl in her direction. I heard her scream and I watched as a Ming vase flew past my head. She was a terrible shot.
Before anything else could happen, I turned and ran into the surrounding hills in search of sustenance. Before long, I caught the scent of a herd of moose and honed in, finding them near a small brook. It was a family—a male, female and two babies. The male was closer, so I crouched and went in for the kill, crumpling him to the ground. The rest of the family scurried off into the Alaskan wilderness as I sunk my teeth into his massive neck and slowly drew the sweet nectar from his body.
I closed my eyes as I filled myself, clearing my mind of all the chaos until the one thing that was most important to me made itself clear.
Bella.
She was most definitely not healthy, or living well, the exact opposite of what I had wanted for her.
What the hell had I done?
Why wasn't someone there, taking care of her? Looking out for her?
Why wasn't I there trying to save here instead of running off like a scared piece of shit?
That was the better question.
If I loved her, I would have been there. But no, I had my head up my ass and thought I was doing the right thing.
I had no idea how much time had passed since I saw here in that strip club, but it was about time I got home and started proving myself as a man.
I loved her damn it, and it was time I proved it.
Just then, my phone began ringing and I pulled it out to find Carlisle calling. "Carlisle…"
"There's been a problem, son, you need to get home. Now."
His tone was strict, no nonsense. "A problem? What do you mean?"
He sighed impatiently before answering. "I'm not going to go into the details right now, just get yourself home as quickly as possible. I mean it, Edward. I'm fed up with your cowardice. Come home."
The phone went dead immediately after that and I went into a panic.
What the hell was going on?
I dropped the moose and ran at full speed towards Seattle.
*s*
I was nearing the house, the dense forest feeling almost claustrophobic to me. I was prolonging the inevitable; I had no desire to face my family, I was too ashamed. As I got closer, circling the house, the tenor of thoughts coming from inside was too frantic to get anything coherent.
"Son…" I heard Carlisle's voice in my head and I froze in my tracks, looking around for him.
He stepped out from behind a tree a dozen yards away, as if guarding the house. He stood in parade rest, his face pulled into a scowl; his eyes burning holes through me.
I couldn't look at him.
I ran my hand through my hair, pacing around like a troubled teen who knows he did something wrong. This was my father, for all intents and purposes, but I looked up to him. He forgave me for all my mistakes in the past, but I was terrified.
What if this was the one thing he couldn't forgive?
He hadn't said another word since he made his presence known and it was driving me insane. The worst part of it was that his mind was locked tight from me. I had no idea which way this could go.
"Son…" it was verbal this time. "As I told you on the phone, there's been a situation—"
My eyes snapped up to his, halting my pacing. "What kind of situation, Carlisle?"
He sighed heavily, breaking his stance and walked slowly towards me. "If you would let me finish..." He huffed impatiently, visibly changing his mind. "The situation's contained, so it's not pressing."
He stopped when he was a few steps away. "Edward, I've been quiet about your actions all year, but I can't just sit around and not say anything anymore."
"Carlisle, I—"I stammered.
He cut me off growling. "No, Edward, I won't stand for it anymore!" The fire was back in his eyes. I'd never, in all of my existence, seen him this way. I had really fucked everything up.
"What you did…what you made us do, was the most selfish thing you have ever done and I've had it!" He stepped towards my frozen frame and got into my face, seething. "Bella was family, Edward! I considered her my daughter, and you took her from me! Did you ever stop to think about anyone else but yourself? Look at Esme, she lost a daughter because of you! The family is almost in complete disrepair, all... All because of your actions."
He started pacing; his anger imminent and I could do nothing but stand there and take it.
I deserved it and more.
"It didn't have to be like this, son. If you had just taken a step back to see the bigger picture... If you had spoken to me, we could be happy. All of us."
He stopped and looked up at me. "Why? Why did you do it?"
My eyes widened as I realized he expected me to answer. I opened my mouth, but the words caught in my throat. "Father, I-"
"Answer me!" He spat, the growl in his chest rumbling once more.
I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "Be-because... I wanted her to live a normal life." I sighed, resigned.
"You call this normal?" His mind opened up to me and unleashed a horrible yet familiar sight, crippling me. The mere sight of Bella battered, bruised, and in a hospital bed sent me crumbling to the forest floor.
"No..." I whispered, more to myself in disbelief, but he took it as an answer to his question.
He chuckled sardonically. "She was safer with us, Edward, than what has her now. I hope you're satisfied."
I stayed there, pulling my knees to my chest and covering my face with my hands in devastation. His mind was like a safe, there was no way I was getting any information without asking. "What has her, Carlisle? What do you mean?"
He was on me then, slamming my head into the ground with a resounding bang. A flock of birds squawked angrily as they flew away. His growling was harsher now, his teeth bared. "Does it even matter?" He flashed more images of Bella laying in the bed, hands fisted in the sheets as she writhed in a horrific nightmare. "You need to clean up your God damn messes, son. I can't do this for you, it's time you grow up and act like an adult. You've lived long enough to have some common sense, use it!"
He was gone then, leaving me shaking on the ground with tearless sobs. The images he'd shown me were on a constant replay in my mind, torturing me and slicing my long dead heart to pieces. I needed to get her back; there was no other solution in my mind that came close.
AN: *giggles* I love me some Angry Ass-Kicking Carlisle. I must write more ;) And before you burn me at the stake for Tanya… yeah, I really have nothing to defend his dealings with the skank but my evil streak ;)
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