Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Actually, my birthday's tomorrow (July 5th), but I'm pretty close. So what am I going to do to celebate my birthday? Post the next chapter of this story!

First off I'd like to thank all of you who suggested challenge ideas. I'd list all of you, but I don't want to forget somebody, but you know who you are! With both your ideas and my ideas, I've got a crazy group of challenges planned out for these campers.

Anyway, just as some kind of a note: the scene that takes place in a bathroom only takes place in the bathroom because I got a dare from my friend Larissa (who totally loves Total Drama Island and has been constantly reading this story... which I just found out a couple days ago) to type a page-long scene that takes place in bathroom (How this came up, don't ask. It's a long story.). So after I asked her what exactly is she imagining happening in this restroom, she answered with this completely stupid statement: "What's a better place for flirting/conversations than a bathroom?" (And yes, before you ask, she's into dirty humor.)

Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama Island or any of the characters in this story besides Lacey. I also do not own American Gladiators (that show with the steroid induced Neanderthals beating the snot out of adrenaline pumped civilians with several padded objects) which I used as an inspiration for the title of this chapter and part of the challenge.


Chapter Five: Don't You Just Love Bathroom Scenes?

Nights at Camp Wawanakwa could be buggy… they could be noisy… they could be wet at some points, though you most likely would not want to know what it was that was dripping onto your forehead… overall, they were just really, really uncomfortable and made you wish that you didn't sign up for this crappy reality show (but still, doesn't everything else about it make you wish it really was a talent competition anyway?). However, night time was the only time you had to sleep (unless you lucked out and had time to sleep during a challenge), so the campers had to make the best of it.

"I am so not sleeping above the albino chick!"

"She has more physical features to her than being albino."

"But I don't even want to sleep near her, so there is no way I am sleeping in the bed above her!"

"Nobody said you had to, Sienna."

Sienna had been arguing with the one person who most people didn't expect to argue… Kit-Kat. The worst part, though, was that she was arguing over something as pointless as where she slept. Chris and the crew had brought furniture in for the girls… though, only what they needed. Their cabin was still missing a couple of floorboards, so one corner of the room had a huge hole in it, but it was better than nothing.

"Chicas, chicas!" Glisa said, walking into the cabin along with Kyra. "¡Calman!" The two girls had just returned from changing in the bathrooms to see Kit-Kat and Sienna arguing while Daphne dug through her bags to find her pajamas.

"What does that mean?" Kyra asked Glisa.

"Calman means to… um… how you say, give it easy?"

"Do you mean take it easy?"

"Sí, sí, 'take it easy'." Glisa nodded. She walked over to the bunk she had picked underneath Kyra's and put the handful of clothing she was just wearing back in her bag.


Confession Cam

Glisa: "Did I forget to mention dat my English isn't all that great all the time?" the party girl asked. "Because I haven't exactly been living in the States all dat long…"

Kyra: "Glisa's Spanish is sooooo cool!" she giggled. "I wish I could talk another language! I could always make up my own!" She thinks for a minute and then said something along the lines of "Peanut butter, broccoli, elephant, cactus" and then laughed. "I just said I like apple juice in Kyranese!"

End Confession Cam


"As I was saying, Sienna, I was going to sleep above Daphne. You could always use the extra bunk." Kit-Kat said to the queen bee, "Since Betsy's not here, there's one bed open."

"I get to sleep alone?" Sienna asked. The other girls nodded. "Yes!" Sienna swung her several bags onto the top bunk of her bed and picked up the pajamas she was going to change into. "I'm going to the bathrooms, anyone else care to join me?" Both Kit-Kat and Daphne followed her out the door.

When the three girls got to the bathrooms, Sienna stopped, the aristocrat and pastry chef stopping behind her.

"What is it?" Daphne asked.

"I hear voices…" Sienna said. Then a smile formed on her face. "Guys' voices…"

"Yes, it is a communal bathroom." Daphne replied.

Sienna pressed her ear against the door, and then let out a squeal of excitement. "I hear a British accent!" She stood up, brushed off her clothes, and pulled one item in particular on top of the pile of pajamas she was carrying: a lacy black bra. "Watch and learn ladies," she said to her teammates, "This is how you make a grand entrance." The queen bee burst gracefully through the doors of the bathroom and stopped once she walked inside. "Hello, boys!"

Standing in the bathroom at the sinks (some of which brushing their teeth, others just piling up their pajamas to leave) was Morty, Irving, and Aaron. Joe Freeman yelped from one of the urinals and quickly flushed the toilet, pulling up his baggy pants.

"What are you doing in here?!" Joe asked, quickly running to wash his hands just so he didn't forget in front of the girls.

"Communal bathrooms…" Daphne repeated. Morty strolled over to where Sienna was standing and gave her a smile.

"Hello, gorgeous," Morty said, referring to Sienna.

"Charming," Sienna raised an eyebrow at Morty, "the runt's hitting on me."

"But you have to admit, even if I am… slightly vertically challenged… I am very attractive." Morty said, waggling his eyebrows.

"I wouldn't say 'very', Short Stuff," Sienna snapped, "but you're decent looking. I'm not interested in you, though," she said, strutting over to the sinks. She pushed past Morty and Aaron only to stop near Irving and give her best smile. "You, on the other hand, have sparked my interest." The truth was that it wasn't specific Irving that struck her interest… it was just his hot accent combined with the fact that his pajamas lacked a shirt that had really caught her attention. However, she didn't feel the need to admit that. All his other aspects would grow on her.

"Hey, Kathleen." Aaron said walking over to her in what he thought was an extremely manly walk. The pastry chef found herself just a bit intimidated… though his next statement really broke the tough guy act, "Do you happen to have any more sweets with you?"

Kit-Kat tried to hold back a giggle and smiled at Aaron. "It's possible."

"Really?!" Aaron asked enthusiastically, but after realizing his eagerness, coughed and lowered his voice a bit. "I mean… really? Well, that sounds tasty… I mean, cool." Okay, I can do this, Aaron told himself mentally, I just need to act cool in front of the only girl on the island with good food. This will go well.

"Okay, well, cool." Kit-Kat replied, slightly confused at his change of tone. He'd gone from completely happy to sounding like he was trying to get a job with a guy wearing a leather jacket or something. "See you, then." She said with a smile, taking her pajamas into the nearest bathroom stall.

The bathroom door opened once again and interrupted the conversations going on around the room (though Sienna seemed to be completely enthralled in seducing Irving).

"Whoa, party in the bathroom!" all eyes turned to the three girls in the door: Carrie, Lacey, and Blair. Blair continued speaking as the three girls head to stalls with their pajamas in hand, "Why weren't we invited? I'm told I make a great punch!"

"I'm told I'm great at spiking a great punch." Lacey commented, pushing open the door to a stall.

"Wait, you're going to spike punch in the toilet?" Aaron asked, obviously not fully recovering from the thought that Kit-Kat might have food with her.

Lacey just gave him a look. "No, I'm going to pee in the toilet." She rolled her eyes as she slammed the stall door behind her.

"Wow, she's in a bad mood." Joe Freeman commented.

"I would be if I were her." Carrie replied from inside her stall. "Chef just burst into our cabin and practically strangled her. I swear he was going completely bonkers!"

"Why?"

"He blames her for the whole Mess Hall thing… well, it kind of was her idea, but none of us mentioned that."

"And I will love all of you if you don't mention it to him!" Lacey commented in a suck-up tone.

"Well, considering we weren't even there, I think we'll say we know nothing about it… knowwhatImean?" Joe Freeman asked, collecting his belongings and heading for the door, Aaron following him out.

"You know," Sienna said to Irving (now the only voice speaking in the room). "I really love guys with accents."

"Um… thanks" Irving smiled meekly. He had been planning on leaving when Aaron and Joe had, though Sienna was holding him in the bathroom much longer than he wanted to be there. "I think you might have actually said that a moment ago."

"Oh, I know!" Sienna said with a completely purposeful giggle, putting her hand on Irving's chest. "I'm just trying to make a point!"

In the bathroom, Lacey and Blair were both making exaggerated barfing and gagging sounds at this giggle. Carrie, however, was exiting her stall in her pajamas: a spaghetti strap tank top with a Union Jack on the front and a pair of black sweats. She walked to the sinks, washed her hands in one, and then unexpectedly walked up to Sienna and Irving. She put one hand on Sienna and one hand on Irving and quickly pulled them apart, Irving almost giving a sigh of relief at this.

"What the hell was that for?!" Sienna asked.

"Nobody really wants to see that, thank you." Carrie said. "And in the one second I was out of the stall, I could see that Irving here didn't really didn't want to see it right now either."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say why don't you go and grope a bloke who actually wants you to grope them?"

Sienna's face at this was Kodak worthy. "Who says you have a say in this, weird British chick?"

"Hey, I'm just trying to help the guy out."

"Well, he doesn't need you help. I had him all under control. Team mates, you know? So why don't you go off to your Deer and do all your foreign fashion crap."

"Possessive, aren't you?"

"Intruding, aren't you?"

"I'm bright enough not to copy somebody else's insult."

"You do realize you are just asking me to throw another insult at you, don't you?"

"Go right ahead."

There was no telling who would win. Both girls had very high self-esteem and the insults seemed to be sliding past both of them, not making their mark. Eventually, Carrie had the upper hand in the argument, but was the one bright enough to step out of the fight while she was ahead. The designer walked to the door of the bathroom with her belongings in hand.

"Well, I guess I'll leave you here in the bathroom where I know you'll be comfortable." She said. "Oh, and by the way, your outfit really does make you look like a bee. Very fitting." And with that she was off.

"Well, fine, back away from me," Sienna said, stomping into a stall to change out of her so-called "bee outfit". Irving just stood for a minute shocked at the scene that had just folded out in front of him until shrugging and walking out the door. Lacey and Blair walked out of their stalls when the argument was over (both not needing to fake gag now that the flirting had left) when the door swung open. It was Tom and Riley. Both girls looked like they were going to crack up at the sight of them.

"Don't tell me," Riley sighed in defeat. "We missed another catfight?"


Confession Cam

Irving: "I cannot believe what I just saw. Two girls fighting over me! Really!" the jock had a stunned expression on his face. "I've known these girls for half a day and already Sienna's crawling all over me! And Carrie pushing her away? I didn't think the poor Brit would get out of there alive! That girl's got guts!"

Sienna: "Okay, so I like British boys," the brunette spoke. "British girls on the other hand, especially fashion boutique owning ones, aren't exactly all that great. I would call them somewhat rude and disrespectful of others' business to say the least. British girls are the kind of people that would butt into somebody's flirting with a hot guy just because they think you're 'rudely groping them'." Sienna rolled her eyes. "She's just jealous."

Carrie: "She's got to give the guy a break," the fashionable girl said, "I mean, getting in somebody face all the time isn't all that romantic... I'd find it kind of creepy, actually."

Riley: "Again!" the rude prankster said. "We missed another catfight! Tom's got it right, Chris, you've gotta start telling us about these!"

End Confession Cam


The next morning seemed peaceful and quiet compared to last night's bathroom ruckus. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, the grass was green... ish. Most of the campers were sleeping still, and it seemed as though they wouldn't be rudely awakened like in past seasons…

Beep… beep… beep… beep… The sound of a large truck backing of filled the air as did the sound of what seemed to be a bulldozer. The sound of something extremely loud scraping the ground was added to that, and then a big thump following it. Just to complete the truck orchestra was a noise that sounded a lot like a dog panting, strangely enough. The trucks… and dog… were so loud that all of the sleeping campers were jolted awake, most of which running to the door to see what the noise was.

When the doors were opened and 26 heads poked out to see what the noise was, they were greeted with a strange sight: several construction trucks digging what looked like a colossal hole a short distance from their cabins. The most surprising thing about this sight though, was who was helping dig the hole: the one, the only Betsy Addams. She was the source of the dog-like panting, and was flinging dirt behind her so fast she seemed to be a blur.

"Betsy!" Kyra cried out to her ex-teammate and friend (or at least in her eyes).

"Hey… Kyra…" Betsy said through her rapid breathing.

"What are you doing here, Bottom Hole?" Riley asked, her town's name being the only thing he remembered about her.

"Chris… asked me to… come and… dig for him!" Betsy shouted.

"What're you digging?" Kit-Kat asked.

"A hole!"

"For what?"

"I dunno."

"Big help you are…" Riley muttered off to the side.

"Campers!" Chris shouted, walking onto the premises from practically out of nowhere wearing a construction hat. "I see you all see our Official Camp Wawanakwa Dueling Trench in progress-"

"Dueling Trench?!" the crowd shouted in unison.

"Yeah, the Official Camp Wawanakwa Dueling Trench. I copyrighted that you know." Chris said, gesturing to an intern in a hard hat running out and placing a sign in the ground that read "OFFICIAL CAMP WAWANAKWA DUELING TRENCH" with a little copyright "r" after it. "Come with me to the Mess Hall and I'll explain."


The campers all lined up for breakfast/gruel, all totally pumped, totally scared, or totally confused about Chris's Dueling Trench. They all received their gelatinous green blobs that Chef claimed was French toast (well, all but Lacey, who instead received a dirty look and an even dirtier finger gesture) and then sat down at the tables that Chris had designated for each team. Aaron seemed to be the only one eating the Jello/toast/toe jam hybrid, claiming it was lime and maple syrup flavored. Everybody else engaged in conversations with their teammates, Sienna giving Tanya and Carrie sneers across the room.

"Campers!" Chris shouted, walking into the room wearing a pair of dark glasses and a leather jacket.

"Sweet jacket!" Aaron shouted to Chris, gesturing to his own and giving the host a thumbs up. "What's the occasion?"

"I'm trying to look tough and gruff for today's challenge." A microphone similar to the one somebody might see in an old professional wrestling match (one on a really long stick that echoes when you talk) extended from the ceiling and into Chris's hand. "Total… Drama… GLADIATORS!!!" The room was silent. "You can react, you know."

"Good. A challenge I can use my martial arts skills for." Bren commented.

"I'm more of the non-violent type." Kit-Kat insisted.

"Have I mentioned I'm an aristocrat?" Daphne asked.

"Oh, you could totally beat somebody up with you umbrella!" Kyra giggled.

"That'd be uber cool!" Addy shouted from across the room. "She'd go up there all fancy and be all like," she jumped on the table holding an imaginary umbrella and started doing moves that looked very Star Wars-like, "Boom! And take that! And this! And that! And then you'd smash him over the head with your umbrella like in Whack-a-Moleje!"

"I am so seeing that scene in Star Wars playing out in my head right now…" Joe Howlett remarked.

Joe Freeman seemed ecstatic, "This will be just like in that one scene in that Superman comment when Superman and Braniac battle it out-"

"With swords because they're trapped in an alternate dimension!" Russell finished for him. (Note: I totally made that up. Weird stuff goes on in comic books.)

"That was so awesome!" Joe Freeman smiled.

Many people turned to look at Russell, though they had no idea what the two were talking about. This was the first time several people had heard him talk. Seeing all the eyes on him, Russell slowly rose an issue of Spiderman that he had hidden under the table up in front of his face, opening it up to read.

Taking this moment of awkwardness to be his chance to step in, Chris spoke into the microphone once again. "And now follow me outside for the rules of Total… Drama… GLADIATORS!!!"

The campers all stood gathered around the Dueling Trench to find that the construction workers and Betsy had all disappeared. The Dueling Trench, however, definitely hadn't.

"The Official Camp Wawanakwa Dueling Trench is one thousand feet deep- same as the huge cliff's height- and is filled with water!" Chris said into his microphone, which was now handheld, pointing to the trench. "You will have to stand on one of those two itty bitty pieces of land that are left over-" he pointed to said pieces of land, each looking like it might fall over any second, "and battle until one of you falls into the water!"

"What do you mean by," Jayna made air-quotes as she said this. "'battle'?"

"By battle I mean three rounds of beating each other senseless with these!" Chris put out his arms and a pair of interns walked into view, both pushing racks on wheels. On the racks was what looked like-

"Giant q-tips?" Riley asked, looking at the 'weapons' like they were dirty socks. "That's even more pathetic than tortoises and deer."

"Yes! Giant q-tips!" Chris shouted, his voice echoing in the microphone. He picked one of the giant q-tips off the rack and showed it to the group. "Only it's not fluffy cotton you'll be hitting people with. It will be thick, hard, and not exactly comfortable padding!" Kyra's hand shot in the air at that. "What?"

"How can padding not be comfortable?"

"Hmm… you tell me!" Chris swung the giant q-tip like a baseball bat, hitting Kyra in the head with the giant padded ball on the end. She fell to the ground with a shrill scream. "Comfortable?"

"Not really." The immature girl jumped to her feet, only to find that Chris tossed her the q-tip. She barely caught it, but smiled when she did.

"Tortoises are the yellow sticks, deer the blue." Chris said. The campers all rushed to their respective racks. When they all had sticks, the campers turned to him.

"Okay, let's start Round One!" Chris shouted. The camera shifted to Chef Hatchet, who walked by wearing a tight red dress and ringing a bell. Several campers whistled. All of them laughed. "For this round, you'll choose who goes up for your team. Everyone has to go. Tortoises," Chris pointed to the team. "Since you guys are short one dudette, one of you has to go twice." Several members of the Tortoises groaned. "Any volunteers to go first?"

Silence rushed through the crowd. One voice, however, stepped up above the rest.

"I will." Bren stepped forward, holding his giant q-tip proudly.

"Tortoises?" a moment of silence rang until Tom stepped up.

He shrugged. "Why not?"

"Great!" Chris smiled. "LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!"


Confession Cam

Bren: "Honestly, I think I will do well in this challenge." He said. "Bo staff is a part of my martial arts training. Giant q-tips work pretty much the same way."

Tom: "Hey, I had to go eventually. Since nobody else was going to go against Bren, why shouldn't I?" he gave a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. "I mean, I'm not going against somebody like Russell or something. I can't imagine the poor guy being all that strong. Oh, and those giant q-tips? They're actually called pugil sticks and they use them in military training."

Kestrel: "You know, I don't really mind drawing pictures of werewolves and vampires fighting," the artist says, "but people fighting? Especially with me? I'd rather have my head been eaten off by a giant man-eating mosquito-wolverine hybrid." He pauses for a minute and then looks nervously at the camera. "Chris doesn't have any of those, does he? Because I was just joking!"

Kyra: She is rubbing the side of her face where she was hit by the giant q-tip. A red mark has appeared on her cheek, and when she touches it with too much pressure she winces in pain. "That hurt!"

Aaron: "You know," the overeater says, "I'm pretty sure 'get ready to rumble' is wrestling, not gladiator shows. Actually, I'm positive it's wrestling."

End Confession Cam


"And here's a recap of the challenge for you guys at home!" Chris said, pointing at the screen.

The Name: Total… Drama… GLADIATORS!!!

The Place: The Official Camp Wawanakwa Dueling Trench

The Weapons: Giant Q-Tips

The Goal: Your team winning the majority of the duels in a round.

The Rounds

Round One: The teams get to choose who fights for their own team every duel, but everybody has to go.

Round Two: The opposite team gets to choose who fights for their competitors (ex. The Devious Deer can pick Daphne to fight for the Tremendous Tortoises and the Tremendous Tortoises can pick Corin to fight against her.) Not everybody has to go, but you can't pick the same person twice in a row.

Round Three: One person makes all the decisions: who wins, who loses, who goes up for each team. And who's that person? Chef Hatchet!

"And now a word from our sponsors!" Chris gives a million dollar smile to the camera and they cut to a sneaker ad.


Yes, I know you're all still stuck on some gross mental images. What was it? Joe Freeman using the urinal? Betsy rapidly digging her hole? Chef Hatchet in a skimpy dress and wig? I know... I'm evil for mentioning it.

Oh, and a quick question for you guys that you can answer in a review (I might do more of these, some for fun, most for future chapter ideas): Which character do you think would be the most likely to do a "Dear Diary" scene in the show where its told to the audience what they write in their journal?

Anyway, so will anything come of the Sienna/Irving/Carrie disagreement? Who will win the first duel: Tom or Bren? What will happen when the rounds get more complicated? You'll see in the next chapter!