Wow. The yaoi lemon has arrived. This is a big moment for me and I'm scared. I hope it's good. Alternate Universe in America.

Disclaimer- If only I was a Japanese guy named Masashi Kishimoto…..

Warning- Characters that are usually the seme in their yaoi couples(-cough-Itachi-cough-)have now become the uke(-cough-Itachi-cough). You have been warned.


Dirty Fun in the Jacuzzi: Deidara and Itachi

'Mellow clouds passed thru the dusty skies as the sun began to set. Warm colors splashed across the sky, as if it was an artist's masterpiece.'

"What are you writing, un?"

"Nothing that concerns you Cyclops. Now back the fuck off me."

"Can I at least read what you're writing Hidan?"

"No! Now sit your one-eyed ass back down in your seat."

"Hey! Don't make me turn this car around!"

Currently, the Akatsuki was on the road. They were heading up north to Pein's family reunion in Michigan and the red Ford Explorer was not doing so well.

"Tell that to Cyclops. He's the one that's pissing me off." Cyclops, or Deidara, gasped.

"I am not. I'm just interested in your hobbies, as a friend should be, un."

"Does it look like I want you to be fuckin interested in what I like to do?" a strong elbow hits Hidan in his right side. The victim throws a glare at his attacker.

"What the fuck was that for Kakuzu? What the fuck is your retarded ass smoking?" Kakuzu sighed and turned to his window.

"To keep you in check. Dumbass." From behind the wheel, Pein looked at both of them from the rear view mirror.

"Look, you both need to be on your best behavior. That means keep the arguments to a minimum." Kakuzu grunted and Hidan scoffed.

"Whatever. But I don't see why the hell we had to come on this bitch ass trip."

"My mom's been dying to see you guys again after my going away to college party." Konan spun around in the front passenger seat to look at Hidan. She spotted the notebook in the silver haired man's lap and stole it.

"Fuck! Give that back you blue haired bitch!"

"Don't call me names, unless you want your special book to disappear." She rolled down her window and held the notebook over the freeway to emphasize her point. From the backseat, Deidara screamed bloody murder.

"No! I didn't get to read it yet, un!"

"Who said I was going to let you, dipshit?!" Kakuzu slapped Hidan upside his head.

"Maybe you should let him read it. You could actually have talent in something."

"I agree with Kakuzu wholeheartedly." Itachi suddenly adds from the third row seating. Hidan glared at the Uchiha, then at the tanned man next to him. Today was not his day.

"Who the hell asked you Pink Eye?" As his friends argued, Pein sighed to himself.

'This family reunion is going to be great.'


"Parker! My baby! You made it here safely. And you brought your friends with you this time! Awww come here and hug your mommy!"

A short and plump older woman with ginger hair and emerald green eyes rushed over to the Akatsuki. She wrapped herself around Pein's waist and squeezed tight.

"It's nice to see you too mom. Where's dad?" The woman, known as Mrs. Nagato, looked up at her son.

"Your sister sent him on a run to the store. Now come on, all of you, follow me to the backyard. That's where everyone is."

So the group traveled to the backyard where both sides of Pein's family was. They all were seated in white lawn chairs around three of those long wooden picnic tables. Mrs. Nagato lead them to the first picnic table where a female similar to Pein sat. A dark haired male sat next to her, his blue eyes scrutinizing the Akatsuki.

"So, my little brother brought his misfit friends back." She rose from her seat and wandered over to Hidan, slowly licking her lips.

"I believe we're gonna have fun today." Pein grabbed his sister by both arms and directed her back to her seat.

"Easy now Kerri. You remember my friends, don't you? Konan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Kaiya, Sasori, Deidara, Itachi and Hidan. Guys, my big sister Kerri. And the douchebag sitting next to her is her man-bitch Zack." Akatsuki all sat down around the table.

"So what made you all come back up here?" Kerri asks, sipping from her plastic cup.

"Well, Parker here told us that he was coming up here for his family reunion and he insisted on bringing us along for the ride." Kisame answered. Pein glared at his navy haired friend.

"Oh really? And what did my little brother say when he found out that the reunion was at my house this year?"

"He was not happy about that, but Hidan was. He was hoping for a repeat of last year, when you and him were about to do, well, you know."

"The hell I was Kisame! Don't you remember me yelling about how I almost got raped by Kerri? The bitch is crazy!" Kerri choked on her water.

"Crazy? I'm far from it. I can't help the fact that I find you attractive Hidan, so deal with it." Hidan just gaped at the crazy bitch. A silence fell over the table as Mrs. Nagato got up and went to a different table. Everyone either played with their cups or watched the other tables.

"I don't know why Pein even brought you up here. It's not like you're part of the family or something. All you guys do is cause trouble." Zack states, breaking the silence. The Akatsuki al glared at the blue eyed man.

"It's not like Mrs. Nagato is welcoming you with open arms, un." Deidara retorts, twirling the end of his long blonde fringe around an index finger. Zack gave him a dirty look.

"So what? Do you think you're the delinquent children that she's always wanted? Get real Blondie." All eyes at the table were glued onto Deidara as the argument heated up. Kerri licked her lips. Today was going to be fun after all.

"Get real? I am real. I'm the realest person at this damn table! If I were any more real, I'd be imaginary!" Zack scoffed.

"Right. Stay in your fantasy world Blondie."

"Just what are you implying?"

"Whatever you want me to imply, un." The dark haired blue eyed bastard had the audacity to mimic Deidara's speech impediment. What was he trying to do, die?

Before things could get any more heated, a silent hero jumped into action. Itachi stood up wordlessly, grabbed Deidara by the hand and led him to the front yard. Everyone else just watched the two walk away, with Zack silently fuming. That blonde bastard.

Once they made it to the front porch, Itachi let go of Deidara's hand and sat him down on the first stair. The blonde took a minute to cool himself off and to collect his thoughts.

"Don't let him get to you."

The blonde snapped out of his thoughts and looked over to the raven next to him. Itachi was talking to him.

"He doesn't get to me, he just pisses me off, un." Itachi cocked an eyebrow.

"That is just a roundabout way of saying what I just said. By you letting him piss you off, he's getting to you."

"Were you even at the table Itachi? Did you hear how he mocked my speech impediment? It's not my fault I say 'un' at the end of every other sentence; I just can't help it. Un." Itachi sighed to himself. Why was Deidara so headstrong?

"You need to get over it. That man has no sense of shame and you should know that by now." Deidara slammed a fist into his open palm.

"I'll show him no shame. I'll show him no mercy. This revenge shall be sweet, un." Itachi did not like where this was going.

"Think before you act Deidara." The blonde jumped off of the stair he was sitting on and pumped a fist into the air. Itachi watched him confusedly, not knowing what horrible ideas were swimming around in Deidara's head. The blonde then turned his gaze to Itachi, winking at him.

"Trust me, this is gonna be thought out precisely, un."

"I would hope so."


"That was fun. We need to get the family together more often."

"You're right about that one Aunt Helena. Do you want me to drop you off at the home? I'm getting ready to take my parents home since their car is in the shop."

"Oh, that would be so nice Kerri. Thank you."

As the sun began to set, the reunion and all its festivities began to wind down. Everyone bid their farewells to each other and headed towards their cars. Pein had lent his sister the Explorer so she could take their parents home. Now only Akatsuki and Zack were left at the house, cleaning up the aftermath.

"I came all the way up here just to serve as a fucking janitor? What the fuck do I look like-" But before Hidan could finish, Kakuzu clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Don't finish that sentence. We don't want to hear it."

"So Zack, did you ever install that hot tub for Kerri?" Pein asked, picking up a milk carton. The dark haired man nodded slowly.

"And it's more kick-ass than the one you have." Zack answered, throwing away a plate full of chicken bones.

"I don't see why you don't use your family's money to buy a new one Pein. Hot tubs are fun you know." Pein finished tying up his garbage bag and took it to the garbage can, fully ignoring Zack. The dark haired man finished his part of the clean up and went into the house. Akatsuki finished their duties and met up in the middle of the yard.

"Damn I hate that douchebag. Why the hell did he have to come anyway?" Hidan stated, speaking the one question that was on everyone's mind. Konan brushed some dirt off her shoulders.

"Ever since he met Kerri he's always been trying to invite himself where he's not wanted." Everyone nodded in agreement to her statement. An evil smirk spread slowly across Deidara's face as he thought of his plan. Pein noticed this and sighed.

"Let me guess Deidara. The plan involves you, Itachi and the hot tub?" The blonde smirked while the raven face-palmed. Pein smirked.

"Have fun."


(Attention: The lemon is approaching. Scroll down with caution.)


"This is a bad idea that only you could come up with Deidara."

Currently, Deidara and Itachi were sitting in Zack's newly built hot tub, probably with no swim trunks on. Deidara was intent on making his revenge successful, no matter what.

"Come on Itachi, it won't be that bad, un. What's wrong, are you scared?" Itachi glared.

"Uchihas don't get scared."

"Then come over here and sit on my lap."

After a few minutes of contemplating the idea, Itachi slid from his spot across from Deidara and into the blonde's lap. Immediately, Deidara went to work, nibbling on Itachi's earlobe. He gently sucked on the squishy flesh, until Itachi started to let out little mewls.

Itachi ran his hands thru Deidara's golden locks, earning moans from the blonde below. He twisted a few strands around his index finger, brought it to his face and inhaled. Deidara smelt like citrus fruit. Under the water, the Uchiha could feel what his actions were doing to the blonde.

Deidara moved from Itachi's ear to his neck, leaving a trail of kisses leading to the neckbone. The two soon came face to face, both capturing the other in a passionate kiss. Itachi dipped his tongue inside Dei's mouth and the two wet muscles danced around each other in a symphony of pleasure.

The blonde's hands slid down Itachi's thighs, touching and rubbing every inch of his flawless skin. His left hand reached in between the raven's legs and grabbed his flaccid member. He gently stroked the member, fingers trailing circles all around, until it stood at full attention.

He ran a finger across the pulsing vein and gripped the shaft. He slowly pumped his hand up and down, up and down, drawing low moans from the Uchiha. He hastened his movements, moving faster as Itachi started to buck his hips. The member began to harden and Deidara could feel precum spill onto his fingers.

"Not yet Itachi. Not yet, un." Dei whispered as his hands ventured further down Itachi's body. He soon found himself at Itachi's entrance as the raven on top of him sucked on his neck. Using the water as lubrication, Dei slowly pushed in two fingers. The Uchiha quickly sucked in air as the fingers inside him slowly scissored around. A third finger was added, intensifying the sensation.

Once Deidara got Itachi used to the feeling, he pulled out and positioned his throbbing erection at the Uchiha's entrance. An inquisitive azure eye looked up at the weasel, who had stopped his sucking of the blonde's neck. The raven reassured him with a slow nod, telling both himself and Deidara that it was okay.

Slowly, Deidara entered, using as less force as possible. Itachi winced; goodness it felt as if his insides were being ripped apart. The blonde pulled out, then slid back in. The weasel's arms were wrapped around Deidara's neck, his face contorted into a painful expression. Dei kissed his neck softly, whispering 'It's alright, un.'

The bomber slid out once again but this time he added a little speed to his entry. He rushed in, his hips starting to grind. Itachi quickly got the memo and his hips joined in the chorus. Faster and faster came Deidara's motions; the faster he went, the looser Itachi's arms became. Soon the blonde was moving at a pace all his own, repeatedly hitting Itachi's pleasurable bundle of nerves. Itachi let loose, throwing caution to the wind and letting his desire take over.

Passion poured over the two hot-tubbers as they entered their own world of euphoria. It was as if the heavens were blessing them personally, or whatever they want to call it. Their heartbeats sped up, racing against the hands of time. Itachi gripped Deidara by the shoulders harshly, his nails digging into the soft skin.

This sensational feeling of bliss; it was overwhelming!

"Damn Itachi,…..un." The blonde whispered, feeling himself reaching his climax.

He knew Itachi was almost there too, for the weasel was perfectly keeping up with their on-going rhythm. On the highest of his ecstasy, the raven threw his head back and breathlessly uttered the name of the only man who could make him feel this way. The only one who could take him to a place so euphoric, his very being shook from this feeling of gratification.

At that moment, Itachi came and he came hard, the white semen splattering onto both their chests. Dei pushed hard, and he went in deeper than he had ever gone into this temple entitled 'Itachi'. He reached the top of his climax and shot off his seed deep into Itachi.

Both chests heaving heavily, both bodies physically exhausted, the jacuzzi had been the only witness to something so great; well, in Deidara's mind it was. Sticky with sweat and love juice, the blonde fell back against the edge of the pool, Itachi falling on top of him. He reached out for his jeans, which were conveniently strewn next to the hot tub, and pulled out his cell. A few quick buttons were pushed and the text was sent.

In the house, Pein sighed. Karaoke was the main reason why he hated coming upstate. A slight vibration shook him from his reverie and he flipped open his phone. Reading the message, he couldn't help but hide the smirk threatening to creep onto his face. Erasing the message, he went into his contacts, scrolled down a few numbers and pressed 'send'.

"Kerri, you would never guess what Zack did in your new hot tub."

Yes, the perfect revenge.


AN: I can't believe I just wrote my first lemon. It was more fun than I thought it would be. Of course I had to write it using my favorite yaoi couple, just to make up for the first chapter. I think I might do one for Kakuzu and Hidan……