Disclaimer: Once upon a time, in the kingdom of North America, lived a young, aspiring author that loved getting feedback from her readers (wink, wink), but she unfortunately was not the original writer of the Twilight saga.

We go together like wet dog and smelly

Peanut-butter jelly, flees on my belly

We go together like fireflies and jars

Chasin' after cars, barking at a shooting star

Little Big Town, 'We Go Together'

Well, just the tips of Jacob's hair were hot pink.

To Nessie, he really didn't look all that bad. This random change of hairstyle made him look like a muscular, tan version of Adam Lambert. And his predicament seemed trivial enough, easily fixable, as long as Jasper and Emmett let the embarrassed wolf live it down.

"Guys! Stop being moronic airheads and go fetch Aunt Rosalie for me," Renesmee directed, narrowing her eyes in a dangerous glare.

"Rosalie's your wife. You go. I'll stay," Jasper said, appraising Jacob in blatant amuse, not needing his empathetic gift to sense the shape-shifter's shamed pride.

Nessie shrugged nonchalantly. "Just as well. Emmett could beat you anyway."

The corners of Jasper's mouth twisted downwardly in a tight grimace, his attention snapped to his clever niece. "That's the farthest thing from being the truth!" He objected.

"No, no. She's right. I am much faster than you," Emmett retorted, criss-crossing his arms in a jovial stance.

"You're foolishly arrogant!" Jasper replied.

"Or arrogantly foolish?"

"Whichever you prefer."

Jacob's forest brown gaze locked with Nessie's milk-chocolate ones; the two smirked at each other.

"There's only one way to find out," Renesmee said, flopping down on the couch next to Jacob. "Hey, Jake, I'll bet you twenty bucks that Emmett can beat Jasper."

"Ha!" he guffawed loudly. "You're on, Cullen!"

And thus, the two easily manipulated the pair of competitive idiots right out of the cottage, whoosh!ing passed the still trees at full speed, and left the shape-shifter and half-breed to their own devices.

Renesmee giggled to herself, shaking her head at that minor thought.

"For the record, I think your hair looks super adorable—no joke," the girl stated, running her slender digits through her best friend's soft locks of pink and black hair. "I suppose I'm always bias to you, though."

"C'mon, Nessie. Nobody likes a kiss-ass," Jacob responded, rolling his eyes, and playfully slapped her hands away. "That petting thing is only cool when I'm a wolf. Otherwise, it feels like a bizarre flirting technique."

She confidently quirked an eyebrow at her sarcastic companion, a streak of boldness crashing through her like an oncoming tidal wave. Renesmee roughly shoved Jacob's shoulder backwards, his long body comfortably her petite own. Her beautiful eternal pools of melted chocolate withheld triumph.

"Why, is the ever-innocent little Cullen girl trying to seduce me?" Jacob chuckled, still caught off-guard by the abruptness of this action.

He knew Nessie was simply joking around with him, and therefore didn't make any move to stop her. Plus, he quite enjoyed the view—her cherry-pink lips slightly curved into a mock sultry smirk. Her auburn loose hung lose off her shoulders, the delicious smell of pomegranate filled Jacob's nostrils, intoxicating him.

"Always," Nessie replied, projecting an image of herself performing push-ups on top of him.

"As intriguing as that idea is, but I don't want to lead you on, heart-breaker that I am," Jake told her, his tone dripping with irony.

"But Jacob, I can't help myself!" She giggled, slapping him on the chest. "Don't you already know? It's my deepest, darkest secret."

"What is?" the Native American man inquired, his face spreading in a curious grin.

"Oh, but if I tell you, I shall have to kill you, Jacob," Renesmee winked slyly down at him.

"That's fine with me. You're worth dying for."

"Well, if you say so." She leaned down slowly, bringing her lips to Jacob's ear she rested a hand on his bare arm, and pressed her chest down on his. Jacob could feel her breathing. With an other friend-girl, laying down on a sofa like this would have been awkward, but his connection Nessie relaxed him like a breath of fresh air. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"Positive."

"I woof you, Jacob Black," she whispered.

"Well, that's a relief, and here I was thinking you'd killed Mufasa," and they laughed together like a pair of kids on the playground, bothering to stop a few moments when both became breathless. Jacob tucked an deep reddish-brown hair Nessie's ear, telling himself that he was merely annoyed by the way it got in her eyes, and thus ignored the loud thumping sound of his heart.

"A-hem!" a deep voice, Emmett the Annoying Uncle, coughed obnoxiously, standing in between Rosalie and Jasper. "Are we interrupting?"

Jacob and Nessie leaped apart. "No that was- No! Nothing happened!" they babbled in harmony. "Shut up!"

"Ugh, whatever!" Rosalie scoffed disinterested, shaking her head in an agitated fashion. "Wh-"

"Just so we're clear, Nessie owes Jacob some money!" Jasper exclaimed.

Rosalie huffed. "I-"

"Tell us, Jacob," Emmett interrupted rudely. "Did you always long to be Lavagirl when you were just a kid, hittin' up innocent peoples' houses for chocolate? Or maybe your hair is a tribute to the Pink Power Ranger?

Jasper slapped his knees, hugging his gut. "Or did you get into a fight with Walt Disney's paintbrush?"

Nessie glowered harshly at her two uncles and turned to Rosalie. "Rosalie, are you going to save Jacob or not?"

"Well, I really don't think I should want to help that annoying mongrel out, considering how he treats me. All those stupid blonde jokes, I think it's only fair that he gets a taste of his own medicine for a change," but Rosalie was on the verge of caving in, mainly because of that beaten puppy dog face her goddaughter adorned. "I guess we can't afford to let him walk around in public with pink hair. Although, I definitely like Rachel Black more now. Just go get me some scissors, sweetheart."

The fifteen year-looking vampire-human nodded, marching upstairs to retrieve the green ones in her room, and momentarily left Jacob alone with the three Cullens.

"Well, well, well," the flaxen-haired vampire female tsked, drumming her long fingers together, and wore a dark smirk that made her look like the Cheshire Cat. "You need my help, don't you, Fido?"

"Unfortunately," Jacob grumbled under his breath.

"Pink doesn't really suit you anyway, mutt," she stated, stepping closer. "You hair, though, does seem to remind of something I could purchase at Hot Topic for a dollar." Rosalie quickly glanced at the hysterical hyenas. "Go home already! This won't take very long."

"But. . ." Emmett trailed off upon being on the receiving end of his wife's death glare. "Fine, we're leaving."

"Whipped much?" Jacob asked, both eyebrows raised. It always did his heart good to see a vampire defeated.

"No! You just know that conscience thing people are supposed to have? It so happens mine can deny my sex," the gorilla-bloodsucker replied, shoulders slumped in mourning as he and Jasper lost the chance to further torture Jacob.

Renesmee returned, ready to hand over the scissors just as Jasper made one last jibe at Jacob. "I think the Backstreet Boys should sue you, dawg, since you obviously copied their hairstyle," and she did the unthinkable.

"It's," wuhchika, "just," wuhchika, wuchika, "hair!" Wuchika!

They all gaped at Nessie, who gripped large portions of snipped curls in one hand, as she finally passed the scissors over to her aunt.

"Now, you better leave Jacob alone or I promise I'll do the same thing to you, nimrods," Nessie warned, challenging them to continue to piss her off, and they escaped out the front door.

"Nessie!" Jacob exclaimed in bafflement. "Why on earth would you do that?"

"Because they were being plain awful to you, Jake, and I guess I got a little bit protective. If I could cut off my own hair, what is there to stop me from doing theirs?" Renesmee said; Jacob grinned appreciatively. It was probably the weirdest testament to their connection. "I'm fine, really. It's not a big deal, just don't let me look in the mirror."

"Okay!" Rosalie sighed exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of nose. "Let me handle one hair emergency at a time, please? Both you of head upstairs to the restroom. We need to approach this situation properly."

"Aunt Rosie, don't be so stressed out. It's only-"

"Hair. I know," Rosalie smiled, unable to stay mad at the youngest Cullen, "but no niece of mine is going to have uneven hair like those girls on those horrible soap operas. Now, toss the chopped up pieces in the trash and do what I say. Am I making myself clear?"

"Ma'am, yes ma'am!" Renesmee saluted, and the ascended the staircase after Jacob.

"Can't believe you did that," he whispered, thoroughly impressed. "Thanks for defending me in the most unconventional way imaginable, oddball."

"No problem, pinky."