[AN: So, they finally let me know (after suspending me to "review my employment") that they decided to not keep me. The funny thing is that I went into work the day they suspended me and was wishing I had vacation time, because I really needed some real time off. Then they sent me home early, I wasn't complaining. In fact, as I've joked before, I thought I was going to get fired Sunday or Monday, and made it all the way 'til Tuesday morning! lol. Anyway, let's get out of the real world and into the fake world. Here's your chapter, I hope you enjoy it, feel free to review, message me or just read!]
Kerri looked in the toilet at what she'd eaten the night before.
She really wouldn't miss this every morning.
After flushing the toilet and brushing her teeth, she stared in the mirror for a moment, putting her hand on her stomach.
She wasn't sure what to do. It didn't sit right with her to get rid of whatever life may be in her stomach, but she couldn't handle being a parent right now, not only that, but as she'd said to Dr. McCoy, what possible life would an orphan mutant have in this world?
And again, what if her other thought was true; that their genes were too mutated to create a viable offspring? What if they'd just create some terribly horrific ball of flesh that couldn't survive or have any real kind of life?
She shook her head, closing her eyes against the thought and moved to the door to finish getting ready for classes.
Kerri sat in the table in the library, grading notebooks again. Dr. McCoy walked toward her, sitting in one of the chairs.
"So," he started. "How are you feeling miss Gaylin?"
Kerri looked up at him. "Um, fine..."
"And, I know it's only been a little bit, but have you thought about the options?" He asked.
Kerri's eye's widened and she looked around. "Shhhh!"
Dr. McCoy looked around and back to her. "Don't worry; there's no one here, it's just the two of us." Kerri looked around again. "Have you had a chance?" He asked again.
"It's all I've been thinking about," she admitted. "What if... What if... It's not complete..." She asked nervously.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"I mean, the two of us, we're both mutants, what if our DNA is too degraded... to make a real..."
"Kerri, just because you're a mutant doesn't mean you wouldn't be able to have a baby; Kurt's parents are both mutants, and your... Well, I can't claim that I know about your lineage, but there is nothing that would make your genes form into anything abnormal, at least not any more than any one else."
"Really?" Kerri asked.
"Of course, the mutation that mutants face, it's not one that degrades the genetics, it's an evolution of them," he told her.
"Oh..." Kerri muttered.
Dr. McCoy stood, making his way away from the table. "Don't worry, it will be fine," he told her again. "Think about your options, and telling Kurt. He deserves to know what's going on."
"I'm not ready yet..." Kerri said quietly. She was left to her thoughts, alone in the library. She went to the desk and pulled the phone out from under the shelves. She opened the browser on the computer and looked up the phone number she was looking for.
"Thank you for calling the Hoshuner clinic, how can I help you?" The lady's pleasant tone came across the line. Kerri was silent, not sure what to say. "Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?"
"Uh," Kerri cleared her throat. "Yes, I- sorry, frog in my throat..." She tried to laugh it off. "I was... hoping for a gynecologist, or... maybe just an ultrasound?"
There was some typing and the lady asked, "what is the nature of your visit?"
Kerri looked around at the empty library nervously. "I- I'm pregnant," she whispered.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" The lady asked.
"I'm- pregnant," Kerri breathed.
"Did you say you're pregnant?" The lady asked.
"Yes," Kerri told her.
"And how far along are you?" She asked.
"Um... Almost six weeks..." Kerri almost whispered.
"Ok, and is this your first doctor's visit?" More typing.
"Yes..."
"I can get you in next month," the lady told her.
"That- that's too long- I have to decide... I have to see... Please," Kerri asked, pleading evident in her voice.
"Well, I could check and see if there are any cancellations, just a moment..." The lady paused and more typing was heard. "Oh, yes, it looks like Mrs. Millia delivered early, so we have an appointment on Saturday, if that's soon enough."
"Yes, yes, thank you," Kerri accepted.
"Alright, and your name please?"
"Um, Smith... Lina Smith." Kerri wasn't sure exactly why she lied, she just knew that she didn't want them having her name.
"Ok, so that'll be ten o'clock am on Saturday. Would you like to give me your phone number so I can give you a call back about the appointment?"
"Uh- no, I'll be there."
The week went by slowly, she told Logan she had some early morning planning for her class to do so he'd let her skip sparring with him, and she tried to avoid Kurt without being too obvious about it, but he seemed to be unable to stay away from her.
The knowledge that she was pregnant was weighing heavy on her mind, as well as the decision she was going to have to make, not to mention trying to keep it all a secret from everyone, who, due to her paranoia, seemed to know something about the situation, even though they didn't. Not to mention that whenever she passed Jean or the Professor they would look at her, wondering why the walls were so thick on her mind.
Saturday finally came, much to Kerri's relief, and she woke before anyone, getting ready and going to the garage.
She drove around and sat in a parking lot for a while, not trying to be creepy, just not sure where to go or what to do while she was waiting.
Finally, it was close enough that she drove to the clinic. She parked and went in, standing in front of the door to the offices she was going to.
She turned the knob, hoping that it would be locked, but it wasn't, so she walked in and up to the desk.
The woman behind the desk looked up at her. "How can I help you?" She asked in an almost bored voice.
"I, um, have an appointment..." Kerri almost stuttered.
The woman looked back to the computer screen. "What time?"
"Ten," Kerri told her.
"Lina Smith?"
"That's me," Kerri said, nodding.
The woman got a clipboard and put a paper on it, getting a pen and handing them to her. "Fill these out, bring them up when you're done."
Kerri sat in one of the chairs, staring at the paper, personal questions... When is the last time you... Have you ever...
Kerri circled the answers as fast as she could, then went and took it back up. The lady told her to take a seat, so she did. She looked around the room, not sure what to do with herself.
It was a nice room, a little bland colored, one of those colors that she was sure was supposed to calm you. There were pamphlets on the wall, trying to inform people about different dangers to their health, information about contraception, information on how babies develop.
"Lina?" A woman called, standing in the door way next to the counter.
Kerri stood and followed her through the door way, going back to the office. They sat and the lady asked a lot of personal questions that Kerri thought were weird. 'I must be more conservative than I thought...' She thought to herself in surprise.
Kerri sat and waited for the doctor to come in. When she did, she was very nice and open, asking if Kerri had any questions.
"So, I see on the notes that you said you were about six weeks along?" Kerri nodded. "And, I don't mean to be rude, but are you sure, or is there any possibility you're farther or less?"
"I- I only..."
"It's ok," the doctor smiled at her warmly. "We're only here to help."
"I- I've only- done it- twice... a couple days apart..." Kerri admitted.
"Ok, well, we can be sure then." She smiled kindly. "Let's get started then." She measured around Kerri's waist, took a few vital signs, wrote a few things, then asked. "Ok, now that we've gotten that all out of the way, let's talk options."
Kerri looked up at her, pulling her jacket back on. "What do you mean?"
"Well, there are a few options, since you're coming to a clinic, one for low income patients... So, were you thinking of keeping and raising...? Or adoption?" She paused. "Or terminating?"
Kerri looked up to her. "I- don't know... But I have to decide fast..."
The doctor nodded and wrote something on the chart. "Well, how about we take a look with the ultrasound, maybe that will help you decide?" Kerri nodded and she pulled a machine over to table. "Go ahead and unbutton your pants and pull up your shirt, we'll look and see what we can see."
Kerri unzipped her pants, pulling them down a little and sat on the table. She felt a little awkward waiting, so she looked around. Not much was there, large pictures of the progress from conception to birth, info about different types of contraception...
"Ok, lay back and lift your shirt, I have to put this jelly on your stomach. I just want to warn you, it's a little cold." Kerri cringed a little at the coldness, but the doctor just smiled encouragingly. "Ok, let's see... There's the wall of the uterus... there's the head... here's an arm, let me get a better angle..."
She moved the wand over Kerri's stomach, getting a picture of the whole fetus. Her hand froze and she stared at the image in the ultrasound machine's screen. Kerri looked up at the poster on the wall.
The image was almost the same, but something was wrong...
Kerri looked back to the screen, seeing how the spine went on longer than in the poster. There was no doubt in her mind what that was.
Not only did the worry of there being nothing but a ball of tissue fade, but all thoughts of getting rid of the baby died, replaced by wonder.
The baby was hers, hers and Kurt's. And if Kurt didn't like it, she'd do it herself, but the baby was... Perfect...
If Kurt decided that he didn't want to be involved with her or the baby, at least she'd always have the baby, who held a part of his DNA.
She looked to the doctor, who was still looking at the screen in shock and disbelief. Self preservation made kicked in, and she knew she had to get out of there. "Looks like he'll take after his dad," she smiled.
The doctor looked up. "Oh?"
"Yeah, he's- got a long spine, tall, you know?"
She nodded in acceptance. "Would you like a picture? It will just be the sonogram, but it's the first picture you'll have of your baby."
Kerri opened the door of the van and climbed in. She held up the two sonogram pictures and put them into her jacket pocket, starting the van and driving away, knowing that she should get away while she could, not sure what the doctor would do.
When she arrived at the mansion, she made her way down to Dr. McCoy's lab.
"Come in," he told her when she knocked. She went in and sat next to him on a chair she dragged across the floor. "How can I help you today, miss Gaylin?" Kerri pulled out the picture and handed it to him without a word. He took it and looked at it, taking it in for a moment. "So I see you went to the doctor's." She nodded. "And is this a..."
Kerri nodded again. "A tail."
"So the baby will have Kurt's dashing good looks," he said.
"I'm keeping it."
Dr. McCoy looked over at her. "You've decided?" Kerri nodded, still never having looked at him. "And have you told Kurt?"
"I don't know how..." Her eyes drifted to the ground. "Ruining my own life is hard enough, but his as well..."
"He is the only one who can answer if this would ruin his life," Dr. McCoy told her. "You have to tell him, he can't just find out when you deliver." The concern in his voice was real, Kerri could tell. But she still didn't know how to tell Kurt.
"I will, I just have to find the right way..."
Kurt felt a little out of place in the store, but it wasn't anything he wasn't used to in the rest of the world.
He glanced from a gold bracelet to a set of silver stud earrings, thinking that Kerri didn't seem the type to wear gold.
A man in a suit came up to him, smiling warmly and reaching out to shake his hand. "My name is Gerald, I see you're looking at our sterling silver post earrings, were you looking for a set for a special lady?"
Kurt looked away and cleared his throat before he looked back to the man and took his hand. "Vell, actually, I am looking for somezhing very special..."
Kerri hooked the last hook on her bra, adjusting it for comfort, and looked down.
She was too big for her bra, she just wasn't going to fit.
She pulled on a baggy shirt, hoping to cover it, and went on her way, of course, noticing too late to change anything that her shirt still showed how much she was trying to overflow the fabric.
In her class before lunch, she felt herself almost falling out of the fabric, and stood, walking around as though she was checking what the students were doing, but when she was behind them, she turned and adjusted herself.
As she was turning back, she got a feeling, she recognized that she was picking up the feelings of one of the boys in the class. It was a little aroused, and, she felt, directed at her.
She turned to find who it was, and saw Steven, a boy who had x-ray vision, sneakily looking at her chest, his eyes making his way down.
Kerri turned and smacked him in the back of the head, saying, "Keep your eyes on your paper." He looked quickly back to his paper, his face turning red as the test of the class snickered.
She was relieved that she'd caught him before his eyes had traveled lower, since he might have been able to see that she was pregnant, she wasn't exactly sure how x-ray his vision was.
When it was finally lunch time, Kerri went to the lunchroom and started through the line, reaching forward for some fries. She felt as though she was on the verge of popping out of her bra.
She sat at a table, fixing herself as discreetly as possible as she saw Kurt coming toward her.
He sat down and they talked as they ate, as normally as possible, since Kurt was thinking about an item at a shop and Kerri was thinking about something a little closer to them, neither wanting the other to find out about the other.
Kerri walked through the halls, going toward her room, when she saw Steven coming toward her.
A sudden wave of worry, almost panic, came over her.
All at once, every one in the hall around her jumped. They moved, toward others, away from them, around them, into them, knocking Kerri sideways into a wall as they hurried to get out of the area.
Professor Xavier heard the yelling, as did some of the other teachers, and they were there in a flash to assess the situation.
Xavier saw that nothing was wrong and quieted everyone's mind. "It's ok, nothing is wrong. Please return to what you were doing." The crowd thinned, and Kerri heard, "Miss Gaylin, to my office please?"
Kerri followed him to his office and sat down. "Miss Gaylin, I noticed that you were the only one not panicking in the hall," he commented. She shrugged. "I know you've been working hard to control your emotions leaking out, and you've made wonderful progress, but I was wondering, if you were the cause of the scene out there?" Kerri was staring to the side, not looking at him.
"Miss Gaylin?" She shrugged again. "I'm sorry to bother you with so many questions, but I've also noticed lately..." He trailed off, knowing that she never liked the side ways questions, so he decided to go direct. "Why are your mental walls so thick?"
Kerri felt a smirk raise her lip for a moment and a short laugh escaped her mouth as she looked at him with a challenge in her eye. "You want to know why my mental walls are so thick? When I live in a place where people can read your mind, sometimes on accident? Everyone needs a place to hide their thoughts, right Professor?"
He shifted a little. "Of course." There was silence for a moment.
"Do you want to know what's on my mind right now that made me slip? Is that what you're not asking?" Kerri accused.
"Well-"
"I'll let you see for yourself," she told him. "So you don't have to wonder." She looked at him and focused, then let down the barriers around her mind.
Xavier was a little unsure, but reached out and felt her mind. It was blank. Not just blank, empty, cleaned out and vacated in a way that only a victim of abuse would know how to do. He looked back to her and saw how her eyes had opened, dull and empty, vacant.
Kerri blinked, coming back to herself and imposing her walls again.
Kurt sat at the table in the kitchen, drinking from his glass of juice.
"So, Kurt, it's going to be your birthday next week, any idea of what you want for a celebration?" Ororo asked as she poured a mug of coffee.
Kurt smiled, but hid it as he thought of the jewelry box he was going to go back to the store to pick up. "Vell, I like cake, und maybe ice cream, aber, nozhing too big in zhe vay of a celebration," he told her.
Ororo nodded. "Yes, having too much noise and crowding does detract from the party." She took her coffee and left the room, making way for Logan, who grabbed a bottle of beer and plopped in the chair by him.
He was silent for a moment, then asked, "You know's up with the Kid?"
"N-no, is somezhing wrong vizh her?" Kurt asked, concerned because he knew that Logan was insightful to these kinds of things.
"No," he answered. "She just said that she needs to sped more time working on her class schedule."
Kurt relaxed in his chair. "Ja, she did have a lot of trouble getting it set up. Maybe I should see if she needs any help," he said to himself.
"Yeah. Maybe she'll tell you something else too..." Logan muttered to himself, taking another swig of beer.
Kerri pulled herself from the seat in the library, stacking the notebooks and carrying them to the desk to put them away until the next day.
"So, do you have any thing special planed for your birthday next week, Kurt?" She heard Dr. McCoy asking.
She stopped, looking at the clock for some reason as she wondered what day it was.
"Vell, I told Professor Munroe zhat I vould like a cake und some ice cream, aber, I'm zhinking about somezhing small vizh Kerri, as soon as she gets up here I'm going to ask her," he said, looking behind him, making Kerri hide behind a shelf without knowing why.
She straightened herself, making sure that, even though her stomach wasn't showing yet, it was hidden, and stepped out, making her way to them. "Hi, Kurt," she greeted with a smile.
Kurt smiled back, reaching out to help her, but she refused his help, setting the stack of notebooks on the desk. Dr. McCoy took them and put them under the desk on one of the shelves, saying, "let me get those for you."
"Um, thanks," Kerri agreed.
Kurt reached forward and took her hand, pulling her with him. His smile grew bigger as he took them out through the doors, down the stairs and outside.
He pulled her over to the spot where they usually watched clouds or stars, which ever was out, and pulled his hand so she kept going and fell against him. He put her hand on his and started waltzing with her. "So, liebling, vhat are you doing next veekend?"
Kerri laughed, dancing with him. "Well, I was thinking about staying in and maybe washing my hair... Maybe just sleep all weekend..." She teased him.
"Oh, vell, I guess I vill have to find somevone else to take out to dinner," he teased back.
"Hey, you didn't say there might be free food..." She told him. "In that case, I may be free that day..."
Kurt pulled her closer. "Zhat's more like it."
She smiled more, but as her stomach almost bumped into him, she turned so her hip did instead. "What were you thinking?"
"Vell, now zhat you have agreed, I vill make zhe reservations." He pulled her closer, his lips pressing against hers.
She kissed him back, but as his hand pulled her closer, she felt her stomach pressing against him, and pulled back a little. "So... Where are we going?"
"Zhat is a surprise, aber, maybe you should vear a dress or somezhing," he told her.
Kerri raised an eyebrow to him. "Ok, I'll see what I've got."
Kerri couldn't believe how fast the week was going, almost over before she knew it. She was making her way to the library so she wasn't late for her class, when Logan almost passed her, pausing in front of her.
"When are you going to tell the Elf?" He asked.
Kerri straightened, startled. "W-what?"
"You heard me," he told her.
"I- I don't know what you mean..." she said, but knew it was flimsy against him.
"Wanna try again?" He asked.
Kerri sighed and looked away. "I will, just... I don't know how..."
Logan huffed and passed her on his way to the danger room.
Kerri made her way to the library and got ready for her first class, but she had trouble concentrating, she kept thinking that now Logan knew she was pregnant, who else knew?
Who else had found out?
She knew she needed to tell Kurt, but she really didn't know how, she couldn't just go up to him and say, "Kurt, despite any plans for the future you had, you're going to be a daddy now!" It wasn't fair to him.
Besides, his birthday was in a few days, and she couldn't bring herself to tell him yet, "happy birthday, oh, by the way..." That was not the kind of present she wanted to give him for his birthday.
But with everyone seeming to know now, somehow...
She gritted her teeth, wondering how true that was, maybe Logan was just lucky, but maybe the others knew as well, since she knew news, especially juicy gossip like this moved fast through the mansion.
The rest of the week passed, full of worry and stress for Kerri.
On Saturday, after grocery shopping, she went through her closet, looking for a dress or skirt to wear. She tried on the few she had, wondering when she was going to start showing and have to get new pants that fit.
She went to the thrift store to find a dress, glad when she found a nice fitting black one that was a good price. It had small straps and also went around her shoulders, then down to her thighs a little tight and was loose the rest of the way to just below her knees.
It wasn't too new and spectacular, but she liked it, and it seemed to be ok for the situation, even though she didn't really know what the situation was, just that she was going out to dinner with Kurt.
She made her way back to the mansion and got ready for dinner, surprised when she didn't see Kurt around.
Monday came and went, and so did the next day, and Kerri still didn't see Kurt.
She was surprised, since he'd been sticking close to her for a while, and her paranoid mind put it to that he must have found out she was pregnant.
Not that she could blame him, after all, they hadn't planned this, and she had been freaked out, too, when she found out.
She sat at the table in the dinning room on Wednesday, trying not to cry as she pushed her food around her plate.
'I used to be so good at being emotionless, why can't I do it now?' She wondered forlornly.
Suddenly a body dropped across from her and a tail wrapped around her ankle.
She looked up to see Kurt across from her, smiling like a maniac. It was a little disconcerting to her after thinking that he was avoiding her.
"Hallo liebling. How are you today?" He asked.
"I-I'm ok," she answered. "What about you?"
"Great," he told her, his smile getting a little bigger, if that was possible.
"Y- good," she answered. "So... Where have you been for the last couple of days?"
"Oh, just, had some errands to run," he told her.
After they ate, Kurt took Kerri outside and laid with her, watching the stars, pulling her close and holding her against him until she almost fell asleep.
Kerri's hand moved over his chest lazily, making his skin rise up in goosebumps. He could tell that she was falling asleep, and he held her as close as she'd let him.
