7. Unspoken

The prince sighed softly to himself, listening with half an ear to the chattering of the other young knights. He knew he shouldn't let his mind drift home, but without Kel and Neal here to distract him the draw was inevitable.

He missed his Shinko terribly; it seemed unfair that they had to be separated just as they were finally beginning to trust one another. He knew that they had a long road ahead of them to reach the kind of love his parents shared, and he was anxious to get started on the journey.

It had been hard enough to put off the wedding, after preparing for it for so long, but he knew his duty. He had been taught from the cradle to put his people before his own happiness, as had his Yamani intended, and that's what they had done. Riding to war though, that had little to do with his country and Roald knew it.

No one would have ordered the crown prince to the front lines; in fact, he knew many of his father's advisors who had suggested strongly that it would be safest for him to remain in Corus.

He remembered well the afternoon that his friends had been called away one by one to receive their orders. He had been the last to be called, and as he entered the room and bowed to his father he could tell instantly that this was a test. The council members were there, standing silently off to the sides, watching him with eyes that ranged from kind to judging, but all watching him.

Roald had forced himself to stand tall under the barrage of gazes, focusing on the single one that mattered to him. His father's strong, level voice, the tone of which Roald had always envied but could never achieve, rang out through the silent chamber, his speech formal as the occasion demanded.

"One day, my son, you will occupy my place on this throne. The fate of the realm and its inhabitants will depend upon the choices you make. Therefore I present you now with a choice- you may follow your fellow knights to war, or remain at the Palace to aid your mother and I and continue your lessons."

He wanted to stay, to watch over his brothers and sisters and go riding with his future wife. One knight would not make a difference in the course of the war, especially since it was unlikely they would allow him to do anything remotely dangerous. He would be lucky to be allowed outside the camp's walls without a full guard. But it wasn't his choice really, and what he wanted didn't matter.

"I will go to war Sire." It was a prince's choice, not his own. Yet his heart still leapt when he saw the approval in his father's eyes. He hated himself for seeking it.

Roald knew his parents were worried, that his shyness and reserve were mistaken for ignorance and timidity, that there was some concern among the conservatives about his being fit to take the throne.

A true king would follow his own heart; a true king would not have been afraid to do what he really felt. Roald knew he was so different than his parents; perhaps that was why he strived so hard to make them proud.

He had no doubt that if his father had been in his place, he would have followed his friends to war without a second thought. How many times had he heard the story about Alanna's rescue at the River Drell? Someday, he prayed, he would be able to step out of their shadow and find himself.

But not today, not this war. The army needed a prince, someone to show them the importance of what they were doing, to let them know that the whole country was fighting together and it was not just some noble's whim.

So he found himself riding north, not as a soldier but a symbol, each step taking him that little bit farther away from the heart he had left behind.

Rising from the table unnoticed by his companions, he began to make his way upstairs towards his room. Always the best room- if anyone had bothered to ask, he would have told them he preferred to sleep outside. He often found himself feeling trapped and claustrophobic indoors these days.

A voice rang out from the bottom of the stairs ahead- he recognized it instantly as Neal's, but he had never heard his friend sound that dangerous before. He spoke so low it was almost a growl.

Roald stood silently, waiting for the passage to clear; a small movement at the top of the stairs caught his eye, and he realized that Kel was listening as well. Neal was so caught up in his speech to the innkeeper that he noticed neither of them.

Watching his friend passionately defend his ideals, some of Roald's gloom lifted. When Neal had finished and stalked off without a backward glance at the terrified innkeeper, Roald waited for Kel to follow him. He was sure she would go after him, if only to thank him- she was the one, after all, who had taught them the importance of standing up to bullies in the first place. Instead, she turned quickly and headed back towards her room, a small smile on her face.

More memories rose to the surface; he knew what it was like to be so close to someone that you could understand one another without words. He was glad Kel and Neal had that; they deserved it. His thoughts drifted back to his childhood and the bond that he and Kally would always share, even if only through letters; he hoped that in time he and Shinko would find something similar.

Roald entered his room with a lightened heart. It was always hard to consider what you were forced to leave behind, but sometimes it was nice to be reminded of what you were fighting for.