(See the first chapter for disclaimer, notes, spoiler, etc.)
Chapter 7: "Enough Love"
December 24, 2014
Trey wandered through the living room, fading beams of sunlight catching on the boughs of the Christmas tree. He was the first one downstairs. Everyone else was still getting ready. Pop and Alex would be over soon with Uncle Sean, Aunt Tessa, and Tommy. He got what he wanted. The whole family was together for Christmas.
So, why did he feel so shitty?
He sighed and stood in front of the tree, blindly gazing at it. It wasn't one of the color coordinated and perfectly decorated trees you see in magazines. It was a real person's tree. The white lights glittered like diamonds, nestled among ornaments he had made in school and ones Mom collected from their family vacations over the years. Gold beaded garland draped around the tree, drawing the eye up to the ethereal angel standing at the top. "Don't you look handsome!" he heard Nan say and he glanced over his shoulder. She walked across the living room, smiling at him. He shrugged and turned back to the tree. She stood next to him, watching it with him.
A construction paper snowflake caught his attention and he pointed at it. A wallet size photo of him, Mom, and Dad was glued to the center of it. "I made that in like first grade," he said softly. He couldn't have been more than a year old in the photo. He had been a chubby baby with white blonde hair and a rosy complexion. Mom held him, smiling up at the camera as Dad's arm rested around her.
Nan nodded and reached out, turning the ornament to her. Some of the silver glitter from it fell onto her fingers, but she didn't seem to notice. "This was from your first Christmas," she said quietly. He turned to her, watching the way her eyes softened as she gazed down at the photo.
"How do you know?" he asked softly.
He watched her smile before her eyes flickered up to his. "I bought the outfit you're wearing. It was a dark green sweater and corduroy pants." As she returned the ornament to the tree, she added, "You looked precious in it."
"How do you remember that?" he marveled. Truly. He couldn't even remember what he wore last week.
"It was the first Christmas after I moved back to England. Caity, Sean, and you spent the holiday here with Poppop. Sending the outfit you wore made me feel a part of it. Somehow."
He sighed, shaking his head. "But, didn't that suck, Nan? Not being with your family on Christmas?"
She inhaled deeply and finally nodded after several moments. "It certainly doesn't make my list of the Christmas top ten."
"It's so stupid," he mumbled, glaring down at the presents covered in shiny wrapping paper. "All these years we were either here or there. This is Pop's year – no, wait, it's Nan's year." He looked up at her, feeling the frustration of the last several months building in his chest. "Why couldn't the two of you just get along then the way you do now!"
Her sad half-smile gave way to a sigh. Her shoulders rose in a gentle shrug before she suggested, "I think it was too painful back then for us to be friends. We hurt each other too much."
His mouth tightened as his hands trembled. Her ignoring his outburst just made him more angry. He was tired of not understanding. He was tired of everyone else knowing things about his life. He was fed up with other people deciding how his life turned out. "That's so...so selfish!" he snapped. She blinked and took a slight step away from him as he clenched his hands in fists. "Didn't either of you think about what that would do to us?"
To me.
To my older brother.
To my older sister.
She nodded slightly. "Believe me, Trey...it was better that Poppop and I were apart back then. We-" she broke off and looked away, gazing over at the tree, "we weren't good for each other. We were too damaged."
His heart pounded in his ears as he heard himself ask, "Because your son died?" Me. I died. The son of Gregory and Olivia Richards died and came back to life as the son of Cole and Caitlin Deschanel. She looked up slowly, her blue eyes surprisingly clear. The anger in him instantly deflated as he watched her chin tremble. She cleared her throat and turned away, moving to the other side of three. Away from him. He sighed. Nothing he did was right. "Nan...I- I'm sorry," he said softly.
She nodded and he saw the way she clenched her hands tightly. "It's alright," she said softly. But, she still wouldn't look at him.
His stomach flipped and he moved towards her. He hurt her. "I didn't mean it," he said, tentatively reaching for her. Slowly and gently, he wrapped his arms around her. His chest pressed against her back as he begged, "Please forgive me."
She turned to him, a shaky smile dancing on her lips. "I do," she whispered in reply, hugging him back. He towered over her slender frame, but he still managed to lower his head to her shoulder. "Of course I forgive you," she murmured, running her hand over her head. Like a mother. Like his mother.
He choked back a sob. He couldn't help it. He gripped her tighter and cried into her shoulder as they stood in a hazy beam of setting sun. "Nan," he gasped, looking up at her as hot tears streaked down his face. He wanted to tell her. He needed to tell her that he knew. She would understand. She would help him figure out what to do next. She was his mother. "Nan, I-"
She looked up at him, cupping his face as her thumbs wiped away his tears. "What is it, darling boy?" His whole body trembled as he watched her. She waited patiently and, despite the tears in his eyes, he could see the fear and confusion in her eyes. "Whatever it is, just tell me."
He looked past her, the picture on the snowflake ornament catching his attention. Mom. Dad.
Truth changes everything. Once you know it, nothing is ever the same. But, from that point on, you know everything. It can't get worse, can it?
Pop wasn't usually wrong, but he was this time. Things could always be worse, whether or not you knew the truth. He was only sixteen, but the news was filled every day with stories about the worst kind of pain and violence inflicted on people. No one did more harm to humans than other humans. But, he couldn't hurt Mom and Dad. That's all the truth would do – and it would only get worse. Everything would change.
He just couldn't do it to them.
"Trey?" Nan asked, her sharp tone getting his attention.
He looked over, sniffling. Her hands were warm and gentle against his cheeks. He shook his head and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to snap at you."
She narrowed her eyes, watching him carefully. "What's troubling you?" she asked seriously and he could hear the worry in her voice. He began to shake his head and he felt her hands tense against his face. "Is this about what you asked Poppop yesterday?" His lips parted and he found himself nodding a moment later. In a way, it wasn't a complete lie. He could easily trace every action he's taken over the last few months back to that summer night in Lavenham Hall. Truth changes everything. Once you know it, nothing is ever the same. "Oh, Trey," she sighed as she shook her head slowly. He wasn't surprised that Pop told her.
"I don't understand," he confessed. "How can you and Pop love each other, but be married to other people?" It wasn't the truth he wanted to hear from her, but it was a start.
Nan watched him for a long moment, her eyes full. "Because I love them both," she said simply, her voice catching. "I've got enough love in my heart for Poppop and Colin."
He felt her fingers tremble against his cheeks and he reached up for her hands, squeezing them gently. Maybe that was how he could live for all of them. Mom and Dad. Nan and Pop. He could just love them all. His four parents. The parents who gave him life and the parents who shared his life. "I just wanted to be with you this Christmas," he whispered, still holding her hands. "You and Pop. Just for once."
"I know," she sighed, smiling up at him. She shook her head slightly as a pained expression washed onto her face. "I so wish it was different for you," she continued, watching him carefully. "So so different."
Not just for him, but her and Pop too. He didn't know everything, but he knew something – someone – else took him from her and Pop. No one would choose this kind of sacrifice. He reached up and wrapped his arm around her. "I'm ok, Nan. Really. I'm going to be fine." She watched him carefully and he looked back at her, unafraid. Because he knew he would be fine. Whatever the reasons why didn't so much matter any more. She and Pop were his parents, but he was going to honor their sacrifice. He was going to make them proud. He was going to keep their secret. If the truth was revealed, it would destroy Mom and Dad. "Everything's going to be alright, Nan. I promise."
She smiled and reached up, brushing her hand over his hair. "So confident," she whispered. "Just like Poppop. When you say things like that, it's enough to make me believe."
He grinned and leaned down, kissing her cheek softly. "I love you, Nan."
He closed his eyes as she wrapped her arms around him. "I love you too, darling boy."
Darling boy, you'll never know how much I love you.
He did.
He knew exactly how much she and Pop loved him.
Gregory stepped onto the patio, softly closing the glass door behind him. Olivia was standing at the top of the stairs that led to the pool, leaning against the stone column. "You alright?" he asked quietly.
She glanced over her shoulder and rewarded him with a tired smile. "Just thinking," she replied.
"Oh?"
She exhaled and turned back out to the horizon. "Don't tell Colin, but...I miss this view." He nodded, remembering how much she loved watching the sunsets. How she marveled at the colors painted in the sky. "I don't realize how much until I'm here to see it."
He nodded. "I won't tell him." She nodded, but didn't turn back to him. He stood next to her, their shoulders brushing together as they gazed out at the ocean. The sun had already dipped behind the horizon and dark blue night was encroaching. "Liv?"
"Hmm?"
"What were you and Trey talking about when I got here?" They were sitting on the sofa, deep in conversation. He wouldn't have thought anything of it, but it was the expression on her face that made him wonder. The way she gazed at Trey, lost in the joy of the splendid boy who could never be theirs. The way he could see her blinking back tears.
"You know," she began quietly, "I really don't remember." She glanced over, a sheepish look dancing across her face. "He was talking, but I was just watching him." She pushed away from the column, her red silk blouse rippling as she reached for his hand. She led him down the stairs, the ocean breeze whipping over them. "He's so like you."
"God help us all," he quipped and she shook her head.
"No," she insisted, squeezing his hand. "He does. He's so brilliant and articulate. Kind. Thoughtful. Compassionate." Their eyes met as she whispered, "He reminds me of you – back when I fell in love with you."
Olivia watched him inhale sharply and look away. She reached out, her fingers against his cheek as she slowly turned his face back to her. They were far from the prying windows. No one in the living room could see them down here. "And, he's going to be fine," she whispered in a thick voice, seeing him blink back tears. "I feel it."
He shook his head as he covered her hand with his own. "He's perfect," he whispered and she nodded. Their perfect boy. Their second chance child was thriving and flourishing. She remembered Gregory when they first began dating. How driven and accomplished he was. How he was destined for great things. That's how she knew Trey would be fine.
He's his father's son.
"Why don't we do this more often?" she whispered, watching him closely. "More family visits like this – not just at Christmas."
He nodded, squeezing her hand. "I would love that, Liv."
She beamed, thinking about how far they came from a street corner in Naples. How they had everything they ever wanted. Not in the way they first envisioned it, but they had it all. She slipped her hand away from his and reached up to the chain around her neck. "Do you remember this?" she asked, slipping the necklace off and over her head. She heard him suck in his breath, watching the way the white-gold locket twisted in the air.
"Of course," he said, barely audible.
She stepped closer to him, her fingernail fitting in the groove to pop it open. The delicate hinge gave enough to show him the baby photos of Caitlin and Sean. Gently, she turned the middle piece and let him see the third photo.
This third spot...that's for our new baby.
"I know," she said, hearing him exhale deeply, "you wanted to be there when I put his photo in." She looked up, seeing him wipe his eyes. His hands covered hers as they held the locket and looked down at Trey's photo. She had put it in when she got back to London after they learned the truth, silent tears streaming down her cheeks as she cut his face out of the photo. "But, I wanted you to see it now. Both of them."
He cleared his throat. "Both?"
She nodded, turning the middle piece over to reveal the fourth photo. A photo of Gregory looked back at them. He was forty years younger in it, a confident grin directed to the photographer. She needed them with her.
All of them.
He felt his chest shudder as she smiled at him. With a bashful shrug, she whispered, "I wanted them there: the loves of my life."
He reached up and cupped her face, watching her intently. "I told him I never wanted to live my life without you," he whispered and she nodded. She leaned against him, tucking her head beneath his chin. They still fit perfectly. He ran his hand over her head, sighing her name into the night. Her arms tightened around him as she looked up, her lips quivering. "I love you," he sighed.
Gently, he leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers. She still tasted the same. He hadn't kissed her like this in more than a decade. Since that day in his study. When they gave up Trey for good. She leaned into him and sighed against his lips, murmuring his name. When she looked up, there was no guilt in her eyes, no regret.
He reached for her hands, kissing her knuckles before he slipped the locket from her grasp. She smiled and turned her back to him, gathering her short hair to one side. His fingers brushed the back of her neck as he put the chain around her throat and clasped it. "I love you too," she whispered as he cupped her shoulders.
She leaned back against him as he wrapped his arms around her. She closed her eyes, savoring the way it felt to stand in his embrace – if only for a moment.
Trey rolled his eyes when Helena pressed her cheek to his and held out her phone. "Smile, you big grump!" she insisted and he grinned, obliging her. The gentle strains of the holiday music drifted around them, lingering on the air. "Which filter do you like?"
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
It's the time of the year
When all good dreams come true
He shrugged, movement at the periphery of his vision catching his eye. Pop held open the patio door for Nan as they walked back into the house. "Umm," he said, watching as they met his gaze. "You choose. You're better at stuff like that than me." As she grumbled a reply, he smiled across the room at Nan and Pop. Pop nodded, his hand on Nan's shoulder as she winked at him. An idea jumped into his mind and he stood quickly. "Hey, Helena? Do me a favor?" He grabbed her hand and dragged her across the living room, sidestepping the rest of his family. "Hey, Mom? Uncle Sean? Come here. Helena's going to take our picture by the tree."
Caitlin looked up, brushing her hair over her shoulder. "Here," she said, holding out her iPhone. "Use mine, Helena. It takes better pictures."
"Or," Alex said, "you could let the retired photographer take it."
"Thanks, sweetheart," she heard her father say. She turned to her parents, watching them. Trey was already between them, an arm around each of them.
She sighed, content.
"Come on, Cait," Colin heard Sean say as he grabbed his sister's hand. They stood on either side of Gregory and Olivia, framing the shot. He caught his wife's eye and smiled at her.
She smiled back at him.
Every Christmas, Every Christmas
There's a magic in the air
When the holiday spirit's true
Alex squinted through the viewfinder, gently adjusting the focus. "Olivia, lower your chin slightly...perfect!" She took a small step to the left, admiring the way the tree lights scattered on the family.
It was the perfect photo.
Helena stood next to her grandfather and smiled when his arm went around her. She leaned into him, watching as Trey and his family posted for the photo. Her cousin looked like himself again.
She was happy for him.
Sean's hand rested on his mother's arm, a grin plastered on his face. There wasn't much more he could ask for his parents. "Merry Christmas, Mom," he whispered in her ear.
He felt her take his hand and squeeze it.
Trey stood between Nan and Pop, smiling.
If we open our hearts
Our wishes would come true
For the first time in months, he felt whole. What matters is how you get back up. He was going to be ok.
They all were.
THE END.
A/N: The song interspersed at the end is She & Him's "Christmas Wish" (written by Joey Spampinato).
