I fidgeted in my seat as we waited patiently for the interviewer to come and get us. It was the second interview and I was just as nervous for this interview as I was for the first. I had the luxury of the guys being here with me for this interview though. Harry was leaning up against the wall, messing around with his PDA, as usual. Shane placed his hand on my shaking leg.
"Mitchie, relax. You'll be fine," he said. I bit my lip lightly and nodded. He turned his attention back to his conversation with Nate and Jason. We weren't really on speaking terms at the moment. This morning got off to a bad start when Shane had asked me why I had been avoiding him lately. I didn't realize that I had been ignoring him, I just had so much on my plate lately that he wasn't the first thing on my mind.
Those had been my exact words.
Needless to say, he had gotten a little defensive and now we were no longer on speaking terms. It really sucked, considering my anxiety levels were skyrocketing through the roof. My leg began shaking again as the clock slowly crept to the large six. I bit my lip so hard that I could feel the skin breaking on the inside of my lip.
"Connect 3 and Mitchie Torres!" a voice called. We all looked up and smiled as a young lady came to greet us.
"Hello Bethany," Shane said, pulling her into a tight embrace. I saw him glance at me slightly and I immediately caught onto his game. I gave him a tiny glare before shaking Bethany's hand.
"Good to meet you Mitchie," she said kindly.
"Good to meet you too, Bethany," I said, smiling politely.
"Shall we get this interview started?" she asked, leading us into a private room. We all nodded and sat down on the couch, Shane on one end, me on the other.
"So how are you all?" she asked us, turning on her little recorder.
"Overall, good," Nate said, hesitant to give a straight answer.
"Really? It looks like a couple of people are avoiding each other," she said knowingly. I sent a look at Shane who just rolled his eyes.
"Small disagreement. That's all," Shane said simply. Bethany nodded.
"Fair enough. So guys, what's it like to have Mitchie as part of the team now?" she asked.
"It's great actually. She is an amazing singer and she is really talented as well as just being a fun person to be around," Nate said.
"Mitchie, what's it like to work with a group as big as Connect 3?" Bethany asked.
"Well, I've known them for awhile now, so it's just like working with my friends. It's not much different than working with my best friend Caitlyn who produces all of my music," I answered.
"Your best friend produces the music? How old is she?" Bethany asked.
"My age, eighteen," I answered.
"Shane, you're twenty-one. What's it like to date somebody so much younger than you?" she asked, switching subject without any warning. I felt a small flame ignite in me as well as conversation whiplash.
"Well, it's not so much younger. It's only a three year difference," Shane said. I nodded.
"But three years is a huge jump," Bethany reasoned.
"I believe that it all depends on the age of the two people dating as well as the maturity levels, because there is a huge difference between a 10 year old and a 13 year old, as well as a difference between a 13 year old and a 16 year old, but as you grow up, the age gap seems to shrink, and by our age, the gap between 18 and 21 is miniscule," Shane said.
"Fair enough. Mitchie, tell us where you're from," Bethany said, switching the topic again. I saw Harry flash Shane a smile, congratulating him for defending our age difference in a mature and very appropriate way.
"I'm from St. Cloud, Minnesota," I answered.
"What was it like?" she asked.
"Well, my mom and dad raised me like any other Minnesotan child. How to fish, how to tell the signs of winter, and where the best lakes were," I joked. They all laughed.
"Any siblings?" Bethany asked. I bit my lip and looked at the guys.
"Um, yes. One brother," I said, looking down at my feet.
"Really? Older or younger?" she asked.
"Uh, older brother," I said, not wanting to continue the conversation that we were on.
"Really? What's his name?" Bethany asked.
"Patrick," I said quietly.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that," she said. She was either oblivious to my discomfort or found it amusing to watch me squirm.
"His name is Patrick," I said louder. Shane, Nate and Jason caught on quickly to my discomfort.
"Bethany, I don't think-" Shane began, but Bethany cut him off.
"How old is he?" Bethany pried.
"You know, this isn't a very comfortable subject and I'd rather you not continue questioning me like that," I said, not realizing where my sudden spark of confidence came from.
"So guys, any new music?" she asked, pretending as if nothing had happened.
Once the interview was over, we all sat in four separate chairs, getting ready for the photo shoot. I felt my stylist curling my hair as the people doing my makeup put a simple brown eye shadow on my top lid and lined the bottom lid with dark eye liner and put a thin coat of clear lip gloss on my lips.
"You don't give them much to work with," Jason said, smiling at me. I gave him a smile and watch him and Nate make their way over to the big, white curtain where we'd be having the shoot. I saw Shane glaring at me slightly.
"Okay hun. You're good to go," my stylist said. I thanked him and quickly hopped down from the chair. I walked up to Shane and give him the "I'm Sorry" eyes.
"Can we talk about it later?" I asked quietly. He nodded and ushered me over to the guys. I smiled when I saw that the photographer was Michael again.
"Hey Michael!" I exclaimed. He smiled when he saw me.
"Well hello Miss Torres! Funny seeing you here," he said. Shane's eyes narrowed.
"You two know each other?" he asked. I caught the hint of jealousy in his voice and quickly jumped to sooth his insecurities.
"Yeah, Michael was my photographer for the first shoot," I informed him. Shane nodded.
"This girl was hilarious! She ended up having me put the camera on a timer so that everybody in the room could get a group photo," Michael said. I smiled and walked in front of the camera.
"Okay everyone. Have fun!" Michael said. I smiled and nodded. The camera began snapping pictures and we had some group shots of all of us standing together. I quickly stepped out of the shot. The guys all looked at me confused. I suddenly ran towards them and jumped onto Shane who took a step back, catching me. Nate, Jason and I all began laughing and goofing around, but Shane remained serious.
"Mitchie!" he suddenly exclaimed. Everything stopped. I slowly turned to him, he looked angry. Harry took a couple steps forward, afraid that Shane was going back to his "diva" ways.
"Can I talk to you for a minute…over there?" he asked, pointing towards a private room. I nodded and tore myself away from Nate and Jason. Once we were out of the shot, Nate and Jason resumed getting their pictures taken.
"What is it?" I asked.
"You can not do that!" Shane exclaimed. I took a step back in surprise at his exclamation.
"Why not?" I asked, genuinely confused.
"These aren't your buddies that you're taking pictures with for your Facebook account!" he exclaimed. I narrowed my eyes.
"No, but that doesn't mean that you can't have some fun while doing it!" I exclaimed.
"You don't know anything do you?" he spat. I let out a groan of frustration.
"Shane, the serious pictures…yeah, sure, they're great, but they have no life to them! Is that how you want your fans to see you? Lifeless?" I asked. Shane glared at me.
"You don't know anything Mitchie," he said.
"Yes I do! I may not know a lot, but I've only been here for a little over a week. I was thrown into this! Give me some time to adjust," I said, getting tired of the fighting.
"You can't just act like an idiot Mitchie," he said, obviously growing tired of the fight as well.
"Oh, so now I'm an idiot?" I asked, reeling from the cruel words.
"God Mitchie! I didn't mean you are an idiot. I just mean the thing's you're doing are pretty idiotic!" he exclaimed.
"Shane…I was told to have fun with this! It's a photo shoot! Have some fun with it!" I exclaimed, turning to open the door, but it was closed before I had the chance to get out. I felt myself get turned around and pushed into the wall. I was about to protest when I felt his warm lips on mine. I instantly forgot about the fact that we were fighting as it became apparent to me that he had been resenting me so much because I was acting like I resented him.
I felt his hands run along my tummy and I shuddered at the contact. He pulled away slowly as we both gasped for the much needed oxygen. My eyes shyly looked up into his gazing ones.
"You have no idea how hard that was for me," he said. I watched a small pool of tears form in his eyes. I quickly pulled him to me in a comforting hug. He dug his face into the crook of my neck. I ran my hand through his hair. I felt him kiss my neck before pulling away and looking down at me.
"I thought I was going to lose you," he said quietly. I shook my head.
"I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I'm so sorry that I have been putting you and our relationship on the back burner," I said quietly. He nodded and pulled me to him again. I wrapped my arms around him and scratched his back lightly.
"I'm sorry for freaking out. I know that you're new to this and all and you're just doing what you're told, but I was always told that even if they said have fun, be serious," he said quietly.
"Shane…that's not the real you…no matter how much you want people to think it is, you're not even half as serious as you let on," I said, cracking a small smile. I watched as his face smile lightly too.
"I'll try to lighten up…for you," he said, kissing my nose. I smiled at the romantic gesture.
"Thank you," I said, leaning up on my toes to kiss him lightly on the cheek. We opened the door to see Nate and Jason wrestling while everyone was cracking up. I laughed and grabbed Shane hand. We ran towards the two wrestling brothers and resumed the photo shoot.
"How was the interview that I wasn't invited to?" Caitlyn asked once Jason walked through the door.
"That was the most fun that I've had at a photo shoot in ages!" Nate exclaimed, walking through the door. We took off our shoes and began telling Caitlyn about how much fun the photo shoot was after Shane had decided to lighten up. Once Nate, Caitlyn and Jason settled into watching a new episode of House, Shane and I walked to his bedroom. I walked in and sat on the bed.
"Okay Mitchie. Why haven't you told me about your brother?" he asked as soon as we were both settled. I looked down at my hands.
"He's um…well, I've never really had him in my life," I admitted.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"My parents…they had him at a young age," I admitted. He looked at me curiously.
"How young?" he asked. I sighed.
"My mom was twelve and she didn't even know that she was able to have a child yet, and my dad was sixteen," I admitted, embarrassed at my parent's carelessness. Shane's eyes widened in shock.
"How old are your parents?" he asked.
"My mom is 44 and my dad is 48," I said. Shane nodded his head.
"So…your brother is…how old?" he asked.
"He's 32 and I haven't seen him since I was 15," I said. Shane's eyes widened.
"Why not?" he asked me.
"Patrick…he got into a bit of trouble and I guess he just couldn't handle facing Mom and Dad," I admitted.
"Do you know where he is?" Shane asked. I shook my head.
"No…it's really kind of sad. I wrote him a song when I was 16 and hoped that the next time I saw him, I would get to play it for him…but he never came home again," I said, a few tears escaping from my eyes.
"What did he do?" Shane asked.
"He got addicted to some really hard drugs," I told Shane.
"I'm sorry Mitch," he said. I rolled my eyes.
"Don't be. It isn't your apology I'm looking for," I said. Shane pulled me to him.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't think it would ever be important. I didn't think I would ever have to introduce you to him," I said. Shane nodded.
"You said you wrote him a song," Shane started. I nodded slowly.
"Can I hear it?" he asked. I shook my head immediately. I couldn't sing him the song that I had wrote for my brother's ears only.
"Please Mitch? It might help," he said. I sighed and knew that if I didn't play the song for Shane, it might not ever be heard. I nodded and pulled out my guitar. I began plucking a few chords, but froze when my brother's image came to mind. I shook my head and placed the guitar down.
"I'm sorry…I can't," I said. Suddenly, my phone began ringing. I quickly pulled it out of my pocket and an unfamiliar number came up.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Is this Mitchie Torres?" a gruff voice asked.
"Yes, who is this?" I asked.
"Hey Mimi," the gruff voice said. I froze and tears immediately sprang to my eyes.
"Patrick?" I asked. Shane immediately moved closer to me.
"Yeah Mimi. How are you?" he asked. I let out a humorless laugh. It was all to strange that the first time I spoke of him is when he finally makes himself known. If I'd known that it only took that much work, I'd have done that two years ago when he never came home.
"I…um…I'm good, how are you?" I asked, a few tears escaping my eyes.
"Better," he said.
"Better? What does that mean?" I asked.
"I'm…ahem…in rehab…finally," he admitted. I smiled.
"Good," I said quietly.
"I heard that you're becoming this amazing star," he said.
"I guess I am," I said.
"Heard that you were dating that Gray guy from that Connect 3 band," he said. I laughed.
"They're all Gray guys. They're brothers," I said, gaining the attention from Shane. He gave me a curious look. I simply shook him off and returned to the conversation with my AWOL brother. I felt Shane quickly pull me into his lap and wrap his arms around my waist.
"The main singer," Patrick said.
"Yeah…I am," I said.
"Is he treating you right?" he asked.
"Yes he is," I said.
"Good…because I don't think they'd let if fly if I broke out of rehab just to kick his ass," Patrick said. I laughed again.
"Could I…could I come visit you?" I asked. I think the question threw him off guard, because he didn't respond.
"I don't know Mitch. There's not very many good guys here. I wouldn't want you getting hurt," he said. I rolled my eyes.
"I'm a big girl Pat. Please?" I asked quietly. I heard him sigh.
"Sure Mimi. I'll tell them that you'll be coming. Wednesday is visiting day, okay?" he said.
"Sure. I'll see you then, but I've got to go now, okay?" I said.
"Alright Mimi. Love you kid," he said. I hesitated in saying it back, but I knew that I could.
"I love you too, Dinosaur," I said, a small smile playing at my lips. I hung up and looked at Shane.
"I think…I'm going to finally be able to play him the song," I said. Shane's jaw dropped.
"That was him?" he asked. I nodded, taking in the reality of it all. I was going to see my brother; the brother who had just disappeared on us one day.
"That's good. You sure that you're ready though?" he asked. I nodded and got off his lap. I stretched out on his bed and then laid on my side. He laid down next to me and brushed my hair behind my ear.
"Have I ever told you that you're really beautiful?" he asked. I gave him a small smile.
"I think you'll have to remind me," I said. He smirked and leaned down to kiss me. I felt as if we hadn't kissed in forever when the truth was that we'd just kissed earlier that morning. But this was different. This wasn't angry or frustrated. This was full of passion and want. He poured everything he'd been feeling into that kiss, and I was only too happy to do the same. I grabbed his shirt and kissed him back hungrily. We reluctantly pulled away when air became a necessity.
"When are you going to visit your brother?" he asked.
"Tomorrow," I said. He nodded and we looked at the clock. It read 10:22 p.m.
"I think it's time for bed," Shane said. I nodded and snuggled up to him.
"Mitchie, I meant in our own rooms," Shane said.
"Please? Just this once?" I asked. He sighed.
"Okay," he said. I smiled and turned over so that my back was against his chest. He clapped his hands so that the lights went out. I felt him snake his arms around my waist and bring me closer to him.
I sat quietly in front of the man that I hardly recognized. His thick brown hair was now thin and losing its color. His once lively chocolate brown eyes that mimicked mine were now lifeless and black. His body was frail and he looked like he would break if you touched him with any amount of force. The damage of a meth addict.
"Mimi!" he said happily. I smiled as I walked towards him. He opened his arms for a hug which I gladly gave.
"How've you been?" he asked.
"I've been good. I want you to meet somebody," I said, smiling lightly. Patrick immediately caught on.
"He's here, isn't he?" he asked. I smiled and nodded.
"Well, get him. I want to meet the lucky man," he said. I turned and motioned for Shane to enter. Shane came in carrying my guitar.
"What? He's going to serenade us all?" Patrick joked. A few guys around him laughed lightly. I shook my head and took Shane's free hand.
"Pat, this is Shane. Shane, this is my brother, Patrick," I said, introducing the two. They shook hands and then Patrick motioned to the guitar.
"You gonna sing us a song Pretty Boy?" he asked, a small smirk playing on his face.
"I'm not…Mitchie is," Shane said. Patrick's eyes widened and I looked at my hands sheepishly.
"You got over your stage fright?" he asked sadly. I nodded and gave him a small smile. He'd always encouraged me to not be afraid of the stage and that the adrenaline rush I got from being on a stage was a good thing, not a bad one.
"Yeah…a couple of summers ago," I said. It was the summer he never came home. Mom had caught my constant hints at Camp Rock and knew that I was hurt about Pat never showing up, so she hoped this would be good for me.
"Well, that is amazing. And you're not letting your problems get too out of hand?" he asked. I nodded, catching on to what he was talking about.
"Yeah. A small incident a few weeks ago, but no big deal," I said, playing it off so Shane wouldn't ask questions.
"So…you've got a song for us?" he asked. I smiled and nodded. I opened the guitar case and pulled my beautiful Taylor guitar out.
"Hey everybody! Listen up! My sister Mitchie is gonna play us a song," Patrick exclaimed. I turned in shock as people began bringing their chairs over to listen to me. I sighed and nodded.
"Okay…um…I wrote this song three years ago…the last time that I saw my brother…and I hope you all like it," I said. I began plucking at the strings like I had the night before.
"I guess you really did it this time,
Left yourself in your warpath.
Lost your balance on a tightrope,
Lost your mind trying to get it back.
Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into.
Wasn't it beautiful when you believe in everything?
And everybody believed in you?
It's alright, just wait and see.
Your string of lights is still bright to me.
Oh, who you are is not where you've been.
You're still an innocent.
You're still an innocent.
Did some things you can't speak of,
But at night you live it all again.
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now,
If only you had seen what you know now then.
Wasn't it easier in your firefly catching days?
And everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you.
Wasn't it beautiful running wild 'til you fell asleep?
Before the monsters caught up to you?
It's alright, just wait and see,
Your string of lights is still bright to me.
Oh, who you are is not where you've been,
You're still an innocent.
It's okay, life is a tough crowd,
32 and still growing up now.
Who you are is not what you did,
You're still an innocent.
Time turns flames to embers,
You'll have new Septembers,
Every one of us has messed up too
Lives change like the weather,
I hope you remember,
Today is never too late to,
Be brand new
It's alright, just wait and see,
Your string of lights are still bright to me.
Oh, who you are is not where you've been,
You're still an innocent
It's okay, life is a tough crowd,
32 and still growing up now,
Who you are is not what you did,
You're still an innocent.
You're still an innocent.
Lost your balance on a tightrope,
It's never too late to get it back," I finished. My face was now filled with the multiple trails of tears that had fallen while I sang. The whole room burst out in applause. I smiled and thanked everybody. It didn't seem like there was a dry eye in my whole audience. I looked at my brother who was smiling proudly at me. I walked up to him as everyone began dispersing.
"That was beautiful Mitchie," he said. I smiled and hugged him.
"I've missed you Dinosaur," I said quietly, hugging him close to me.
"I've missed you too Mimi," he said. I pulled away from him and looked at a proud Shane.
"That was beautiful Mitchie," he said, kissing the top of my head.
"I just wanted to tell you Mitchie…I'm proud of you," Patrick said. I smiled and thanked him. We hung out and talked for awhile, but too soon, it was time for Shane and I to say goodbye.
"We'll come and see you when we can," I promised him.
"Go knock the socks off of America Mitchie," he said. I smiled and nodded.
"Will do," I said. Shane and I began walking away, but we heard Patrick call my name. I turned to him and saw him standing there.
"Tell Mom and Dad that I'm sorry," he said. I nodded and resumed walking with Shane. After we were out of the building I threw myself at Shane and began bawling. Shane didn't say anything, he just held me to him, allowing me to cry.
