Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and Midnight Sun, its dialogues, the plot and character names. All other plotlines, characterizations, and details belong to the author: Bronzehyperion. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without the author's authorization. ©2008 Bronzehyperion. All rights reserved worldwide.

CHAPTER 4: BARE

"And if I bare it all

What I am, for you to see

Will you remain unmoved?

Or flee away from me"

In the hundred-plus years I walked this planet, both alive as well as undead, I had never experienced a day quite like this one.

My human memories ceased to exist at seventeen and holding on to them was difficult. My memories as an immortal however were easier to keep as the mind of a vampire has plenty of storage room to fill with remembrance.

But the memories I had of my immortal life never meant much to me before. The monotone repeatings of how I filled my un-dead existence barely had any significance for almost ninety years. Until a few months ago...

Now, everything meant something. Every moment with Bella was worth remembering. I finally understood what 'never a dull moment' meant.

There was never a dull moment with Bella around, not in the least because I spend a large portion of our time saving her.

Saving her...it had been an almost natural thing from the beginning, despite my initial hesitance to do it. I had believed I could not be her protector; the hunter could never be the hero.

Unfortunately for me, as much as I wanted to be Bella's protector - her hero - I wasn't sure if I could continue to play that part, considering there was also a very fierce hunter inside. A hunter focussed on one prey...

Bella. And her lusciously overwhelming blood.

It was pure selfishness - this need for more memories with Bella - that kept me here. Allowing both hunter and hero to be in her presence was an insanity I kept justifying by telling myself I was her protector. A more self-serving truth was that I simply did not have the strength to stay away from her.

I had been too selfish already, collecting my new memories these past few months. And today, this selfishness would be a pivotal aspect of what kind of self-control I was going to possess. What outcome Alice's vision was going to have...?

The balance would be reset today, as Alice had put it. All along this has been the day where things were going to be put into a certain order. Where my life, as well as Bella's, would be pushed into a certain direction. Either we'd both end up on the same path, or we'd wind up on entirely different ones. Of course, I dreaded that her path would be at a dead end - literally - and mine would be forever fleeing from the true killer I had become, disappointing my family, losing the one love I knew.

I might as well die too, if that were to happen, I thought.

But what if we ended up on the same path? Today I would show her the truest colours I had. I'd bare my repelling nature to Bella. And if she accepted that, if I could control myself in spite of baring it all, then maybe, just maybe we'd be able to be together.

Not in every sense of the word, of course. Bella was a breakable human and even if the monster would be defeated today, there was still a man who was too strong to be that close to Bella. I could hurt her so easily. Another reason to practice as much self control as I could.

I ran most of the way to Bella's house, filled with a frustration of not being able to drive myself. The frustration wasn't so much about the driving, as it was about the reason; Bella needed to drive so her father would still believe she was going to Seattle, all by herself. Also, her truck had no appeal to me - unlike its owner - it felt like it was an insult to any other - faster - car out there. Of course, Bella loved her car and who was I to argue with her on it. Like I'd ever deny her anything...

The sky was veiled with some non-lasting clouds. It was going to be a warm, sunny day. The kind Bella would like. The kind that would demonstrate my vampire nature so much more efficiently.

I came to a halt at the end of the small woods, which stretched to the small garden surrounding the Swan house. I made my way to the front and noticed that Charlie's cruiser was already gone. He must have left early.

With no mind to read, I had to guess when Bella was ready. We had set a time and at exactly eight o'clock I knocked on her door. Leave it to a vampire to be extremely punctual.

The beauty of reading minds - well beauty would be an overstatement; it would be beautiful if it were Bella's mind to read- obviously, was knowing what people were thinking. But since I could not read Bella's thoughts, I had to manage by reading her eyes. Not that they gave away much most of the time, but those deep chocolate brown pools gave me some insight.

Right now however, I could read something new. Not Bella's mind, since hers was - so inconveniently - locked away from my gift. Not her eyes, since there was a wooden door keeping me from staring into them. But I could read - or rather hear - something loud and clear.

A heart thudding rapidly. Bella's heart.

A thudding possibly indicating she was nervous. A thudding hinting she was happy I was here.

A thudding pushing affront the monster inside. The monster smelling his opportunity today. The monster wanted so desperately to taste Bella and consume her blood whilst slowly hearing her thudding heartbeat fade. Until it stopped.

I could still turn around, I thought.

It would be extremely rude, but a wise thing to do. And I suppose I should have done it, but I didn't.

Instead, I could not wait for her to open the door. To see her again. To be with her today, no matter what the outcome would be...

In the mere seconds I deliberated this, my own selfishness frustrated me immensely. Didn't Bella deserve more than this? Did I not owe it to her to keep her safe? Why was I so determined to risk this? Bella would be perfectly fine right now - her life not at risk one bit, well, apart from the way she pulled danger to herself regardless, but at least not in danger by my hands - had I cancelled. If I walked away right now. Instead, I was willingly going to risk her life today. And even if - by some unbelievable turn of events - I would drive Bella home tonight unscathed, this entire day would still be one of the most selfish days ever.

Before I could drive myself insane with the numerous amount of ever - present worries, Bella opened the door. Her face expressed relief, calmness. She wanted me to be here. Expected me too. And that's why I risked all this. Why I never cancelled.

Bella didn't want to cancel. I had given her the chance to do so yesterday but she had told me, she couldn't. She wanted to be with me today.

Of course, she did not have all the information. Not like I had.

Bella knew nothing about the things Alice had seen. Still - knowing about my inhumane nature and being oddly accepting of it - she must have felt she had no reason to cancel, because for some strange reason she trusted me.

The responsibility should have been mine at all times and cancelling would've always been mine to do. I had known about Alice's vision long enough to rethink going to the meadow with Bella but I never did. I never even considered cancelling.

The truth was that while I knew well enough that most of my actions throughout these months had been more than selfish, I simply needed to know what today's outcome would be. At first, it were just her thoughts I so desperately wanted to decode. Then it became about the monster and how he wanted to kill her. Now, those two things were nothing more but small fragments as to what it was about. Why I could not stay away. Why I was prepared to risk her life today. Why I was so incredibly selfish.

I loved her. And I wanted so desperately to make it past today. To reset the balance. To beat the monster. To make room for the man...

As she stood there in the doorway, I looked her over - she was wearing another pair of tightly skin-hugging jeans, which illustrated her curves too perfectly for me not to notice - and a tan sweater, the colour matching my own. Apparently, we had chosen the same pallet of colours for our outfits today. I could not help but smile at the triviality of that as I greeted her.

"Good morning," I chuckled.

The expression on Bella's face was one I did not fully understand. She seemed...embarrassed almost...

"What's wrong?" Bella asked while glancing down herself. Why did she assume anything was wrong? I tried to make sense of her expression when it occurred to me humans had a way of being quite insecure about their appearances. Did Bella think there was something wrong with what she was wearing? By the way she glanced down herself; I took it to mean she did in fact think that.

I could not help but smile at her confusion and quickly explained my grin.

"We match", I smiled.

This realization made her smile too, although there was still a hint of insecurity in her eyes.

I didn't understand this at first - why would Bella have to be insecure about anything, she was the most exquisite, beautiful woman I knew - but then I remembered how Bella considered herself rather ordinary. Set by the standards of one Mike Newton or Jessica Stanley, I suppose my family and I were considered gorgeous and humans paled in comparison to it.

But to me, gorgeous would apply only to Bella and even that would not be enough to put her beauty -inside and out- into words.

Bella locked the door, while I made my way to - the passenger seat - her truck, feeling reluctant to let her drive.

How hazardous could this get? I shuddered at the thought

She seemed to notice this.

"We made a deal," she reminded me smugly, climbing into the driver's seat and reaching over to unlock the passenger door for me.

I climbed in, knowing I had no choice but to bare this. I was being ridiculous, of course. This small sacrifice - not being able to drive - whereas Bella was in fact risking her life by staying with me today.

"Where to?" Bella asked.

"Put your seat belt on — I'm nervous already." I said feeling completely powerless not being the one behind the wheel.

She did not appreciate this one bit, as she glanced at me angrily while tugging at her seatbelt before locking it into place.

"Where to?" she repeated, her voice thick with impatience.

"Take the one-oh-one north," I ordered.

I knew her truck wasn't exactly the fastest vehicle - to put it nicely- but for some reason Bella managed to drive at a very slow speed. Too slow.

And although I knew why this was - or at least I thought I knew, Bella's loudly drumming heart gave away that she was very aware of me staring at her - like I'd ever not take her in completely, like I'd want to stare at anything else but her. There was no beauty matching hers, no nature's finest view that could hold me - I still felt an impatience to get out of Forks as fast as - humanly- possible.

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I said, trying to hide the sarcasm in my voice.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather — have some respect," Bella shot back, clearly displeased with my impatience.

It was not before long until we did in fact leave Forks behind us.

"Turn right on the one-ten," I instructed, "now we drive until the pavement ends."

I couldn't help but feel almost smug, knowing my last instruction would make her wonder. She may have been the one driving, but I was still the one knowing where we would be heading exactly.

I suppose it was a fine display of testosterone - human males seemed more than pleased when having to conduct women anywhere, especially when the female was behind the wheel and of course more than agitated because they were not the ones driving. This felt oddly human, yet again. Of course, deep down inside there was a hint of a man who sometimes felt the same kinds of impatience and smug triumphs as any other human male did. I was not sure if I should be glad about this, I did not like to stereotype myself - or Bella - this way, but the humanity kept the monster at bay quite easily at the moment. Which was very good.

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?" she anticipated in perfectly predicted wonder, as I had expected she would.

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" Her voice sounded worried. Also expected.

"Is that a problem?" I asked, knowing it did not necessarily have to be a problem at all. If she would not be able to hike, I'd have other ways to get to the meadow. Granted, these were not ways I felt comfortable showing her just yet - this kind of travelling made possible by my vampiristic nature - and I did not want to scare her. Lord knows I was probably going to do that aplenty when reaching the meadow, so better not start ahead of vision precision.

"No." There was little confidence in her voice.

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry." I reassured her.

She did not saying anymore. And her mind was - as always - deafeningly silent, but I believed to have gotten the gist of what she could possibly be thinking.

Her clumsiness, in collaboration with the brusqueness of nature; fallen tree trunks, widely spreading ferns, branches hanging dangerously low, loose stones to trip over, it was like sending Bella through a mine field on a battle ground.

Still, she may be clumsy but I'd never let anything happen to her. So if she was truly worried about this - and I had no sure way of knowing, thanks to her AM frequency - that was one worry unjustified.

The silence in her head, as well as the verbal silence made me feel impatient once more.

"What are you thinking?" I asked after a few moments, wanting for her to speak.

"Just wondering where we're going." she said.

I could not tell if she was being honest. I leaned toward what she said being a half-truth. She was probably curious about our destination, but her answer also hinted she was still worried about the part where we'd walk five miles to get there.

Always so backwards, so different I thought. Like the hiking was what she needed to worry about the most. She was going to see me free from human pretences and yet she worried about tripping.

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice," I told her, as I glanced outside to find the clouds were almost completely gone now.

"Charlie said it would be warm today." Bella responded, also glancing outside seemingly assessing the same weather conditions as I had.

Charlie. My back up device to keep Bella safe. My incentive to bring her home. And perhaps my atonement and punishment if this ended badly. If he knew where she was, or with whom then, if by some gruesome twist of fate I'd indeed kill Bella - so unimaginable yet not impossible - at least he'd know who had been responsible.

Also, he could not live without her. So maybe, if the monster would step out of line, I could rein him in by focussing on Charlie, because focussing on Bella would probably only encourage the monster.

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I asked, hopeful that she had at least told him she was going to be with me. And I caught myself hoping this - not just for the sake of Bella's safety - but because I wanted him to know and assess me as an - important - person in Bella's life. That's what frustrated me about this secrecy the most.

Bella wasn't going to make this easy. Of course not.

"Nope," she answered, casually.

Alright, another angle then. One other person who knew who'd Bella be spending the day with. Not someone whose opinion mattered to me one bit, but still someone who could be a part of my safety back up device if necessary.

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" I asked, knowing that if all else failed, at least Jessica could attest Bella had been with me. If all I could do was atone for my sins, be punished for doing the unthinkable, the unbearable, than at least insignificant Jessica Stanley could help me achieve this.

Naturally, I was wrong again. Because Bella had everything regarding her safety so utterly backwards.

"No, I told her you cancelled on me — which is true." she told me calmly

Not one bit. She'd do absolutely nothing to keep herself safe. No one knew she was spending the day with me. In a way it insulted me. Did she truly not want anyone to know she was going to be with me - was she ashamed? And did she truly not think it would be safer to at least inform someone of her whereabouts?

Did she have a death-wish?

"No one knows you're with me?" I asked her angrily

"That depends… I assume you told Alice?" she retorted, still pretending to be casual about this.

That made me snap. How could she be so reckless? It was insane. How could I keep her safe when she seemed to be so unwilling to help me do this?

"That's very helpful, Bella,"

She stared out of the windshield, seemingly trying to ignore my anger.

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" I demanded, desperately needing some sort of explanation to her flawed logic of not telling anyone.

"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly," she reminded me softly.

Cause trouble for me. Right. Bella wasn't so much worried about the trouble being with me caused her, but rather the other way around. Another thought -process no other person but Bella would follow.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause meif you don't come home?" I asked icily, unable to make my voice sound understanding.

She nodded, keeping her eyes on the road, away from me.

"Unbelievable," I muttered too low for human ears, "How can I ever keep you safe this way?"

Her caring should have thrilled me, but seeing my back-up devices crumble bit by bit, knowing she'd truly be alone in the meadow, pleasing the monster, gleefully accepting this - unbeknownst to her - deadly invitation, angered me more, infuriated me even. I knew she could tell because she remained silent for the rest of our drive.

Then the road ended. I was still angry, but now also wary and even scared. In the car, we could have still turned around. Now, as we were about to hike, we got closer and closer to the meadow. Closer to Alice's vision. Closer to no turning back.

And no one to defend Bella but me. The one who was out to hurt her.

Bella parked the truck and got out, as did I. She pulled off her tan sweater and tied it around her waist. Underneath she wore a light sleeveless shirt - which shaped perfectly and seductively around her shoulders, her chest... her waist...

Focus!!

I shed a piece of clothing too, taking off my sweater to unbutton the white sleeveless shirt I wore underneath, preparing for the sun to hit my skin once we entered the meadow. In the mean time the air was warm enough to heat my skin.

"This way," I ordered, as I made my way into the darkness of the forest.

"The trail?" she asked, panic thick in her voice. She stumbled and hurried around her truck to catch up with me.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it," I explained. I was still angry and I couldn't shake it. It was like I had no options, like I was forced to hurt her, because she gave me no alternative. No incentive.

But...

Maybe my anger would drive her back to her truck, leaving me alone in the forest. The absence of a trail might attribute to that. If we never made it to the meadow, Alice's vision had no way of playing itself out...

"No trail?" she asked desperately.

I turned to face her, so see her panic.

"I won't let you get lost", I promised with a mocking smile.

No, I would not get her lost. Just hurt. Or worse, killed.

Bella's gasp was only audible to sensitive ears like mine and I saw how she took in my bare, pale, cold chest. But the look on her face was not one of scanning one's psychical attributes in admiration or possible lust. She looked hurt.

Was that expression of pure torture directed at the idea of having to walk, not knowing if these less than flat surfaces would hold her up or not...

Or...did it finally hit her. Had my anger about her lack of self-preservation - well, the absence of it really - scared her enough to want to go home?

Was this it then, would we never make it to the meadow? Had I finally done enough damage to drive her away?

I had no choice but to ask her.

"Do you want to go home?" I asked quietly, knowing I could not hide the pain of losing her from my voice.

She walked towards me until she was standing close enough for me to feel the heat come off her body, warming me more than the warm air ever could.

"No." She sounded sure.

OK, so she still wasn't afraid of me. Yet. Was this really about the hiking then? Or something else entirely? The frustration of her silent mind was ever so big...

"What's wrong?" I asked gently, the anger all gone from my voice.

"I'm not a good hiker," she answered quietly, almost depressed; the torment still apparent in her voice... "You'll have to be very patient."

Ah... so she was worried about the hike. Not about me, nor my temper but the fear of her clumsy nature holding her back and possibly irritating me, I guessed.

"I can be patient — if I make a great effort." I smiled, looking at her, hoping my smile would lift her spirits and reassure her.

She tried to return my smile, but failed to do so. Was there more to it, after all? Was this not just about the hiking? Was she indeed afraid of me, but didn't want to show it. I could only guess but I wanted to reassure her nonetheless.

"I'll take you home," I promised solemnly.

Sure, why not make another promise you might not be able to keep, I thought sarcastically. Only if I'd put her in her truck right now and forced her to drive home - since I could not know if driving her myself would be safe enough, perhaps the monster would act on a whim, knowing he'd never make it to the meadow, taking the outcome of Alice's vision into his filthy hands and kill Bella in her car, or at her house - only then she'd be safe.

But of course I didn't. Naturally selfish I still wanted to pursue this trip. Against all costs, it seemed.

And despite her confusing tone and expression, she did not seem to want to go back. "If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," she suggested acidly.

Once more I tried to decipher her thoughts, knowing I would fail. So I gave up and led the way into the forest. Making way to impending doom. Or the ultimate redemption.

Naturally, the walk was easy for me. I could have found my way to the meadow blindly. So I focussed all my attention on Bella. I tried to help her as much as I could, pushing the damp ferns and moss webs out of the way, making sure she would not trip and hurt herself.

Even though our proximity was not as close as it had been before - like when I saved her from the van and I had shielded her body with my own - thinking about it brought back a human desire currently not - nor ever - very appropriate and the elbow not being the most provocative or sensitive place to touch someone - her heart would immediately start beating unsteadily whenever I helped her across fallen trees or boulders.

I recalled how I had once assumed Bella's heart reacted to fear but now I knew better. Also, the way Bella occasionally glanced at me during our hike confirmed that she actually still wanted to be with me. Wanted me.

It continued to be an odd realization, especially since she had yet to see me display myself in the sun. I had no idea what her reaction would be, but knowing Bella, maybe just maybe she'd not be that startled at all. But then again, if the monster would roar its ugly vicious head then I'd drive her away for sure. Well, I could live with driving her away - although the thought pained me immensely - because it might be the one thing to keep her safe.

Between Bella concentrating hard on what I assumed was not falling and me lost in all my thoughts, we didn't speak much.

This kind of bothered me, because the silence seemed so all consuming, so telling...like we both knew what kind of difficulty was ahead of us. I decided to break it by asking her some of the questions I had failed to in the past few days.

We talked about her birthdays - unlike most humans, she was not a fan of those, I assumed this all had to do with Bella hating to have attention focussed on herself - and her grade school teachers. They had been just as bland as the high school teachers in Forks, she assured me.

She made me laugh loudly at the story of her non-success in keeping pets; she had managed to kill three goldfish in a row. The idea of fragile Bella killing some fish was strangely amusing; it'd probably be the only species she'd be able to kill.

Since we were moving at human speed, it took us most of the morning to reach the meadow. Normally it would not take me more than a few minutes and although I had been impatient before, I felt rather at ease now. Time seemed almost slow now, but this was what I wanted: my time with Bella to pass slowly, so I could cherish every moment of it.

Who knew how long I had left with her...

Eventually the light that filtered through the canopy started to transform. The sun was reaching its highest point in the sky, so it had to be near noon.

Although the change in the colour spectrum was not hard for me to miss - vampire eyes caught everything easily - I wondered if Bella noticed the changes too.

It seemed like she did, because her tortured expression had vanished now.

She seemed more eager, almost excited as we made our way through the final parts of the woods.

"Are we there yet?" she teased, impatience hinting in her voice.

"Nearly.", I told her smilingly, happy she seemed to have perked up.

"Do you see the brightness ahead?" I asked.

She stared into the thick forest. "Um, should I?" she asked hesitantly

Right, human eyes did not have the same sharp and clear vision my eyes did. I could not help but smirk at this. "Maybe it's a bit soon for your eyes." I teased.

"Time to visit the optometrist," she muttered, not completely appreciative of my teasing.

This made me smirk even more.

Knowing we were almost there now, Bella started to walk faster. I no longer leaded the way and simply followed her.

She soon reached the end of the forest, leaving the last fringe of ferns behind her.

The sun - lighting the meadow like the magnificent work of pure nature it was -caught Bella's hair and it gave off that reddish glow again, like I'd seen it before when she was at school when I couldn't be, last week. Her skin seemed transparent - like the finest porcelain - when hit by the sunlight.

She gazed around the meadow in amazement, while I remained in the shadow of the forest. Of course this would seem extraordinary to her; the wild flowers in the most exceptional colours, the melodic sound of the stream nearby, the soft green grass and the warm sun to give it all a golden nuance. A perfect picture in her eyes, no doubt.

A perfect picture, a perfect feeling I was surely about to ruin completely...

Bella was still taking everything in, when she suddenly turned around, her eyes looking for me. In an instant the bedazzlement in her eyes - not by my doing but all achieved by this exquisite place - shifted to worry. And than to curiosity. She probably remembered one of the reasons we were here. She took a step toward me, smiling at me in encouragement, beckoning me with her hand, inviting me out there - in the sun - with her.

Being the repulsive monster I was, these had to be my final moments with her. I was sure of it. Compared to the sheer beauty of the meadow, I would be no more than a loathsome unworthy creation of freakish nature and my skin would illustrate that. Perhaps Bella would not scream, perhaps she'd just run. Maybe, she'd take it all in out of politeness - not wanting to hurt my feelings, a ridiculous emotion in this matter - but never speak to me again after today.

And even if she did accept it; my transformation from man to monster by the simplicity of the sunlight catching my skin - I wished it would be as extraordinarily beautiful as it was when the sun lit up Bella's perfect translucent complexion but that seemed an absurd optative - than there were still no guarantees. None at all.

In the mere seconds I debated all this, I saw how Bella glanced at me, waiting for me to move. She took another step in my direction and I felt compelled to give her some sort of warning, so I held up my hand in caution. I would probably scare her less if she stayed where she was and I walked into the sun slowly.

I took a deep breath and stepped into the sun with my eyes closed...

Silence...

I kept my eyes closed deliberately, because I wasn't ready to see the horror in Bella's eyes just yet. I wanted this final moment to last a little bit longer and silently thanked her for not ruining it by screaming.

The sun heated my skin and I knew what I looked like now. My skin had an odd reaction to the sun. We did not burn and turn to ashes - a preposterous myth - but our skin lit up like it was embedded with a numerous amount of tiny little diamonds. This seemed far too majestic for the gruesome creatures we were, but I suppose in human eyes - well human eyes that were not afraid or repulsed - it could look quite beautiful.

Still silence...

I dared not open my eyes, but I knew she was still there - probably staring at me now - because I could smell her, the sun making her scent more appetizing than ever. I also heard her heart thudding loudly at first - out of fear maybe - but soon finding a more even rhythm again. Her breath staggered a little - probably out of shock - but also seemed steady now.

I decided this was enough for me to open my eyes and face the repulsion, the fear that would surely be there in hers. I wondered briefly if this would be the last time I'd read anything into those deep brown eyes that had captured me for so long and so completely - if she would shy away from me now and never look my way again.

Well, one thing was for sure at the moment - she was looking my way and certainly not shying away - she seemed to take me in the way she had the meadow before, except - if it were possible - with even more amazement in her eyes now. There was no fear, no revulsion. As she looked me over, I read in her eyes what I saw every time I looked at her. Beauty, pure magnificent beauty.

She seemed mesmerized by the absence of the human facade. By my real nature.

I was beautiful to her...

I walked to the middle of the meadow and sank down into the slightly swaying layer of jade-coloured grass. Bella followed my lead and sat a few feet away from me.

I did not know if she did this because she was afraid or because she wasn't sure if sitting close to me was appropriate.

There was no need for words now. All we did was gaze at each other, eagerly taking each other in. As I stared at her, as mesmerized by her beauty - and her bravery - as she seemed to be by mine, which still felt surreal - her ivory cheeks coloured a warm, inviting shade of red. And she dared not look away, like she sometimes did. She continued to gaze at me in amazement, making me feel like I could have blushed too, had I been able to.

After a while I started to feel more at ease, lying in the soft blanket of grass, my eyes closed, letting the sun warm my skin. I softly hummed my latest composition - the one Bella inspired - to myself. The fear I repulsed Bella was gone now.

This had to be heaven. There was no other explanation. I had no idea why I deserved this great fortune now - after decades of repetitive solitude - but for some unexplainable reason apparently I did. Because Bella was still here. She hadn't ran, she didn't scream. She wasn't scared or repulsed one bit. She was sitting beside me, softly, although somewhat hesitantly stroking my hand with one finger. Like I was a human.

"I don't scare you?" I asked, trying to sound playful, although I was truly desperate to know.

How could she not be scared?

"No more than usual." she answered with a small smile.

This made me smile too. Because the usual amount of fear coming from Bella was extremely limited - too limited- so maybe she was really not that scared of me after all.

It did not seem like she was, because as I lay there and she sat next to me, tracing my hand with her finger, she stretched out her whole hand to follow the contours of my forearm with her fingertips. Again she seemed to hesitate, because her fingers trembled as she stroked my skin.

"Do you mind?" she asked softly

Mind? How could someone mind heaven? How could a monster mind the silk-like warm touch of an angel beside him? This was the purest - most magical - thing I had ever felt. This was pleasure beyond anything I had ever known or wanted.

Well, aside from wanting Bella completely. In ways, inappropriate to think about...

"No," I assured her, keeping my eyes closed to remain in the moment. "You can't imagine how that feels." I sighed.

I was sure she couldn't. Bella touching me was like being electrocuted by a bolt of lightning going through your body - except instead of it killing you, the blistering heat of its currents feeling like the gentlest, most delicate of caresses. Certainly the most overpowering warmth I had ever felt.

And I knew the touch of my skin; the coldness, the smoothness, the lifelessness would never have the same effect.

Still, this didn't seem to stop Bella from trailing her hand over my arm, sending these electric currents through my entire body.

With her other hand she reached to - I assumed - turn my hand over, to have a closer look perhaps. I beat her to it; my hand was turned before she could even blink. This startled her and her fingers froze, scorching my skin.

"Sorry," I murmured. "It's too easy to be myself with you."

And it was. Almost too easy. For some reason that should make me feel warned, regain some human composure. Not allow Bella to touch me. But I wanted to be myself with her. And she seemed to accept this self-side of me.

She lifted my hand, holding it closer to her face, examining it like it was a grand treasure. The heat of her breath blazed on my fingers and more currents pulsed through my body. For a moment I was expecting to hear my own heart beat.

I heard hers though, drumming ever so unevenly. It made me wonder...

"Tell me what you're thinking," I whispered intently, looking at her, hoping she'd share some of her hidden thoughts. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

"You know the rest of us feel that way all the time." she teased.

"It's a hard life.", I retorted. And it had been for so long. Everything seemed so easy now, but I knew it only felt that way because I was overwhelmed by all this. Everything seemed perfect, but it was impossible that it would stay that way "But you didn't tell me," I demanded eagerly.

"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking…" she said, hesitation in her voice.

You're not the only one...

"And?" I pressed

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

Wait, what? I had just established for myself that she was not afraid and here she confessed she was. Reading her was already almost impossible, but I did not even seem to read her right when occasionally I thought I could. And I did not want her to be afraid. Especially not if I was the cause of that fear.

"I don't want you to be afraid." I murmured softly, knowing it was barely audible.

I meant it. I did not want her to be afraid. But at the same time I could not guarantee her safety either. Nor deny her this fear.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about." she said

Again, what? She was afraid, but apparently not of me.

What then, I wondered.

I propped up my right arm to move into a sitting position, to have my face closer to Bella. To look into her eyes to get some answers.

"What are you afraid of, then?" I whispered, staring into her eyes, holding her gaze.

She did not answer. Instead she gazed back and leaned in until she was only small inches from my face, breathing in my scent. Her head was tilted a bit and with her hair graced behind her shoulders, her throat was completely exposed.

As she inhaled, her lips - never so close before- parted and her wicked scent washed over my face, forcing me - demanding me - to breathe her in too.

This did not have the effect of an electric current pushing itself through every inch of my body, like her touch had.

If only, I wished for a portion of a second. If only, this felt as heavenly...

But it didn't. This was pure pitch black hell. My skin seemed to instantly absorb her breath, her taste, forcing - demanding - itself through my veins, into the hollow of my chest. There - in that spot that had almost felt alive these past few months, almost reminiscent of a heart beating in its place - a loud roaring, a fierce snarl echoed through me, leaving my ears ringing. I could taste a fresh flow of venom in my mouth. I could hear her warm blood rage through her veins, pulsing heavily against her bare neck. The scent of it was disorientating, wrecking.

Inviting...

In a split of a second my mind flashed to an image. My cold lips on her silk ivory throat. She'd think I'd want to kiss her there, perhaps overcome in a moment of smouldering passion. She'd allow me to do this, wrapping her arms around me, pressing her neck closer to my lips. For her it'd be a longing finally fulfilled, as it would be for me.

Except I would not be kissing her. I'd pierce right through her delicate skin, desperately aching to taste her sweet blood, wanting my body to swim in it. My longing would be gratified, the yearning and the hunger saturated. It was all so simple now. All I had to do was lean in...

This was it.

The vision Alice had seen.

The vision I had dreaded.

It was coming to pass...

The magic was gone now.

Forever lost.