Author's Note (Part One): I couldn't wait to update this story, so I stopped writing the next chapter in my other one to do this one instead. I wanted to get to the good stuff. Thanks for all the reviews, reads and alerts. As always you guys are the most awesome readers in the world! I hope it makes you happy! House, Cuddy and Wilson belong to some other people; Gladys belongs to me (and in my head is Fionnula Flanagan without the Irish accent).


All Wet

"So, what exactly are you making?" Lisa asked excitedly as she handed James a bunch of fresh parsley.

"It's a surprise. But trust me, you'll like it."

"I'm sure I will. Those pancakes you make are fabulous."

"Wait. How do you know what my pancakes taste like?" he questioned while grabbing a handful of oyster mushrooms and shoving them in a plastic bag. "Were you the person who stole them out of the Oncology Lounge a few months ago?"

"Of course not, I would never steal someone else's food," she defended, watching Wilson take a small carton of cremini mushrooms.

"Then how did you taste them? Because I don't remember ever cooking them for you," he said with a smile, picking up some button mushrooms, the last variety on his mental checklist.

"A little while ago House came in my office to ask permission to do some crazy medical procedure and he eating them from a Tupperware container. I asked him where he got them and he said he had confiscated them from the refrigerator in the Oncology Lounge. I was suspicious so I took the box from him and saw your name written on it. I gave him his permission and sent him on his way, planning to return your food to you... but they were warm and they smelled so good and I hadn't eaten that day, so I thought I would just eat one to keep me from starving. So I did. I ate one... and another one... and another one until there were no more left. I was going to tell you, but I felt pretty guilty about it. Sorry," she smiled meekly.

"I take it, you liked them?"

Cuddy grinned, "They were the best pancakes I've ever had in my life... and I had them without syrup. I can only imagine how good they would be right out of the pan."

"Sometime I'll make you a batch," he smiled as they strolled over to get a tub of walnuts. They wandered up the pasta aisle so Wilson could pluck a couple bags of fresh spaghetti. "We need some parmesan cheese and white wine, then I think we can pay and head to your place."

"My place?" she asked, taken aback.

"Is that not okay? I mean, we can go to my apartment if you'd rather."

"It's just... my kitchen is a mess. I thought I would try some crazy recipe I saw on Food Network and completely demolished it. With the fundraiser and today, I haven't had time to clean it."

"Then we'll pay and go to my place," James said nonchalantly.

"Is that going to be okay? I won't be awkward or anything since--"

"It'll be fine. I've had friends over since... It'll be fine."

"If you're sure."

"I am."

"Great. I'll grab the cheese, you can get the wine and I'll meet you up front by the registers."

"Trying to get rid of me?" Wilson asked jokingly.

"I'm really hungry; I guess bowling works up an appetite," she smiled as they split up, heading off to different parts of the store.


"Are you absolutely sure that he wouldn't lie to you?" Gladys questioned as she picked up a second slice from the box on the dashboard and took a bite.

"For the last time, he wanted me to know," House said, mouth full of supreme pizza.

"It's just we've been waiting here long enough for us to order pizza and have it delivered. How long does a trip to the grocery store really take? Maybe they decided to go to a restaurant instead."

"Wilson wants to cook for her because he thinks he's a great chef. He probably thinks that if he makes dinner he'll get laid or something," House said, taking a swig of beer.

"Must be really good food if he thinks it will get her to sleep with him," she said, pausing for another bite.

House looked at the clock and realized that Gladys was right-- they had been waiting for almost two hours. Cuddy and Wilson should have shown up thirty minutes ago, if not earlier.

"It's been two hours," House said.

"That's what I have been saying!" Gladys said, exasperated. "It doesn't take that long for anyone to go to the grocery store if they're shopping for dinner."

"If they haven't arrived by the time we've finished eating, then we'll go to his apartment."

"By that time they could be finished with dinner and on to dessert," she said knowingly.

"He's got to cook the food before they can eat it. Besides, Fratelli's Pizza waits for no man," he said stuffing half a slice into his mouth.


"Here," Lisa said taking one of the bags from James' arms. "I'll take this one so you can open the door."

"Thanks," he said, pulling his keys out of his pocket and unlocking the door. Cuddy pushed it open, stepping through the entrance, followed closely by Wilson. Suddenly, out of nowhere, came a flood of water. Cuddy screamed, dropping her bag in surprise.

"Oww!" Wilson shouted as a plastic bucket careened into the side of his face.

"Are you okay?" Lisa asked, turning around to face James.

"House," Wilson mumbled angrily under his breath while massaging his sore jaw.

"Let me look at it," she said, pulling his hand away from his face. She gingerly touched his cheek and he grimaced as she did. "Looks like you're going to have a nice bump to go along with the purple bruise that's forming. You should put something on it."

Wilson walked past Cuddy and headed straight into the kitchen. He placed his wet bag on the counter, opened up the freezer, grabbed a bag of frozen peas and, wincing, pressed it to his cheek. Cuddy moved the pail and shut the door before entering the kitchen a putting her bag beside his.

"I think that water had sugar in it," she said, frowning. "I'm sticky."

Cuddy was soaked through; her hair clung to the side of her face, her shirt plastered to her form. Wilson was slightly less wet, but still looked pathetic, holding the bag of peas to his darkening cheek. They stood in the kitchen for a second, staring at each other before bursting into the laughter.

"We're quite a pair," Cuddy smiled, shaking her head.

"I'm so sorry," he said shaking his. "I'm going to kill House the next time I see him."

"Not if I kill him first," she grinned.

"Do you want to take a shower? I can wash your clothes while we eat dinner. I've still got a pair of Amber's sweats. You can wear those... if it's not too weird."

"Won't it be weird for you?"

"Maybe a little, but I'll be okay."

"What about you? You got caught in the downpour too."

"I can take my shower after you take yours."

"No, you should go first. I can clean up the foyer while I'm waiting."

"I can clean up while you--"

"James, it makes more sense for you to go first since you have to cook," she said logically. "And I can clean up House's mess while I'm waiting. It's not a big deal."

"I don't want you to have to mop up my--"

"Just point me in the direction of the rags."

"If you're sure--"

"Get in the shower," she smiled.

"Fine, you win," he said, raising his hands in defeat. "Rags are under the kitchen sink. I'll only be a minute."

Wilson took off down the hall, grabbing a fresh pair of underwear, some jeans, a t-shirt and a new button-up from his room before disappearing in the bathroom. Cuddy found the rags, swiped a stack of them, pulled down House's bucket to put all the damp cloths in and began drying the floor.


"What did I tell you?" Gladys gloated. "I knew he was lying. I told you he didn't want you to know where they go were going. Wonder what they're doing up there. I sure hope your inability to listen to me didn't give him enough time to close the deal--"

"Yes, yes," House interrupted, annoyed. "You were right. Now will you please shut up so I can think."

"What if they're up there cuddling on the couch or kissing or, even worse, discussing her dreams, hopes and aspirations... that's a real panty peeler." When she noticed House was staring at her she added, "What?"

"Deja-vu," he said, raising his eyebrows.

"That's what my grandson says," Gladys said, feeling the need to further explain herself.

"Yeah, I'm sure it is." House opened the car door and got out.

"Are we going somewhere?" Gladys asked, unbuckling her seatbelt.

"I am," House reached in the car and grabbed his cane. "You are going to stay here."

"I don't want to just sit in the car while you go and have fun."

"I need you to stay here and keep watch in case they leave while I'm in the building."

"Wouldn't you see them pass you?"

"Not if they took the stairs," he said shutting the door.

Gladys rolled down the passenger-side window, "Why do you get to go in? Why can't I?"

House turned, tiring of Gladys and her twenty questions, "I told you I need you to stay here in case--"

"No, why can't you stay here while I go in?"

"Because you're not as sneaky as I am."

"I can be sneaky. It's not that hard--"

"Gladdie, you are staying here," House said forcefully. "I am going in. When I'm done, I'll come back out. Do not come in for any reason. You can call me if you see something."

"Fine, but the next time you want me to be devious, count me out. I'm not spilling anything on anyone or guilting anyone into doing anything until you can admit that you like the girl," Gladys answered.

"I don't like her," House called to her, over his shoulder, while crossing the street.

"Keep telling yourself that!," the old lady shouted back at him. House smiled to himself as he slipped in the apartment building behind an elderly tenant.


Wilson listened to the repetitious hum of the washing machine and the sound of rushing water as he poured the contents of the pot he had just pulled off the stove into the colander in the sink. He rinsed the noodles briefly and shook the strainer, freeing the pasta of excess water before returning it to the pot. James added the parsley pesto he made (thanks to the aid of his trusty food processor) to the pot, coating the spaghetti with it. Opening the oven, he took out the roasted mushrooms and threw them into the pan, making sure to incorporate them well. As he was transferring the pasta in a serving bowl he noticed the water had stopped; Lisa was done with her shower. He poured two glasses of white wine and placed the bowl on the already set table, smiling to himself about the meal he had created. Before he could grab the salad from the fridge, there was a knock at the door.

Wilson made his way to the peep hole and saw House's eye staring back at him.

"I know you're in there. I can smell the food," House said, banging his cane on the door three more times. James sighed and resigned himself to opening the door.

"Took you long enough," House complained, pushing past Wilson, stepping into the apartment.

"Please, come in," Wilson said.

"So, what are your plans after dinner?" House asked, examining the dinner table.

"I assume you mean activities that happen outside of the bedroom?" Wilson grinned.

"I don't need to hear about you crying yourself to sleep at night, thanks," House retorted.

"After dinner, we're going for drinks at Liam's Pub. It's Sink or Swim Karaoke Night."

"No good. You know how I hate karaoke."

"Yes, I do. That's why we're going."

"Why do you want to do karaoke? You have to sit there and suffer through a hundred idiots, all who think they can sing 'Satisfaction' better than Mick Jagger. Plus, you can't sing."

"Making fun of those people is what makes karaoke enjoyable. Besides, I have a great voice."

"I've heard you sing. You do not have a great voice. In fact, I would liken your singing voice to Jennifer Lopez but without the digital enhancement and the ass to distract you."

"Did you just insult Jennifer Lopez?" Wilson said, faking scandalization. "I didn't think that--"

Wilson was interrupted by Cuddy who had entered the room, dressed in Amber's sweats, towel over her head, covering her face while she dried her hair. "Thanks for the shower. It's just what I needed after the hard work--"

House looked from Wilson to Cuddy and back, eyes wide in terror, anger bubbling up in his chest, fighting the urge to punch Wilson in the face.


Author's Note (Part Two): I'm going to stop here for now, but I'm already working on the next chapter, so it shouldn't be long. Keep in mind, there will be karaoke, so things aren't going to resolve themselves too soon! And this recipe really exists, I stole it from "Top Chef."