2/3 exams done! I stressed out and stressed out over today's one; only to find that it was worth 6 marks. 6 MARKS! It's absolutely crazy, and our teachers been trying to frighten us about it for the past two weeks, only to find that it was worth 6 marks! :'(
I wanted this chapter to be A LOT longer, but my brains practically dead; and this is all I've been able to do over the past 2 days. So I will update either tomorrow or Saturday morning, depending on how much I can get done during my frees at college. But I'm done waffling now, so here's the next chapter! :):):) with a bit of the ass kicking you wanted to see!
One more thing! There are two very special authors on this site whose stories I'd like to ask you to check out; shadowkissed586 and Lois Rose Lane. They are both amazingly talented and have two brilliant stories on here! So please, please, please read and review them! xx
This one is for; the anonymous reviewer – the first person to read and review this story! Thank you so much, and for continuing to read it up til now! xx
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I wake up to see bright lights and blurred faces. Groaning, I blink a few more times, and as the picture before me comes into focus, I jerk away from the person seated beside the bed in disgust; trying to yank out the needles attached to my body.
"Rose! Rose! Stop!"
Large hands try to catch my wrists; but I jerk back, twisting out of his grip. "Let go of me! Let me go!"
"Rose stop!" He starts to yell for the nurse; and that is when I recognise his voice and stop struggling. He looks down at me surprised, that I have actually done as he asked, but then flinches back under my furious gaze.
He opens his mouth to speak as the nurse; well one of the agents who's 'medically trained' decides to poke her head round the door. "Is everything okay in here agent Belikov? Do you need help?"
I answer before he can. "Everything's fine, thank you."
"Okay, I'll get the doctor to come and see you Miss. Hathaway."
As soon as the door closes I am on him. I leap out of the bed, the last of the needles pulling free from my skin as we topple to the floor. My hands ripping at his hair, scratching his face; trying to quite literally rip his skin from his bones. It's not enough, and so I crank my fist back before letting it smash into his nose. The sickening crack makes me smile, and I do it again over and over; the rage inside of me making it impossible for him to fight back.
"Rose, stop… please!"
"I promised you! I wrote it on that goddamned wall so everyone could see it! 'If I ever see you again, I'll make sure to repay the favour!' Didn't you turn up at the flat after you screwed me over!"
"Rose please… I'm sorry."
"Sorry isn't good enough! What the hell can sorry do to fix things?"
"I didn't mean t-" I punch him in the mouth before continuing to shriek.
"Don't lie to me! How can you still lie to my face? But then again, I guess you've had months of practice haven't you." He doesn't answer. "Haven't you!"
He stopped yelling and tried to throw me off again; but the anger and hurt and betrayal kept pouring out of me through a flurry of punches. I wanted, no, I needed him to feel what I'd felt. The shame. The embarrassment. Loneliness. Vulnerability. Fear. It all comes out and I don't realise that I am crying until my breath starts to hitch, ruining my breathing patterns.
Angry with him at making me cry, my hands slide down to his throat, to choke the life out of him. "I old you that I'd break your heart in return… but I don't have anything to do it with. So I'll have to choke you instead." And my hands squeeze round his neck tighter as he grips at my wrists, trying to loosen my hold enough to speak.
"Roza, please… I'm sorry…" And as his grip starts to weaken, strong hands grab at my arms and waist trying to yank me off of his bruised and bloody body.
"Oh look, the cavalry's here to save you." I release him, and my restrainers stumble back, taking me with them. "Next time, you're mine Belikov. And I'll have my knife, so they won't be able to save you."
Something sharp pierces my arm, and my world fades to black once more.
….
This continues for days, weeks even. I wake up to find an agent by my bedside or in the room somewhere, and I kick their asses before their friends come in to save them. Then they give me a shot of whatever tranquiliser it is they use, and I black out again.
...
I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I love
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you – Ina.
Groggily, I open my eyes. Glancing around I see that I am not in a medical room any more, chained to the bed head. Instead, I am seated in an interrogation room alone. Looking down, I can see that I'm dressed in black joggers and a t-shirt, plimsolls on my feet. Patting down my body, I can tell that all of my weapons are gone, presumable locked away in a safe room on the opposite side of the building. I stand up cautiously, in case they're planning some sort of secret attack, but no one jumps out from behind the door or mirror. No tranquiliser darts fly out of hidden compartments in the walls. There is one window, built into the wall; and one door, locked. The mirror is no doubt similar to the ones used in police stations; behind it is a viewing room for them to see what happens to me without risk of getting injured.
I'm tempted to run up and kick it, just t try and make them jump in fright, but today I am too tired. Not physically but emotionally. I'm emotionally drained and fed up with violence. All I want is to see Lissa again, and know that she's okay. I found out the first few times that she's too far away for me to reach; and so all I can do is pray that she's too far away for them to find.
So I work on my escape. Circling the room, I let my fingers trail every inch of the wall. My eyes travel the floor, until I'm sure that none of it has gone unnoticed. But I am trapped. So I sigh and sit back at the table, placing my head in my hands sullenly.
Behind me the door opens, and I tense; but don't move. The person enters cautiously, fearful in case I try to attack them like I have all the times before; but I don't move. I'm done fighting, and simply want to get out. They walk up to me slowly, and the chair opposite me scrapes as they pull it away from the table and sit.
"Roza." Again, my back tenses, but I do not move. "Roza. Rose?" His voice is wary, unsure… and scared?
"What Dimitri?" My voice is a whisper, weary of being trapped and used.
He clears his throat slightly before continuing. "I brought you some food. You haven't eaten properly for the past three weeks, I mean, the IV's have given you the nutrition you need, but it's not the same…" He trails off, the once comfortable silence between us now forced and fragile.
I lift my head and look at the tray he's brought in. An apple, banana, packet of cornflakes and a carton of milk with a bowl and spoon, some sort of yoghurt, a bottle of water, some juice and a sandwich all clustered together. I sigh and reach out, picking up the apple and wiping it on my top before biting into it. We continue to sit in silence whilst I eat the food on the tray before washing it down with the drink.
When I'm done, I push the tray away back into the middle of the table and meet his face. His eyes are sad, and apologetic; but just the sight of his warm brown eyes, and remembering the way they used to look at me sends a pang into my heart and makes my throat catch. "Thank you for the food."
"It's okay. You needed to eat; I just wanted to make sure you got something proper. Some of the other agents are still a bit… angry about getting beaten by an eigh- nineteen year old."
"And you aren't? The sarcastic reply slips out before I can stop it, and he smiles slightly.
"No."
I glance up at him shocked, before dropping his gaze. He sighs sadly under his breath, but continues anyway. "I deserved every beating, every kick, every punch that you gave me and more. I broke your trust, and hurt you… and for that I'm so sorry Rose. More than you could ever imagine. I don't know how to make it up to you, I can't apologise enough; and I know that you'll never be able to hurt me enough in return for what I did to you… But I am sorry Rose."
That makes me look up. "No you're not." He looks at me startled as I get out of my chair and move away slightly. "If you were, you wouldn't have done it. You had six months to change your mind, to come clean and admit what you were doing. Doing this job, you knew about me; and how rare it is for me to let someone in. You tried to warn me at the start; before we had sex, but you never tried to stop it afterwards. I would have understood, would maybe have even tried to work something out between us… but you didn't stop it. I'm guessing you were having second thoughts, but not about having sex. It was about doing this job, because you knew what it would do in the long run. And even afterwards, when you went to get your clothes you could have left and never come back. I'd have accepted it as a one-night thing and moved on. But you came back. Time and again. Every night for six months. And then-"
My voice catches and he opens his mouth to reply, but I press on, needing to release all my pent-up thoughts and feelings. To finally let him hear everything. "And then I fell in love with you. And I tried to stop it, tried to stop myself knowing that I might need to leave. But it happened anyway, and I was so happy. For the first time in years, I was happy for myself. And I told you that I loved you, and everything just felt a million time better. I had companionship, friendship, love, happiness… all those mushy things that I used to laugh at. But for that one day, it was real. Complete."
His face looks pained, like his heart is breaking; and my heart clenches with the thought that I am hurting him, but he needs to know. "And you lied. Told me that you were going on a trip, when it was really a cover for you meeting with your supervisor. That hurt Dimitri. It broke my heart in two; and even now, six months later it still hurts as though it's only just happened. I couldn't and still can't understand how I didn't see it. How I didn't notice. And I was doing crazy stupid thing like imagining a wedding and kids… all things that I'd never, ever considered before. Lissa's always been the focus in my life. If she's safe, I'm fine… But for a while back there, you were both tied in first place in my heart."
I finish, and wait for his reaction, meeting his gaze for the first time since I started to talk. As the silence holds and deepens, I wrap my arms around my chest; hugging myself to comfort my aching heart. But nothing comes out of his mouth. He seems completely stunned at the intensity of my feelings. Then sadness crosses is face once more and he stands slowly. I hug myself tighter as moves towards the door, but once he gets there, he turns to face me again, conflict clear to see across his features. "I'm sorry Roza."
Again, I'm sorry that it's so short! But I hope that you liked it anyway, and I'm already starting on the next chapter. Please let me know what you thought! Xx
