A/N: This is my favourite chapter. It's confusing and so I'm sorry, but it's brilliant.
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Disclaimer: We don't own anything, not a bean. Except the coconut cameras and I'm working on having them copyrighted or something, if I knew how.
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Chapter 7. Ana-Lucia: Gun extraordinaire.
Ana-Lucia and Sawyer are totally unaware that Harry Potter has just been voted off the game show with no name. In fact, they are totally unaware that they are even playing a game show.
The pirate ship carrying Captain Jack has just passed their island, ignoring the SOS half written in the sand. Ana-Lucia and Sawyer are left staring at the ship with their arms flailing wildly in the air.
"Hey, Hey! Stop!" screamed Ana-Lucia. "I'm a cop, I order you to stop and rescue us."
"This is all your fault." Snarled Sawyer once he'd realised all hope was lost.
"What? That's not what you said last night" Ana-Lucia replied.
"We're stuck here, and it's all your fault." Sawyer repeated, ignoring her last remark. "If you hadn't boarded the plane we would never have crashed and be landed here in the first place."
"What? The plane crashing had nothing to do with me. You watch your mouth Sawyer because I'm a cop and you're a lowly con man and I have the upper hand here. I've already conned the con man."
"So you keep saying" Sawyer cried exasperated, almost teasing her "but earth to Ana-Lucia, we're stuck on a desert island!"
"Err, earth to Sawyer, I know" she replied trying to mimic his voice.
"Well, I don't think you did know, because you were all like, I have the upper hand and I was all hello earth the Ana, this island has no laws, no morals, it's totally lawless. Earth to Ana-Lucia, we're totally the same."
And Ana-Lucia said "Earth to Sawyer, that's not true because I still have my police badge and I still have power, and I'm the one holding the gun." She said, brandishing a gun that she had pulled out of nowhere.
"Earth to Ana-Lucia, no you don't." Sawyer yanked the gun and pulled it on her.
"Can we stop all the earth-to's please?" came a voice and Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson and Christine Taylor from "Zoolander" stood there. "Oops, wrong movie guys" Ben Stiller said, in his role of Derek Zoolander and then he gave his trademark Blue Steel look and they all magically vanished.
Sawyer shrugged his shoulders. "Well, that's the magic of television."
While Sawyer was distracted, Ana-Lucia grabbed her gun back out of his hands and shot him 3 times in the head. He fell to the ground, dead instantly and his eyes were still wide open, not even in shock because he was still laughing about his 'joke' about television.
Ana-Lucia raised the gun to her lips and blew on it, the way she had seen them do in the movies, because she thought she was hard.
In the control tower…
The others had only just figured out what was going on because they were so busy watching countdown on the TV.
"I've got a six!" yelled Zeke, the one with the false beard.
"I've got a dead body!" screamed an Other who was bored of Zeke winning all the time and decided watching the islands was more interesting.
"A dead body?" Zeke asked. "But that's two words, you can't have that."
"No, look you stupid little man with your fake beard."
Zeke gasped. Either the insult had got to him or he had actually seen Sawyer's dead body. "Who killed him?" he asked stupidly as Ana-Lucia was still brandishing the gun and stepping over Sawyers body to make sure he was dead.
"It was Ana-Lucia in the kitchen with the candlestick." Said one of them.
"No silly, it was Ana-Lucia on the island with her gun." Corrected another one.
"What ever it was" Zeke cut in "Ana-Lucia is sacked, "a murderer can't win the a billion zillion pounds, she's evicted right now." And then he leaned over the microphone and a loud voice entered the island. "Ana-Lucia."
"God?" Ana-Lucia asked, suddenly terrified that her past had caught up with her.
"No, silly, I'm not God." Zeke said. "You're evicted from the game show with no name. You have 30 seconds to say your goodbyes; the polar bear is coming to get you."
"What?" Ana-Lucia said. "I was on a game show? And say goodbye to who? That Voldemort guy is gone and I just killed Sawyer."
