Even though Zelgadis had been successful in helping Dils and Lyzeille to avoid war, the thought of returning to Seyruun, where the vultures would be swirling to eat away at his victory and bury it under the sleaze of his now public sexual difficulties, was unbearable. Being away from court had been such a welcome relief that the thought of going back was unendurable. And even though he missed Amelia, it was not enough to overbalance how much he hated palace life. Now that he had completed his mission, the only question was when would be the best time to flee.

He looked at the men in his retinue. Captain Leung. Harvel. Ed. Zonri. He wondered if they would try to stop him from leaving, and whether he should do it now or later, when everyone was asleep. He inhaled and remembered a time when he would just take off own without worrying about what the others would do. He had to admit, he had changed. And he also had to admit, it had been for the better.

Amelia, Lina and Gourry had shown him acceptance and friendship, something he never would have expected to find outside of the people who had known him when he was fully human. And to this day they were still his fiercest allies. By running away he wouldn't only be ruining things between him and Amelia forever, but his chances of being able to stop by Zefiel City without getting an earful from Lina and looks of barely contained disappointment from Gourry were nil. And while he liked to believe it was possible to live alone, humans needed one another to survive. It was unavoidable. By leaving Seyruun and the people he had forged connections to with great difficulty, he would be starting all over again from scratch.

Which was worse?

The smell of something burning tickled Zelgadis' nostrils and he forced himself to become more alert as he scanned his surroundings. A sign by the road told them they would soon be in the town of Esouh. While it was possible they were having a bonfire, Zelgadis couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, and when he also detected the smell of blood and viscera, he realized his instincts had been correct.

Up ahead Zonri called for a halt, and Zelgadis drew his sword. "They've been attacked." He heard Captain Leung say.

Zelgadis waited for a sense of bloodlust as he scanned his surroundings, but none was there. "Looks like they've already left." Harzel, one of the soldiers, said as he dismounted and started to look around.

"Let's not jump to conclusions." Zelgadis said, "Keep your guard up."

Cautiously they entered the town, and Zelgadis kept his eyes and ears peeled. Whatever had happened had been a massacre. Bloodied bodies lay strewn in the streets, some of townspeople, others of men who were unmistakably bandits. One of the buildings was burning, and glass and debris littered the streets. There didn't seem to be many people left. "I've never seen bandits attack a town like this." Captain Leung observed. "Usually they stick to the roads."

"I've seen it," Zelgadis said, "Either this town tried to stand up to them and the bandits wanted to teach them a lesson, or they were rounding people up to sell into slavery."

"I found a survivor!" someone yelled, and Zelgadis, the only one in the group who could use a healing spell, went over to help.

Soon he had set up a makeshift hospital for the survivors, not that there were many. And unfortunately most were beyond his capabilities. You would think that given that they were from the White Magic capital someone in their party would have been able to perform Resurrection, but the sad truth was that people who had a magical capacity high enough to do so were few and far between. Zelgadis had just pulled a blanket over a someone who hadn't made it when he heard the sounds of a child throwing a tantrum. He looked up to see Harzel coming his way carrying a small boy, a child who was doing his best to break free and run away and kicking up quite the racket.

"Looks like we have a fighter." Zelgadis observed as Harzel reached him.

Harzel set the boy down and the child instantly tried to bolt. "Hey now." Zelgadis said, "Let me look at you."

"He's bleeding. I can't tell from where."

Zelgadis and Harzel both worked to keep the boy steady so Zelgadis could examine him and he eventually found a nasty gash on his arm. "RECOVERY!" he said.

At first the boy struggled more in protest, but when he realized that the spell was taking the pain away he started to calm down. "There now." Zelgadis said, "You're going to be just fine. Now let me look you over and see if you have any more injuries."

Harzel laughed, "Injuries? He won't know what you're talking about! When they're that young you use words like 'ouchies' and 'boo-boos.'"

"Well, you're a lucky boy. It looks like there are no more…ouchies." Zelgadis said as he met Harzel's gaze and shook his head in mild exasperation.

Zelgadis finished healing the child and was going to leave to see how the other survivors were doing, but was stopped when the boy grabbed his leg and wrapped his limbs around it like an octopus. Zelgadis looked down, surprised as Harzel laughed, "Looks like you made a friend!"

Zelgadis felt caught off guard. He wasn't used to children liking him. Usually they were too scared of his appearance. But if Zelgadis had to guess, he would say that his use of the healing spell had been enough to counteract any fear the child may have had of him. Cautiously he bent down to pick the boy up and was surprised as he relaxed against him and wrapped his arms around his neck. Zelgadis felt his heart race under the knowledge that this traumatized child was trusting him to protect him while he let his guard down.

Zelgadis' eyes widened as he felt a surge of emotions rise within him as he put a hand on the boys' back. "Does anyone have any idea what his name is? Or where his parents are?"

"Dead, I reckon." Harzel said, "There were two bodies in the cabin I found him in. Looked like his mother and father."

Zelgadis looked at the two living survivors. "Does anyone know his name? Or his family?"

"He was the Baker families' son." One of the men said, "Can't remember what they called him, though. His parents were all the family he had."

Zelgadis whispered to the boy, "Can you tell us your name?"

But he just clung to Zelgadis in a manner that Zelgadis found to be utterly enduring. With a start Zelgadis realized he was beginning to become attached to the child.

"I grew up here and would visit from time to time." Ed said as he walked up to the group after helping to put out the fire. "I think his name is Benny."

"Benny, is that your name?" but the child gave no indication of whether Zelgadis was right or wrong, other than sucking his thumb. "Well, we have to call him something."

"Are these people ready to be moved?" Captain Leung asked, "I want to leave here and get them to Garam soon in case the bandits decide to come back."

Zelgadis looked at the survivors. Including Benny, only three had made it. "They're good to go."

Zelgadis mounted his horse with Benny in front of him, and the group set off. As they got closer to Garam he was alarmed to discover that he was reluctant to give Benny up, a feeling that grew as they entered town and made their way to the city's center. They found the hospital and he dismounted, still carrying Benny, who clung to him tightly as he looked at the strange town distrustfully while they entered the hospital and Captain Leung explained the situation to the healers.

"I'll come and take him." A kind looking woman said as she reached her hands out for Benny.

Zelgadis felt a lump form in his throat and he attempted to place Benny in her arms, but was stopped when the child clung even more tightly and screamed in protest. The woman laughed a little, "Well, it looks like you have things under control here."

Zelgadis was stunned, "Shouldn't we make inquiries? See if he has any family here?"

"We will." She said, "But I think he would be better off staying with you for the night. He's been through an ordeal and I don't want to further the trauma by taking him away from someone he trusts."

"Oh," Zelgadis said as the implications of what she was saying sunk in. What if Benny had no other family? And there was nowhere for him to go? "Is there any place I can get this boy a bath?"

"Two doors to your right." She said. "If you need anything, my name is Carlotta."

"Thanks," he said as he made his way down the hallway and tried to sort through his feelings.

He opened the door and found a small tub and a pump sink. "Sorry, I'm going to have to set you down."

Benny let him do it, but instantly grabbed his leg and held on tight. Zelgadis smiled a little. He'd never thought a child would be able to get over their fright over his appearance to like him, let alone cling to him. But there Benny was, doing just that as he filled the tub. He used a spell to heat the water to a comfortable temperature and then helped Benny out of his clothes and put him in the tub and started cleaning the blood and dirt off of him.

He was a cute child, and while Zelgadis wasn't good at estimating ages, he would put him at about three, with blonde hair and green eyes that stared at the world through a veil of shock. "You don't talk much, do you?" he asked.

Benny said nothing, and Zelgadis decided that a quiet child suited him well, especially when he thought of Gracia's children, who chattered incessantly. And then Zelgadis wondered why he was even thinking this way, as if he was assessing Benny to see if he was son material!

Benny started to relax as he started to pat the water. "Benny, are we right? Is that your name?"

Benny gave no indication either way. Instead, he splashed Zelgadis. At first Zelgadis was angry, "Wha…"

But then he noticed that Benny was smiling at him a little. Wasn't splashing something that children did to play? "Take that." Zelgadis said as he splashed him back.

Benny laughed, and Zelgadis felt his heart take flight as he realized he would do anything to hear that sound again. By the time he'd finished giving Benny a bath Zelgadis was just as drenched as the child. He bundled him up in towels and went to find a healer to see if they had any clothes for him.

Benny was starting to fall asleep by the time Carlotta brought them some clothing. It was slightly big, but it would keep him warm. Zelgadis was given directions to a room where he could let the boy sleep. It was a small room with a bed and a chair, but it looked cozy enough. Zelgadis put Benny to bed and pulled the covers up tight. But as soon as he made to leave he found his hand grabbed tightly. Zelgadis looked at him, startled, and sat down in the chair. "It's all right, I'll keep watch."

Benny looked at him for a moment, but then, satisfied that he wouldn't leave, he closed his eyes. And Zelgadis felt no compulsion to leave as he watched the boy sleep as he sat there, thinking, and the more he thought, the more he started to tremble under the weight of the emotions his memories kicked up. He thought about those first few horrible days after his own parents had died. He thought of how scared he'd been at first to let Rezo out of his sight in case something horrible befell his great-grandfather. Because if something happened to Rezo, who would take care of him?

And who would take care of Benny? Garam was certainly large enough to have an orphanage, but how much care would he actually get there? Orphanages were places where the children outnumbered the adults and they had to fight for love and attention. While Benny's physical needs would likely be taken care of, his chances of receiving the parental love he needed were small. And the thought was strangely painful to Zelgadis.

As he watched Benny as he slept he felt as though he were watching a younger version of himself. There was something profoundly humbling about it. Once Amelia had asked him to imagine how his life would have been different if someone who cared for his interests had raised him after his parents died instead of Rezo. He usually thought engaging in such exercises was a waste of time and would leave you trapped in a world of would-bes. But now he was thinking about it, and hard. Because he could be that person for Benny.

All the same, something held him back. It was big decision, and not one to take lightly. And besides, they still could find some relatives for the boy. Zelgadis resolved to give it no more thought for the night, and leaned back and closed his eyes.


"Is there any word on Benny's family?" Zelgadis asked the next morning as he carried Benny down to breakfast.

"None. No one is coming forward." Carlotta said.

Zelgadis felt a measure of relief, and went to join his party at the breakfast table. "When are we leaving, then?" he asked as he put Benny in a chair and sat down beside him.

"After breakfast." Captain Leung said.

Zelgadis frowned. There wasn't much time to decide what to do for Benny, or to wait to see if anyone came forward. Of course, now could also be the time to tell the captain he wouldn't be coming home with them, and he could stay with Benny until his family had been tracked down. He loaded up his plate with food and one for Benny and started to eat. It took him a moment to realize that Benny wasn't.

"Hey now, you'd better start eating. I bet you're hungry!"

But Benny just stared distastefully at his plate. "Benny." Zelgadis said firmly, but the child was unmoved.

Harzel, who was sitting on Benny's other side, turned to face them and smiled as he picked up a forkful of eggs, "Well, if you don't, I will!"

Benny suddenly cried out and grabbed the fork back from Harzel and stuffed the eggs in his mouth, glaring at the other man reproachfully. "Sorry, buddy." Harzel said, but he winked conspiratorially at Zelgadis.

Zelgadis was taken aback for a moment. Ouchies versus injuries. Tricks for getting kids to eat. For that matter, Zelgadis wasn't even that sure he knew how to play with children. How could be possibly think he could be a father to this child? He had none of the instincts or knowledge!

Well, he certainly could not alone. No, if he wasn't going to do this he would need to do it with Amelia.

He thought about Amelia. She wanted to adopted. It fit her notions of justice. Among the Seyruun royalty it was even encouraged to some extent. He didn't think Amelia would have any objections. And besides, Amelia would be a loving mother who could also provide him the guidance he needed on how to be a father. He never had any doubt about that. Amelia needed someone to dote on and Benny needed a mother's care. That Amelia and Benny needed each other seemed an unavoidable conclusion.

But there was one problem. It would require that he go back to Seyruun, and all the nastiness of the court. And Zelgadis still was not sure that he could do that. Much less expose Benny to it.

But then, if he had Benny, he would at least have a companion who truly did not belong to the court. Benny would be an outsider, joined by legal ties and not blood, just like he was. Yet Zelgadis had chosen it willingly. He would be thrusting it on Benny. And something about that did not seem right.

So after breakfast Zelgadis picked Benny up and walked over to Carlotta. "Please see that he finds a good, loving home. Not an orphanage."

"Of course." She said as she reached her hands out.

But once again, Benny wrapped his little arms around Zelgadis' neck and howled. And Zelgadis was shocked as he felt as though someone were driving a knife into his heart. Never before had he felt so attuned to someone else's emotional state, and instead of giving him to Carlotta, he found himself pulling Benny closer as he rushed to soothe him. And that was when he realized that he did have it within him to love a child who wasn't his own.

Meanwhile, Carlotta smiled knowingly, "I think he's found his loving home."

"But…but what if he has family out there?" Zelgadis asked.

"Even if he does, what are the chances that they are in a position to take in an extra child and have the motivation to do so?" Ed asked. "People will take blood in, but begrudgingly."

Zelgadis patted Benny's back and reflected that even if blood took blood in willingly, they didn't always do it with the best of intentions. And Zelgadis had the body to prove it. As Benny settled down and nuzzled against him, Carlotta said, "Smart man. Esouh is one of those towns few people ever leave, so most likely his entire family died there. He's lost enough people. I can't begin to imagine the damage that will happen if he loses the first person he trusted after his family was killed in front of him."

Zelgadis inhaled sharply as the weight of the position he had found himself in fell upon him. But it was unavoidable. They were right. He couldn't further traumatize Benny by abandoning him. But more importantly, he didn't want to abandon him. He wanted to give him that loving home. He had wanted a child so desperately, and it was becoming clear to him that Benny was that child. The fact that Ed and Carlottas' words were coming as a relief to him meant that he wanted Benny as much as Benny wanted him. Yet he was still terrified. Faster than he could ever have imagined, he had become a father. And while he had been ready, he'd expected a nine month lead up to an infant, not an instant toddler.

He didn't feel ready. And he knew could not do this on his own. He would need Amelia by his side. He was sure she would agree. Hell, if they could stay at Tealblu year round he wouldn't even have any qualms about it.

But Amelia was a princess, and she enjoyed the power she had at court to pursue her agenda of justice. Yet perhaps, with a child, things wouldn't be so bad at court. Their desire to have one had been what had led to their humiliation at the court after all. By bringing a child into his union with Amelia, the pressure would be off to produce a heir. And given time, the courtiers would find something else to talk about. They always did.

Feeling an optimism he never thought he'd feel again about life in Seyruun, he resolved himself to making it work.


Amelia walked back to her apartments and wondered what to do with herself for the rest of the day. For once, it seemed, she had no afternoon or evening appointments. But she was feeling reluctant to go and stay in her chambers. It would be a reminder that Zelgadis wasn't there. And that she wouldn't be too surprised if, after everything that had happened, he never returned.

Why did I send him away? She asked herself, and then she shook her head, It was the right thing to do!

She opened the door to her chambers and took in the empty sitting room. But still.

She walked to the window, realizing that she needed to do something to keep her from sitting in her room brooding. Then she smiled. She and Lina usually hit town for shopping trips when Lina visited, but somehow or another it just hadn't happened this time around. Yet!

Amelia swiftly changed into her traveling clothes and then sent a page to gather some henchmen for their trip into town. She was fairly confident that Lina would be chomping at the bit to get out. Amelia knocked at the door, and Lina opened it, looking huge. "Hey Amelia, what's up?" she asked.

"How about a shopping trip in town?" Amelia asked, "Or are you too pregnant now to do anything but sit on your butt?"

"The hell I am!" Lina said as she waddled over to where her shoes were, "But I may be too pregnant to pick up my shoes."

Amelia swooped down and handed them to her, and soon they were out of the palace and in town. Fortunately the shopping district was just what Amelia needed to take her mind off her woes. It was noisy, crowded, and there was plenty to look at and buy. And as always, Lina's chatter was a welcome distraction.

"That store had some great stuff!" Lina commented to Amelia as they left, their packages carried by some royal henchmen. "I'm glad you suggested this. I really needed to get out."

"I'll say. Life in the palace can get so stifling." Amelia replied.

"At least you have stuff to do. I've been bored stiff. Hey, is that an ice cream stand?"

"Amelia!" a voice rang through the crowd.

Lina and Amelia exchanged a glance before turning around to find Zelgadis and the rest of the delegation that had left a month ago riding up to them. Relief swept through Amelia, and all she could think about was that, after everything that had happened, he'd actually returned! She broke into a grin as she started waving.

"Where did he come from?" Lina asked.

"Huh?" Amelia said, and then she saw it. She'd been so caught up in her relief that her husband had come home she'd not noticed the small boy riding the horse with him. "Oh. I don't know."

Zel pulled up to where they were and dismounted, and Amelia was so relieved that he was back it seemed to take an eternity for him to reach the ground and then he had to get the child safely off the horse. As soon as the boy was on solid ground Amelia leapt into his arms and kissed him passionately. She expected him to tell her to get off of him. Displays of public affection were hard for him, but dammit, she'd been so scared he wouldn't come back!

But then exhilaration ran through her when, instead of pushing her away, he actually pulled her closer as he returned the kiss enthusiastically! Her heart pounded, and she wondered what had wrought this change. Part of her wanted to ask, but the other part was enjoying being kissed so passionately and without abandon too much.

Eventually they parted. Amelia beamed at him as he grabbed her hand and indicated the child. "There's someone I'd like you to meet. We think his name is Benny."

"You think?" Amelia asked as she wondered how he could not know.

Zel nodded solemnly, "While we were on our way back we stumbled upon the ruins of Esouh, a small town. Bandits had raided it and slaughtered most of the townspeople."

"What?" Amelia exclaimed.

"Great," Lina muttered, "I can't hunt bandits for nine months and they crawl from the woodwork and destroy peoples' lives. See, I always told you guys that what I did was a public service and I should be thanked for it."

"Anyway," Zel continued, slightly annoyed at the interruption, "He was one of the few survivors. He's an orphan now. One of the people in our retinue came from Esouh and visited regularly, and was fairly sure his name was Benny, but we don't know for sure. He's been so traumatized that he's not said a word since we found him."

Amelia felt her eyes fill with tears as she remembered what life was like after her mother was assassinated. She knelt down so she was eye level with Benny and wondered what she could do to make things right. "You poor thing!"

"I kept thinking about what you said about adopting." Zel said quietly, "And I thought we could really help him. We've made some inquiries to see if we can find any relatives, but so far nothing. And if you don't want to I'm sure we can find a good family for him in Seyruun. But I've become attached to him."

Amelia's eyes burned sapphire blue flames and she bunched her hand in a fist, "Well of course we can provide him with a family! It's the least we can do to help someone who has been dealt such an unjust blow so early in life! We'll do whatever it takes!"

Lina smiled as Amelia continued in that vein, "Look what you started, I haven't heard her utter a Justice speech since I got here!"

Zelgadis felt a warmth spread through him. It had been a long time since he'd felt as through his being with Amelia had brought her happiness as opposed to sorrow. And by seeing her happy again, he was reminded of all the reasons outside of obligation that he had married her. "I'm relieved to hear it. Things have been so stressful for her this past year that she wasn't quite herself. Besides, I've always found her speeches rather bemusing."