A/N: Alrighty! I'm back with Ch.7 goodness! At least, I hope it's good. *lol* Seventeen cigarettes and a two-liter of Mountain Dew later, I'm starting to think maybe this chapter deviated from where it was supposed to go. ^^; Once again, please to be reviewing. Let me know how things are going and what you'd like to see. Other than caffeine and nicotine, reviews are what keep me writing! XD
They watched television while they waited for the pizza; some show about lawyers, or doctors, or maybe cops... Cat couldn't be sure, as she was too focused on the girl curled up next to her on the bed.
Jade was still in her jeans and long-sleeved black shirt, one hand resting on Cat's leg while the other played absent-mindedly with her extensions. There was an air of tension about them, though if anything, it just made it easier to accept the touch. Cat was starting to sort through the day, her mind reeling through the events like a movie, noting important plot points and foreshadowing.
Fact: Jade had tried to have sex with her. Cat shivered at the thought and Jade cast a curious glance at her. She just smiled and turned back to the television.
Fact: After the crazy events of the morning, Jade hade elected to not only spend the day with her, but another night as well.
Fact: Jade had kissed her burned fingers, taken her on a sunset drive, then offered to buy her pizza.
Fact: Cat Valentine was in love.
She milled the thought about in her mind, examining it from every angle. She couldn't seem to find any other conclusion. She loved Jade and the stolid actress wasn't running away screaming at the thought. She was starting to think that Jade liked her more than she knew. They had always been close, as close as Jade would let anyone get; but there were touches now, looks. Even through the haze of breaking up with Beck, Jade was finding it in herself to reach out, to ask for the love and support she so surely needed. She was asking for it in a strange way, but Cat wouldn't turn down her advances as long as she was reasonable. She wanted Jade to see her for what she was: a best friend... with potential.
Cat gently took Jade's hand in her own, sliding her fingers across the smooth skin on top before interlocking their fingers. Jade gave her hand a soft squeeze and she could have sworn she saw the vestige of a smile playing on her lips.
They stayed that way until the delivery guy showed up, Jade breaking away from their contact and disappearing downstairs to collect the food.
Once again the sound of the television seemed overly loud, so Cat sat up and found the remote, lowering it considerably as Jade waltzed back into her room with an armful of pizza boxes.
"Alright... cheese in the bottom, whatever else you wanted in the top." Jade risked a glance at the top pizza and made a face. "What did you get on this one?"
Cat grinned and grabbed the box, setting it on the bed next to her. "Chicken, onions, mushrooms, black olives, green peppers, banana peppers-"
Jade leaned over as she sat down and grabbed Cat's chin, tilting her head up and kissing her lightly. It was a rather effective way to shut her up.
"Just eat it, I don't need the entire rundown." She sat back and opened her own box, studiously ignoring the way Cat's mouth was furiously working for a response.
Deciding that she was hungrier than she was flustered, Cat solved her idle mouth problem by stuffing it full of hot pizza, devouring piece after piece like she hadn't eaten in years.
They quickly polished off most of their order, the remaining slices getting tossed into the same box and set on the dresser. Cat took the opportunity to run it down to the fridge, grabbing two cans of soda before heading back up. She felt like such a bad host. Drinks should have been the first thing she grabbed when she came home.
As she pushed open her door, she was treated to the sight of the once again scantily-clad form of Jade crawling into her bed. She had put on the short shorts and tank top again. Cat could feel the blush traveling up her cheeks, and she handed the drinks to Jade before excusing herself to the bathroom to change.
Within minutes she was in her sleep shirt, teeth brushed and hair pulled back, ready to go back and attempt to sleep next to the girl that made her feel like a million volts were coursing through her. Well, almost ready. She had to take a few steadying breaths before she could bring herself to go back to her room.
Jade was laying on her side with her head propped on her hand, covers pulled up over her legs and a look of intense contemplation on her face as Cat moved almost mouse-like to crawl in next to her.
"You're in my spot," Cat ventured softly, flicking off her table lamp as she pulled the covers up over them both.
Jade laughed quietly, sounding genuinely amused. "Oh really?" she asked. "Well, if it's a problem..."
Cat was going to tell her it was alright, but the words died in her throat as Jade slid her body over hers, holding herself up so that they were barely touching.
"Scoot over, kitten." Jade's voice was dangerously soft, a hint of amusement playing over her features as the smaller girl blushed and slid to occupy 'her' half of the bed. Cat felt her heart starting to pound and wondered if she was going to get any sleep that night. She thought her head might explode if Jade called her 'kitten' again.
They settled in, Jade spooning against her curled body, her hand finding its way to Cat's slim waist and sliding around to pull her closer. She could feel the other girl's breath against her neck as her fingers traced nonsensical patterns across her stomach. Every little movement sent another shock through Cat's body and she had to bite back a low moan. Jade's fingers were brushing along the top of her panties, deft fingers tracing the elastic through her over-sized shirt. It brought her mind to a halt while simultaneously revving her body up like a race car.
They had lain in silence for so long that Cat figured Jade had dropped off, her fingers still where they had tangled in the dragon-covered sleep shirt. But as she tried to calm her nerves enough to drift off, she was surprised by Jade's hand sliding along her side, down to the hem of her shirt where it nonchalantly slipped under and moved back over her hip to settle once again on her stomach. She sucked in a sharp breath at the contact and almost cried out as Jade placed a feathery kiss on her neck.
Then another. Then another.
Cat rolled to face her, to ask what she was doing, but was caught off-guard once more as Jade leaned in to capture her lips in a gentle kiss. It wasn't rough or rushed like it was that morning. Jade was testing her boundaries, seeing how far she could take it before Cat would tell her 'no'. The little singer did moan this time, a small, strangled sound that escaped past her lips as Jade broke away to look at her.
Deep green eyes peered uncertainly at her, seemingly nervous about the situation. Cat managed to find the time to note how sweet it was that Jade was weakened by her, made to act like any other 'normal' girl would under the same circumstances. She loved the girly side that only she got to see: it just reaffirmed her suppositions about the girl's character.
Cat bit her lip and reached a hand up to cup Jade's face, sliding smoothly against her soft skin. She felt like her insides were being pressed into nothing by the weight of her emotion, an almost stifling wave of love, want, and uncertainty. She wanted to scream, so she smiled instead, and leaned in.
Soft lips met in a heated kiss, Cat's eyes fluttering shut as Jade began running her fingers up and down her ribcage. She thought briefly that it was exactly what she had been trying to avoid that morning, but with the object of her affections raining passionate kisses upon her, it was hard to remember exactly why she had wanted to stop. She raised her hand and cupped Jade's face, the heat of the moment overwhelming her already scrambled attempts to regain a semblance of control.
Soon, they were locked together in a flood of emotion, hands wandering aimlessly across heated flesh as eager lips contended for superior position. Cat soon won the battle despite her diminutive size, pushing Jade onto her back as she pressed close and ran her tongue along her bottom lip. As Jade allowed her to deepen the kiss, warnings rang through her head, screaming out caution as the actress placed her hands on her hips and pulled her closer. She tried to ignore the blaring klaxons in her mind, tried desperately to shut out the flashing signs in neon colors that burned trails like comets through her consciousness. It was wrong, she knew that: but stopping was like putting her hand out in front of a speeding train.
It felt like a furnace under the blankets, and Cat soon found herself gasping for air. As she broke away from the kiss, Jade quirked her eyebrows questioningly, a worried look on her face.
"Too much?" she asked, her wavering voice showing her concern.
Cat nodded her head, then shook it, then nodded again. She sighed heavily, trying to slow herself down. Too fast, she reminded herself. Too fast.
"I... can we just..." Cat's voice was frustrated, her confusion over the situation disrupting her speech. "...can we just snuggle, or something that's not... y'know..."
Jade chewed her lip for a moment, then nodded. Her face was flushed, but her eyes had abruptly gone flat. She released her hold on Cat's hips and allowed her to cuddle up against her side.
"Jade, I-"
"Don't worry about it." The tone of Jade's voice was anything but reassuring.
"But Jade, I do worry!" Cat blurted out, the words pushing up out of her throat like word-vomit. "I worry all of the time!"
Jade turned her head to look at the suddenly frantic redhead.
"I worry so much that it feels like I'm imploding, or exploding, or something-ploding; and all the while it feels like my heart's in a vise, and I can't breath, and I feel like I'm going to be sick, and it's what I think a smoothie must feel like getting all blended and having all of its parts mixed around so that you can't tell one part from another, and-"
Jade silenced her by placing her finger on her lips, shushing her softly. Her face softened and she pulled her close, leaning her head on top of Cat's.
"I don't know what this is anymore. What we are. I'm... I'm just trying to figure it out." It sounded strange, the uncertainty in her voice. "I have all of these feelings..."
Cat could feel her shaking her head in frustration. She knew what it was. She knew what they were becoming.
She knew why it scared the chiz out of Jade.
Jadelyn West, if anything, was a control-freak. She maintained a tight grip on all things around her, hoping to keep her world in order by strangling it into submission. She wasn't good with emotions, she wasn't good with people: she usually kept everyone at arm's length because it meant she didn't have to expose herself.
Cat wrapped her arm around Jade's waist and hugged her tightly. She wished she could find the right words, the magical phrase that would make everything click into place and work like her heart told her it should. But alas, words failed her and she was left with an annoying buzz much akin to white noise that filled her mind like cotton. The redhead sighed softly and nuzzled against Jade's cheek.
"Me too," she whispered. "But maybe... maybe we don't need to know. Maybe we just need to let it be whatever it's going to be."
Jade let out a long, slow breath, then muttered, "I don't know about that..."
Cat tilted her head and looked up at her friend; she could feel the weight of her emotion like it was a tangible thing, a net of steel cinching around her as she drank in Jade's sullen countenance.
"I said we didn't need to know... just... don't think."
Jade glanced down at her and Cat could see the thoughts whirling behind her eyes.
"Maybe you can do this without thinking, but my situation is a little more complicated."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Cat huffed and poke Jade in the side.
"Hey!" Jade frowned at her.
"You're the one that started this!" There was anger in her voice, a sharpened edge to her normally airy tone. "Don't act like you're innocent! You kissed me! You came to me when chiz got jank with Beck!"
Jade's face was plastered with shock. She had never heard Cat even allude to knowing how to curse; in any way, shape, or form.
"Stop lying to me and stop lying to yourself!" Cat felt tears welling up in her eyes and she tried to blink them back. It really wasn't a good time to be bringing any of this up, but her mouth was already going, and her love-addled brain certainly wasn't going to put up a fight. "This isn't new, this isn't something that just happened!"
Jade pulled away and sat up, eying Cat with a mixture of irritation and wariness.
"Listen, Valentine-"
"No!" Cat cut her off, shaking her head as the tears finally escaped, sitting up to lock gazes with the ruffled actress. "You listen! I... I'm not trying to hurt you!" Her shoulders shook as she bit back a sob. "This is... this is too important to just rush in a make a mess of it!"
Jade looked as if she was trying to decide whether or not to bolt. She dropped her gaze to the space between them and fidgeted uncomfortably.
"Cat, I'm so messed up right now."
The redhead brushed a hand across her eyes, wiping the tears out of her vision.
"I know you are! We both are... this is like some sort of sordid play, some Shakespearean tragedy, and it should be a love story! Romeo and Juliet without all of that icky death in the end..." She sniffled, trying to stem the flood of traitorous words that were spilling her deepest feelings out like a broken dam. "I look at you and a hole opens up inside of me, and it feels like everything good in the world just falls in and disappears. I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't do anything without wondering what you'll say or do. You make me happy, and sick, and scared all at once! Don't act like you're the only one suffering over this."
Jade sat in silence as she stared torpidly through the bed. Her shoulders were hunched, as if to ward off the blows of Cat's words, and she was once again chewing her lip.
"Stupid Beck..." Cat's whisper was barely audible. "Why did he get your heart?"
They sat for a long time before either girl said anything else. Cat was taking advantage of her mouth finally stopping and didn't want to risk opening it again.
Jade sighed heavily, forcing her eyes back into focus and looking back up at Cat.
"He didn't." The words were strangled, like they had to fight their way out of her throat. "Beck was..." She trailed off, searching for the right word. "...convenient."
Cat felt a spark of hope bloom in her chest.
"He's a good guy, I love him. But I'm not..." Jade shook her head and chewed harder on her lip. Cat was afraid she would draw blood, the way she was worrying it. "I'm not in love with him. Not like I thought I was."
"So what-"
"You've met my father." Jade made it sound like that was all the explanation that was needed.
Cat nodded, but she wasn't satisfied. Jade's father was definitely a hard man, one not given to whims of the heart. He was also not around most of the time. He worked late hours, never really took an interest in Jade's school work (except for coming to see 'Well Wishes'), and was generally indifferent to her activities. She doubted he would notice if Jade suddenly picked up a girlfriend, especially since they never went over to her house.
"Jade, I don't know if I can deal with all of this right now. I was trying so hard, but now..." Cat sighed despondently. "Now I'm more confused and more unsettled, and really, I just want things to be how they were."
The taller girl nodded and looked at her pile of clothes next to the bed.
"I can go," she said, bending over to grab her shirt and pants. "I get it."
But that wasn't what Cat had meant, and the very thought of Jade just up and disappearing on her after everything that had happened made her want to throw up.
"No!" Well, thought Cat sarcastically, that didn't sound desperate at all. She tried to compose herself before trying again. "No, please. You don't have to go."
Jade dropped her clothes back on the floor and turned to look at her.
"I just... I just want to go to sleep." Cat reached out and took Jade's hand in hers. "Please, stay. For tonight." She could see the conflict in Jade's face, the indecision. "Stay and be my penguin."
Jade snorted. "Abandon you to starve for six months while I run out and stuff my face?"
Cat giggled at the mental image and shook her head, her tears finally dried up. "No, silly! Act like you just got back from stuffing your face. Come lay down with me." She tugged on Jade's hand, laying back and trying to pull her down next to her. Jade acquiesced silently, sliding back under the covers and letting her snuggle up once more.
They lay in silence, each tending to their own twisting thoughts as they tried to fall towards the realm of sleep. Cat no longer felt sick, instead, suffering a dull ache in her heart that twinged with every breath. She closed her eyes and focused on the sound of Jade's heart beating in her ear, on the gentle rise and fall of her chest with each deepening breath. Soon, she felt herself slipping over that elusive edge, falling into a deep and peaceful blackness that rescued her for a time from the insanity of her waking life.
