Last night was the worst night of my life to be honest. It started off so well. Just a small get together. I wouldn't have thought in my wildest nightmares that it was going to end so tragically.
I hate myself for not looking after her. I should have been by her side all night. She has a brain tumour for fuck sake! But she said she was feeling better? I thought things were getting back to normal? I still need to find out what she took last night, because I'm sure as hell it wasn't just alcohol.
I've been sitting in the same position for hours on end now. Everyone else in the waiting room has come and gone, even Katie left just to freshen up and take a nap. I can't sleep, I can't leave. I need to be here when Emily wakes up and the doctor tells me what the hell is going on inside my girlfriend's head.
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I feel angry at myself for dropping off to sleep.
Breaking my promise to Emily, what if she needed me? Effy is the one that stirred me from my sleep, she doesn't say anything. She simply puts her arm around me, comforting me. Effy knows that words with mean nothing to me at the moment. They just won't sink in, we just sit in silence. She knows not to speak until I'm ready to have a conversation.
'I've messed up.' I finally stay to break the silence.
'What, why?' Effy answered confused.
'I should've never left her last night, she needed me and I just left her! She could've died and it would've been my fault!' I say breaking down, realising that I might never have heard Ems' sweet adorable voice again or feeling her heartbeat thump when I lie on her chest at night.
'Naomi, look at me!' Effy says sternly, 'it was not your fault okay? In some ways she needed to do this! To realise that her life is so precious and she is precious. It just shouldn't have gone this far.'
'I know, I'm sorry. I'm freaking out, is all.' I say apologetically. 'I need to find out what she took though, and where she got them from. Emily wouldn't have pills would she? I mean that isn't Ems, not my Ems.' I start to break down again.
'I know, just wait until the doctor comes and talks to us. He'll have the test results.' Effy says calmly.
Silence falls between us.
'Thank you Ef. I don't what I'd do if you weren't here. You've always been here. I love you Effy!' I say emotionally throwing my arms around Effy.
'Shhh, it's okay. It's okay. I'm always going to be here... we all are!' Effy says positively.
'Yeah we will.' Katie says as she walked into the waiting room hand in hand with a pale and weak looking Cook.
'You heard anything more from the doctor?' Cook says shaking.
'No... no not yet. Cook what's wrong, you look like you're gonna throw up?' I say looking slightly concerned.
'It's my fault.' He says breaking down.
'How?' I say confused.
'They... erm... they... well... you know the erm... well the erm...' Cook attempts to say something but it just doesn't come out. I cut him off before I lose my temper completely.
'Oh for fuck's sake Cook just spit it out!' I say raising my voice.
'They were my fucking pills okay!?'Cook screamed falling to the floor.
I suddenly felt numb. My life suddenly got worse I thought it possibly could be.
'What?' I said threw gritted teeth.
'They were my pills... I gave them to Ems last year for a laugh.' Cook says feebly.
'What the fuck!? You fucking nearly killed me girlfriend, you still might have killed my girlfriend for what, a laugh!? I fucking trusted you Cook.' I punch him in the face several times. He didn't move. He knew he deserved it. So did Katie and Effy. I can't take anymore, I collapse at his feet. Sobbing so hard that my chest hurts.
I almost blacked out after this, images became blurry. I saw Katie holding Cook and taking him away. Then I felt Effy take me into a tight hug and I must've fell asleep in her arms because the next thing I remember I'm dreaming about a happier time me and Emily in Scotland a couple of years ago... The day I asked her to move in with me...
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'Babe, look I know it's not exactly Cyprus but I thought you could do with a break before you start your new job!' I say, anxiously, hoping that Emily won't laugh at me for taking us to Scotland.
'Naomi... it's perfect. You know why?' Emily answers grinning.
'Why's that.' I say, moving closer, already knowing what she going to say.
'Because you're here with me.' Emily says sweetly and then pulling me into a passionate kiss.
'I love you Emily.'
'Same here beautiful. Now get dressed, we'll be late for dinner otherwise.' Emily says as she's pulling on her jeans.
'We're not going to dinner tonight, I have something better planned for our evening.' I say critically.
'Where are we going.' Emily says raising her eyebrow.
'Secret.' I say grinning. 'Just wrap up warm and meet me downstairs when you're ready yeah?'
We walked into the nearest town first and I bought Emily a blueberry muffin and we both got hot chocolates. Then we walked to the place where I'd planned to have our evening. Just before we got there, I stood behind Emily and put my hands over her eyes.
'Hun what are you doing?' Emily moans.
'Being romantic so shhh!' I say childishly.
We make it up the pathway to our spot for the evening. It was beautiful. I was so proud of my work.
'How? When?' Emily said baffled.
'When you were having you're facial. I came up here and sorted it all out.' I said proudly.
'Well... thank you. It is beautiful.' Emily said enveloping me in a tight hug.
I had got some of the locals to help me put up a white gazebo on the top of a hill where apparently the best view for miles is. I had a small heater in there and a radio playing our song, 'My Heart – Paramore' on repeat. Candles were all around the edge and boxes of strawberries and marshmallows were in the middle. It helped that it was a beautiful autumn evening, which made it even more perfect.
Several hours later we were cuddled up outside the gazebo, heater near our feet, walking the stars. Perfect time.
I sat up and got the box out of my pocket.
'I got you a present,' I say shyly, 'I erm... hope you like it.'
I handed the box to Emily who opened it careful and saw a silver necklace inside with a key on it. She looked at me confused.
'I was thinking now we've finished university and all...we don't really want to be living with our parents anymore so I was thinking we could you know... be long term roomies.' I say nervously.
'Where?' Emily asks.
'I got a 2 bedroom apartment just down the road from the Fitch residence. I got it a couple of weeks ago. What do you think?' I say apprehensively.
'You have done a lot of things for me in the past Naomi Campbell but this... this is the best by far!' She says excitedly, jumping on top of me and peppering me with kisses.
'So I guess that's a yes then?' I say laughing.
'I would love to live with you for as long as I'll live!' Emily says grinning, kissing me again and again.
Emily 24/7 for the rest of my life will be amazing.
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I'm woken from happier times by Effy shaking me softly.
'Naomi, the doctor is here to speak to you...' Effy says softly.
I sit bolt upright at the mention of a doctor. Effy leaves the room as the doctor enters.
'How is she, can I see her, what's going to happen now?' I seem to rattle the doctor with so many questions at once.
'Naomi, you can see her now. But I must warn you. It isn't good news.' The doctor says sombrely.
'W-w-hhy? What's gone wrong?' I stumble over my words.
'We can't fight it... the tumour. It's too big... it's spread too far. Operating will leave Emily permanently paralysed. I'm so sorry Naomi, I really am.' The doctor explains but I don't believe it, it can't be true.
'No no... You're lying! You're messing with my head. Emily's fine. She was fine the other day! You're lying!' I say in frenzy.
'Emily had been taking such strong painkillers for so long that the pain had numbed, but all the alcohol and the erm... drugs she took last night increased the pain tenfold, hence the bad state she's is in now.' Doctor explained more in detail.
Silence fell on the room.
'You can see her now. She's still unconscious at the moment but she'll come round soon. I'm so sorry Naomi. I know it's hard at the moment, trust me I know. If you need anything just call for me okay? I'll come in to check on Emily later.' And with that the doctor leaves me with my thoughts.
Effy comes back on the room and just collapse into her arms as she walks over to me.
I sob into her chest, 'She going to die... they can't stop it Eff! My baby's going to die.'
I know Effy is trying with all her might not to cry. To be strong for me.
Right now I couldn't care.
I just need to see her.
Hold my Emily for the short time we have left now.
