[A/N: Have no idea why I'm managing a decent pace with the writing, but have decided not to question it. However, if I were you, I wouldn't get too used to it. Edited to fix the spot where it randomly left out two words.]


HE WAS DEEP IN THE INNARDS of the Puddle Jumper, consulting a data reader he'd had jury-rigged to translate Ancient into English. Or at least Techie. So far he'd only been through about half of the information he'd downloaded from the Jumper itself. Most of the time he was content to let his talent lie hidden within him, showing itself only in the skill in which he could pilot, figuring vectors and wind force and the ever shifting calculations of fuel vs. weight vs. distance to travel. Every now and then he was forced to let it out in other ways.

He was glad that so far, he didn't stand out. In a grouping of extraordinary people, his ability with numbers and math didn't stand out enough to mark him as 'different' or 'freak'. He'd only had one close call. "I know that; I'm just surprised you did." McKay's voice sometimes haunted him.

"Major?" A voice he wasn't expected startled him. He jerked a bit, almost smacking his head in the process.

Pulling himself out from under the panel he was working on, he looked up at Halling's tall form. "Halling. What can I do for you?"

Halling shifted, and Sheppard gestured towards one of the chairs in the shuttle, dropping into one himself. Halling cleared his throat. "I wish to answer any questions you might have about the Joining." He looked as distinctly uncomfortable as Sheppard's father had when giving him the sex talk.

"Hah. Just picking one to start with is hard. I guess we should start with, so this is predestined?"

Halling shook his head, slowly. "My people believe it started out as biological necessity when the Wraith drove our numbers too low. But there is an element of choice, as there is with everything in this life."

"What happens if something similar with Jinto's mother kicks in, and Mahread'zhu doesn't want to be a mother to the child? My responsibilities won't allow me to be the kind of father that the baby deserves." It was the first time he'd allowed himself to voice the concern that kept nagging the corners of his mind, but he let the anguish he felt at the idea stay buried deep.

"Our tribe has, in the past, stepped in as parents for a child of such a joining. In that instance, my people would act as parents for the babe." There was a small silence as Sheppard absorbed that. Then Halling leaned forward, looking at him. "But that is not what darkens your spirit the most, Major. Whatever you wish to know, I will answer to the best of my ability."

Sheppard sighed, hanging his head. "It just...feels like using Mahread'zhu. My people have issues with that kind of thing. Or," he amended ruefully, "some of us do."

Halling nodded. "The act of creation has long turned even the most secure of heads. But one thing you must concentrate on: the pairing is best if both enter into it with clear heads."

Sheppard looked at the man, assuring himself that he'd meant it when he'd said he'd answer any questions. "So...that's the arrangement you had with Jinto's mother," he queried softly.

Halling looked away. "Yes. She knew I desired a child and not a partner, and she had no wish for either. But she was willing to carry the child and nurture him, until she could leave." He stared off into space for a moment. "She did not expect to have such... conflicts within over him, however. She left because she could not bear to be near him, but not be a mother to him. And yet she could not be a mother, either."

"So you're saying it's never easy."

The two men shared an understanding look. "No. It never is," Halling agreed.

A soft step outside the door made both men turn. Teyla stepped into the shuttle. "John. I have need to speak with you."

Halling rose. "I must go. Jinto gets into trouble if he is not supervised."

Sheppard smiled. "One of the drawbacks of having an exceptional child," he noted.

Halling's smile joined his. "Indeed." He stepped through the doorway and disappeared into the shuttle bay.

Sheppard stood and indicated the chair Halling had just vacated, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Teyla regarded him with a mixture of surprise and confusion, as he intended. It probably wasn't very nice, he reflected, but he did love to confound her.

"Mahread'zhu is resting," Teyla said.

"Will she be O.K.?" Sheppard asked, remembering her stricken face.

Teyla nodded slowly. "It is much we have all endured. The loss of home and purpose. The loss of loved ones. And now, the loss of independence."

He shook his head. "If it causes so much heartache, how can a thing like the Joining be a good thing?"

She regarded him with a smile. "It is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. Instead, it is a necessary thing." After a pause, she added, "Usually, it is a good thing."

"Teyla, how can I be a part of all of this? Your people developed it as a kind of survival technique. My people never did. It makes no sense."

"You have nothing like ani'ame on your world?"

"Love at first sight? That happens. –but no, you explained it well enough that I know it's not love at first sight. So what exactly do you mean?"

"You truly do not know?"

"Why would I ask you if I had any clue what was going on?" His frustration crept into his tone, frustration, humiliation, and just plain weariness.

"Have I upset you, John?"

He leaned back in the chair. "Whatever gave you that idea?" he asked the ceiling.

"Perhaps it is because I have never seen you so agitated."

He stifled the urge to shout, 'Statement! Two points' at her. Most of the people who came here with him wouldn't get the joke, let alone an Athosian who'd never been dragged to a Stoppard play. Closing his eyes, he said quietly, "Just tell me about ani'ame, please."

She regarded him for a long moment. "Ani'ame have existed with my people for a time far longer than the Joining," she began.

"Wait—ani'ame has nothing to do with the Joining?"

"Ani'ame has much to do with the Joining. But it has been and can be separate from the event."

He turned puzzled eyes on her. "What is it, then?"

"It is the name for people who share a deep bond. Ani'ame can be of three types: the heart, the body, and the spirit. It can develop over time, but more often, it forms with a single look."

Sheppard shook his head. "I don't know how I got caught up in all this, Teyla. I'm just a straightforward guy who likes things that go high, far, or fast."

She regarded him through clouded eyes. "I never saw you as that limited, John." She rose fluidly. "Perhaps it is time you stopped placing such limits upon yourself." Abruptly she turned and closed the distance between him, placing her hands on his shoulders and leaning her head towards him as she had done once before. Not truly understanding the why of the Athosian gesture, he leaned in closer to her, gently touching his forehead to hers. By the time he opened his eyes, she was gone.