Sharpay licked her fingers while staring into the silver mounted mirror in her daughter's room. She ran her index fingers underneath her eyes, trying to remove the black mascara residue left on her face from her crying. She felt another after tremor shake her body, and she gripped her hands to her elbows, staring at her reflection in the mirror.
'I bet Troy wouldn't think I was beautiful now.'
It was the first thought that came to mind while she examined the splotched puffy face and red eyes that glared back at her through the glass. She sniffled one more time and turned away, exiting the bedroom. She had no idea how long she had been in there since Troy left her on her own, but the loneliness had begun to feel eerie.
Stepping out into the hallway, and feeling so uncomfortable and out of place, it was hard to believe that this had once been her home as well. She and Troy had spent countless hours here, cuddling on the couch watching old movies, failing at numerous efforts to cook a decent meal, making love in the evenings, and having long talks in bed at night, when she shared with him all of her most intimate thoughts and feelings.
She tried to swallow, but it stuck in her swollen throat, and she slowly descended the stairs, hoping Troy was still feeling humane when she reached the bottom.
"He's going to want to check to see if he has a milk mustache. Then he'll realize he needs a haircut. So he's going to ask you for some scissors. After he's finished, he'll want to clean up, so he'll ask you for a broom. He may get carried away and clean the whole house."
Sharpay smiled softly as she walked into the living room, to find Troy sitting on the sofa next to Mckenzie, reading a book aloud to her.
Mckenzie looked up and noticed her, interrupting Troy in order to greet Sharpay with a, "Hey!"
Sharpay gave a soft wave.
"Hey." Troy said softly, closing the book and setting it down, "You all right?"
Sharpay nodded, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to have a breakdown."
"What's a breakdown?" Mckenzie piped in, tugging Troy's arm with urgency.
Troy glanced to the side at his daughter, "It's when somebody gets upset."
Mckenzie's eyes widened with utmost concern as she turned to Sharpay, "Why are you upset?"
"I'm not now." Sharpay answered reassuringly, "Everything's okay."
Mckenzie didn't seem so sure, and she looked back at Troy with distress, silently urging him to do something with her eyes.
"It's okay 'Kenz, don't worry. Everyone gets upset sometimes, including Sha- Mommy." Troy kissed the top of his daughter's head.
She still did not look too sure, and she glanced back at Sharpay, looking for any signs to contradict Troy.
Sharpay looked wistfully on at the father and daughter sitting together. Both were nestled on the love-seat, and she knew she would only make things uncomfortable if she attempted to sit beside them. She imagined herself snuggled against Troy, Mckenzie between them, in a world where that would be a normal afternoon scene.
She sat down on the other couch, and stared ahead, hoping Troy would speak to her again before making her leave.
Troy looked back at her, uncomfortable, and cleared his throat, "I guess I better start with dinner now."
Sharpay felt her heart sink. That was her cue to leave. Troy stood up and walked towards the kitchen, and she quickly followed after him.
"I guess you want me to go now?" She asked, in the back of her mind hoping he had changed his mind and would let her stay.
"I think that would be best." Troy answered, feeling slightly guilty despite himself.
"What about tomorrow?" Sharpay asked.
"What about it?"
He opened the fridge and began to rumage through the food, pretending as if he were considering what to cook, but really just needing a reason to not look at her face. There was still evidence of her crying spell earlier, and he knew if he saw her looking so pitiful and miserable, he'd have her in his arms again, feeling just as pathetic as he had earlier, upstairs in Mckenzie's room.
"Can I see her?" Her voice cracked, and Troy winced, fighting back sympathy and urges.
"Please. Don't cry again." Troy managed the words through a clenched jaw, and he stood up to his full height, closing the refrigerator door with no food in his hands.
He still would not look at her.
"I'm not going to cry Troy. I'm sorry for earlier." She stared straight at him while she spoke, hating that he would not do her the same courtesy, "Could I pick her up again tomorrow afternoon?"
"Fine." Troy finally looked up and met her eye to eye, relieving her.
"Troy?"
He sighed loudly, "Yes?"
"I miss you." It was the truth. She knew he would probably be angry with her for mentioning it, but she felt like she had to say something.
His mouth hung open in shock, surprised she'd be so brazen as to say that after he'd made it so clear he wanted nothing to do with her any longer. He watched her take a dangerous step closer to him, and gulped, glancing back and forth in panic.
"Maybe we could get together, to catch up, and-"
"No." Troy's voice was stony, and she stopped, looking dumbfounded.
"You didn't let me finish." For the first time, she was the one who sounded angry, and this startled Troy, but he didn't relent.
"I told you, I want nothing to do with you. Not now. You're here for Mckenzie, and I'll try to be civil with you for that reason only. But you and I have no reason to be alone together." Troy felt his hands trembling, but he managed to keep his voice steady.
"Come on, Troy. You can't stay mad at me forever," She took another step forward, "I'm still your wife."
She took one more step, and was now only inches away from him, while he breathed heavily out of his nose, feeling his forehead begin to perspire.
"You still love me." She sounded almost smug, knowing she had found the exact words to hang over his head, and he reeled in anger, wondering why she was so damn insistent.
"Stop!" He snapped, "I'm not going to let you manipulate me."
He locked his jaw steadfast, and did his best not to shake as he stared straight into her eyes and said, "I don't love you anymore."
Sharpay's confidence visibly broke, though she tried her best not to show it.
"That's a lie." She said adamantly, but Troy shook his head.
"No it's not. Every time I look at you I see the girl that walked out on my daughter. That's all I'll ever see." Troy narrowed his eyes, "And I don't love that girl."
Sharpay clasped her hands together against her chest and shrunk back.
"Do you hate me Troy?" She asked quietly, all previous signs of sureness gone. She hadn't thought it was possible that he could ever stop loving her. She didn't want to believe it, even now, after she had been distanced from him for so long.
Troy felt the anger drop from his face, now that she was no longer battling him for an upperhand. She was huddled away from him now, defeated, and he found himself again biting back unwarranted guilt.
"No." He answered, his voice softened, "Because when I look at you, I also see the mother of my child. I could never hate you Sharpay."
Sharpay swallowed, and nodded slowly, "Okay then."
She was silent for a moment longer, knowing he was waiting for her to leave. After hesitating a couple of times, she spoke up once more.
"Can I ask you one question?"
Troy's nostrils flared, "What?"
"When did you know? I mean, that you didn't love me anymore." She desperately tried to catch his eye, but once again he had reverted to staring at an unknown spot on the floor.
Troy faltered, searching for an answer to an impossible question, and finally said, "The day you walked out the door."
"Oh." Sharpay let her hands fall to her side, her entire body feeling as though it were made of steel. She didn't feel as if she were capable of movement.
"My mother always told me you would know you'd stopped loving a person the first time you went a whole day without thinking about them."
She shrugged, fighting back a fresh batch of tears, hoping they would hold off until she had at least made it out of his house, "But I guess what I did was so terrible, it made me an exception to the rule."
Troy stared blankly ahead. After he said nothing else, she turned and walked out of the room, not bothering to say goodbye. He was unable to break his gaze, even after she had left the room, and he heard the sound of the front door opening, then shutting.
A single day still never went by when he didn't think of her.
"Shit!"
Mckenzie gasped loudly, her mouth forming into a delighted O shape, "You said a bad word!"
"I'm sorry." Sharpay managed to squeak, holding her wounded hand, and hissing as she tried to ignore the pain.
She was preparing Mckenzie an afternoon snack, and she had just found out the hard way that holding an apple to your palm, while bringing a steak knife down into it with the other hand, was not the most effective way to slice an apple.
She opened her palm to examine the damage, and was met with a deep gnash, bleeding profusely.
"Ow, ow, ow!" She cried.
Mckenzie's joyful expression at hearing an adult cursed now formed into one of fright, "Are you all right?"
Sharpay nodded, "Yeah. Here let me finish slicing this."
She set the apple down on the counter now, and using her one good hand, began to saw into it.
"I don't think that's how Daddy does it." Mckenzie warned, seated and waiting at the kitchen table.
"Well Daddy's not here at the moment to show me how to do it right." Sharpay replied, her voice still tight and unnatural due to the pain.
Right on cue, the sound of the front door opening was heard, and a moment later Troy walked into the kitchen to find them.
Troy zoomed right in on the apple, and he stepped forward.
"You should use a cutting board for that, and that's not the right knife." He informed Sharpay, taking the knife from her and dropping it into the sink.
He looked down at the mutilated apple on the counter, and then noticed something else.
"What's this?" He pointed to several drops of blood.
"I cut my hand with the knife." She explained.
"Let me see it." Troy reached forward, and Sharpay clenched her hand into a fist.
"No!" She protested, trying in vain to pull her hand away from him.
Troy chuckled, as he tried to pry her fingers open, "Let me see it. Is it bad?"
Sharpay relented, and uncurled her hand, wincing in pain.
"Hey you cut it pretty deep. Here." Troy let go of her for a moment, opening a nearby drawer and withdrawing a dish towel. He turned on the faucet, and ran the towel under warm water, before wringing it out, and holding Sharpay's hand again. He pressed the towel into her palm, even when she cried out in protest.
"Keep applying pressure to it so you don't loose blood." He instructed.
He couldn't help but smile as he looked back at the mess she had made out of the simplest task.
"You're a disaster." He commented.
She smiled, "Hey! I remember a time when you caught the kitchen wall on fire trying to make grilled cheese!"
"At least I was trying to use the stove." Troy shot back, "And as I recall I made that grilled cheese for you, to satisfy a pregnancy craving."
"Right, it had a very satisfying charcoal taste." She giggled, happy not only to be reminiscing, but to actually be having a pleasant conversation with Troy, even if it was brief.
Troy smiled too for a moment, but as she feared, his expression slowly morphed, and he looked on solemnly once again.
"I have a question to ask you." He said a moment later, once the atmosphere had returned to its appropriate seriousness.
He glanced over at Mckenzie, "Let me fix her a snack first, and then we can go to the living room to talk."
A couple of minutes later, once Mckenzie was happily munching on goldfish in the kitchen, Troy and Sharpay sat down on the couch.
"Would you maybe like to stay here tomorrow night and watch her yourself?" Troy asked her, "I have plans, and normally she would go to my parents, or your parents or brother. But since you've been watching her the past couple afternoons, I thought..."
"Sure!" Sharpay nodded eagerly, "What are the big plans?"
"Huh?" Troy asked.
"What do you have planned tomorrow?" She asked again, still smiling, in an effort to keep things as pleasant as they had been a few moments before.
"Oh." Troy cleared his throat, "I kind of have a date."
"A date?" All traces of a smile were gone from Sharpay's face in a matter of seconds.
"Yeah." Troy nodded.
"Is this an intentional effort to hurt me?" She asked, glaring at him.
"No..." Troy trailed off, "If anything, it's to keep you from hurting me."
"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked.
"You know what it means Sharpay. You're already doing it." He sighed, "I don't know what all exactly you came back here for, but if your plans include us getting back together, I need to put them to rest now. I didn't like the way you told me that I was still in love with you yesterday."
"So, what, you're going on a date to prove a point to me?" Sharpay scoffed.
"No. Honestly, it just sort of happened. But I admit I might not have said yes if I didn't need a distraction from you."
"Wait. Some girl asked you out?" Sharpay felt her veins surge with a primitive territoriality.
"Yeah." Troy purposefully neglected to say more than was necessary.
"She must be desperate." Sharpay shot.
Troy gritted his teeth, "Or maybe she just likes me."
"I liked you, and I never asked you out on a date." She pointed out.
Troy smirked, "You practically threw yourself on me the minute you found out I'd broken up with Gabriella. You didn't have to ask me out."
"Whatever." Sharpay, snapped.
After a moment, she asked, "So where did you meet the lucky lady?"
Troy sighed, irritated she wouldn't just let the issue go, but he answered her, "She's actually one of Mckenzie's teachers."
Sharpay's jaw dropped, "Not the blonde!"
Troy shrugged.
"She didn't even know my name!" She exclaimed.
"All the more reason to go out with her." Troy replied dryly.
Sharpay grew silent, letting her body slump back against the couch, "Whatever." She mumbled under her breath.
Troy sighed, noticing she had let the towel drop.
"You're bleeding on my couch."
"Oh no! What did you do?" Troy laughed, waving his hand high in an effort to turn off the smoke alarm. He looked at the burnt dinner she was lifting out of the stove, coughing heavily as ribbons of smoke assaulted her face. She turned to look at him, her cheeks red with embarrassment, and he watched her expression give way to tears. "Hey!" Troy rushed over to her, cursing pregnancy hormones in the back of his mind, and wrapped his arms around her. "No, don't cry." He whispered, rubbing her back gently. "This kid is going to starve!" She cried, "I can't cook Troy." Troy kissed the top of her head, "You've got plenty of time to figure out how, and if not, we can always live on take out. I was craving chinese tonight anyway." Sharpay stomped her foot, clearly not appeased, "I don't want chinese again!" "Pizza?" Troy offered instead. "No!" Sharpay's tears started again, "I don't want chinese. I don't want pizza. I don't want sushi. I want something homemade out of my own kitchen. We can't raise a child on fast food!" "Okay. Okay." Troy stepped forward and hugged her again, "We won't. Give me your apron." "Huh?" Sharpay glanced down at the pink apron she wore, something she had bought for herself in hopes that looking the part of a good cook would actually make her into one. "Hand it over." Troy held out his hand, "I'm going to cook tonight." "You?" She asked dubiously. Troy nodded, "You're not going to have to worry about it, because I'm going to learn to cook." Sharpay untied her apron and handed it over to him, giggling when he tied the pink fabric around his neck and waist. Troy surveyed the mess on the stove, and then squinted down at the recipe in the cookbook Sharpay had laid out. A moment later he glanced back at her, "Okay. We may want to order take out tonight as a plan B, because I have a pretty good feeling I'm going to mess this up. But I promise you, by the time that baby comes I'll be a world class chef." Sharpay nodded, sniffling, and leaned in to hug him, "Thank you Troy. You're going to be a great Daddy." Troy smiled and placed an affectionate kiss on her lips, "You'll be a great mother too Sharpay. I know it."
A/N: I think I should get brownie points for how often I've been updating as of recently. So, I actually wrote my college essay on Ashley Tisdale. My theory was if it didn't make me look retarded it would make me stand out. And it worked, because I got into nyu, which is like my dream school, and which means I will finally be getting out of the small town south. All goes to show, this fanfic writing isn't for nothing. And Ashley Tisdale is the shit.
xoxo.
