No Going Back
Chapter 7 - 'Like A Proper House'
DAY FIFTY
Beth was stood at the kitchen sink, elbow deep in soapy water doing the laundry, basking in the midday sun as it bathed her skin in a golden warmth. Patch was sat at her feet, faithfully watching her every movement as usual. Beth liked to keep their clothes clean, keep the house clean, it reminded her of how things used to be and gave her hope that maybe one day they could be like that again. In a world that wasn't upside down anymore, where the dead didn't roam the earth and the living didn't live in the shadows, trying to get by as best they could. Beth was tired of just getting by, she wanted a life, or as much of one as she could get. She wanted to stay here until they couldn't anymore. Otherwise what was the point? Why keep going?
Beth was trying to muster the courage to talk to Daryl about it. She knew he would want to leave soon, now she was better...that had been their plan. Three weeks had passed since she had been sick and they still didn't really know what had been wrong, but guessed it had been either flu or mono. Beth had been lucky years ago, and hadn't caught it from Shawn when he came down with it, Beth remembered the symptoms well though.
After that first day of fever, nausea and sickness Beth had been virtually bed ridden for more than two weeks. The blonde had felt terrible, the glands in her neck had become swollen, her throat was on fire it was so sore, she had a continual headache and the aches, chills and fever came and went in episodes. She couldn't even find the energy to stand most days. Beth calculated the incubation period would have meant she'd caught it at the prison, just before the Governor had attacked. Daryl blamed all those damn kids she was always looking after, especially the ones from Woodbury.
Daryl had taken good care of her, fetching Beth water and food, carrying her to the bathroom, even reading to her when she felt too exhausted to do it herself. She'd found a book in the basement when they first arrived that she'd started to read, some old romance novel. Beth had felt bad at first about asking Daryl to read to her, but he hadn't really put up much of a fight. It was soothing to listen to his slow, deep, sexy voice as she drifted off to sleep. Daryl had refused to read the smutty parts though. He said he didn't care how sick she was, there was no way in hell he was reading porn to her, and that she'd have to read it herself later.
They'd slept together every night since she became sick, Daryl liked the peaceful sleep it gave him, and Beth liked him being close. Just knowing he was there made her feel safe and not quite so alone. It also made sense, it wasn't fair he gave up the bed for her, he needed to sleep and rest too. More so since he was doing all the work at the moment.
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Daryl wandered into the kitchen and stood next to her, his back towards the counter while Beth carried on with the laundry. Daryl cleared his throat, realising she hadn't noticed him yet and not wanting to startle her. The deep cough pulled her from her thoughts, Beth turned and looked at him, eyes wide.
"Daryl, can I ask you somethin'?" Beth thought she might as well just get it over with.
"Hhmmmmh," Daryl answered in his usual 'I'm not really listening' way, as he stared into thin air chewing on his thumb, seemingly deep in thought himself.
"Do you really want to leave here…I mean like right now or do you think we could maybe stay a while longer?" Beth asked tentatively.
"Ya don't still feel sick da ya?" Daryl was now listening, concern and fear audible in his words
"No, I'm fine, just wanted to stay a while longer is all, I kinda like it here, just us. It's clean and safe and…I dunno, like a proper house, or like a proper house used to be." Beth sounded pensive...but happy.
"There ain't much food left, if we stay we're gonna have to find somewhere to get supplies from, and we're in the middle a nowhere' 'ere. We'll need some wheels," Daryl didn't sound like he was totally opposed to the idea of staying and Beth's mind started to race.
"We could though, find somewhere I mean, get supplies? You could teach me to shoot and track again while we're out there, so I ain't such a liability," Beth sounded eager, excited even at the prospect of finally settling down while at the same time finally moving on.
Daryl looked at the hope in Beth's beautiful blue eyes, as he thought, but there was nothing to think about, he knew he couldn't deny her anything "We can go tomorro' if ya want, might have to be gone a few days though. Give ya time to learn how to use my crossbow properly this time," Daryl smirked at the smiling blonde as he looked up through his hair, remembering the last lesson she'd had which didn't end all that well.
Beth poked her tongue out at him as her shining eyes danced in mock annoyance. Beth knocked her hip into Daryl's leg playfully, attempting to show she wasn't impressed by him bringing up her near death experience from a few weeks ago
"Deal…as long as you promise you won't make me eat snake again!" Beth wrinkled her nose in disgust and gave Daryl a huge smile, her blue eyes turning dark as she held his gaze for just a bit too long. Beth was flirting, she hadn't meant to, but she was definitely flirting. Colour started to spread across her cheeks and she swallowed nervously.
Even Daryl had noticed, so dropped his head to stare at his boots, shuffling uncomfortably from one foot to the other. The temptation to kiss her was too strong when she was looking at him like that. Just because he'd told her he was no good for her, it hadn't changed the way he felt about her, he still wanted her. He was still contemplating whether to tell her, that's what he'd come to speak to her about. When she'd been sick he'd promised himself he would, but now she was better he'd lost his nerve, he couldn't find the right time or the right words.
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Daryl had grown used to the house too over the month they'd been there. He'd taken time to sort his head out, while Beth had been crying and getting over the shit they'd just been through, he was doing the same in his own way. He was reconciled with the fact everyone was gone now, it was just him and Beth. He'd thought about what Beth had said to him about it not being his fault and there being nothing he could have done; about the prison, Hershel, the Governor, about any of the bad shit. Daryl wasn't convinced Beth was right, but he knew he had to let it go before the guilt ate him up, it had been twisting like a knife in his gut since the day they'd started to run and he didn't want to live like that amymore.
The last weeks had been the most settled and happy he'd felt… ever. He'd spent his entire life moving from place to place, following Merle. He'd never had a home of his own, never had somewhere he could escape to. Then after the apocalypse, it became worse, running continually, hiding wherever he could. The prison had been alright for a while but he was always out on runs or hunting, there had always been a threat from walkers.
If Daryl was honest it wasn't just the house he'd become used to, it was Beth. She was what made it feel like a home. Daryl had been trying to ignore it for weeks, but since she'd been sick and he thought he might lose her, he'd had to face it, Beth was his home now. Daryl couldn't imagine ever being without her, even if they found other people or found their friends, it wouldn't mean anything if she wasn't by his side.
Daryl liked how Beth took care of the house and made the place pretty, it was like the house he'd always imagined proper, loving, normal families living in, back when he was a small boy. Houses that smelled of fresh baking and cut flowers and were full of light and warmth and happiness. Not like the run down filthy dark shack he was dragged up in, smelling of stale cigarette smoke and alcohol. The only thing that house had been filled with was shouting, pain, hatred and fighting. And a father that beat the living shit out of his kids on a regular basis for no reason other than because he could.
Beth gave him all the things he'd never had before. She gave him a place to belong.
He honestly didn't give a damn where he stayed as long as it was with her. If she wanted to stay here, then they would, for as long as it was safe. They'd get supplies and make it work. Daryl just wanted Beth to be happy.
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They left early the next morning, packing everything they'd need for a few days away from the house. Daryl packed 'man stuff', the essentials…food, water, weapons, matches, blankets and a tarpaulin. Beth packed anything she thought would be useful that wouldn't occur to Daryl, or any man come to think of it, to pack. A spare set of clothes for them both, a towel, flashlight and a first aid kit made up of what she could find around the house; needles, thread, Band-Aids, bandages, antiseptic, painkillers, tweezers, scissors and a small half empty bottle of whiskey she'd found hidden at the back of one of the kitchen cabinets. One of them could easily get hurt again and Beth wanted to have something useful with her just in case.
She'd learned a lot from her daddy about tending to wounds from the times she'd gone out to work with him. She'd seen him perform a caesarean, seen him stitch tears from barbed wire, seen him mend broken bones and realign dislocated limbs. She loved seeing the passion in her father when he was working. He'd wanted her to follow him into the profession and become a veterinarian too, but Beth wanted to be a Doctor, a paediatrician. She loved kids, loved helping people and had an aptitude for science and medicine. She thought as she couldn't have kids of her own it would be some consolation if she could take care of other peoples when they were sick and injured.
Daryl and Beth trudged through the undergrowth in silence for a couple of hours, a comfortable silence, Daryl leading, followed by Beth and Patch. They didn't want to leave the dog at the house on his own and he seemed eager enough to follow them as they set off into the trees. He followed Beth everywhere since she'd been sick, not leaving her side for a moment. Daryl had let him sleep on the bed for a while but became a bit freaked out at the way he was always looking at him, as though Beth was his, like the dog was jealous of Daryl being on the bed too. Daryl made him stay downstairs from then on, there was no way he was letting a damn dog make him feel uneasy and guilty for the way he felt about Beth, he was doing a good enough job by himself on that front.
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"Hold it still Beth, ya need ta keep it steady, here, at the front," Daryl was waving the crossbow around in front of Beth trying to explain how it worked "Or when ya pull the trigger the bolt'll jus' hit the ground." Daryl was stood close behind her now, his arms wrapped around her small frame, his hands over hers as he guided them to where they needed to be on the crossbow.
"It's too heavy," Beth was almost admitting defeat before she'd even tried.
"No it ain't, come on, hold it tight ta ya chest, so ya arms stay bent and firm, use ya back and ya shoulders, they're stronger than ya arms." Daryl was rubbing his big firm hand between Beth's shoulder blades now, stressing his point "Line up the sight with the target and breathe out slowly as ya squeeze the trigger." Daryl's warm breath dancing over her neck was now covering her body in Goosebumps, she was trying her best to ignore it, she wanted to concentrate, she wanted to get this right and prove she could do something useful.
Her target would be their lunch if she could manage to shoot it. Daryl stepped backwards, lowering his arms and letting her finish on her own as he watched her intently. Beth did as he'd told her; she took her time, held steady, breathing out slowly and evenly, then squeezed.
Beth hit it. She'd killed her first animal, she'd caught them lunch.
"See, ya can do it if ya want," Daryl sounded like he knew she could do it all along. He obviously had more confidence in her than she did.
"Don't be expectin' me to catch dinner as well, I think that was a fluke," Beth couldn't help but smile at him, with just a hint of pride in her eyes. She handed Daryl back his crossbow before walking off to retrieve the rabbit.
Beth did not like handling the dead animal. She didn't like that she'd had to kill it at all, but knew it had to be done. She'd realised straight away that Daryl was going make her skin it, gut it and cook it too.
And he did, he sat with her and guided her through the process, explaining everything. Beth managed not to vomit, although she couldn't stop the retching as the smell of dead flesh invaded her nostrils and warm blood covered her hands.
"Ya done good, ain't no point in killin' it if ya can't eat it."
They sat and ate, Beth could already start a fire and was a pretty good cook so that part of the process had been easy. It tasted good, much better than the canned food they'd been eating for weeks. Beth moved the innards of the rabbit towards Patch with her foot, he'd been watching her the whole time, waiting patiently for his share.
"I swear that damn dog's in love with ya, Beth," Daryl thought it was amusing how the dog had taken to her so quickly, never leaving Beth alone.
"I think it's cute how he follows me around, it's nice to feel wanted...even if it is only by a scruffy one-eyed dog," Beth looked at Daryl, briefly making eye contact before turning back to fuss Patch as he devoured the rabbit guts.
Daryl just looked at her, his legs pulled up to his chest and his arms hanging loosely over his knees, wishing he could find the words to tell her that it wasn't only a scruffy dog that wanted her. That he wanted her. Beth stood up to fetch a water bottle from Daryl's pack, throwing it back to him once she'd drunk some.
"I gotta go pee." Beth announced, as if asking permission.
"Well go over there." Daryl pointed to a thick patch of scrub over to his left "Don't want ya gettin' lost or eaten." Daryl paused for a second as Beth moved to where Daryl had pointed "Anyway 'bout ya sense of direction, think ya need a lesson in how to tell where yer goin', so ya ain't walkin' in circles." Daryl was almost having to shout now as Beth disappeared out of sight, her little shadow padding along behind her.
"Whatever ya think Mr Dixon Sir." Beth shouted back, rolling her eyes even though she knew he couldn't see her. She knew he was right though, she needed to work on her directional skills, she had no idea how to navigate through woods.
Daryl fucking hated it when she called him that, he was no Mr, and he definitely wasn't a Sir. Daryl knew she was only messing but it made him feel old, really old. It made him feel like he was her damn teacher or something. Which together with the thoughts he'd been having about her lately, would just about make him a pervert. Plain and simple.
Daryl could hear a feint rustling in the trees, a familiar dragging of feet through leaves. He knew instantly what it was. A walker. Patch was barking, snarling like he'd heard or seen something he didn't like. Then there was movement; grunting, rustling, snapping of twigs and more barking and gnashing of teeth.
Daryl was on his feet, panic stricken, heart beating out of his chest, pulse whooshing through his ears. Crossbow in hand he ran to the bushes Beth had disappeared into only moments ago, praying to God she was okay.
"Jesus Christ Beth, what the fuck happened?" When he got there he found Beth straddling a dead walker, knife sticking right out of it's forehead.
"That damn dog you hate so much... just saved my life, walker came right up... behind me, I wouldn't have... seen it if he hadn't barked," Beth was out of breath and gasping for air, wrestling the walker to the ground and stabbing it had taken more energy than she imagined it would, she perhaps wasn't quite as well as she thought after all.
Beth had been determined to not call out for Daryl unless she really had to though. Beth always had her knife with her, strapped to her hip, she'd learned the hard way that you never went anywhere without a weapon. Maggie had given her a small switchblade months back which she always kept in her boot, she'd told her having a concealed back up weapon wouldn't do any harm. Beth hadn't used it so far but she liked that it was there just in case.
"Godammit Beth, ya shoulda fuckin' called me, ain't no need to be a damn hero just to prove a point. I know yer killed walkers before, ya shoulda just let me handle it," Daryl was bent over her, flailing his arms around, shouting aggressively at her. He hadn't meant to but his heart had nearly stopped when her saw her on the floor with that walker. It was himself he was really mad with, for letting her go off on her own in the first place.
"You weren't here, I knew I could do it, there wasn't time to shout, I can't rely on you for everythin' Daryl, you ain't always gonna be there," Beth was shouting right back now, Daryl didn't scare her and she was pissed at him. Why couldn't he just be relieved she was okay? Accept that she could do some things for herself?
Daryl didn't answer, just turned around angrily and packed up his stuff, slung his crossbow over his shoulder and without looking back he carried on walking, his feet stomping heavier, faster and with more determination than they had done earlier.
Beth didn't want a full on argument with Daryl so she decided to leave him to his bad mood and trail behind him for a while. She stood up from the walker, yanked the knife out of its head, wiping it clean on the walkers pants. She was glad they were on the move, they still needed to find somewhere to get supplies from, somewhere to shelter for the night. It had been sweltering all day, humid and muggy, she knew that meant a storm was brewing. She'd lived in Georgia long enough to be able to read the signs. She loved thunder storms, had done since she was a little girl, and could pretty much tell when one was on it's way. That was one thing she definitely didn't need a lesson in.
