Rexa13: Whoot I'm back with another chapter. I think there will be two or four more. I'm debating on it.

Disclaimer: As you know I own nothing.

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There was so much in this world to think about. So many emotions flooded into one word. In fact all the thoughts also came back to that one word. It had been a life changing thing and it would be one again.

Suppression.

It would happen again. Kana was angry at Hatori and her best friend; she didn't want to be angry with them anymore. Her angry wasn't even fair; she was married after all! Kana loved Hatori though. Were the emotions real or just leftover from before? Or she really did love him. If the emotions were real it couldn't work, she also loved her husband and knew she had to go back to him. If she got the suppression and went back to her husband her love for Hatori would be a major interference.

Kana knew the suppression was the right thing to do but she also wanted to keep her memories. Hatori was a big part of her life and you can't just cut out a piece of you like it's nothing. There was so much in the years of knowing Hatori. Kana and Hatori had loved each other and they had learned everything about the other. The two were engaged at one point in time as well.

The suppression was the thing she had to do. She already had everything planned out. She had come on this trip to relax and visit. She would leave two days after the suppression and she could return to the happy life that she had before. Knowing this made her even more emotional and sad than she would be if she stayed this way. Of course that would all change after the dreaded suppression happened.

It was funny, she had everything planned. Even though it was hard Kana had to focus on only what would happen after. She would never have to worry about this happening again, unless of course the suppression wore off like it had before.

"Wait," Kana said softly. Her voice was full of shock. The woman jumped in her bed. Hearing herself when she was so riled up scared here. "I can't be the only one with lost memories. There were others weren't there?"

If there were others then would their suppression be gone too? Did they wonder about those haunting memories that flooded their dreams? Or did you have to be closely associated with the person that caused you to get the suppression in the first place?

There had to be a psychological approach to all of this. Kana remembered taking a class in high school about psychology. She remember something about id, ego and that other one… super ego causing things to happen to one's psyche. One of them could do something to suppress and repress memories. So how did Hatori do it?

Kana was wide awake now as she lay in bed. She was so puzzled and in wonder about this whole thing.

If the psyche would suppress something very painful or traumatizing then why didn't it suppress everything that caused anyone the pain? She knew rape and other such things could be suppressed and people would only be haunted by it in their dreams. So why do people remember things like heartbreak that hurts very deeply?

Kana had to ask Hatori about these things. Or maybe she could learn herself. A smile spread on her face as she tossed the idea around in her head.

A glance at the alarm clock on the bedside table stated that it was one in the morning. Hatori told Kana it would be best if she was well rested. She could go to bed now and not have any worries about this in life or she could go another day through the torture of heartache.

While it was so tempting to figure out what there was to the whole psychology of suppression she could always talk to Hatori some tomorrow. The woman decided that having all the answers wasn't worth all the misery it would bring. Kana was going to be ignorant and blissful the next day anyways no matter what the outcome. Maybe that would be okay though, she wouldn't know she was ignorant about the truth.

Then a new revelation brought itself about; did Kana truly forget everything? Through the years she had to have dreams about a handsome stranger who turned into a sea horse when she hugged him. If she hadn't wouldn't Hatori be doing repressions?

Kana put a hand to her head and took a deep breath. All of this information and question at one time was brutal especially when she was dealing with the hurt.

With a large sight that morphed into a yawn Kana closed her eyes. She really was worn out she had been for a while. Kana turned on her side and tried to get comfortable. After about another twenty minutes she was asleep.

-x-

Kana felt as though she had just a few minutes of sleep when eight in the morning rolled around. The woman stayed in bed for another half hour.

"Today is the day" Kana mumbled. She knew it was coming and in just a few hours she would be the happy old Kana she had been before.

Kana went through her morning routine slowly. Even though she wanted to get the suppression over with she didn't feel a real need to hurry. What if she hurried and had extra time? Then she could think about it all like she had last night. If she took her time she could relax and not worry about having to go through the thoughts again.

When Kana was done with her morning routine she made her journey to the Sohma estate. She had made this trip countless times before but today it was hard. She felt like she was dying a little inside as she trudged on down the path.

Stop thinking like this Kana you are being so over dramatic, she scolded herself in her mind. She sighed and tried to just focus on nothing for the next few minutes. She needed to clear her mind before it was cleared for her.

When the Sohma estate was so close the dread fully flooded her. She tried not to focus on the pain and instead only feel it. A thought or two would enter her mind every few seconds but she would banish it away.

Finally she was there. Hatori's door was right in front of her.

Tears fell down her face as the anguish built up inside of her. She knew the feelings had been hurting her but it hadn't been like this earlier on. If it was like this now what would it be like when she and Hatori were face to face. Then what about the suppression; would that break her even more?

I can't do this, Kana thought as she tried to stop the crying. She wiped away at the tears on her face, new ones taking the spot of the old seconds later. She looked at her handkerchief and saw the mascara and other make up covering the clean white. Why did I even wear make up today? She asked herself.

"Oh Kana-chan you are here! Shi-chan really wasn't lying and Hatori wasn't either. Haa-chan said to come see if you were at his place and you are," the oh-so-familiar voice was loud and full of excitement.

Kana jumped when she had heard Ayame's voice. She turned to look at the silver haired man. He was giving off a stunning smile. Even when he saw her tears he didn't stop smiling.

"Ayame-san, hello. Please excuse my messy state," kana said trying to smile.

"Don't worry it doesn't bother me one bit I have had a very pleasant day full of cute couples. My little brother is going on a date with his adorable girlfriend. Then I got my sweet and engagement ring," Ayame took a breath, "ah I can feel the love in the air."

Well that was Ayame alright. He was always caring more for himself than others. One thing that was odd was talk of him having a brother.

"You have a brother?" Kana asked wiping her tears all away at last.

"Yes I do," Ayame said. "We weren't very close before."

"Oh so you are now?" Kana asked trying to make small talk.

"Uh well we are a work in progress. We are much better now though," Ayame said tentatively at first before getting confident again. "With the ways that Tohru-kun has taught me we shall be very close in no time!"

"I see," Kana had no idea who Tohru was but it didn't really matter.

"Now why are you here Kana-chan?" Ayame asked.

"I came to see Hatori," Kana said.

"Oh he is not here. He is tending to the head of the family. You should come to lunch with me and Shi0chan until then," Ayame said grabbing Kana's wrist and pulling her along.

"Oh I wouldn't want to impose," Kana said surprised that she was being pulled along.

"Nonsense I want you to join us," Ayame smiled warmly. "This way we can catch up on things since we last saw each other."

"Okay," Kana mumbled.

And with that they were off to enjoy lunch with Shigure. Kana felt that this could be a good thing. Maybe these two could her out her situation. When Shigure wasn't goofing off, working, or reading, he gave some rather good advice. Maybe Kana would even get to meet this Tohru person who gave Ayame good advice.

-x-x-x-x-

Rexa13: Well there is this chapter. I'm going to try to get the next one up at the end of the week, if not it WILL be next week. Sorry if Ayame was out of character at all I'm trying to get him right.