A/N: Another chapter out. Finally! I've been having some plot bunny and writer's block trouble lately. My love of D. gray man has slightly curbed because of my new obsession in another series and lack of updates from my favorite artists and writers.

Haha... okay, OOC Kanda and Allen because I have lost their character. Kanda is a little more obsessive and caring and Allen is more uke-ish.

IMPORTANT!! Anyway, bad news and worse news. Bad news is that I have AP testing coming up so I need to study like crazy for those. And even worse news: because I need to focus on studying, I'm going on a minor hiatus. The next time I update will most likely be in the summer. Like in July because I'll also be at SAT prep and visiting Japan, China, and Vietnam (haha, my Asian-ness is showing). So I will see you until then.

Disclaimer: If Komui ever cleans his desk, he might find the document that says I own D. gray man but sadly that is never going to happen.

Write to me with Bleached Ink

Life at the army camp was not as difficult or as scary as Allen expected. It was boring most of the time; Kanda had requested (ordered) him to stay inside the tent as much as he could. Allen spent hours staring at the ceiling of the pitched tent or reading the sparse books that Lavi brought him. Someone, usually Kanda or Lavi and sometimes Bookman, brought him his meals and some type of medicine that didn't help him. It seemed that Kanda didn't trust the other soldiers with him, and he was perfectly fine with that as he touched his newly formed scar with a wince.

When he felt better and more rational, he had asked Kanda for a mirror. He was never vain but he needed to see what had happened to him. At the sight of the scar, Allen had drawn in a sharp breath. A single tear had escaped his eye before he let out the shuddering breath. He handed the mirror back to Kanda, who was tight-lipped and cold, and Allen didn't speak a word to anyone that day. He contemplated wistfully if Mana would recognize him when it was his time to go to heaven.

Allen felt lost in this world full of enemies, killing, and war. He was in the enemy army but he didn't feel like he was in danger. He didn't know what to feel, how to act, what to do. Hours leaked into days and days became weeks. Time meant nothing to him anymore. Sometimes, he felt like running away again. There was nothing left for him. Kanda and Lavi were the enemy after all. Sometimes he cried over his lost home and his lost family. Sometimes, he screamed his lungs sore, especially when the disease hit him and forced him through hours of pain.

Occasionally, Lavi would come in and tell him everything that happened that day. News like 'Today we bombed another town', or 'the enemy army came near our trenches so we had to use the poison gas' came up often in their conversations. It made Allen sick listening to it all but Lavi couldn't find anything else to talk about and despite his disgust for the war, he wanted to know what the outside world was doing. In a way, it reminded him of the times Lavi would return from a foreign place and bring stories and gifts.

Kanda always came in late at night and settled down in a cot next to his. He never pushed Allen to talk, for that Allen was grateful. Sometimes, if Kanda saw him with red-rimmed eyes from crying the whole day, he would sit on Allen's bed and embrace him. Kanda always seemed to know if he was crying even if he didn't show it, or he liked holding Allen. It made the ache in Allen's heart go away a little and he could hold onto Kanda.

The ache, he realized, was want. He wanted someone to care for him. He wanted someone to hold him to this world, to anchor him and Kanda seemed to fill this ache.

Today was nothing special. Kanda had left early in the morning to go to a tactics meeting with the other generals from the other armies. Lavi and Bookman had gone to record it.

There is nothing to do in this camp, Allen sighed. He sat up and looked around the tent. It was the same drab grey-green that reminded Allen of the army uniforms. He twitched, searching for anything, anything in the room to occupy his mind. Finding nothing, he flopped back into his warm blankets. He counted out the paces it would take to get to the boxes on the other side of the tent but he already knew it by heart (ten steps if he took them, seven if Kanda did). Then he counted out the steps it would take to get to the other items in the room. By the time he was finished, he had memorized all of it. Allen groaned, and slapped his pillow against his face. He thought about taking out his memento box but every time he did, he couldn't even bring himself to open the lid. It brought back too many painful memories that he couldn't visit just yet.

Allen moaned again as he rolled to the other side of his bed. He couldn't take it anymore!

Making up his mind, he pulled off the blankets and headed to the boxes where Kanda kept his uniforms. Allen donned a cap to hide his hair and a uniform a few sizes too big for him. He rolled up the cuffs and pulled on a pair of shoes, stuffing the extra space with socks so he wouldn't trip on them and to add another layer of warmth. In the boxes, he also found a pair of gloves. They were long and bulky but the insides were warm and it hid his unnatural red hand. After checking over himself to see if he blended on well enough, Allen walked out of the tent. Instantly he was hit with the cold. It seeped into his bones and made him shrink into his outfit more.

His breath misted and he rubbed his hands together to generate some heat. He didn't expect it to be this freezing. The sky was a deep washed out grey, covered with dark clouds. It looked as if it was about to rain.

Almost longingly, he looked back at the tent for its warmth but he also saw imprisonment and boredom in the tent. Allen steeled himself against the cold and began walking around.

There were tents everywhere, Allen noticed with awe. They extended in one direction, as far as the eye could see and in the other direction, a stream flowed lazily. He walked around, careful to make himself as unnoticeable as possible. Some of the soldiers were sleeping, some of them were cleaning their rifles while holding small quiet conversations in Japanese. Allen had been confined in the hospital for most of his life so he had never seen so many people acting so relaxed and at ease. It looked very normal for an army.

At first, he was afraid the soldiers would make fun of him or attempt to throw things at him because he looked so different and out of place but instead he was greeted with polite nods or ignored entirely. Allen smiled and stretched his arms; it felt good to be out and about again.

He strolled for a few more minutes, ambling wherever his feet took him. The sights were the same everywhere and it was a wonder how there could be so many people in one place.

"Oi, shounen," a voice stopped him mid-step. Allen stared at a ruffled group of soldiers playing poker. The person who had called him had curly black hair and a ridiculous pair of glasses. Unlike the other soldiers though, he looked European. Allen guessed he was Spanish or Portuguese. "I haven't seen you before. What's your rank and name?"

He hesitated. He didn't know what "shounen" meant (though he knew it was something in Japanese) and he didn't know why this soldier had called him over.

"I'm Allen," he said carefully, tugging his hat down to hide more of his face. He was afraid to give his last name; Mana Walker had been part of the opposing war effort and he was fearful to give that away.

"Do you have a rank?" the man asked again.

Allen said nothing but bit his lip instead. Luckily, the man carried on the conversation without pausing to hear his answer. "Name's Tyki Mikk. Want to play with us?"

He stared at the card game with veiled interest. Playing did sound like fun and it had been so long since he had anything to do but these people were the enemy.

"I don't know…" Allen trailed off, clutching the edge of his jacket. "I don't think I should..."

"If we win, you give us that pretty medal on your jacket," Tyki pointed to the piece of medal clipped over Allen's left breast pocket. "If you win, you get the medals on our jacket. How about it?"

Allen bit his lip. This was Kanda's jacket and he didn't know if he should be betting it so easily. Kanda would be furious if he ever found out but he never backed down from a challenge, especially at cards. Making up his mind, he kept his nervous façade and nodded.

"Deal," Allen said and took the offered deck of cards. He noticed their surprised faces with calm satisfaction when he shuffled the deck expertly in his hands.

A few minutes later, he found himself decorated with shiny medals pinned on his arms and any available space on his jacket. A few soldiers had been watching the game with mild interest but as soon as they saw how a mere boy was beating one of their best poker players, they pooled in their bets too.

Allen snickered secretly when he won another hand. Soldiers surrounding him either laughed or groaned depending on their bets and patted his shoulders encouragingly.

"Moyashi!" Kanda shouted.

Allen turned and saw Kanda heading towards him, anger and fury apparent in deep cobalt eyes. Right then and there, he knew he was in deep shit. The soldiers seemed to notice the ominous atmosphere because most of them headed back to their stations and pretended to busy themselves with cleaning their rifles or feign sleep. Only a few brave ones stayed, watching the interaction with curiosity and amusement.

"Kanda!" Allen called, dropping the cards in his hands. A few cards slipped out from the sleeves of his jackets earning a few shouts from the other soldiers.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Kanda hissed, eyes flashing dangerously. Allen could see that he was livid and he wondered vaguely if he had pushed his luck by wandering outside.

"I was just playing poker with these gentlemen," Allen replied lightly. He motioned to the card-playing group who looked just about ready to run in fear.

Kanda took one glance at the group and saw Tyki. His eyes widened imperceptibly before his gaze snapped back to Allen.

"Come on, beansprout," Kanda snapped. He yanked Allen up by the sleeve. "We're going."

"Wait, Kanda," Allen yelped when he was dragged up forcefully, "Why are we-hey!"

"Bye shounen," Tyki grinned. "Come play with us sometime soon, okay?"

Allen's eyes sparkled and he nodded merrily but Kanda snarled at him to stand down. Allen glowered back but it was pitiful compared to Kanda's. Kanda shot a warning glare at Tyki who smiled indolently in return, and stormed back to his tent with a disgruntled Allen in tow.

"Allen Walker," Tyki mused to himself as he dealt a new hand of cards. "What an interesting boy."

Kanda threw something at his head as they came into the tent.

"Ow!" Allen hissed when the corner solidly connected with his forehead and knocked him back into the bed. That hurt, Allen thought with irritation. "What the hell was that for?" He snapped and shot a withering gaze at the smirking general.

"A present," Kanda said simply, crossing his arms over his chest. Allen blinked, confused with such an answer as he gathered himself into a sitting position.

He looked down at his lap and inspected what Kanda had so dearly given to him. It was an ordinary leather bound book with a thin leather cord to tie it shut. He untied the cord and flipped through the pages. They were stark blank and he touched the creamy pages with wonder. When he had opened the book, a pen had rolled out. He picked the pen up and inspected it, holding it with trembling hands.

He peered up questioningly at Kanda. Kanda coughed uncomfortably and looked off to the side. Allen could see faint red dust the man's cheeks.

"Write something," Kanda mumbled. "I won't see you every day because I will be busy-" Killing your country's people was left unsaid but the implications made Allen swallow uncomfortably. "-so write to me and I'll have the rabbit or someone else deliver it to me."

Allen said nothing but tightly clutched the book to his chest. He could tell that Kanda wanted some form of an answer but the words were lodged in his throat, refusing to be said.

Kanda knelt next to him and held Allen's frail hands in his own. Allen shot up, looking at Kanda with wide silver eyes and then at their clasped hands. His pale cheeks colored and he tried to slip his hands from Kanda's but the other man's grip was strong and sure.

"I'm going to be gone for the next few days so write to me about everything," Kanda said. "I once wrote that I hated you spilling your pathetic guts out, right?"

Allen couldn't help it but his lips twitched into a semblance of a smile. He could also see that Kanda's eyes had softened once he saw Allen's smile.

"Something along those lines, yes," Allen replied in a dry yet amused tone.

"We're both not good with saying things aloud," Kanda said, looking quite embarrassed about it. His gaze sharpened when they looked into Allen's. Allen felt trapped. He couldn't look away from those deep navy blue eyes and he realized that he didn't want to either. "So write to me instead."

Allen nodded slowly. Kanda said nothing but rested his forehead against Allen's and laced their fingers in the way that Allen had seen only lovers do. Allen turned bright red when he felt warm skin touch his own so closely. He was scared but excited at the same time. The feeling that Kanda was touching him made his heart flutter and for some reason, a little part of himself that he didn't know was still alive was happy.

"General Yu!" Lavi grinned, saluting him mockingly. "Package for you!"

All the generals and soldiers at the meeting stopped discussing and glared threateningly at the redheaded soldier for invading their conversation. Lavi was unfazed at the amount of glares he was directed with; he was a Bookman after all and therefore had immunity from any death sentences they could throw at him. Kanda looked up from drawing out battle plans and stared at Lavi expectantly. Lavi held out the package and Kanda snatched it from his hands.

"You better not have read it," Kanda threatened, cradling the brown paper parcel in his arms.

"Soldier's honor," Lavi chirped with a mock two-finger salute.

"I'll be retiring for today," Kanda said to the generals and his soldiers. He smirked when he saw the protest in their eyes but he knew they wouldn't voice it for fear of his wrath.

He settled himself in a small corner of the trenches and tore open the brown paper. Inside was the book that he had given Allen.

Kanda smirked in amusement when he saw that the bare tie that kept the book shut had been decorated with the beads that he had given to Allen so long ago as well as a small silver cross pendant. The pendant looked familiar to him. He remembered flipping through the pictures in the box that Allen had carried with him when he had found him and finding a myriad of baubles and cards at the bottom. He remembered picking through each piece of jewelry and wondering how Allen would look wearing them. Then dismissed each thought when he realized he was fantasizing (Kanda Yu did not fantasize damnit!). Kanda could tell that this particular trinket was important to Allen, probably from that Mana person he kept talking about in his letters.

He fingered the delicate filigree on the cross and the roundness of each bead before he opened to the journal.

Dear Kanda,

I can't believe that I'm writing this. I can't believe that my life is still going on. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I see someone different and no, it's not because of my scar. That is a large reminder of it but when I look at myself, I wish that everything would be gone. My life has been turned so many times that I don't even know up from down. I also don't know anything about you. I can trust you as far as I can throw you (which isn't very far considering my weak state of health).

Camp is not fun. Every day is another bore and most of the time I sit around doing absolutely nothing. Lavi brought me a few new books to read before he departed with you. I've finished reading all of them and now I have nothing to do. In retrospect, this is what it was like at the hospital but at least I had people to talk to.

In a brighter light, the soldiers have warmed up to me, mostly because I have won them many games of poker against the warrant officers you have set here to babysit me. And yes, I know you set them here to babysit me. I was surprised when another soldier came into the tent and greeted me with a bow and a tray of food. Then he burst out into the biggest smile I had ever seen and hugged me like his life depended on it. To say I was scared witless is to say the least. He introduced himself and then we talked about anything and everything. He is a very open and carefree person and I had fun talking to him.

He was the one who convinced me to go out and mingle with the other soldiers which is strictly against your orders but he is a very convincing person and I can't say no when he bawls like that (I didn't know soldiers could cry like that). Not all of them were cruel and bloodthirsty like I thought they would be. Some of them were actually very courteous and invited me to play card games with them. When they found out my ability at poker, they set me up against the officers in exchange for certain privileges like an hour off daily routines or a half an hour more of bath time. I was only happy to aid them.

By the way, the soldier's name is Alma. He says he is your best friend which I highly doubt because I know you don't have friends. The closest that I've ever seen you get to human interaction of the positive kind is with me or Lavi. With Lavi, I'm not sure if it's a love/hate relationship because you seem to threaten his life at least three times before breakfast and yet Lavi takes it all into stride. Then again, I'm not sure if Lavi is sane anymore. He repeatedly skirts Death when he taunts you and deliberately comes back for more. I'm beginning to think that the war and time in the army has addled his brain. When he comes back, remind me because I'm going to smack him to see if anything comes loose and returns him to his wits.

With me... I'm not sure what we have. What do we have, Kanda? I don't know what to call you: 'savior' or 'killer'? Around you, I don't feel like I'm in danger yet I can't be comfortable around you. Lavi once told me that you love me. I don't know if I can believe his words. I don't know what else to say. Do you love me, Kanda? Do I have a place in your heart? Do I have a place anywhere at all anymore?

Yours Truly,

Allen Walker

PS: I made friends with the cook today. His name is Jerry and even with the food rations, he is able to feed the army quite well. He made me boiled rice cake sweets that taste like the stuff Lavi brought back from his travels.

PPS: Alma says hi and tells me to tell you he sends his love... (I just laughed while writing that if you're wondering why my handwriting is so terrible).

Kanda allowed a small smile reach his lips.

When Allen first woke up and saw him, he had seen for a split second the happy child in the photos. Kanda couldn't believe someone so war torn and broken could still smile so brightly. He greedily stored the beautiful image of Allen's smile in his mind and hungered for more. He wanted, needed to see Allen's smile, to see the large innocent orbs sparkle with mirth. Kanda had long come into terms with his feelings and the war seemed to only heighten his awareness with them. He loved Allen. It was as simple as that. He wanted Allen to be safe. When Allen found out about him, the broken look was more than he could bear.

Kanda hated the desolate look on Allen's face. At night, the blank, empty smiles Allen gave whenever Kanda asked if he was okay were ugly. He hated the smile because he knew when the boy really smiled, it would light up the whole room and somehow make his heart pound and render him speechless.

He cherished the image of seeing the real joy that Allen's smile could bring. He wanted nothing more than to see the beansprout he had seen in the pictures and if that meant sacrificing his heart for Allen, he would do it.

He picked up a pen and wrote.


A/N: Continue? I read the ending of this and I was like, hmm... this sounds like how a story should end... But then again, it would end it on an unfinished note.

Love it? Hate it? Review please!