"So you just snuck your way out," Eugene said disbelievingly.
"Yes! I told you that like three times! I mapped out the guard's routes and all the exits and then it was simple as climbing out a window and sneaking out down the back way," Rapunzel protested. She had a feeling Eugene wasn't buying her story.
"Isn't there a wall surrounding the entire castle grounds?"
"Well, yes, but there's a few small doors in secret places on the stone wall. Haven't you ever noticed them? I think they're like, secret emergency exits. I just unlocked one of the doors with that hairpin trick you taught me a while back, remember?" Eugene suddenly wished he'd never taught her how to lockpick. Or sneak around. Rapunzel took his silence as an affirmative and continued her story.
"Also, I'm really good at sneaking now. I used to have to be pretty quiet in the tower because Mother always said I walked too loud, so I didn't wear shoes and I tip-toed everywhere. Plus there was that one time when we spent the day sneaking past all the guards just for fun, remember?" Eugene suddenly recalled that day too. He taught her how to hide in shadows and silently creep up on people. He glanced at the petite brunette walking beside him. They we're on the path towards Corona. The pair had agreed that Rapunzel should go back home while Eugene would give his official resignation to Cormac. Then he'd make his way back to the palace and hopefully things could go back to being normal.
"Well, I'm really proud of you Blondie. If you weren't a princess you woulda made a damn good thief. Not that I'm endorsing that. In fact you probably never should have run away from home. I know you left them a note and all asking them not to look for you but they're really not going to pay any attention to that. There's probably a small brigade on their way."
"I know, I know. So what's the plan? We spot the guards and you send me on my way?"
"Yeah, basically. I don't want them to see me though, okay? In fact, I don't want them to even know what's going on. I would rather wait until I get back so I can tell the King and Queen myself. You know what I mean?"
"Yeah, I guess. So what do I tell them?"
"Tell them you wanted to go visit The Snuggly Duckling. They wouldn't normally let you in that place, right?"
"No, probably not. Even with guards. They don't really let me off of the mainland."
"Well there you go. You missed your friends, you spent the night boozing it up, and you feel much better now. Simple as that." Rapunzel looked thoughtful for a moment. Then she turned to Eugene and grinned.
"I think that might actually work! And then maybe when you come back we can tell them the truth?" She looked up at Eugene hopefully. Lying was really not her thing.
"If you want, sure. We can tell them whatever you like when I get back. So give me a rundown of our plan."
"Okay. First you walk me down the road and then as soon as we hear guards, you run off and hide, and I let them take me back."
"Yup. Next?"
"And then you run back to that meanie and tell him you can't work for him anymore and you don't care what he tells the kingdom because you love me too much and I love you and it doesn't matter what he does because it's not going to tear us apart!" she exclaimed enthusiastically.
"Uh, yeah, essentially."
"And then I tell Mother and Father that I was out with the guys at the pub."
"Good. It might help if you pretend to be hungover too."
"Eugene, what does 'hungover' mean?"
"You know how sometimes I come back from a night at the pub and I don't feel like talking or moving and I just sleep all day?"
"Yes, and I've been meaning to talk to you about that. It's really boring when you do that and you don't go have adventures with me."
"Okay well that's what 'hungover' means. And I'm sorry for that by the way. You should be grateful though. I used to be like that about three times a week. I've cut it back to twice a month for you. Bigger sacrifice than you think." Rapunzel nodded and looked thoughtful.
"So I pretend I'm really sleepy and don't want to talk and my head hurts?"
"Yes, perfect. So what's next in the plan?"
"You come home a few days later after you take care of everything and we tell everyone the truth before they hear it from someone else. Did I get it all right?"
"Down to every last detail, Goldie. Nice job."
"You will come back though right?"
"Of course I'll come back. I always do, right?"
"Yeah, I guess… But if you don't come back… I'll find you again. I mean it. I'll bring my frying pan next time too," Rapunzel threatened.
"Sure you will. You know, you probably should have brought it with you this time. Could have kept you safe from that idiot this morning," Eugene chastised.
"Oh! I almost forgot! I did bring a weapon. So haha to you. I came prepared. I just got a little frightened, that's all." She pulled the small dagger from the deep pocket in her cape. Eugene jumped back a little.
"What's wrong?" Rapunzel asked quickly. He composed himself quickly and took the dagger from her small hands.
"Nothing, nothing," Eugene insisted, looking over the dagger, turning it in his hands, "I just recognize this. That's all."
"Wait, you've seen it before? But I took it from one of the trophy cases in the castle."
"Yeah, so did I," he admitted. Rapunzel looked at him with confused eyes, waiting for an answer.
"Honey, you're talking to one of the greatest thieves in the world. I took this back in my glory days. Held it ransom, got a decent amount, and returned it without alerting a single guard. No one even knew it was me. Come to think of it, let's keep it like that. But not bad, huh?" Rapunzel stood disbelieving.
"No lie!" he pushed. This time he was actually telling her the truth. "Look, if you unscrew this little top piece here… Voila! You've got the perfect spot for hiding the liquid of your choice! Rum, poison, or water I guess." Now impressed, Rapunzel snatched the dagger from his hands, seeing it in a new light. Eugene smirked at her, but she was too entranced by the possibilities of the knife.
"Eugene! I could put my tears in here and when someone was hurt I would just have to sing and pour it on them and they'd be healed!" she looked up at him hopefully. He stumbled a bit. They hadn't talked much about her "healing abilities" in the past, so he was a little confused. He didn't even know if they still worked, or if it was just a onetime thing. Why didn't magic golden flowers come with an instruction manual or a rulebook or something?
"Uh, sure I guess you could do that. But why not just bottle it up in something else? Like an actual bottle."
"Oh, you're missing the point Eugene. It would be ironic. Cause, you know. Knife part causes injury, the tear part causes healing?" she muttered. He rolled his eyes at her, only because he didn't want to admit how clever it actually was. Seeing the disappointment on her face he reassured her.
"Look Blondie, it's a really cute idea, you should definitely do it. They probably won't notice that thing is missing unless someone points it out. That's what happened when I stole it. I had it for about a week before I actually had to send a ransom note. Apparently your mom and dad don't really keep tabs on their priceless family heirlooms until someone points out that they've stolen them. I sure hope that kind of forgetfulness doesn't run in the family," he teased, winking at Rapunzel. In return she found it appropriate to smack him on the arm, fortunately with the hand that wasn't holding a deadly weapon. Rapunzel slipped the dagger back around her waist and the pair continued down the road. It wasn't long before the pair heard the clopping of a horse's hooves and the sound of reluctant soldiers marching along. Eugene spied the small squadron of maybe ten soldiers all dressed in red, closely following the Captain of the Guard and Maximus. He grabbed Rapunzel and pulled her off the path behind a few trees.
"I think these are our guys, Rapunzel. You ready?" he asked, holding her shoulders and looking her dead on. Rapunzel nodded and tried to peek behind her at the approaching troop. Eugene gently pulled her face back and gave her an unsatisfyingly brief kiss. Her eyes narrowed and she firmly pulled him back in for something more her style. Eugene made a slightly surprised noise at her unannounced passion but silenced it quickly. As much as he'd like to stay lip-locked like that, someone had to be the responsible adult, right? He pulled away again and turned her towards the road, standing behind her and resting his hands upon her shoulders. The oncoming troupe was just barely becoming visible through the trees. They'd pass by in less than thirty seconds. He leaned in close, his mouth next to her ear.
"Remember, you're hungover and confused and not totally sure where you are," he whispered to her, "Be safe. I'll see you soon, Blondie." He gave her a gentle nudge towards the pathway and slipped deeper into the forest before she could turn back. He heard her pause, presumably to turn around and look for him, and then the sound of her soft footsteps crunching on leaves and dirt. He made his way in the opposite direction the search party was headed and waited until he was a little behind them. Then he slipped closer to the path so he could get a decent look at the party and make sure Rapunzel got to them safely. She can do this, it's a simple thing. As if on cue, Blondie started hobbling towards the soldiers and there was instant rejoicing. Probably so they can go back to the castle and sleep and not have to deal with the rebellious princess. The Captain of the Guard ran forward to the wobbly princess and grabbed her on the shoulders, holding her steady.
"Your Highness, Your Highness what's wrong?" he barked with a sense of urgency. Rapunzel steadied herself slightly before letting her head roll forward onto his shoulder.
"Can I go to bed now, please?" she drawled out slowly. Great, now she's an actress too. That prick better not get any ideas. The Captain brought Rapunzel's face back up, and even from a distance Eugene could see her eyelids closed loosely and her mouth open partway. In his old days he might have taken this as a sign to make his move on her. He really hoped the Captain wasn't having the same idea. The Captain scooped the princess up in his arms and deposited her on Max. She wrapped her arms around the horse sleepily. The Captain, now without his horse, led the stallion towards the kingdom again. The rest of the regiment followed closely, each with their eyes on the "drunken" princess. They knew a heavy bonus awaited them back at the kingdom for promising not to let this knowledge escape. It had been a small search team, only a few dozen soldiers dispersed throughout the nearby areas. They had already been paid handsomely to keep the disappearance under wraps. Eugene moved away from the road watched as the team made their way back to Corona. He could barely make out in the distance the tallest bit of the castle. He knew she was safe now. They'd probably take the back way up, so they could avoid the prying eyes of townsfolk. It was a good thing Rapunzel didn't really care about what people thought of her. Some of this information was bound to get out.
Eugene made his way toward Elmwood. He could feel the bubbles rising in his stomach already. Why couldn't he just have one uncomfortable conversation a day? He tried to steel his nerves and think of what he'd say.
"Cormac, I quit."
"Cormac, screw you, I quit."
"Damnit Cormac, screw you, I quit."
His angry thoughts weren't always eloquently worded. How does one quit slavery anyway? He pondered for a little while as he made it down the path. Rapunzel. She could be his goal. The sooner he walked out on Cormac, the sooner he could be back with her. Plus he looked forward to telling him off. He brightened up a little. It was the little things in life that made Eugene happy. Winning, being right, kissing Rapunzel. Yes, with his triumphant return there would be a lot of that. Eugene smiled to himself as he imagined the nearby future. If only it was the reality and not just a happy daydream.
