Rey awoke with a start, gasping and sputtering, trying to get as much air as she could into her lungs. She hadn't slept in so long she was disoriented and dizzy. The whole room was blurry and her head ached . Her whole body ached, honestly. She tried to move on the bed to see where she was and what state she was in. She stopped cold, fear welling up in her chest when she felt the pain that radiated from her clavicle to her shoulder and chest. She hissed, reaching her good arm up to touch the brace the medical droid had placed there.
It took a moment for her head to catch up with her body. The paralyzing fear that filled her upon the realization of waking up in Karyan Ren's quarters and being unable to move didn't help. She hadn't once forgotten her situation: she was a prisoner of The First Order, a prisoner of Karyan Ren herself, and she had been drugged . Her heart pounded so hard that her chest ached and her stomach twisted. Karyan Ren had drugged her.
"Karyan?" She asked, her voice a hoarse whisper. There was no response. She called for the other woman again, voice louder, but wavering in fear. There was still no answer. Rey swallowed, biting her lip and attempting to sit up, slowly. She struggled, muscles aching and screaming in protest as she dragged her body upwards with one arm in order to lean against Karyan's pillows.
What had that droid dosed her with to make her feel this way? Rey rubbed at her eyes and her forehead with her good hand, willing the pain to subside. It didn't listen. Her pain burned inside of her, stabbing and twisting until tears burned at the corners of her eyes. Every breath she drew made her whole body ache as if she were on fire.
She groaned, head pounding as she tried harder to fight against the feeling of her body tearing itself apart. In her twenty years of living she had never once experienced a pain like this. A pain so all consuming that she couldn't concentrate on anything else.
"Stop, stop, stop," she begged aloud, whimpers tearing free from her throat, her head pounded with every word. The pain so intense she felt as if her head were about to explode. She clutched at her face, fingernails digging into the flesh of her forehead and cheek.
And then, the pounding in her head was gone. Replaced by soft whispers, scratching at the back of her skull. Rey's eyes snapped open and she looked around the room frantically.
Other than her, the room was empty, but she got the feeling she wasn't truly alone. The whispers faded, replaced by a dull aching pain that she could ignore as she looked at the room for the first time since she had woken up. Her heart raced in her chest, pounding with the residual fear of someone or something being inside of her mind.
For the first time she noticed that Karyan had left food out on the table for her, accompanied by a handwritten note. Rey glared at it, fingertips brushing against the bruise Karyan had left on her the last time she had refused to eat. Her hatred for the other woman came alive, burning through her as she stared at the offending items on the table.
The items rattled under her gaze and Rey wanted nothing more than to send them clattering into the wall. The satisfaction that destroying something would give to her was almost too good to ignore. She stopped with a sigh, the items on the table falling silent and still.
What was the point?
What was the point in fighting the dark side now?
Rey could feel it creeping in, consuming her from the inside out, with whispers of power and greatness. She had already wrapped herself in it, cloaked herself with the pitch-black force that flowed through Starkiller base. It made her feel strong in ways she had never felt before.
What was stopping her from wielding this kind of darkness against those who would harm her or stand against her? Why was siding with The First Order so wrong? No one was coming for her, no one would ever have to know.
She felt the emptiness in her head where she had previously felt the force signature of Ben Solo. He was absent, had been since she had woken up in that interrogation chair with Karyan. The thought of him being really, truly gone was sobering and she sat a little straighter on the bed, despite the pain it shot through her shoulder.
She missed the feeling of him being there, a beacon of light in her mind, proof that she was no longer alone. It had been so long since she felt like she had someone on her side. Their connection had been fleeting, no more than a few hours before she had been taken, but he had been there.
At first it has seemed so intrusive to have someone there lodged in the back of her mind, but now she felt the opposite. She would much rather have him still there than try and deal with this situation on her own. He had been a light with no pain, with no dark whispers and promises of unlimited power. Ben had been unconditional.
Now, he would be a reminder of who she was.
The darkness that made Starkiller it's home, twisted and broke around her, she could feel it shudder and pulse as if it were an extension of her own skin. She fought it off again, pushing it away. It crackled around her like lightning, licking at her skin, sticking to her like glue in protest.
She could feel the power there. It was so much more than just a promise the dark side could never fulfill, it was real, unlimited power . All she had to do was say, yes .
It would be so easy .
Without Ben, no one would know what had happened to her. She would just be another casualty of the war between The First Order and The Resistance.
By now Finn had probably settled on some outer-rim planet where he could escape the was and The First Order's that he feared so much, and Han Solo and Chewbacca were likely mourning Ben Solo's demise. Her throat tightened, eyes stinging at the thought of someone mourning his death.
No one would mourn her. Karyan was right, she was alone .
The door to Karyan's quarters opened with a hiss, revealing the monster herself. She was flanked by a ginger general who was red in the face, speaking quickly and loudly at Karyan while motioning to a datapad he held in his hand. Karyan pretended as though he wasn't there.
"Scavenger," she said through her mask, her voice distorted and grating as she talked over the red-faced general, , "You're awake."
The general stopped speaking, his piercing blue eyes locked onto her. She stared back at him, not wanting to see Karyan in her mask. She swallowed hard. His gaze was intense and it took all she had not to look away.
"Does my mask make you uncomfortable?" Karyan cooed through the distortion filter.
Rey tensed at the sound, finally breaking her gaze from the general to stare down at the black sheets beneath her. She could feel the smugness coming off of him in waves at having lorded his authority over her.
She trembled as the whispers came to life again, spidery tendrils spreading throughout her mind.
Kill him, kill him, kill him.
She fought the need that flowed through her. Nothing good would come of killing this man. And yet.
"What did you do to me?" Rey asked, trying to distract herself from the darkness that now flowed freely through her. Her gaze lifted from the sheets, eyes finally beholding black mask that covered Karyan Ren's face.
The woman laughed, a harsh, high pitched noise that sounded terrifying coming from the filter in her mask. Even the general next to her tensed, looking almost startled, his gaze snapping from Rey over to Karyan.
"Whatever do you mean, girl?" She asked as she reached up and undid her mask, pulling it over her head so that Rey could see the cruel smile on her lips. She set her mask on a nearby table and sauntered towards where Rey sat unmoving on the bed.
The general looked like he would rather be anywhere but there right now. Karyan glared at him over her shoulder when he cleared his throat to inform her of his presence.
"You can leave now, Hux," Karyan growled. The man looked like he was going to say something, but she held up her hand, shaking her head at him.
"I'm doing what Supreme Leader wants ," she growled lowly, "If you have an issue, I suggest you take it up with him." Hux's face turned an unhealthy shade of red, hands shaking as he clutched the datapad he held a little too hard.
"Yes, Ren," Hux responded, his tone filled with loathing, "of course ."
Karyan ignored him, waving her hand again as a way of telling him she was done with whatever conversation he thought they were having. Her attention was back on Rey now, brown eyes dark and calculating. Rey watched her in turn, the general already forgotten as she tried to divine the answer she needed from the heat in Karyan's gaze.
The door hissed behind them again, signaling the exit of General Hux.
"How are you feeling?" Karyan asked, turning away from her and walking to the table on the far side of the room. She poured herself a glass of water, seemingly oblivious to Rey's inner turmoil.
Rey narrowed her eyes at the older woman, rage igniting inside of her, burning her from the inside out. She made to cross her arms over her chest, but stopped when pain spread across her shoulder and chest once more. She hissed and winced at the feeling. Karyan tilted her head, lifting her chin, and watching Rey over her shoulder.
"You know how I'm feeling," Rey responded, with a harsh, barking laugh. Karyan turned to face her then, leaning against the edge of the table with a smirk playing on her lips.
Rey felt overwhelmed beneath her gaze, her face hot, her eyes stinging.
"Look at what you've done to me," Rey finished in a whisper. She stared at the other woman, eyes locking, a silent conversation happening between the two of them. Rey could feel the force spark and bend around them, the air almost heavy with the weight of it. The power that passed between the two of them was dangerous. It clung to her skin, weighing her down and casting her deeper into the neverending darkness.
"And what have I done to you?" Karyan asked, her voice barely above a whisper. If Rey hadn't seen her lips move, she would have sworn Karyan hadn't spoken her question aloud at all.
"You know what you've done," Rey responded, trying desperately to get an admission from Karyan. The woman just stared at her, face blank and stoic. She gave no indication of feeling guilt or surprise at Rey's accusation.
Karyan pushed herself away from the edge of the table, water momentarily forgotten as she made her way across the room to where Rey lay on her bed. She knelt on the edge, gripped Rey's chin in her hand and stared down at her.
Rey's eyes narrowed and she tried to pull her face from Karyan's grip. The woman refused to release her, dark eyes boring into her own.
From up close, Rey could see so much reflected in Karyan's gaze. She could almost see the woman's inner struggle, the gaping wound that her fight against the light had left within her. Rey felt as though she were falling into a chasm. It was almost as if she were being slowly devoured by the void the absence of the light had left there.
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," Karyan responded, but her eyes betrayed her.
"You're a monster," Rey choked beneath the intensity of Karyan's gaze. The other woman's lips curled upwards into a sneer.
"Now you are too," She responded.
Rey tensed, pulling away from Karyan so quickly she felt the muscles in her neck twist and pinch.
"I will never be like you," Rey hissed, but her voice sounded weak to her ears. Her protests were empty now, she didn't have any fight left in her. The darkside was too strong here. The force around her so twisted and black, accepting it felt like coming home .
"You already are," Karyan said. She placed her fingers beneath Rey's chin and tilted her head back so she could look her in the other woman's eyes eyes again.
Rey said nothing to that, instead she cast her gaze downwards, Karyan's fingers still beneath her chin, tilting her head back at an uncomfortable angle. Her neck felt stretched and tense, her eyes crossing as she tried desperately to avoid looking at Karyan's face.
"And look at how much stronger you are," Karyan whispered, her face so close, Rey could feel the other woman's breath on her cheek. She squeezed her eyes shut tight.
" No ," Karyan said, forcing her to stand up. Rey groaned in protest, fighting against Karyan's grasp, and gritting her teeth at the pain that shot through her limbs.
" Look ," Karyan commanded, her mouth pressed against Rey's ear. Her fingers were around her throat, holding Rey's head straight and willing her to see herself.
Rey struggled, fighting desperately in her grasp. Karyan pressed her body against Rey's back to find purchase, fingernails squeezing at her jawline.
"No," Rey said. She didn't want to see herself now. She had felt the change, felt the way the dark side had poisoned her, the way it crackled and burned around her.
" Yes ," Karyan bid. Rey's will broke beneath the weight of Karyan's own.
She opened her eyes. She saw the outline of the mirror first, her vision blurred from pain. Then, her gaze locked with her reflection's and she feltlost . It felt like she was falling . It had only been days and she had changed so much. She looked nothing like the girl she remembered.
She still had the same features, but the light that had flowed so freely around her was gone. She felt the darkness heavy on her like a blanket. She could see it in her eyes, the way she was so much more now than she had been.
She was surprised to find something she admired there. She had been strong before, but now she seemed so much stronger. In the mirror she looked like a giant, someone who could crush her enemies without a second thought. Someone who didn't care if she was alone so long as she had power .
"See?" Karyan whispered and Rey flicked her gaze from her own eyes to meet Karyan's. Rey took in the way the other woman held her throat, fingernails biting into her skin. Her heart fluttered in her chest, hand reaching up to brush against Karyan's wrist.
Karyan hissed in her ear, unwinding herself from Rey and pulling back as though she had been burned. Rey turned to face her, eyes wide and questioning. Karyan turned her back, her shoulders tense, fists clenched at her sides. Rey watched her for a long moment in silence, needing her to turn back around, but Karyan refused .
Rey opened her mouth to speak, but was silenced when Karyan drew her lightsaber. She swallowed hard, voice dying in her throat.
Karyan made no move to turn around, the red blade bathed the room with it's light. The force bent around her in waves, rage and fear filling the room through Karyan's force signature. Rey felt almost suffocated beneath the weight of it.
Again, Rey tried to speak.
Karyan screamed, slamming her saber down into the table, cutting it in half as she had once before. It fell apart, knocking water and food all over the floor. The glassware shattered. Karyan didn't stop.
Her saber connected with the table again, with the floor, with the plates, with anything in her reach. Rey was in shock, she felt the way Karyan's control slipped free and she easily became the monster Rey remembered from Takodana. The dark, looming figure that threatened to destroy everything she held dear, including Rey herself.
When the table was burned to ashes, and the floor was open and gaping with wounds from her saber, Karyan slashed at the wall. She spun and twisted like something demonic, her mouth open in a scream of rage, eyes flashing red as blood in the light from her saber.
"Karyan," Rey said finally. She reached out to her through the force. The woman tensed between her shoulderblades, but otherwise ignored her as she marred the wall with every swing of her weapon.
"Karyan," she called again, swimming through the inky blackness that surrounded them. Beneath it she could feel a tiny ficker of light, her light (or what was left of it). She made to move, to walk across the room and attempt to comfort the enraged knight.
"Don't!" Karyan warned, whirling around and pointing her blade in Rey's face. It was so close to her skin Rey could feel the heat, feel it burning and moving against her skin. This time she was not afraid, though she knew she should be.
"Don't what?" Rey asked, her gaze moving from the blade to watch Karyan's eyes.
"Don't touch me," Karyan responded. The whole room trembled with her voice. Rey could feel her, could feel how terrified she was of her simple act of tenderness. Her chest throbbed, an ache settling through her at the realization that Karyan had never been exposed to this sort of intimacy before.
"I want to help you," Rey begged. Karyan moved quickly, her saber twirling around Rey's face in a flash of light. The blade sizzled and popped, so close to searing into her shoulder. Rey felt like her skin was almost melting beneath the fiery heat of the blade.
Karyan's face loomed close to hers, their noses almost touching.
"You can't ," she hissed.
"I can if you let me," Rey whispered, reaching up to brush her fingertips against Karyan's face with a trembling hand.
Karyan's nostrils flared, her eyes igniting with rage. She pressed the blade of her saber down into Rey's shoulder, white hot flames just barely licking at her skin.
Rey screamed, falling backwards to get away from the blade. Her skin bubbled and hissed from the burn. She tried desperately to alleviate the pain, but her movement only made it worse.
Karyan loomed above her, deactivating her saber.
" No ," she said in response to Rey's earlier plea, her answer lost in the cacophony of Rey's panicked screams.
Rey's screams died down after a moment, replaced by a soft whimpering noise as Karyan watched in silence nearby. Karyan's eyes were dark, her lips pursed, sweat beading on her forehead as she took the the damage she had done. Supreme Leader would not be pleased.
"Come here," Karyan said when Rey had quieted. Rey didn't move. In fact, she made no indication of even hearing Karyan at all.
"I said come here," Karyan commanded.
Rey glared at her, she tried to be brave despite her heart pounding wildly in her chest.
Karyan's hand went for her saber again.
Rey was on her feet in an instant, terrified what Karyan drawing her saber once more would mean for her. Her whole body ached from pain and fear, but she did as the other woman bid. She stood before her, rage-filled tears slipping free from her eyes. It hurt to feel so weak .
"Pathetic," Karyan whispered, reaching out to touch the burn on Rey's shoulder. The burn she had placed there. Rey flinched beneath her fingers, jerking away.
"Stop," Karyan commanded, moving closer and touching her again. More tears spilled free.
"Look at me," Karyan said, voice low. Rey did.
Her eyes were still intense and terrifying, but there was something else there too. Something more . Rey felt embarrassed, as if it were something she wasn't meant to see. She tried to lower her gaze.
"No," Karyan commanded, a great and terrible power flowing through her. "I want you to watch me while I do this, I want to see you."
Rey stared at her, trembling beneath her touch in anticipation.
Rey felt the force move, light swirling around the darkness. Too much light now, even with her own force signature.
Her eyes widened in realization.
"That's right," Karyan whispered, watching Rey's eyes go glassy and distant.
The wound beneath Karyan's hand began to erase itself. The scorched skin disappearing as though it had never been there. Rey had never felt anything like it. The way the light illuminated and soothed her was so much better than the burning, heavy feeling of the darkness.
She felt lighter, like she could breathe again. The pain in her shoulder disappeared.
"Don't stop," Rey pleaded in a whisper. She reached her hand up, fingers trembling as she tries to hold Karyan's hand in place. Her fingertips barely brush against the back of the other woman's hand before she flinches.
Rey swallows hard, watching Karyan's face. Karyan's gaze is locked on her hand, watching as it covers her own. She doesn't move away.
"I have to," Karyan responded. She sounds disgusted with herself. The light that floods the room around them becomes perverted, poisoned with Karyan's inner darkness.
"Wait," Rey begs. She presses her hand on Karyan's completely, gripping her fingers and leading her hand to her other shoulder to rest above her right breast. She rests Karyan's long fingertips against her broken collarbone.
Karyan meets Rey's gaze, eyes filled with a different kind of heat that chased away her constant loathing. Karyan's pupils were blown wide as she regarded her, heart pounding loudly in her ears, her lips parted as she draws breath, after breath, after breath into her lungs.
"Here too," Rey insists, her hand pressed firmly against Karyan's. The older woman's skin was like ice, cooling Rey's heated skin while she held her hand there.
"No," Karyan said, but made no move to pull away. The light inside of her came to life again, twisting and swirling in and out of the darkness to form the most beautiful shade of grey Rey had ever seen.
Rey felt it the moment Karyan turned the force onto her. It was beautiful , and bright, and welcoming. Just as Ben had been.
It chased away the poison the darkness and filled her with. It worked to close the festering wound the dark side had left within her, the deep grey chasm where she warred with herself, willing the light to win. Every evidence that Karyan had ever harmed her disappeared with it.
Then, just as quickly as it has come, the light had been extinguished. Rey swayed, staggering forward, the heavy weight of the dark side crashed down on her again, forcing her down to her knees. She gripped at the front of Karyan's robes as she fell, fists pulling the black fabric that hung around her hips.
Karyan let her fall, making no move to even try and help her back up. She regarded Rey with an open sense of curiosity.
Rey didn't look up, her hands still buried in Karyan's robes. Karyan's hands hung loosely by her sides, trembling slightly from her use of the light.
Rey was sweating , moisture heading on her forehead and chest. The weight of what she had just witnessed weighed heavily on her. The weight of what Karyan had just done for her.
Karyan was a monster in so many ways, but there was so much more than that to her. Rey found herself wishing she had never seen this, had never witnessed the bright, burning light that still resided in Karyan Ren.
The woman was cruel, but now she was also kind in ways that drove Rey mad.
Karyan's fingers twitched by her sides when Rey still didn't move away from her. She reached for Rey's hands and pried them from her robes. Rey allowed this, still in shock from what had just occurred between them.
Karyan moved away from her.
"You need to eat something," Karyan said softly, breaking the long silence that stretched between them. Rey looked up at her for a moment before her gaze moved to where Karyan had reduced the table to ash.
"Are you hungry?" Karyan asked.
Rey was more than hungry, she was starving , but she knew what saying yes to this would mean. It was more than just accepting food, it was accepting that no one was going to come for her. It meant accepting that Ben Solo was dead and gone, accepting that this place, The First Order, was now her home . This would make her Karyan's student, would make her Snoke's acolyte.
Karyan waited patiently for the other woman to answer. She could feel Rey's inner struggle, could sense the way that the darkness bent around her, drawn to the light she still held within. Rey's force signature was so bright it was almost scathing. It threatened to awaken the fading embers of light within her as well if she did not succeed in destroying it.
She would succeed in destroying it.
Rey rose to her feet, gaze locking with Karyan's as she did.
"Are you?" Karyan pressed.
Rey pulled in the darkness around her as if she were drawing in a breath.
" Yes ," she answered.
