Chapter 7: Broken
1 week later
Michonne was over at Rick's house. Today she was off from work and was watching Carl and Judith for Rick since he had to work late today. It was now early evening and Michonne was preparing some macaroni and cheese for the kids. Judith was in the living room watching an episode of Scooby Doo and Carl sat in the kitchen, with his homework spread out on the dinner table.
Carl breathed out a sigh of relief as he finally closed his math textbook. "Done!"
Michonne chuckled lightly at his excitement, "Bring it over to me." She said, as she stirred her cheese sauce. Carl brought the textbook over to her and she peered over at his work. "Number 3 and 18."
Carl sighed, "Can't we just leave those as they are?" Michonne shot him a look that read yeah right and Carl sighed again going back to the dinner table to fix his answers. After a few minutes he went back to her showing his new answers and she smiled.
"Good job, kid. You're done."
Carl smiled widely and slammed his book shut, "thank god! When is dinner gonna be done?"
"Carl, this isn't any box macaroni and cheese like your father makes this is baked and it takes time." Said Michonne as she put her food in the oven to bake.
Carl groaned at her words as he sat back down, "I'm starving Michonne!"
Michonne laughed lightly, sitting across from him as she did so. "You'll survive. How's school going?" She asked.
"Uh, well…" Said Carl hesitantly his eyes meeting everything but Michonne's eyes.
Michonne chuckled at his obvious uncomfortableness at her question. "Carl…." Her voice firm, forcing him to look at her.
Carl sighed, "There's this girl…"
Michonne gasped, "Carl Grimes do you have a girlfriend?" She asked, excitedly.
Carl sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling, "I wouldn't say she's my girlfriend…."
"Oh my god, you have a girlfriend!" Michonne said excitedly.
"Oh my god…." Carl muttered.
"What's her name? When did you start dating?" Michonne paused and gasped, "oh my god you're dad doesn't know does he? Oh my god you told me before your dad? This is great." She said with a happy smile.
Carl paused for a moment as she settled down, "...are you calm now?" He asked. Michonne nodded happily but stayed silent so he can talk. "Her name is Enid. We've only been dating for like 2 weeks now. And no, Dad doesn't know yet."
Michonne grinned widely as he talked. "I'm happy for you."
Carl gave her a small smile, "Thanks...is dinner ready yet?"
Michonne rolled her eyes and sighed, "I hope you're better at talking to your girlfriend then me." She said as she got up to check on the food. "Not done yet."
"Oh my god I'm gonna be dead by the time it's done." Said Carl with a groan.
Michonne laughed and sat back down, "When you gonna tell your dad about Enid?"
Carl shrugged, "I don't know...I think he may want to give me the sex talk if I do." He said scrunching up his face.
"Do you need the sex talk?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No I do not!" He exclaimed, his cheeks starting to turn red.
Michonne chuckled, "Alright, just making sure. Want me to break the news to him?"
"Yes!" Said Carl a bit too excitedly, "I mean uh...that's cool I guess if you want to." He said, attempting to regain his composure.
Michonne laughed lightly, "Wash the dishes tonight and we have a deal." She said, with her hand out.
Carl grinned and grabbed her hand shaking it, "Deal….Is the food done?"
Now it was Michonne's turn to let out a groan, "Let me go check…" She said as she got up to check on the food again.
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A Few Hours Later
The kids were finally asleep, the dishes washed thanks to Carl, and Michonne was sitting on Rick's couch with some quiet music playing in the background as she read One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest for the 4th time. She was in the middle of a paragraph when she heard keys jingling at the door and the turn of locks. She smiled a bit to herself knowing that it was Rick.
"Hey…" Said Rick once he entered his home leaving his coat and work shoes at the door, giving her a smile.
"Hey Grimes, long day at work?" She asked as she moved over giving him room to plop down on the couch next to her.
"Yeahhh, good to be home though. How were the kids?" He asked.
"They were great as usual….Carl told me something today."
"Oh really?" Asked Rick with a raise of an eyebrow. "And what was that?"
"...He has a girlfriend." Michonne continued, watching Rick his mouth now slightly open at the news. "Don't freak out. They've only been dating for a little while. Go easy on the kid when you talk to him alright? Chill on the sex talk."
"...a girlfriend?" Asked Rick as if he was still stuck on that part of the conversation.
Michonne chuckled, "yes Grimes. A girlfriend. He isn't a little kid anymore."
Rick sighed, resting his head on the back of the couch. "Next thing you know Judith is gonna have a boyfriend."
Michonne laughed lightly, "You'll have a few years before you have to worry about that."
"That's what I thought about Carl." He said with a sigh.
"You know your kids gotta grow up at some point right Grimes? Or did they forget to mention that in the parent's manual?" Michonne asked with a smirk.
Rick chuckled a bit, "I wish there was a manual."
Michonne smiled gently at him, "they'll be okay. You've raised them well Grimes...despite those sad cooking abilities."
Rick laughed softly, "yeah whatever...how you doing?" He asked, now referring to her recent break up.
Michonne smiled a bit, "I'm okay...I don't think he was the one for me."
"So who is?" Asked Rick who was now looking at her intently.
Michonne smiled gently but adverted her eyes to the floor, "I don't know yet…"
"'Chonne…" Said Rick making Michonne lock eyes with him once again.
Michonne was sure Rick could see her heart pounding out of her chest as she felt her throat go dry. "It's late...I should go…" She said quietly as she began to get up.
Rick watched her as she got up and gently grabbed hold of her hand when she started to pass him. He gently pulled her back down on the couch, this time closer to where she was originally.
Michonne's eyes were wide and she wore a look of...Rick couldn't pinpoint it. Confusion? Fear? Worry? For the first time in a long time he couldn't read her and he paused unsure if what he was about to do, wanted to do for years now, was right.
"Rick…" Michonne said quietly, almost at a whisper.
And then finally Rick got it. It was fear. She looked terrified and he couldn't understand why. He let go of her hand and his expression that was calm and happy was now one of confusion.
"I gotta go…." Said Michonne as she got up again. She felt as though the walls were closing in on here, like she would explode in any second and had to fight the urge to run out of Rick's house.
She opened the door and before she could finally leave Rick grabbed her wrist and stared at her for a moment, as if he was attempting to read her mind and understand her. "What's wrong?" He asked.
Michonne sighed and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. "I can't." She said simply then pulling out of his grasp and leaving his home.
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9 years earlier
Michonne was in her New York City apartment with a glass of Merlot in her hand. It seemed like this drink had become a ritualistic thing. Every day after work she poured herself a glass of wine and prepared herself for the inevitable fight that would happen when her boyfriend, Matthew, would come home. Their fighting had become an everyday thing and now it seemed like they were just picking fights to have a reason to talk to each other even if it was through screams. Their sex life had stopped about a year ago and even though they still slept in the same bed with each other they were so far from one another they might as well have been sleeping in two different rooms.
Michonne heard her front door open and she sighed, preparing herself for a fight. Matthew rounded the corner and glanced up at her but said nothing as he loosened his tie. "We're drinking already I see…" He said as he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and then leaned on an opposite wall of the kitchen. Their island separating them in the same way a border would separate two countries.
"Fuck you." Said Michonne bitterly as she put her drink down and then folded her arms over her chest.
"Oh by no means don't stop drinking now cause I said something. It's not like you give two shits about my opinion."
Michonne nodded slightly, "you're right. I don't give two shits."
There was a silence filled with tension between the two as they glared at each other from either side of the kitchen. "I'm not doing this anymore." Said Matthew finally.
"Fine, so go to your mother's house or wherever the fuck you go to and I'll see you tomorrow for another round." Michonne said with a shrug and a frown, then taking a sip of her wine.
"No…" Said Matthew. "I'm done here. I'm done doing this with you. I don't love you anymore Michonne...I can't do this."
Michonne's eyes grew wide as he spoke and it felt as though she was choking. Like he had actually put his hands around her throat and was proceeding to kill her. She always had words for him, whether they were happy or arguing, but now she didn't have anything to say.
"Do you want the apartment?" Asked Matthew casually ignoring her silence as if this wasn't a rare occurrence.
"What?" Said Michonne finally managing to croak out a word, her eyes were beginning to glaze over and in seconds tears began to fall out of her eyes.
"Do you want the apartment? You can keep it if you want, I don't care." Matthew said with a shrug once again ignoring any and all emotions Michonne was now displaying.
"Why...why are you….doing this?" Said Michonne, now it felt like her words were choking her as her crying quickly turned into sobs and she gripped her kitchen counter tightly for support fearing she wouldn't be able to stand without it.
"Why?" Asked Matthew, sounding confused as if this ending to their relationship wasn't obvious. "You want whatever the fuck this is? You want to argue every day? You want to continue to not have sex? You want to be angry every day? Tell me Michonne why would anyone in their right mind want to continue this?"
Michonne's sobs were loud and filled their kitchen, she could feel the pain from them but couldn't prevent herself from stopping. "We...please...don't do this….to me." The makeup she had yet to take off from work was now proceeding to run down her face. She swore she could feel the earth crumbling down under her and she looked as if she was trying to hold on for her life.
Matthew sighed again, just watching her as she had her break down. "Michonne….do you want the apartment or not?"
"Go fuck yourself!" Shouted Michonne, still sobbing but managing to get a full sentence out. She didn't want to talk about the damn apartment anymore but he seemed to be stuck on this topic.
Matthew sighed and rolled his eyes, "Let me know your decision in a week." He said plainly as he walked out of the kitchen, Michonne could hear the door opening and closing.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" She screamed through her sobs. She slid to the floor and continued her sobs. He was gone. The world had crashed. And so had she.
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6 years later
Michonne sighed, she was looking down at Darien, her current boyfriend, who was on one knee….again. She had said no to his first proposal two years ago and yet here he was, trying again and she couldn't understand why. He looked up at her waiting anxiously for her decision, the ring box open in front of her. Maybe he thought she just needed some time or maybe he thought she just needed a bigger ring. But for Michonne it was neither, she just didn't want to get married. "D…," her nickname for her boyfriend, "...I can't."
Darien looked up at her and sighed, slamming the ring box shut as he got up from his one knee. "Why?" He asked, his voice lined with hurt and anger.
Michonne felt bad for hurting his feelings but she also knew she wasn't gonna compromise on something like marriage for him. Her voice was soft yet firm "I don't want to get married, just like I told you 2 years ago. I thought we moved past the last proposal so why would you decide to do it again?"
"Exactly cause I thought we moved past it!" He exclaimed, "We are better than we were then and yet you still can't be bothered to accept my proposal."
"I never said I changed my mind on getting married…" She was confused and couldn't understand his logic in the situation just like he couldn't understand hers.
"Why do this to yourself?" Asked Darien he had moved away from her and was now sitting on the arm of their couch. "Why do you shit all over any chance at being happy?"
Michonne was taken aback and her brow furrowed. "Just cause I don't want to get married I'm shitting over my chance at happiness?"
Darien sighed and ran his hands over his face. After a moment he dropped his hands and looked up at her, "Michonne you're so fucking scared to be happy. Every move you make here is so...thought out it becomes painful for me. Friends are met at this time, family at this time, oh you said I love you too soon go back to start, do not collect $200 dollars, and try again, even though I love you too I'm just not gonna let you know because that breaks the rules. That's not how relationships work, there is no give because you're scared that if there is just some bend you'll get hurt."
Michonne listened to his words, attempting to break apart his argument in her head but she couldn't. He was right, she was use to most men not sticking around for the long haul but Darien had and it seemed like he was now tired of it. "What are you saying?" She asked, quietly.
"I'm saying...your ex, whatever his name was…"
"Matthew." Said Michonne quietly.
"Yeah, Matthew….He did something to you. I know he hurt you but...I think he broke you Michonne. You're broken because of him. And I'm sorry cause you're a beautiful girl who doesn't deserve that but I can't sit here and put you back together again."
Michonne let out a shaky breath and tears were beginning to stream down her face. Once again she tried to break down his points but she couldn't. Since Matthew relationships scared her and she was incredibly careful in every single one determined to not feel the same kind of pain she felt many years ago. And now that same defensiveness seemed to be playing against her and biting her in the ass. She cared for Darien, she loved him and while she felt like he loved her more than she loved him she still felt pain as she realized she was losing someone again. "I don't want you to go…" She said, her voice at a whisper.
Darien sighed lightly and walked over to her. He took her head in his hands as she cried and gave her a light kiss on the forehead. "I love you Michonne. I love you but I can't do this anymore." He gave her another kiss on the forehead. "I think you need more time than I'm willing to give you...I'm sorry." He exited her view, her eyes on the floor as she cried, and she heard her front door open and close.
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A few moments earlier
About 30 minutes later Michonne was on the couch still crying when she heard her door open and close again. She heard the familiar steps of her friend and turned, seeing Rick entering her living room. "'Chonne…" Said Rick softly as he saw her and went over to her wrapping his arms tightly around her as she dampened his t-shirt with her tears.
A/N: Okay so I struggled a bit initially with this chapter but ended up basically putting two chapter ideas in one so I hope you guys liked it! I wanted to put some explanation as to why Michonne is so hesitant and careful with her relationships including the one with Rick. Have yall seen Diary of a Mad Black Woman? I tried to make Matthew the lite version of Charles lol. There will be a kiss coming soon and feelings will be revealed. But when? Who knows (jk I know)! Next chapter update should hopefully be up next Sunday but I apologize in advance if it's late cause I'll be on vacay. Once again thanks for all reviews/follows/favorites :)
