Word Count: 567
How many funerals has Kinglsey attended since the war? Too many. Part of him wonders if it will ever get easier; the other part is glad it doesn't. At least it reminds him that he can still feel, that the war hasn't left him completely numb.
Truth be told, though, he wishes he could be numb today, or, better yet, not be here at all. This funeral, more than any other, is going to make him wish he had died in the battle.
"Kingsley," Andromeda says, her tone warm even though her voice is cracking.
"Andi," he greets. "Would you like me to hold Teddy? You look exhausted."
Her lips quirk into a ghost of a smile. "What a thing to say to a lady," she snorts. "I'm fine. Thank you."
With a nod, Kingsley moves forward.
Seeing Tonks like this is hell. He remembers her alive, in all her clumsy glory. But it's Remus' body that feels like a knife has been wedged into his heart.
…
Kingsley watches in amusement as James walks past them, Sirius pursuing him. "I'm telling you, James. Strawberry syrup would make a convincing bloodstain."
Kingsley glances over at Remus who just rolls his eyes and keeps reading, ignoring his bickering friends.
"They're a force to be reckoned with," Kingsley observes.
Now, Remus does look up. "Tell me something I don't know."
It's the most Remus has ever said to him. Why is Kingsley suddenly freezing up? It feels like there's a lump in his throat, and he can't seem to swallow it down.
"You okay?" Remus asks.
Somehow, Kingsley manages to nod. Merlin! Why does he have to be so awkward. "Just, uh… I'm fine," he says.
Remus doesn't look so convinced, but he nods and returns to his book.
…
"I could easily beat you in a duel!" Sirius insists
"Try me."
"I really don't care."
"Oi! Shacklebolt! Tell Remus I would kick his ass in a duel. You believe me, yeah?"
Kingsley just stares. Once again, he finds himself unable to speak. Remus tends to have that effect on him, and it's maddening.
"His silence means I'm right."
…
It isn't until much later, when Mad-Eye recruits him that Kingsley is able to express himself.
The two of them sit on the battered sofa at Grimmauld place, watching as Sirius pesters Tonks.
"Minerva named her feral tomcat after him," Remus says. "Well… That's what Sirius says. If you ask me, Minerva probably doesn't want to be reminded of him like that. Everything okay?"
For a moment, Kingsley is a thirteen year old boy again, all stammering and nervousness. He swallows. "I fancy you," he says, wishing he could have found a way to say it better. "Always have."
And when Remus smiles, it's enough to make Kingsley's heart soar. "I fancy you too."
…
It isn't enough, of course. Kingsley can never give him the life he deserves. He watches as Remus and Tonks get closer and closer, and he knows it's only a matter of time before his heart breaks.
…
He stands before Remus' coffin. By now, he's done this so many times that it feels so horribly natural.
But this is different. This is his Remus, the man he loves. This is burying not just a body but a wealth of hopes and dreams.
"I'm really gonna miss you," he whispers. "I love you, Remus."
