John. March 25th, 2014.

A couple of months ago I was approached about making my blog posts a book. I've been updating every week or so since the anniversary and getting loads of responses and reviews. They wanted to include posts from before it happened up until the most recent that they could get. They also wanted me to write a nice essay wrapping everything up in a nice little box. It was hard writing that essay because it was hard to put everything together for some reason. But I did it and they published the book and tonight we were having a release party.

"I'm glad they're not making me read a passage like they wanted." I said to Mary while we ate breakfast.

"You'd do just fine." She rested her head on her hand.

"People are going to be wanting to talk about everything."

"I'm sure you'll be just fine with that too."

Even though I've been writing I haven't made my life revolve around Sherlock. I haven't sobbed in the foetal position for a long, long time. But since yesterday I was feeling like how I felt before Mary. There was this big gapping hole that I couldn't fill no matter what I did.

"I need to go pick up my suit." I put my plate at the sink.

"Mmm, yeah."

"I'll be back later."

"Tell Sherlock I said hello."

"What?"

"You're going to stop by the grave right?"

I leaned against the counter, damn leg. "Do you have a problem with it?"

"No, I just wish you'd tell me. You act like it's some big secret."

"Why would it be a secret?"

"Is he really alive?"

"What the bloody hell are you on about?"

"There's pictures, they're blurry and fuzzy but they could be him and people are saying they've seen him."

"Mary you never even met him." I said a bit louder than I should have. "He's dead. It's been a year and 9 months. He's gone and he's never going to come back."

"I'm sorry." She said softly.

"It's fine, fine…"

I got ready then headed to the cemetery, "Um, sorry it's almost been a year since I've visited. People think they see you everywhere. I should tell the tabloids I thought I saw you that time, a few months after you jumped. People would go berserk over the story. They're all going crazy over this book. Which is weird because it's all in my blog and they can read it whenever. Now I have this signing thing. It's so, it's weird and you'd think it's weird too. Well I should go. I'll be talking about you all night so I'm not sure how I'll feel after that. Hopefully I'll make it. I still miss you."

Mary and I spent the rest of the day getting ready in awkward silence once I got back home with my suit. We put on good faces at the event. Many of our clients were there along with Molly, Greg, Mrs. Hudson, and of course Mycroft. I didn't remember inviting Mycroft but he got an invitation.

"This is wonderful John."

"Tell me, did you get the book published?" I questioned. I was curious and it wouldn't surprised me one bit.

"Of course not, someone in the world just found it very interesting. Well looking at this party it looks like more than one person found it interesting."

I looked around. "Look Mycroft, tell me what all this business is with these sightings of Sherlock?"

"There is no business. Its just people thinking they see-a ghost." Mycroft signalled to a pretty girl, must be his new assistant. "I have to be going very soon but congratulations John."

"Yeah, ah huh." I walked away looking for Molly because I haven't spoke to her in sometime.

She looked nervous for some reason but she always did have that anxious feel about her, "John." She smiled slightly and gave me a hesitant hug. "I'm very happy for you."

"Thank you." I patted her back.

"How are you? How's Mary?"

"We're both wonderful."

"Sherlock would be very happy for you."

"I'm not sure if you remember him correctly." I laughed.

"I remember him perfectly and if you did something worth while, no matter what, he'd be happy for you. But only you." She said as her phone lit up. "Oh, I need to take this. I'll be around. Sorry."

"It's fine go on."

Only a few minutes later the lady doing my PR asked me to come on stage to say a few words. This was the part I was dreading the most. "When I got back from Afghanistan I was a complete wreck. Then I met Sherlock Holmes-" Right as the s in Holmes escaped from my mouth a bullet whizzed right by my ear. I dropped to the floor and everyone was screaming. I reached to the waistband of my pants only to remember I haven't carried a gun on me for ages.

I shot back up to my feet and started to look around for Mary when my eyes caught the crack in the glass where the bullet came through on the opposite end of the hall. There was a building across the way, perfect range.

Without thinking I ran in the direction of the building, leaving my wife and friends behind. When I got half up the stairs I realised I wasn't limping and I also remembered-again-that I didn't have a gun and this could be a horrible idea. But I did it anyway.

I found a man, shot in the chest with blood probably filling his lungs. He was going to die any secind. "Why'd you try to shoot me?" I pinned him down with my knee.

"Your-" He wheezed and choked. "Your friend. Mr. Holmes."

I backed off when a team of men led by Greg busted on to the roof. "John, did you do this?"

"No, I found him like this."

"Is he dead?"

I glanced down. "He is now." I looked up at the stars. "Now Sherlock would have really enjoyed tonight."

"His fingerprints are all over this."

I just laughed. I laughed so hard I ended up on the ground with tears streaming down my face. I was pretty sure I was going to end up on in a mental hospital if I didn't pull it together but I let myself laugh for a while because I needed it.

Eventually I got up and went back down to the hotel looking for Mary. She was crying so I held her and told her it was all going to be ok now.

When we got home she fell asleep but I stayed up pacing trying to think about why I got shot at.

The next day Greg called to tell me that the guy was working for Moriarty's network, which was now a man named Sebastian Moran's network. Apparently it was Mycroft's work the gunman was killed. Greg said that I needed to be careful because these so called sightings of Sherlock have made me a target for some reason.

Before I left for work I put my gun in my waistband.

For the first time in over a year I didn't limp on my walk to the surgery.

Sherlock. The previous night.

"WHERE IS HE?" I hit the man with the butt end of my gun. In the surprise he still got the shot off somehow. I heard screaming from the building.

Fuck John. What if he hit him? I couldn't think about that now though. I threw off his shot; if he did hit him hopefully it wasn't a kill shoot.

"WHERE IS MORAN?" My voice shook. I needed to find out. I wrestled the man to the ground.

"He's not stupid you know? He knows you're around. He knew you'd be here to try to get him."

I felt defeated.

"You should have just killed yourself."

I kicked him in the face before shooting him once and texting Lestrade where he would find the body of the man that tried to shoot John from a blocked number. I jumped to the building next to me when I heard the door open.

John. Oh thank god he's ok. Not surprising one bit he'd go after the man who tried to kill him.

It's been 1 year, 9 months, 1 week, and 4 days since I last heard his voice. I was wondering if I was beginning to just make up what his voice sounded like in my head but apparently I hadn't been because he sounded just has I imagined him everyday.

"Now Sherlock would have really enjoyed tonight." He said while looking up at the stars. I did the same thing. They were quite lovely.

But he was wrong about the evening. Every thing had gone horribly wrong with this because now Moran knew I was alive. I used myself as bait but I got played. This organisation needs to go down because it's got the best of me twice now.

I popped my head up when I heard John laughing, thinking that there was something wrong. I saw the top of John's head but Lestrade saw me, his eyes grew wide and he turned white. Shock. I shook my head then texted him to relax and to not tell John for his own safety. Though I guess it won't keep him safe much longer. I followed it up by telling him to meet me at Mycroft's home tomorrow morning.

I sat back down and collected myself. I had to wait until things calmed down to make my exit. Mycroft's car was sitting out front waiting for me. "What happened?" He practically hissed.

"I misjudged, I thought for sure Moran would come out of hiding." I punched the door. "John's going to get hurt now."

"I'll put extra detail on him."

"I thought I was going to come home tonight."

"Even if you got to come home today everything is different. You do realise this? Nothing is ever going to be the same."

"I know. I know." I sank in my seat. For the second time in my life adult life I began to cry. It's not lost on me that both times John was directly involved.

"Now, now dear brother, everything is going to be ok. We'll get him. We're close."

"I thought I've been close for a year." I snapped. "Pull over."

"Sherlock, no. You're staying with me tonight."

"I need to clear my head. Walk."

"No." He said firmly.

"He's going to die and it's my fault."

"John won't die. We'll get Moran. You've taken out just about everyone, there's not much left."

"There's just going to be more."

"What are you going to do? Give up?"

I wiped my face dry. "No."

"Ok, good."

When we got to Mycroft's I hid in my usual room with a bottle of whisky. I drank enough for my thoughts to calm down.

The next morning I found Lestrade speaking with Mycroft in the dining room over coffee. "You bastard!" He stood up from the table. "I'd punch you in the face right now if you didn't just save John's life last night. Your brother just explained everything you've been doing and how you were the one to lead me to Larsson to clear all of our names."

"Hmm yes, good he brought you up to speed." I folded my arms.

"What do you need help with?"

"I need you to keep John safe. Both of you."

"Where you going?" Mycroft asked.

"Out."

"Out?"

"No drugs Sherlock." Lestrade said.

"No drugs, I'm going to kill Moran."

"How?"

"I don't know but I'm going to do it. You all just have to figure a way to make John safe while I'm gone."

I left, not really sure where I was going to finally end this hunt but no matter what it took it was going to end soon.