A/N: This is kinda funny...
Chapter Seven: What's with Vernon?
Sirius POV
Lily seemed disturbed about living with "Vernon." God, maybe this guy is like her sister. Ahh! It's like having two Petunias! God, that girl follows me around like chocolate syrup to vanilla ice cream (don't ask, Prongs made it up). What if Vernon does too? Eww! Gay! No wonder Lily was upset! Who wouldn't be? (A gay fourteen year old, what is this world coming to?)
Remus' POV
Suddenly Sirius got a disgusted look on his face. I asked him why and he said, "You don't want to know..."
I persisted, and finally he led us out to an empty compartment and said, "Why couldn't that dim nut Peter have sat here? He said that there were no seats available!"
"To the point Sirius! The others are already watching us curiously."
Sirius sighed annoyingly. "Vernon...is gay."
I gasped. "How do you know?"
"It just makes sense doesn't it? Don't spread it around."
"What? This is just a rumor?"
"No!"
"Then what?"
"It's so true! Don't ask me how I know, I just do!"
"Really Sirius."
"I'm serious."
"Well, I know that one, I mean, I can't go for four years being one of your best friends, not knowing your name—"
"No! I mean 'serious' with the 'e.'"
"And the 'o'," I added.
"Whatever!"
"Sirius, I'm not spreading a rumor—"
"I'm not asking you to spread it—"
"—I'm not believing it either—"
"Why not?—"
"Sirius!" I finally shouted.
"What?"
"I'm not believing a rumor like this, nor am I spreading it. I have no idea why you told me—"
"Oh I can answer that one...you asked me what I was thinking about...so this is all your fault!" Sirius had a smirk to match Bellatrix's on his face.
"Wha—it's not my fault!" I yelled indignantly.
"Is too."
"Is not."
"Is too."
"Is not."
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"IS TOO!"
"IS NOT!"
"SHUT UP!" yelled a voice from outside. "GOD!" James came bursting into the compartment. "WHAT KIND OF ARGUMENT IS THIS? I WAS HOPING TO COME AND HEAR SOMETHING WORTHWHILE!"
Sirius fake-gasped. "You were spying!"
"Was not!" yelled James.
"Was too!" Sirius yelled back.
"Was not!" James yelled again.
"Was too!" Sirius had a gleeful grin on his face as he yelled at James.
"Was too!" James said suddenly.
"Was not!" Sirius clapped a hand to his mouth, knowing that he lost.
"What were you telling Remus anyway?" asked James.
"That Vernon's gay."
"WHAT? How do you know?"
"SHHH! Lily will hear..."
"According to him," I put in, pointing at Sirius, "'it just makes sense.'"
"I want Pringles." It was Sirius.
"Well, we don't have any, so deal with it," spat James nastily.
"What's going on?" Lily walked in.
"Sirius wants Pringles."
"Pringles? Whatever." Lily walked out.
"Yes, Pringles, whatever they are." James was glancing at Sirius who was fake-crying on floor yelling, "Pringles! Pringles!"
"One more thing Sirius," I stated. "Vernon is NOT gay. So don't spread it around. You too James. If Vernon hears...I hate to think what they'll do to Lily."
The train slowed to a stop thankfully, so Sirius didn't have time to dwell on Pringles, whatever they are, or Vernon. We all got out of the train carrying our trunks. They were very heavy.
"Right," Sirius was muttering to himself. "Not gay. No. It's out of my head now."
"Totally out." James was muttering too. "Not gay."
Sirius and James finally seemed to be getting the hang of it.
Sirius' POV
Remus is right. Vernon probably isn't gay. But one's suspicions might be aroused...wait! Petunia doesn't even follow me around anymore! So Vernon isn't gay! Yay! Hey! Hey! Gay, yay, and hey all rhyme!
James POV
I have no idea why Sirius thinks Vernon is gay. The idiot. Of course Vernon isn't gay. Petunia wouldn't be living with him then. The fool of a Black. God, he needs help. Vernon isn't gay. That's all there is to it.
Lily's POV
The Marauders minus Peter have been in on this "secret" or something and they've been acting really weird. I don't get it. Well, anyway, we all get off the Hogwarts express and what do we see? Well, I should say, what don't we see? Well, we don't see a sign of Petunia or Vernon or anybody that Petunia is friends with. That—that—I'm thinking of bad names for her. Well, we rode the Hogwarts Express back to London without any disturbance from the Slytherins. That was a first.
As I was saying, Vernon and Petunia didn't come to pick me up so it was a good thing that my friends were dropping me off. Renée, Emily, and the Marauders minus Peter all talked to their parents and it was agreed that the five of them would take me to that wretched Petunia. In my world, she was the freak.
So we ended up on a Muggle bus, since Remus wouldn't let us do anything else. Sirius was having total fun. He was watching all the shops and stores as we passed them. Everytime he saw a store that had an "S" in it he would poke me. Everytime he poked me, I said "Oww!" Each time I said "Oww!" everyone turned to look at me. Everytime everyone turned, someone would pull the lever to stop the bus. Everytime it stopped with a jerk, I would say "Oww!" And then everyone turned, and so on.
Remus found the whole ordeal amusing. James was on my side (the side that says "Oww!"). Sirius was on the lookout for shops with S's. Renée was cuddling up next to Remus (Remus didn't notice). Emily was next to Renée, chatting with her non-stop.
When we finally got off the bus at the plaza near where Vernon lived (Number Four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey) Sirius spotted a Pringles truck. He ran after it and was lost in the crowd. When we finally saw the Pringles truck again. Sirius was chasing it. In the middle of the road. Cars flew this way and that, trying to save Sirius. Horns honked. Sirius didn't seem to notice. Neither did the truck driver. The next time we saw the Pringles truck, Sirius was hanging on to the bumper, his face was flat in the back of the truck.
"Oh..." said James. "Pringles are chips!" He gave us a thoughtful look. "Hey I want some too!" And he ran after Sirius. We gave up the chase and the Pringles truck came back with both Sirius and James on the bumper. The truck drove up to us. He shook off Sirius and James, who were now begging for Pringles (he shook them off by giving them each a box of Pringles) and drove away.
Finally, through lots of crunching and munching, did we reach Vernon's house. Renée, Emily and I were jabbering away, as Sirius kindly put it, until we reached the house. Right, and the Marauders minus Peter (I'm just going to refer to them as the Marauders) weren't talking at all. (I'm being sarcastic.)
Anyway, Sirius bounded up and rang the doorbell. I like Sirius better than the other Marauders. He just does whatever he wants, no matter what anyone thinks. I think that this is because of his family; they treat him like frog spawn. Plus, as an added bonus, he is pretty cute...but the only problem is...he goes out with every girl in the whole school and he is never stuck to one for more than a week. Like, last week was Emily. She was head-over- heels for him and he dumped her. Of course, she forgave him (I dunno how) but that's Emily for you. Renée, on the other hand, was for Remus. Of course, Remus was sensible and didn't date a load of girls like James and Sirius, but he was still something to Renée and I guess that would be a cool match.
Now who do the boys like? Well, Remus is a man of mystery. Nobody really knows much about his love life. But from what I can tell, he likes Renée, which is good news for her. And how about Sirius? He dates so many girls...and I can't figure at all who he likes. What of James? He is pretty much the same as Sirius...a total girl dater. He doesn't show that he likes anyone...yet.
As I was saying, we ended up on Vernon's doorstep and Sirius rang the bell. Petunia opened the door and blushed a little when she saw Sirius and called for everyone else to come. Mr and Mrs. Dursley of number four Privet drive came up to the door and I introduced myself as Lily (obviously). And Sirius came next.
"I'm Sirius Black—" he shook Mr. Dursley's hand, "—and I would be delighted to stay at your place for a couple of days along with my friends! Thank you for inviting me!"
Mr. Dursley looked dumbstruck and then launched himself at Sirius, who stood there expectantly. "We didn't invite you!" he roared.
At once, Sirius, James and Remus each pulled out a funny looking Zonko's weapon; Sirius, a lethal stick; James, a odd black hook; Remus, a shiny ball. It seemed that no Dursley wanted any of these things near them so they easily agreed to Lily's friends staying. Petunia was the only one still pouting.
"Come on Vernon, don't spend time with my sister or her friends, They'll give you a hole in your head."
"That can be arranged," smirked Sirius.
"It's an expression," I said quickly.
"I've never heard it," said Remus, looking thoughtful.
"That's because Petunia comes up with the weirdest little phrases."
"Like what?" asked James quizzically.
"Like a hole in your head."
"Huh?" said Sirius stupidly.
"Never mind!"
A/N: How did you like that chapter? Read and review, please. And thanks to all reviewers.
Chapter Seven: What's with Vernon?
Sirius POV
Lily seemed disturbed about living with "Vernon." God, maybe this guy is like her sister. Ahh! It's like having two Petunias! God, that girl follows me around like chocolate syrup to vanilla ice cream (don't ask, Prongs made it up). What if Vernon does too? Eww! Gay! No wonder Lily was upset! Who wouldn't be? (A gay fourteen year old, what is this world coming to?)
Remus' POV
Suddenly Sirius got a disgusted look on his face. I asked him why and he said, "You don't want to know..."
I persisted, and finally he led us out to an empty compartment and said, "Why couldn't that dim nut Peter have sat here? He said that there were no seats available!"
"To the point Sirius! The others are already watching us curiously."
Sirius sighed annoyingly. "Vernon...is gay."
I gasped. "How do you know?"
"It just makes sense doesn't it? Don't spread it around."
"What? This is just a rumor?"
"No!"
"Then what?"
"It's so true! Don't ask me how I know, I just do!"
"Really Sirius."
"I'm serious."
"Well, I know that one, I mean, I can't go for four years being one of your best friends, not knowing your name—"
"No! I mean 'serious' with the 'e.'"
"And the 'o'," I added.
"Whatever!"
"Sirius, I'm not spreading a rumor—"
"I'm not asking you to spread it—"
"—I'm not believing it either—"
"Why not?—"
"Sirius!" I finally shouted.
"What?"
"I'm not believing a rumor like this, nor am I spreading it. I have no idea why you told me—"
"Oh I can answer that one...you asked me what I was thinking about...so this is all your fault!" Sirius had a smirk to match Bellatrix's on his face.
"Wha—it's not my fault!" I yelled indignantly.
"Is too."
"Is not."
"Is too."
"Is not."
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"IS TOO!"
"IS NOT!"
"SHUT UP!" yelled a voice from outside. "GOD!" James came bursting into the compartment. "WHAT KIND OF ARGUMENT IS THIS? I WAS HOPING TO COME AND HEAR SOMETHING WORTHWHILE!"
Sirius fake-gasped. "You were spying!"
"Was not!" yelled James.
"Was too!" Sirius yelled back.
"Was not!" James yelled again.
"Was too!" Sirius had a gleeful grin on his face as he yelled at James.
"Was too!" James said suddenly.
"Was not!" Sirius clapped a hand to his mouth, knowing that he lost.
"What were you telling Remus anyway?" asked James.
"That Vernon's gay."
"WHAT? How do you know?"
"SHHH! Lily will hear..."
"According to him," I put in, pointing at Sirius, "'it just makes sense.'"
"I want Pringles." It was Sirius.
"Well, we don't have any, so deal with it," spat James nastily.
"What's going on?" Lily walked in.
"Sirius wants Pringles."
"Pringles? Whatever." Lily walked out.
"Yes, Pringles, whatever they are." James was glancing at Sirius who was fake-crying on floor yelling, "Pringles! Pringles!"
"One more thing Sirius," I stated. "Vernon is NOT gay. So don't spread it around. You too James. If Vernon hears...I hate to think what they'll do to Lily."
The train slowed to a stop thankfully, so Sirius didn't have time to dwell on Pringles, whatever they are, or Vernon. We all got out of the train carrying our trunks. They were very heavy.
"Right," Sirius was muttering to himself. "Not gay. No. It's out of my head now."
"Totally out." James was muttering too. "Not gay."
Sirius and James finally seemed to be getting the hang of it.
Sirius' POV
Remus is right. Vernon probably isn't gay. But one's suspicions might be aroused...wait! Petunia doesn't even follow me around anymore! So Vernon isn't gay! Yay! Hey! Hey! Gay, yay, and hey all rhyme!
James POV
I have no idea why Sirius thinks Vernon is gay. The idiot. Of course Vernon isn't gay. Petunia wouldn't be living with him then. The fool of a Black. God, he needs help. Vernon isn't gay. That's all there is to it.
Lily's POV
The Marauders minus Peter have been in on this "secret" or something and they've been acting really weird. I don't get it. Well, anyway, we all get off the Hogwarts express and what do we see? Well, I should say, what don't we see? Well, we don't see a sign of Petunia or Vernon or anybody that Petunia is friends with. That—that—I'm thinking of bad names for her. Well, we rode the Hogwarts Express back to London without any disturbance from the Slytherins. That was a first.
As I was saying, Vernon and Petunia didn't come to pick me up so it was a good thing that my friends were dropping me off. Renée, Emily, and the Marauders minus Peter all talked to their parents and it was agreed that the five of them would take me to that wretched Petunia. In my world, she was the freak.
So we ended up on a Muggle bus, since Remus wouldn't let us do anything else. Sirius was having total fun. He was watching all the shops and stores as we passed them. Everytime he saw a store that had an "S" in it he would poke me. Everytime he poked me, I said "Oww!" Each time I said "Oww!" everyone turned to look at me. Everytime everyone turned, someone would pull the lever to stop the bus. Everytime it stopped with a jerk, I would say "Oww!" And then everyone turned, and so on.
Remus found the whole ordeal amusing. James was on my side (the side that says "Oww!"). Sirius was on the lookout for shops with S's. Renée was cuddling up next to Remus (Remus didn't notice). Emily was next to Renée, chatting with her non-stop.
When we finally got off the bus at the plaza near where Vernon lived (Number Four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey) Sirius spotted a Pringles truck. He ran after it and was lost in the crowd. When we finally saw the Pringles truck again. Sirius was chasing it. In the middle of the road. Cars flew this way and that, trying to save Sirius. Horns honked. Sirius didn't seem to notice. Neither did the truck driver. The next time we saw the Pringles truck, Sirius was hanging on to the bumper, his face was flat in the back of the truck.
"Oh..." said James. "Pringles are chips!" He gave us a thoughtful look. "Hey I want some too!" And he ran after Sirius. We gave up the chase and the Pringles truck came back with both Sirius and James on the bumper. The truck drove up to us. He shook off Sirius and James, who were now begging for Pringles (he shook them off by giving them each a box of Pringles) and drove away.
Finally, through lots of crunching and munching, did we reach Vernon's house. Renée, Emily and I were jabbering away, as Sirius kindly put it, until we reached the house. Right, and the Marauders minus Peter (I'm just going to refer to them as the Marauders) weren't talking at all. (I'm being sarcastic.)
Anyway, Sirius bounded up and rang the doorbell. I like Sirius better than the other Marauders. He just does whatever he wants, no matter what anyone thinks. I think that this is because of his family; they treat him like frog spawn. Plus, as an added bonus, he is pretty cute...but the only problem is...he goes out with every girl in the whole school and he is never stuck to one for more than a week. Like, last week was Emily. She was head-over- heels for him and he dumped her. Of course, she forgave him (I dunno how) but that's Emily for you. Renée, on the other hand, was for Remus. Of course, Remus was sensible and didn't date a load of girls like James and Sirius, but he was still something to Renée and I guess that would be a cool match.
Now who do the boys like? Well, Remus is a man of mystery. Nobody really knows much about his love life. But from what I can tell, he likes Renée, which is good news for her. And how about Sirius? He dates so many girls...and I can't figure at all who he likes. What of James? He is pretty much the same as Sirius...a total girl dater. He doesn't show that he likes anyone...yet.
As I was saying, we ended up on Vernon's doorstep and Sirius rang the bell. Petunia opened the door and blushed a little when she saw Sirius and called for everyone else to come. Mr and Mrs. Dursley of number four Privet drive came up to the door and I introduced myself as Lily (obviously). And Sirius came next.
"I'm Sirius Black—" he shook Mr. Dursley's hand, "—and I would be delighted to stay at your place for a couple of days along with my friends! Thank you for inviting me!"
Mr. Dursley looked dumbstruck and then launched himself at Sirius, who stood there expectantly. "We didn't invite you!" he roared.
At once, Sirius, James and Remus each pulled out a funny looking Zonko's weapon; Sirius, a lethal stick; James, a odd black hook; Remus, a shiny ball. It seemed that no Dursley wanted any of these things near them so they easily agreed to Lily's friends staying. Petunia was the only one still pouting.
"Come on Vernon, don't spend time with my sister or her friends, They'll give you a hole in your head."
"That can be arranged," smirked Sirius.
"It's an expression," I said quickly.
"I've never heard it," said Remus, looking thoughtful.
"That's because Petunia comes up with the weirdest little phrases."
"Like what?" asked James quizzically.
"Like a hole in your head."
"Huh?" said Sirius stupidly.
"Never mind!"
A/N: How did you like that chapter? Read and review, please. And thanks to all reviewers.
