"Bugs are an inescapable part of nature, I suppose," Klaus said the next morning when he woke up to Selina's screams because she'd seen a spider right next to her head. "But maybe if you were transformed, it wouldn't be so bad." They were loading things into the car for the ride home.
"Or maybe if I dressed it wouldn't be so bad." Selina rolled her eyes.
Klaus grinned. "But why would you want to do that?" He asked. "It wrecks the whole atmosphere."
"I was just thinking," Selina said, "has there been one day in our entire relationship where we haven't had sex, cause I certainly don't remember any."
"You know," he sat up. "I don't remember any either. But why change what works?"
"I suppose," Selina said. "I mean, after we have the baby and everything, that's going to be the first thing to go, so we might as well enjoy it while we can."
Klaus' eyes widened. "You aren't serious, are you?"
"Well yeah," Selina nodded. "As painful as it might be for both of us, if we want to be good parents, we're going to have to practice some restraint."
"And when that doesn't work," Klaus said, rubbing her back, "then what are we going to do?"
"Well, I'll just have to make up a schedule of when we can do it and when we can't," Selina shrugged.
He burst out laughing. "A schedule? for sex? You're really good at joking this morning."
"What's wrong with a schedule?" Selina asked.
"Sex should be about spontaneity," he said. "If we plan it out, it destroys the whole point." He took her in his arms again and she threw her arms around his neck, while he unzipped her. "Car," she breathed. "Car."
They managed to get the door open and situate themselves in the trunk. They were going at it furiously and were both breathing heavily, scratched and bleeding when Selina's phone rang. Luckily, it was just in reach, so she grabbed it, turned it on and put it to her ear while Klaus kept working on her.
"Hello?" She said, trying her best not to giggle, but failing.
"Selina? What's going on?" Said the voice at the other end. "You sound happy."
She wriggled a little, moving her clothes with her free hand to give him better access. "Oh, yes," she said as he leaned over her. "I'm very happy." Then she screamed.
"What just happened?" The caller asked, sounding alarmed. "Are you hurt?"
"Oh," Selina took a deep breath. "No, I'm good...so good." She moaned as he began running his tongue along her neck and his hand along the inside of her thighs.
"What are you doing? And why aren't you here at your housewarming party?"
Selina frowned. "Housewarming party? Anna, what housewarming party?"
Klaus stopped. "Anna? My sister?"
"Yeah," Selina mouthed. "She's at our house right now!"
Klaus quickly took the phone from her. "Anna? What's going on?"
"Well," Anna said, "Mother, Lilith and I are your new house for a party Alistair's throwing you and you aren't here. Elijah brought his new girlfriend and Mother thinks she's just lovely."
Just then, the phone was taken away from Anna and somebody else came on the line. "Let me speak to Selina please, Niklaus," Elissavetta ordered.
Klaus slowly handed the phone back to Selina. This wasn't going to be pretty.
"Yes?" Selina said.
"My dear," Elissavetta said icily, "Why did you never think to mention to me that you're expecting a child? I had to hear it from Alistair."
"Well," Selina said, "we were going to tell you eventually. Just not now. Because you have a tendency to be controlling, overbearing, and just otherwise stick your nose in where it isn't wanted."
Klaus snatched the phone away. "Don't listen to a word she says, Mother. She didn't mean any of it."
"Yes I did!" Selina said, dressing quickly. "You can be damn sure of that!"
"Of course she didn't mean any of it," Elissavetta said, calm now. "Pregnant women are never the most rational creatures. How about you just come on back to your house now and we'll get it all sorted out when you arrive?"
Klaus cleared his throat. "All right, Mother. We'll be there."
"I can't believe you sold me out like that," Selina snapped. "Now we're going to get home and you're going to do whatever the hell she tells you to because you've completely lost your spine!"
He sighed. "Sometimes it's just easier to do what she says."
"Well you might as well just have handed me over to Vanessa cause soon, either your mother or I will be dead. We can't stay in the same space forever."
"I'm sure that whatever Mother has in mind won't be that bad," Klaus tried to reassure her. "In fact, it'll probably be a nice break for you."
"A nice break for me?" Selina said, not quite believing what she was hearing.
"Yes," Klaus nodded. "Mother will set you up in her house and you won't have a thing to worry about until the baby's born. It'll work out for everyone."
"Not everyone," Selina shook her head. "What's in this for me? I don't see what's so good about being hidden away like some sort of fragile collectible. I'm a woman of action. I'm going to be bored out of my mind!"
"It's only three months," he said. "That's not forever."
"You would say that," Selina narrowed her eyes. "You aren't the one who's going to have to live with her."
"So you'll do it?" He asked.
Selina shook her head. "Not in a million years."
They arrived back at their house and when they pulled into the garage and put the car in park, Klaus looked at Selina. "Are you coming in?" he asked.
She shook her head. "I don't know if I want to."
"What am I supposed to tell everyone?" He asked.
She shrugged. "I don't care. Just tell them I'm sorry I couldn't be here, but that I had to step out for a moment."
"You're avoiding the problem, aren't you?" He asked.
She leaned forward and glared at him. "Well excuse me if I don't want to be shipped off to your mother's for three months, but that's where I'm going to land if I go inside!"
"But you can't stay out here," he said. He got out of the car and opened her door, holding his hand out. "Come on," he said. "Please?"
Selina rolled her eyes. "Oh, all right. But I'm not going to like this at all."
"Nobody said you had to," he said.
They got inside and Anna was the first one to meet them at the door. "Just where have you two been?" She asked, grinning. "Selina, you sounded so funny on the phone!"
"Oh," Selina said uneasily, "we were just, um-"
"She got stuck in between the seats of the car," Klaus explained. "I had a devil of a time getting her out."
"Yeah," Anna winked at them. "I'm sure that's exactly what happened. Mother's in the dining room with Elijah and his girlfriend Susan, Niklaus," she told her brother. "She wants to talk to the two of you."
"Oh, well that's a big surprise," Selina whispered.
"Let's just go," Klaus said. "The sooner we get this over with the better."
They went into the dining room where Elissavetta was chatting with Elijah and a tiny brunette neither of them had seen before. "Hello, Mother," Klaus said. "Sorry we're late. We had no idea there was going to be a party."
"Oh, it's all right, dear," Elissavetta said. "I suppose I can excuse it this once." She looked at Selina who was wearing a large green velvet trenchcoat. "Take that off, dear," she said. "You aren't fooling anyone."
"Obviously I fooled you for several months," Selina said. "You had absolutely no idea."
Elissavetta smirked. "Avoiding me on purpose and tricking me are two separate things." She got off Selina's jacket and her eyes widened. "Well, that's certainly a surprise," she said. "You're further along than I thought. Probably near the end of things, am I right?"
"Perhaps," Selina said. "I really have no idea what to expect. I have a visit scheduled in a little while with the woman who's overseeing my care."
"Well after you're finished, have Niklaus drive you straight to my house," Elissavetta said. "You'll be staying with me the last couple of months so I can keep an eye on you."
"How sweet," Selina said through her teeth. "But I really don't think that's a good idea."
"Of course it is," Elissavetta said. "Toward the end of things, you need calm and rest and relaxation which you certainly won't get around my son. Don't think I don't know what the two of you spend your days doing."
"Yes, well-"
"It's all settled then," Elissavetta cut Selina off. "I'll see you this afternoon and I won't take no for an answer." She smiled with satisfaction and got into conversation with Anna, who'd come in looking for another drink.
"I can't believe this," Selina said. "What am I supposed to do now?"
"Prepare for three months of calm and rest and relaxtion," Klaus said.
Selina frowned at him. "Oh, shut up!" She gave him a sharp jab in the ribs and his drink went sloshing everywhere while she strode upstairs looking for Alistair.
She found Alistair's bedroom and knocked repeatedly until he came to open the door. "Hello," he said. "How are you?"
"What were you thinking telling Klaus' mother that I'm pregnant?" Selina snapped.
"She had to find out sometime," Alistair said, stepping out into the hallway. "And I know you weren't going to tell her."
"I was," Selina nodded earnestly. "But not until the baby was born! You know what she's got into her head now? That I should come and live with her until I go into labor!"
"What's wrong with that?" Alistair asked. "I believe she's had several children. She'll know exactly how to handle things."
"Yeah, but she's not going to let me do anything," Selina whined. "She's just going to lock me up and make me stay put."
"I don't know what you're so worried about," Alistair said. "That's not going to happen."
"It isn't?" Selina's eyes lit up. "Why not? Are you going to tell her she's crazy and that I should stay here? You owe me that much."
"I don't owe you anything," Alistair said. "You're going to become a parent soon and that means you have to start taking care of yourself."
"I take plenty good care of myself," Selina said. "I'm fine! Don't you try and turn this around to make it my problem!"
"When Astrid and I arrived on Friday, you and Klaus were gone," Alistair said. "Where were you?"
"We went camping," Selina said. "He found out about the affair I had with Pete over at the bar and he said that the only way for me to make that up to him was for me to actually live amongst the dirt and the bugs."
"How long has it been since you've seen Enid?" Alistair asked. "She should probably have a look at you."
"I'm going to go today," Selina said. "Now, why aren't you down at the party you're supposedly hosting?" She asked. "Are you hiding out? Were you scared of what I was going to do once I found out you'd told Elissavetta I was pregnant against my wishes?"
"Of course not," Alistair shook his head. "I was merely waiting for you to return because I thought we needed to talk. And like I said, no way Klaus is going to let you go off to his mother's for three months."
"Because he won't be able to stand the lonely nights," hope suddenly dawned for Selina again.
"Good to see you cheering up," Alistair called as she went down the stairs. "I'm still mad at you," she said to him. But it wasn't very convincing.
"So," Klaus said when Selina found him at the bar, "did you go up and give Alistair a piece of your mind?"
"Oh, I was going to," Selina said. "But then he got me all confused and...made it seem like all my problems were my fault and..." she looked up at him. "You really don't want me to go away for three months, do you?" She asked. "Aren't you going to get a little lonely?"
"Well yes," he said. "But if it'll help you, I can stand it."
"No it won't help me!" Selina snapped. "You're supposed to go tell your mother that I can't possibly stay with her because you need me too much at home."
He gulped his drink down and poured himself another. "You're really becoming a shrew, did you know that?" he said to her.
"Well you're no walk in the park either!" She said. As she strode toward the front door, she felt a restraining hand on her shoulder. "What now?" She asked. She turned and saw Elijah. "Is everything all right?" he asked.
"No," Selina sat down on the entryway steps. "Your mother wants me to come and stay with her until I have the baby and your brother isn't helping me out of it. I just know I'm going to be bored out my mind. Can you imagine your mother and me alone in the same space for three months? The tension will blow the roof off the house!"
"We thought about that," Elijah said. "Which is why Susan and I will be staying with her as well. You won't have to be alone."
"Oh," Selina looked up and sniffled. "I suppose that's a little better."
"Yes," Elijah nodded. "It'll all work out."
Selina stood up. "I have to go see my doctor for a check up. Could you take me?"
"Sure," Elijah nodded. "I'll even have Susan come with us so that the two of you can get to know each other."
"Oh, great," Selina smiled weakly while he went off in search of his girlfriend and they led Selina out to their car.
Selina didn't say much on the way to Enid's other than giving directions. Mostly she sat banging her head against the window while listening to Susan, a vampire who was actually younger than Selina herself, describe her days at the Sorbonne, and how accomplished she felt getting a Ph.D. in psychology in the 1890s.
"It was quite a feat," Susan said. "Everyone it seemed, was against it. But I persevered and got my degree and I came away much better for it." She paused and twisted around in her seat. "Do you have any advanced degrees, Selina?"
Selina shook her head. "No, I don't. I...didn't have the opportunity to get an advanced degree," Selina said. "My mother was a diehard traditionalist who wanted me to get married instead."
Susan twisted her face into a look of fake sympathy. "Oh, dear," she said. "How unlucky for you."
"But if I would've had the opportunity," Selina said, "I would've gotten an advanced degree, don't get me wrong."
"And now here you are," Susan said, "pregnant and unmarried..."
"Hey!" Selina burst out. "I'm married. I'm very married, thank you very much! My sister even put Klaus' toast at the reception on the internet."
"My mother did make sure they were married before they had children," Elijah assured Susan.
"Good for her," Susan nodded. "Elissavetta's told me about them and I doubt they would have done it themselves." She rolled her eyes.
They arrived at the bar and Susan got out of the car. "This is where your doctor is?" She asked.
"Yes," Selina nodded, muscles in her body tensing. She strode inside without looking back to see if Elijah and Susan were following her.
"Hey, Pete!" Selina said when she saw him at the bar. "Is Enid around?"
"Oh, yeah, sure!" He came around the bar and hugged her. "How are you, kid?"
"I'm doing all right," she said. "How are you?"
"Just the same," he said. "Juice?"
She nodded. "Thanks."
He poured it for her and said, "I'll go see if I can find Enid. I know she's around here somewhere. And she said that you'd probably come in any day now." Once he was gone, Susan came to sit by Selina. "You seem to know that bartender well," she said. "Are you a regular here?"
"We used to have one of the apartments upstairs," Selina said. "The reasons for that are complicated and have nothing to do with me being an alcoholic, poor and pregnant."
"I didn't say that they did," Susan said, looking at her in surprise.
"Yeah," Selina snapped. "But you were going to. I know it."
Just then, Pete came downstairs with Enid trailing behind him. "Hello, dear!" Enid said, giving her a hug. "How are you doing?"
"Well enough," Selina said. "But I thought I could use a checkup."
"Good instincts," Enid nodded. "You're almost at your seventh month, the most difficult part."
"Why?" Selina asked nervously.
"You're going to get kind of...out of control," Enid said. "Do you have a cage or something at your house that you can stay in when things get tough?"
"Actually," Selina said, "I'm going to stay with my mother-in-law. She says I need 'calm, rest, and relaxation'."
"And she's right," Enid nodded. "With all the stuff that's going on inside of you, extra stress from the outside is unnecessary and dangerous."
"Yeah," Selina nodded. "Which is exactly why I told Klaus that I shouldn't be living with my mother in law. Oh, this is my brother in law Elijah and his girlfriend Susan."
"Nice to meet you," Enid said. But her voice was cool.
"So should I tell Klaus I need to stay with him until I go into labor?" Selina asked hopefully.
"No," Enid shook her head. "I know you aren't going to like it, dear. But I really think you should stay with your mother in law."
"Fine," Selina rolled her eyes and stomped from the bar with Elijah and Susan trailing after her. "I call shotgun," she said.
They drove to Elissavetta's house in silence. Then, Selina walked slowly up the stairs and Elijah knocked once on the front door. "We're home, Mother!" He called.
The door opened. Elissavetta was on the other side, grinning. "How wonderful," she said as they came inside. "We're just going to have a delightful three months together, aren't we?"
"Yes, we will!" Susan said.
"Ugh," Selina moaned to herself. "I wish I was dead."
