Disclaimer: I Don't Own Naruto. But I'm sure if I look hard enough, I'll find it on eBay at some point.
A/N: Merry Late Christmas readers! I hope you have had a fabulous one and have an awesome New Year. As a gift I've got a chapter of 'The Chronicles' for you to read. I hope it helps spread some festive joy!
More Hidan in this chapter? Yes, I think we need a zealot fix.
And of course, Princess Yuki Itami Cindy Lou Raven Sparkly-Pooh returns…
It was the day after and Princess Yuki still hadn't managed to get the mental images of her beloved Deidara (and Hidan… and Itachi, because she was also developing a crush on her cousin, the sick bitch) completely disregarding etiquette and table manners at dinner the night before. She had had a long talk with Deidara afterwards about it and he agreed not to do it again. (Read: He agreed not to shove his clay down her throat and turn her into art. Yet. And only because Konan threatened him and she can be a scary bitch when she wants to be.)
So today Princess Yuki was sat in the living room of the Akatsuki base watching TV as Deidara and Sasori had been sent on a 'super-duper-awesome-secret-special' mission. Or at least, that's what she called it.
The channel the TV was currently set at was 'Wrestling World Mania' but she wasn't watching it out of choice. Actually, she wasn't watching it at all as opposite her sat the silver haired being of Hidan, eligible bachelor number two.
Hidan wasn't particularly bothered by the presence of Princess Yuki because she was far more infatuated with Deidara, to be frank. Besides, when 'The Best of Smack-Down '07' was on TV, Hidan was oblivious to most of the world outside his own head and the television screen.
"Hidan?"
No answer.
"Hiiiindan-kuuuun?"
Silence.
"Oh mah Gawd! Is that Kakuzu giving away his own money?!"
Nothing but a vague, 'It's Jashin not God, dumb bitch'.
It was through the lack of response that Princess Yuki determined that it was safe for her 'Incredibly Smart, Witty and Totally Foolproof Plan' to go ahead. Quietly, she shuffled towards the sofa Hidan was sprawled across in true 'Sue style, never giving away her position with unnecessary noise. Then with a sudden leap of true love, happiness and spring flowers she landed across Hidan's lap with a beaming smile and little hearts and shoujo sparkles gently floated to the ground.
Now, to say that Hidan hit the roof would be an understatement. It would be far closer that he flew through the roof, soared over the clouds and peaked somewhere in the stratosphere, coming down to kick some serious Princess Yuki Ee-Tacky Cindy Something-or-other Sparkle-shit arse.
"HOLY FUCKING JASHIN ON A FUCKING SANDWICH! ARE YOU JASHIN-DAMN TRYING TO KILL ME, YOU GOOD FOR SHIT-ALL WOMAN?!"
Guess who said that.
"But Hiiidaaan-kuuuun! I only want to hold you and hug you and kiss you and marry you and have your babies and love you and do generally naughty things in private places with you!"
Guess who said that.
"Hidan. If you don't shut the hell up I will personally see to it that you never have any foul-mouthed spawn and that your eyelids are sewn to your cheeks for the rest of your days."
If you couldn't guess who said that, it was Kakuzu. His methods of violence are rather similar to Sasori's, possibly a reason they manage to stand each other for more then five minutes.
But returning to the current situation.
"I swear, I'll have a whole days worth of blood-letting to repent for my sins because of that- that 'It'!"
"Eloquent." Kakuzu entered the room (after having deemed it impossible to repair any of the Akatsuki cloaks with racket going on it the living room) and sent a couple of thick black threads to bind Princess Yuki's legs and arms and to drag her out of Harms (AKA: Hidan's) way. No Kakuzu was not in anyway, shape or form trying to help our darling Sue but he knew that if any harm could to her, their pay would be far less then originally planned. That wasn't going to happen on Kakuzu's watch.
"Hidan-kuuuuun!" Princess Yuki wailed in a generally pathetic way, "Saaaave meeeee!"
But Hidan wasn't there to heed the poor maidens cries! Instead he was already in his sacrificial chamber piercing a few arteries whilst calling "Oh Lord Jashin! Please cleanse my soul from this sparkly, flowery goodness and generally nice and wholesome shit!"
Back in the living room, Kakuzu looked down at the now limp form of Princess Yuki who was currently performing another nigh invincible genjutsu known only to Mary-Sue kind: The 'KAWAII DESOO EYE BEAM' attack. As previously stated, only those with the coldest of hearts or an iron will could deflect such a powerful attack.
Luckily for Kakuzu, he had both these qualities on his side and that was something Princess Yuki had not been counting on. When she saw that her genjutsu was not working, she decided that she needed to go a step further.
'NEEDS MOAR DESOO!' she screamed inside her head and suddenly her eyes became half the size of her head, sparkly and swimming with dreams of a thousand years. Why a thousand years? Well, Princess Yuki Cindy-Lou Raven Sparkly-Pooh is really an ancient Goddess descended from the Heavens a thousand years ago.
But we'll get to that detail in a later chapter. Or maybe I'll forget about it and turn her into an angel. Or the ten-tailed demon. Or an actual 'original character'. But either way, she's part mythical creature that may or may not have something to do with the story.
But Kakuzu didn't know about Princess Yuki's mythical blood. No sir'ee! All he saw was a disgusting creature with abnormally large, watery eyes and far too much mke-up running down it's cheeks.
So what was a Kakuzu to do? He couldn't let this strangely morphed thing loose in the HQ. Zetsu might mistake it for some bizarre foreign cuisine and try to eat it… Or worse! Tobi might find it and decide to keep it as a pet! Bright green eyes widening, Kakuzu did what he thought was best for both him and the rest of the Akatsuki. He threw Princess Yuki, kicking and screaming, into one of the empty safes in his room and hoped she wouldn't die if he locked the door tightly.
Because of this, it was evident that Kakuzu never kept a pet as a child.
A/N: Oh I love Hidan and Kakuzu! Not together though, because I think it cheapens the bizarre partnership they have. They bicker like brothers or long-time childhood friends. Both know that the other will never really take offence at the various insults they hurl around. Seriously, their worse then a couple of teenage girls!
64 Sues down… One hell of a lot more to go! A big thank you to all who have reviewed so far and another thanks to anyone who reads this! Every hit means something to me!
