•How to Not Confess Properly for Gun Dummies!•
7) Fire an automatic, don't hold the recoil.
Failure.
Complete and utter failure.
That would be the one way to describe her results up until now, Uni muses.
As she sits on her elegant bed, bathed by the Saturday morning's sunlight coming through the windows, staring blankly at her definitely locked door whilst supporting her head with both hands in an incredibly telling display of boredom, the ravenette can't think of a single time her plans yielded more than maybe one or two nice things to herself.
And that's really bad, considering just how many of them she already went through.
Letting out a soft sigh, the girl falls backwards on the mattress, letting her body hit the softness without any resistance. At this point, it's pretty difficult to come up with something she hasn't done already. Not because she did everything a living being could possibly do, no; it's just the usual side-effect of brainstorming so much your imagination runs dry.
There's also a certain distraction that came in a few minutes ago which makes immersing herself deep in thoughts a little bit more difficult.
"What are you thinking about?" The second black-haired girl laying right next to her and wearing what can only be described as a red school uniform suddenly asks, her flat voice quite telling of her emotional state as she just stares upwards.
"Things," Uni replies in the very same tone, blinking slowly. "Several things."
"... I see." K-Sha nods, going straight back at doing absolutely nothing a moment later.
Her sudden intrusion was a bit of a surprise, if anything, as was the schoolgirl locking the door and asking if she could stay for here until sunset, but the CPU Candidate couldn't just refuse a request like that, no matter how weird.
Again, the girl next to her felt the need to lock the door on her way in.
You don't turn away a person who does that.
Still, as weird as this is, Uni might as well take some advantage of this...
"Hey, K-Sha." The Candidate lets her head fall to the side, staring blankly at the other girl. "What do you do when you're trying to accomplish something but nothing you come up with is working?"
"Buy wedding rings," comes K-Sha's emotionless response as she glances back.
Uni raises an eyebrow. "But Noire rejected those."
"Yes, she did." The schoolgirl nods.
"..."
"..."
Both girls let out a big sigh in unison.
"Go to the basics, maybe?" K-Sha suggests, her voice growing slightly more lively as she pulls herself into a sitting position. "I know I wouldn't make a ten-step plan to shoot Lady Neptune."
"... Neptune?"
"I said 'a target.'"
"No, I'm pretty sure-"
"A target," the girl repeats just a bit forcefully, glancing back at Uni.
"..."
For a moment, the Candidate just stares at the schoolgirl.
Then she just shrugs, doing the same as K-Sha and sitting up on the bed once again. "I guess that's worth some thought..."
"Great, I heard Lady Neptune is going out today so-"
"I'm talking about going back to the basics," Uni cuts off the other girl, rolling her eyes. "Not doing a government-funded hit job on a foreign national leader who my sister may or may not like."
"... How boring," K-Sha mumbles, idly playing with the hem of her skirt. "You could at least help out a friend."
"..."
The Lastationite Candidate wisely decides to ignore the bored girl, instead focusing on her newest fraction of a plan.
It's better than nothing, anyway.
Without delay, the girl starts thinking of just about any cliché which crosses her mind. Maybe she could try turning a session of 'hanging out' into a date, then confessing when the sunset comes?
"..."
That probably works, yeah.
With that in mind, Uni summons a black smartphone to her grasp and starts searching for anything which would entertain Nepgear in the Land of Black Regality. Maybe a movie? Probably a comedy in that case; a romance would just make the ravenette feel awkward. And everyone likes sweets, so maybe she could also go for a known candy store. An elegant one, that is; not a kiddy one.
Then again, if anything's too gaudy, the lilac-haired girl might feel a bit awkward.
... This might be a little bit more troublesome than Uni figured.
"By the way, you never told me why you're hiding here," the ravenette suddenly asks, turning towards the schoolgirl. She shouldn't really change the subject away from such an important matter like Nepgear, but there are some questions which just need to be asked.
And 'why did you barge in into my room and lock the door behind you' is a pretty important one.
K-Sha doesn't respond at first, looking away somewhat bashfully, obviously hesitant to share what happened. It's not for long, however, and soon enough she opens her mouth-
"Wheeeere are yooou, deareeest?!" A distant voice suddenly sounds from somewhere in the floor. "I prepared a hoooot baaaath for the two of uuuus~ Now come out of hiding already before I level this entire Basilicom to the ground!"
"..."
"..."
Uni blinks.
"Was that... Noire...?" she slowly asks, more bewildered than anything.
For her part, K-Sha only looks a bit more embarrassed. "I... may have bought a love potion online... And it may have actually worked..."
"... Is that so?"
"Kind of..." the schoolgirl replies unsurely, focusing a bit too intently on the elegant white carpet. "I mean, Noire got this creepy wide smile when she looked at me and started following me everywhere... Then she started getting all touchy-feely, and everything was nice, but then my darling started sniffing and it all felt too much even for me, so I..." She lets out an awkward cough. "... hit her and ran away..."
"Right... And where is that potion you bought?"
"I, um, left it in my drawer," K-Sha responds a bit sheepishly, finally gathering up enough courage to look at the Candidate. "Why do you want to know-"
It's then that she freezes.
"... Uni?"
"Yes?"
"Did you see my darling before...?"
"No, why?"
"W-Well..." The schoolgirl gulps before continuing. "Why are you making the same face as her...?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about, K-Sha," Uni responds politely before raising from the bed, storing away her phone. "Now, I'm just going away for a second."
Just as she reaches the door, however, the other girl's slow, clearly nervous voice sounds once more. "W-Where to?"
The Candidate twists the lock and reaches for the knob before looking back, her smile so abnormally wide one might rightfully wonder if her mind is even in the right place at the moment.
Then, she parts her lips, letting out two simple words.
"Towards victory."
.
.
.
"-and then she called me a thieving witch before running off with Neptune, who, might I add, was still unconscious," Uni finishes her tale as she lies on the bed, staring blankly at nothing. "Kinda cute how she didn't use any actual bad words, but I still feel a bit bad for Neptune."
"I don't!" K-Sha adds helpfully from her spot next to the Candidate, not a single trace of shame in her cheerful features. "And if it weren't for your feelings and the potion's time limit, I'd wish her a happy incestual abusive relationship!"
"... There are so many things wrong with what you just said that I don't even know where to start," Uni mumbles with a sigh. "Say, what happened to Noire while I was out? I'm pretty sure she said she'd level the Basilicom..."
"I threw her into the sewers~!" comes the schoolgirl's overly cheerful answer.
At that, the Lastationite Candidate can't help but stare, letting out the one sound which perfectly explains her thoughts.
"Eh."
"She grabbed me and tried to do all sorts of questionable things, so I just threw her out of the window and right into a manhole floors below!" K-Sha explains, her expression becoming more and more blissful by the second as she looks anywhere but into Uni's eyes. "I know I should be distressed, but I can still remember the sensation of her hands all over my body and it was so...!"
And, of course, the sound she lets out next probably deserves its own rating.
"You're not consistent at all, are you?" the Candidate mumbles, rolling her eyes. "Didn't you say it was too much for you?"
"Which is why my darling is now in the sewers and not snuggling with me!" K-Sha happily points out, finally meeting the other girl's eyes.
"... Right." Holding in the urge to sigh one time too many, Uni sits up on the bed, once again summoning her smartphone. "So, back to the planning phase... Until Noire comes back and tries to burn her own goverment to the ground, that is."
"I bet she'll look just gallant doing so~"
"And I bet you won't be thinking that when she does come back," the Candidate mutters under her breath. "In any case, maybe I should also plan something in the amusement park...? Couples go there all the time, right?"
It's then that K-Sha raises an eyebrow at the other ravenette. "... I think that'd require you guys to be a real couple in the first place."
"..."
Uni can't help but wince at that.
It's true, but still...!
"W-Well, I could also settle for giving Nepgear a gift or two," she manages to add, ignoring the sharp pain in her soul as she turns to the schoolgirl. "Something impressive, I mean. Not necessarily a bunch of expensive gems."
"Really?" K-Sha replies in a confused tone, leaning back a bit and staring at the ceiling as she does so. "But didn't a scout team find a dungeon filled with pretty gems a few days ago? I don't know, even if there are a lot of hunters exploring it, maybe you'd find something really nice in there... Wait." Just like that, her expression brightens enough to light an entire city. "I could also find something really nice for my darling! I'm sure that'd raise a lot of points with her~!"
Not managing to keep the giddy expression off her face, the girl then turns to the Lasationite Candidate before continuing. "Why don't we go there together right... now..."
K-Sha blinks.
Where did Uni go?
.
.
.
"-and I'm pretty sure dragons shouldn't be able to climb walls like actual lizards or spew acid, but here I am!" Uni hits the bed with her left fist as she finishes with a scowl, only to wince as the bandaged hand hits the mattress under her. "And to think these will take a few days to heal, even though I'm a CPU..."
"I guess that's too much even for you, huh," K-Sha cheerfully muses with a smile as she continues to bandage the other girl's entire right arm. "Well, it's not like we'd find a big treasure lying around unprotected. And done!" she finally announces, letting go of the Candidate's arm.
"And it's not like pretty much everyone I met on my way there didn't tell me exactly that, I know," Uni mumbles with a disappointed sigh as she brings her newly covered limb closer, twisting it a bit if only to find out what not to do. Following that, she shoots a minuscule bashful grin at the other girl. "Maybe I shouldn't have bolted out like that, hahaha..."
"'Hahaha' my ass, stop being an idiot," the schoolgirl retorts quite bluntly, her smile still very much in place as the other winces. "Next time I'll actually put a collar on you."
"S-Sorry..." she manages to stutter back, her lips just barely managing to keep themselves twisted upwards. Maybe she shouldn't have been so trigger-happy... "I-In any case, did Noire do something while I was away?"
"Ah, my darling?" At the mention of the Lastationite CPU, any traces of annoyance disappear from K-Sha's face, the girl bringing both hands to her cheeks as happiness itself shows up all over her features. "She proposed to me with a dead tulip and a ring that was actually a piece from an R4 monster~"
"... That doesn't sound romantic at all."
"It was for me~!" the schoolgirl happily disagrees, her cheeks becoming redder by the second. "Too bad I had to lock her inside the Sharicite's chamber~!"
"At least she can't cause any trouble from there..." Letting out a big sigh, Uni once again takes her phone out of the inventory, looking over the ideas she already wrote on it. "So, I was thinking about adding a trip to an elegant massage parlour... but I'm sure Nepgear would be too embarrassed to go through with it." Not to mention how the ravenette isn't exactly happy with the prospect of someone else running their hands all over the lilac-haired girl.
She will be the first one to do that.
"I could also just drag her to the beach," the girl adds with a shrug. "People go there all the time."
"Hoping she'll ask for help with the sunscreen~?" K-Sha asks a bit too happily.
"Not at all," instantly replies the Candidate in a serious tone, her cheeks burning red.
"You don't need to get so flustered, my little sister-in-law," the schoolgirl begins with a wide smile, directing her sight upwards as she falls back on the bed. "It's just sunscreen, not that potent skin aphrodisiac they just developed in Leanbox!"
It's then that Uni freezes.
"A potent skin aphrodisiac, you say?"
"Yes!" K-Sha nods excitedly, her smile widening a bit too much. "Its effectiveness is far beyond the ordinary light stuff! If only I could get my hands on it and rub it all over my darlling...!"
"... Well, why didn't you buy it yet?"
The other girl deflates at that. "It's just so expensive... It feels like a waste even for me."
"I see..." Uni nods, looking straight ahead all the while. "... Say, about how much money flows into our treasury every month?"
"..."
Slowly, the schoolgirl brings her emerald eyes towards the ravenette beside her.
The Lastationite Candidate returns the look just a moment later, silently staring with her scarlet orbs and phone still in hand.
"..."
"..."
K-Sha moves first.
Uni is faster.
.
.
.
.
.
"... So, let me get this straight," Noire begins as she looks at the two girls before her, all three of them illuminated by the Sharicite's glow inside the dark chamber as the taller ravenette attempts to fix her dirty, crumpled outfit. "You accidentally gave me a large dose of what I can easily describe as a psychological-altering drug through my coffee, is that right?"
"Yes!" the smiling schoolgirl replies shamelessly.
Giving up on making her clothes look good again after a while, the CPU folds her arms under her chest. "Then I went crazy, did all sorts of unsightly things and... made a certain amount of our treasury's money disappear?"
"Y-Yeah..." her younger sister quietly confirms, her eyes not leaving the black, polished floor.
"And, while all that happened... Uni got hurt on a quest, but it's nothing serious despite the bandages."
Without missing a beat, both Candidate and unofficial advisor advisor nod twice at that.
For the long moment which follows, Noire just stares, occasionally blinking as she undoubtedly attempts to accept what happened. Eventually, she takes a deep breath, closing her eyes for a while in her arduous search for some peace.
"Alright..." the CPU speaks as tired scarlet orbs reveal themselves once more. "And what is this?"
"Hm?" K-Sha titls her head quizzically as she joins both hands behind her back, the movement causing the metallic chain in her grasp to rattle around a bit. "I have no idea what you're referring to, darling!"
In the meantime, Uni doesn't even raise her ashamed gaze from the ground, lightly tugging at the black collar around her neck.
"..." After several moments, Noire lets out a long sigh. "Fine. Just don't let anyone see this. There are already enough rumors about us as is..."
With that out of the way, bearing the most long-suffering expression possible, the CPU walks past the two girls and towards the chamber's entrance, clearly doing her best to ignore her younger sister's literal whines as she passes by. "I'm going to try and deal with whatever happened around here. Please don't make any headline news while I'm away."
"See you later, my dear~!" K-Sha waves at the taller ravenette just as she disappears into the Basilicom's corridors.
And in regards to the one and only crestfallen CPU Candidate of Lastation, standing meekly right next to her...
"Alright, she's gone!" the schoolgirl happily declares a few seconds later, turning towards the collared girl. "Now let's go look for stuff to sell from your gun collection~!"
As K-Sha proceeds to run off and tug at the chain a bit too hard for her liking, Uni isn't exactly proud of the whimpering noises that escape her lips as she follows along.
She might have made some mistakes today...
