A/N - I would like to thank my beta Breath-of-twilight again. She is so amazing, and when I feel like slamming my head in a door she helps me out. The song that kind of inspired this chapter is Last Leaf by OK GO. Please review and tell me what you think, whether you like it or not. I love all your feedback, and thank you to those of you who always review.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephanie Meyer is a goddess and she owns everything. No copyright infringement intended.
Chapter 7
Confession
BPOV
"Well, are we talking about time spent conscious or time spent unconscious?" He was smirking, and that worried me most of all. I was definitely excited to see him, but at the same time I had to be cautious.
"Both, I guess." He laughed and when Angela came up the stairs he relieved her of the pizza and a grocery bag. I hugged Angela and then let us all into the house.
Flicking on the overhead light I noticed that my stuff was still just sitting on the floor from this morning. I scrambled to pick it up and remembered that I had not showered since yesterday. I tried to sniff myself inconspicuously but I heard Emmett let out a giggle. I turned to face him.
"Did you just giggle?" I grinned back at him.
"NO, I don't giggle." Angela was watching our exchange with curiosity.
"Can I ask you guys a favor, would you mind terribly if I took a quick shower?" I felt bad for asking but I needed to wash the last twenty-four hours away.
"Yeah, take your time." Angela smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.
"Yeah Bella you stink." I socked Emmett in the arm and had forgotten he was hard as a rock.
I took my stuff and ran up the stairs, dumping it on the bedroom floor. I grabbed some clean clothes, stripped off the dirty ones, and then chanced running back to the bathroom, hoping that no one saw me. I waited for the water to heat up in the shower, and when I stepped in I could feel my muscles start to relax. I needed to make this shower as quick as possible for two reasons; one, I had company and I didn't want to be rude, and two, I was ready to face Emmett and what their return meant.
I washed up quickly and changed into a pair of black yoga pants and a green tank top. I ran the brush through my hair and left to join my company downstairs. I paused at the top of the stairs, eavesdropping on the conversation going on below.
"… That's why I came over. I wasn't just going to tell her on the phone, and she left before I had a chance to tell her this morning." Angela sounded irritated.
"I think I heard her come out." Damn Emmett and his superior hearing ability.
I descended the stairs and saw them sitting on opposite ends of the couch. It made me feel almost normal again seeing Emmett. I had thought about him often, but I hadn't really realized the depth of my sisterly affection for him until that moment. They both looked at me at the same time and smiled. I walked past them and into the kitchen where I grabbed plates and the pizza before going into the living room.
"Ang, want something to drink?"
"Sure, waters fine."
I looked at Emmett and he shook his head declining my offer. He seemed impressed that I still remembered to act like everything was normal.
I walked back into the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of water out of the refrigerator, and noticed that the motion light on the side of the house was illuminated. I peeked out the door and didn't see anything. I locked the door and returned to sit on the living room floor with my back against the couch.
"So you had something that you wanted to talk to me about?" I eyed Angela as I took a bite of pizza.
"Yeah, ummm, I'm not really sure of where to start. Okay, last night we ran into Emmett, Jasper, and… ummm… Edward." I blanched at the last name and could see Emmett grimace at the pain the name caused me.
"Was that before or after I lost consciousness?" I didn't remember, so I had to be unconscious. That or my mind was intentionally blocking that memory to save itself.
"Actually Bella you went out like a light when you saw my face." I turned red knowing that Emmett was trying to lighten the mood.
"What were you guys doing in Port Angeles?" I asked, staring intently into Emmett's' golden eyes, searching for at least a half truth.
"We were having a guy's night out. It was just a coincidence that we saw you." He was lying. He had always been the most honest person I knew, which translated into him being a terrible liar.
"Bella, I just didn't want to tell you over the phone. I felt like this was important enough that I really needed to be with you when you found out." Angela smiled weakly at me. I was dying inside and she knew it. I didn't deserve her friendship, but I would be forever grateful for her presence in my life.
"I know, Ang, you know me better than anyone. Thank you for at least telling me." I tried to keep the tears from filling my eyes, but they spilled over before I could compose myself.
"Bella, I just want you to be prepared for the off chance that you might run into him. I can't watch you go through all this again. It hurts too much." I rose to my knees so that I could give Angela a hug. The pain in my heart was worse knowing that this affected her too.
We ate in silence for a few minutes when Emmett's phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket and checked the caller id.
"Rose… I gotta get this Bella, I'll be right back." He stood up and went into the kitchen. He was talking so low that I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I knew it had to be about me.
"Bella, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what's up?"
"Are you really going to be okay? I mean, I know that you probably will be just fine, but I just worry, you know?" She grimaced probably thinking back to my catatonic days.
"I'll be okay, eventually. I need to deal with it anyway, so I might as well just pull off the bandage. Really, I'll be okay." She wasn't convinced, but I could only hope that she would eventually believe in me.
"I hate to eat and run, but since Emmett is here I really need to get back to Ben. Do you mind if I take a rain check on the movie?"
"Of course I don't mind. If I monopolize you now, Ben won't ever let you go out with me again."
"Shut up, you know he absolutely adores you." She hugged me tighter this time, and then rifled through her purse looking for her keys. We both stood so that I could walk her to the door.
"Oh, here, don't forget your pizza." I grabbed the box off the floor and handed it to her.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course, Ben will eat it, won't he?"
"Yes, this pizza is the one thing that he misses the most about Forks. Even more so than his family I think. He has yet to find a pizza place that even comes close to this." We giggled and she embraced me again, this time squeezing me hard before she turned and walked to her car.
"Drive careful, and call me when you get home. Bye."
"Bye, Bella, oh, and tell Emmett that I said good bye, also." I watched her get in the car and drive off down the road.
Shutting the door behind me I could still hear Emmett on the phone. I didn't want to interrupt him so I curled up at the end of the couch and waited for him to finish.
A minute later he walked back into the living room and sat next to me.
"Is everything okay?" I tried to sound indifferent.
"Yeah, everything is fine. Actually, Rose was calling to ask if you would mind coming over." He wasn't looking at me, and there was no smile on his face. He knew my answer, but felt obligated to ask anyway.
"I don't know, Emmett. I'm not sure if I'm really ready yet. I think maybe Monday I could meet up with you guys after work. That way I kind of have tomorrow to prepare myself." He met my eyes, and even though he could not cry, I think at that moment, he was.
"Bella, can you tell me what happened. I mean what he said and how it was from your side." Again he would not meet my eyes.
"Well, I mean, I'm sure you know a little bit. You did spend time with Angela last night." Now it was me that couldn't meet his eyes.
"Yes, but I want to hear it from you." I looked up to see him searching my face for something, but I wasn't sure what.
"He told me I wasn't good for him. I had always known that he was better than me, but it hurt to hear him say it." Emmett tried to interrupt, but I held my hand up to stop him.
"No, Emmett, I always knew he was too good for me. When you guys left I felt like I had lost my family not just the love of my life. I tried so hard to just go on living, but… I guess I didn't do a very good job. I pushed everyone away, including Charlie. I just hurt, everything hurt. When Charlie died I actually wished for death, Emmett. I haven't ever told anyone that…" The tears started to stream down my cheeks.
Emmett didn't say another word; he just reached out and pulled me into his chest.
"I… Bella… I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say, because sorry is not enough. There is no way that we can ever make this right. We shouldn't have left. We should have stood our ground and stayed…" I couldn't listen anymore.
"No, Emmett, what's done is done. Now all there is left to do is to try and salvage what friendships we have left." Emmett pulled back and looked at me.
"Wait, what are you saying?" He seemed confused.
"Well, depending on how long you all have decided to stay, I guess we should see if we can still be friends…"
"Bella, we love you. You've always had our friendship. You're part of our family…"
"Don't, Emmett, because you know that if that were true I wouldn't have spent the last eight years wondering why no one loved me enough to stay." He dropped my shoulders and put his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry, Emmett, I don't trust very easily anymore…"
"You have nothing to be sorry for. As far a trust goes, we'll do whatever we have to do, Bella, to make this right. I don't want to leave, but I need to get home and have a little talk with my family." He was angry, but I could see determination in his features.
"Okay, just let me know if Monday is good for you guys, and we'll work out the details." Emmett stood and then knelt in front of me.
"I don't think that there is anything in this world that can make this situation right. I want you to know though, beyond a shadow of a doubt that we love you. You are my little sister, and I promise I won't let anything hurt you again." He kissed my forehead and then turned to leave, closing the door quietly behind him.
I wasn't sure what awaited the Cullen's when Emmett got home, but I was glad that I would not be on the receiving end of his wrath. I didn't want to make him angry but it felt good to really tell someone how it was. There were so many secrets. Secrets that I felt obligated to keep just that, secrets. With so many of them I had never really been able to truly express my feelings with anyone.
I felt lighter… almost. I still had yet to see the one that meant the most and come to terms with the fact that friendship may be all that I was ever be able to have with him. Just to have him in my life was enough.
Tomorrow was going to be a busy day of preparing for my next week of school, and I was already a little bit sleep deprived. I climbed the stairs to my bedroom. I had opted to keep my room when Charlie died. I just wasn't ready to move his things.
I disposed of all my clothes, except for my tank top sans bra and my underwear. Padding quickly back to the bathroom, I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Walking back into my room felt oddly comforting. It hadn't been a place that I liked to spend much time in since Edward had left. Remembering the nights we spent together was too painful.
I realized in that moment that this was the first time I had allowed myself to think his name.
I crawled between my sheets and lay there finally thinking about Edward. It had been so long since I had allowed myself the pleasure of my memories, and even though I was still angry and hurt I would allow myself this one moment.
Without a second thought my hand moved to my stomach and under my tank top. I stopped for a minute until I could clearly picture Edwards' face in my mind. Thinking of that beautiful face would have brought me to my knees a week ago, but the prospect of seeing him in a couple of days excited something within me. My left hand moved up my smooth, flat stomach and came to rest between my breasts.
I then turned my thoughts to his mouth, remembering what his cool lips felt like against mine. My hand moved directly over my hardened peak and squeezed. I let out a moan of pleasure and continued needing and pulling on my breasts until my body hummed with pleasure.
My right hand move to the waist band of my underwear, with thoughts of his hands running up and down my sides I slowly slipped two fingers into my wet warmth. My fingers immediately sought my sweet spot and I gasped with intense pleasure as I imagined it were him inside of me moving in and out.
I pumped harder as the pressure inside me mounted; becoming all consuming and then as if a fire cracker had gone off inside me I came hard. Writhing and arching from the bed as explosions of pleasure rippled through me.
Without realizing what I was doing I gasped out Edward's name at the peak of my orgasm and glanced towards my window.
I gasped in surprise and mortification; there in the tree were two golden eyes blazing back at me. It must have been a figment of my imagination though, because no sooner had I seen them, they were gone.
