Butterfly Kisses
Chapter 7~ Falling Back to Darkness
Hey all, happy St. Patrick's day…ya know, I really don't have anything to say, so I won't bore you with my long ramblings…yeah, I know, you can stop cheering now : )
Monica had felt Chandler lean up against her for support, but had thought nothing of it. But when he fainted, collapsing to the ground next to her, she completely panicked.
"Chandler!" she screamed, and the others immediately rushed over to where Chandler had collapsed. "Chandler," she repeated, kneeling down next to him, placing a hand on his cheek, and then moved it to his forehead. "Shit, he's burning up."
~*~
"Monica?" Monica immediately jumped up when Chandler's doctor came into the room. "He's awake now, and he's stable. His temperature's down to 100," he paused. "He probably just got a virus that started out as a cold or something, but since he has virtually no immune system, it ends up effecting him a lot worse that it normally would," he explained, and Monica nodded. "The cancer's spreading fast, and I'd like to start another round of chemo as soon as we can. We need to give him a couple of weeks to get his strength back up, and we're not quite out of the woods yet…But we need to start thinking about getting started again as soon as possible."
Monica nodded again. "Um, can I see him now?"
"Of course," he smiled, leading her to his room.
"Monica," Chandler immediately smiled when she walked into the room.
"Hey, babe," she whispered back, pulling a chair up next to his bed, sitting down. "How do you feel?"
"Like shit," he laughed, reaching out for her hand. "Where's Kayley?"
"With Phoebe and David," she replied, looking down at her fingers laced between his.
And all of a sudden, it hit her.
This was real. This was all real. She could lose him. This easily, she could lose him. The doctor had said they weren't out of the woods yet…She could lose him. She could lose it all. And she didn't care that that thought was totally and completely selfish. She didn't care. She could lose him.
"Mon," Chandler said softly, and she looked up. "Mon, don't cry…" he pulled himself up into a sitting position.
"I just…I can't live without you…" she trailed off, allowing Chandler to pull her into his arms in a tight hug.
"I'm right here," he whispered back. "I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here," he kissed her forehead, swallowing the knot in his own throat, holding Monica as she cried.
"I'm sorry," Monica finally pulled back, wiping her tears away.
"Don't be sorry," Chandler smiled at her reassuringly, but she didn't miss the fact that he had leaned back against the pillow, too weak to stay sitting up.
Monica nodded. "I should go let the others know how you're doing…"
"Did Joey leave?"
Monica shook her head. "No, he wanted to make sure that you were okay before he left," she looked down, twisting her wedding ring around her finger.
"You should go home and get some sleep," Chandler said softly, but Monica once again shook her head. "Mon…"
"I'm not leaving you," she said firmly, and Chandler sighed, knowing how stubborn she was and that arguing wouldn't do any good. "I'll be right back," she smiled, giving his had a reassuring squeeze before walking out of the room to go tell the others what was going on.
~*~
"And then Carli's dog jumped up on me and he knocked me over cause he's a big dog, but it's okay cause he didn't mean to, he was just 'cited to see me…"
Monica slowly sat up all the way in the chair she was sitting in, looking over to where Kayley was sitting, wondering who she was talking to.
"Nora," she said in surprise.
"Hi, Monica," she smiled.
"Mommy, you fell asleep," Kayley said. "And Daddy's asleep, too. But then Grandma came," she smiled at her before going back to coloring in her coloring book.
"I didn't know you were coming," Monica said, rubbing her neck and making a mental note not to fall asleep in that position again.
"Neither did I until today. A few dates on my book signing tour got cancelled, so," she shrugged. "But why don't you go home, dear. Rest, get some sleep."
"You sound like Chandler," Monica smiled.
"Well, you know what they say, like son like mother," she returned Monica's smile. "But, seriously, leave Kayley here with me and go home and get some rest. All of this stress isn't good for the baby."
Monica sighed, deciding that she'd might as well give in. She hadn't gone home and slept for a long period of time in a long time. "Okay," she said, standing up and walking over to where Nora was sitting on the other side of the bed. "He's doing pretty good today," she said quietly, looking over to Kayley, who was still sitting on Chandler's bed coloring. "But this time's been a lot harder than last time was…"
Nora looked past Monica to her son, studying his gaunt face. "How much weight has he lost?"
Monica shrugged, "A lot?"
"Well, you don't worry about anything right now. Just go home and take care of yourself. Kayley and I will take care of Chandler, won't we, Kayley?"
"Yep, we'll take care of Daddy," she smiled at her mother.
Monica smiled, kissing Kayley on the forehead as she walked by. "Be good for Grandma."
"I will."
"I'll be back later," she added, looking up at Nora.
"Take your time, honey," she reassured her.
"Bye, Kayley."
"Bye, Mommy."
"Bye," she smiled at Nora. "Thanks."
"No problem, Monica. See you later," she smiled at her as she walked out the door.
"Morning, Daddy."
"Hi, baby," he smiled back at her before looking around the room. "Mom?"
"Hey, kid."
"What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see my son, I need an excuse?"
"I guess not," he smiled at her. "Where's Monica?"
"She went home."
"How'd you get her to leave? Other than work and a couple of hours of sleep, I haven't been able to get her to leave for the past three weeks."
"I bribed her with money."
"Mom-"
"Kidding, honey," she laughed, grabbing his hand.
"Why'd you call Daddy 'kid?'" Kayley looked up at Nora.
"Because he is my kid."
"But how's he a kid, he's old?" she asked, causing both of the adults to laugh.
"I'm not old," Chandler looked at Kayley.
"How old are you?"
"36."
"Well that's a lot more than me. I think it's old."
"Well if you don't start being nicer to me, I'm not gonna let you sit on my bed anymore."
"Okay, I'll sit with Grandma," she scooted off the bed and climbed up onto Nora's lap, who was laughing hysterically at the situation.
"Fine, take her side," Chandler looked up at his mother.
Nora laughed. "I'm not taking her side," she kissed Kayley on the tip of her nose, causing her to giggle. "Because if you're old, that would make me pretty close to ancient," she paused, looking down at Kayley. "But don't you say anything, you're on my side," she whispered, and Chandler laughed, watching as Kayley took a second to think that over, eventually losing interest in the conversation and getting up and going back to her coloring book.
~*~
"Has he ate anything all day?" Monica whispered to Ross, who shook his head. "Well, thanks," she sighed.
"No problem," he kissed her cheek. "See you, Mon."
"Bye," she watched him walk out the door before going over to Chandler's bed and sitting down. "Hey, baby," she said softly, taking his hand.
"Hey," he mumbled in response, not bothering to open his eyes.
"You need to eat something."
Chandler sighed, looking up at her, "God, not you, too."
"Chandler-"
"Why? If I eat anything, I'll just throw it up anyway. If I don't eat there's nothing there to throw up," he said before squeezing his eyes shut once again.
Monica sighed, watching him. "Babe," she said softly, touching his cheek.
"I hate this," he said, voice shaky. "I fucking hate this."
"I know," she whispered back, and when he once again turned to look at her, she could see the tears threatening in his eyes. 'God, don't cry. If you cry, I'll cry,' she thought, squeezing his hand.
"I can't do this anymore," he finally said, and Monica's head snapped up.
"Chandler Bing, you cannot give up-"
"I'm not giving up," he interrupted her. "I just…if this doesn't work, I can't take going through all of this again. I can't do it again…"
"Chandler…"
"Mon," he looked her in the eye, and she looked down, feeling him squeeze her hand.
"You are allowed to cry," she finally said, looking back up, knowing that he was trying hard not to.
"I know," he smiled at her. "But then you'll cry and I hate it when you cry."
Monica laughed, leaning down to hug him. "You can't give up, though," she said as she pulled away. "I need you too much."
"I know," Chandler whispered in return, resting his hand on her stomach, looking her in the eye. "I need you, too."
To
Be
Continued…
