Chronicles of the AssChin
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Please don't sue me!
SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 166! SWEARS.
"This is the second curse." Fei laughed, watching the stalker glass. He sipped his cup of coffee- he had run out of wine last week, and he's too much of a badass to go buy more wine, not to mention the fact that Xing is now dead and Kyle, in Fei's mind, would probably confuse black crows for wine- and stared.
Celes was now closing on the travelers. Fei, being alone, laughed loudly. "I hope it implodes on them."
The world continued to get smaller, and Fei smiled. "Oh man, this is going to be so awesome. It's actually going to- the mage can transport them out of there?! That's cheating!" he yelled.
Kyle peeked his head into the room. "Fei? What's all of this ruckus about??"
Fei ignored him. "LASERS? Why does the pork bun have LASERS?!" he picked up the discarded walkie-talkie from next to his chair. "My Mokona doesn't have lasers! What a rip-off!" he screamed at no one in general, throwing the walkie-talkie at the stalker glass.
The doctor walked into the room, standing next to Fei's chair. "Who are you talking to?"
Fei continued to ignore him, but this time burst out in tears. "No! W-why would you do that, Kurogane-ninja! Why would you do that! You already have a freaking hole in you, and you go and cut your arm off?!" he sobbed.
Kyle blinked. Why was the man ignoring him?! He walked up and poked him in the side. "You caused it. If you hadn't put those stupid curses on the mage, Mr. Black wouldn't be in so much pain."
Fei glared- or rather, he made his chin glare as hard as a manly chin possibly could- at Kyle, refusing to believe a word of it. "You're so grounded for that."
Kyle scratched the back of his head, wondering why the truth got him in trouble. "I wasn't planning on leaving to go anywhere, anyway."
"Can you contact the Dimensional Witch?" Fei asked, his voice still slightly cracking from crying.
Kyle turned around. "Yea, but why?"
"Just do it." Fei ordered, wiping his eyes and making himself look professional. Kyle nodded, performing whatever magic he does to make an image of the witch appear on the wall. She glanced over and became slightly startled at seeing Fei and Kyle.
"Hello, Fei Wong Reed and... Kyle." She said awkwardly, trying to figure out what happened to Xing.
"Hello. I want to make a wish." Fei said.
"I'm sorry, I still can't let you travel dimensions without the price I mentioned earlier." She sighed, getting bored of this constantly repeated conversation. Seriously, he seems to call her weekly, hoping she would change her price!
"I know. I want to know if I can switch to a different manga series." He said, completely straight-faced. "I want to be the main character of Card Captor Sakura or something of the sort…"
Silence crept into the conversation as the witch stared dumbfounded at Fei, until Kyle burst out laughing.
"You're grounded for another week, Kyle."
"You can't be serious!" The doctor choked out, imagining the manly Fei Wong Reed in a girlish pink Card Captor Sakura outfit with 'Catch You Catch Me' playing in the background.
"Well, I am serious." Fei said, not finding amusement in this at all.
"I can't do that, Fei." The witch said finally, with a look of being permanently disturbed etched onto her face. "I... I just can't do that."
"Why not?"
She stared at him as if he had three heads. "Do you know how many eyes would roll out of people's heads if they saw you in a series like that?!"
"…would Syaoran be able to eat those fallen-out eyes? He'd be really strong then." He rubbed his chin. "What color do you think his eyes would be? I wonder if he's eaten any more eyes since he left Kurogane-pon's group."
Yuuko shivered slightly, from either having a weak spot for eye eating just as Xing did, or being extremely agitated. "If that's all you wanted to ask, I shall be taking my leave now."
"No! Wait!" Fei reached out. "If I can't have that wish, then I have a different request."
She stared at him, probably thinking something along the lines of 'I hope those Card Captor Fei Wong Reed images aren't going to be burned in my head for the rest of eternity or you're going to pay.' "What would that be?"
"Make sure Kurogane-tan's group goes to somewhere safe after Celes."
Yuuko's brows furrowed, a look of confusion combining with the STILL permanent look of being disturbed. "Why do you want to do that?"
Fei blinked. "Why not?"
"Well, you can't. Princess Tomoyo already did that." She sighed.
"Screw her and grant my wish."
Yuuko glared. "I'm a dimension witch, not a genie, and I refuse to work with you." She turned away, closing the connection.
"Damnit!" Fei bashed his hands into the chair, and glanced over to see what Kyle was still doing.
The doctor was still laughing on the floor.
Fei glared at nothing in particular, and he decided to take his chances with possibly getting black crows from this request. "Go get me more wine, Kyle."
"A-alright, Card Captor Fei." The doctor stood, giggling and tripping out the door.
"Actually, get me something stronger. I'm going to need it." Fei leaned forward in his chair, and began to rub his temples. He was definitely going to need it.
Author's Notes: God, that was so much fun to write. Oh, and I'm posting this now, because I felt bad that the last chapter was so short. Please don't kill me if your brain broke because of this.
