A/N: Hope you all enjoy - this chapter pretty much wrote itself!
The first time you realised you liked girls was one of the scariest moments of your life. You'd just gotten home from a date with a boy you thought was going to turn into your boyfriend. He kissed you on the front porch and you felt nothing. Literally nothing. Sure, he made you laugh but you quickly realised you felt nothing for the boy greater than friendship.
You tried dating different boys but still the same problem occurred. It wasn't until you kissed a cheerleader called Mandy at a football party that you realised why you never felt attraction to any boys before. It was weird and you really didn't know how to take it. It took you a while to feel comfortable with being a lesbian and to this day your parent's still don't know. You don't really care about that because you haven't spoken to them in a long time and you doubt you'll speak to them again.
At the present moment, with Brittany's hand in yours, you realise that being a lesbian is awesome. Your hand is encompassed in the most softest, warmest place right now and you're looking at the prettiest girl on the planet.
Sure, that pretty girl is currently trying to make you do a handstand on the side of the road. But whatever, you don't care.
You thought Brittany was sobering up. You were so wrong. If anything, the girl has got a hundred times worse and you know that you're going to have to resort to grabbing a cab.
"Brittany! Stop you're going to hurt yourself!" Brittany seemed to have taken your unenthusiastic no at a handstand as an invitation for her to attempt one. Bad idea.
You try and grab her but before you know it she's toppled over and lying in the gutter. You cringe as you wait for the oncoming tears. However, much to your surprise they never come. All you get is a cheeky smile from Brittany followed by boisterous laughter. You can't help but smile as well and you extend your hand, hoping she'll take it.
You really hope she takes it.
Brittany keeps laughing as she latches on hard your arm and pulls you down on top of her.
Fuck. You definitely weren't expecting that.
"You need to have some fun, Santana!" Brittany practically yells in your ear. Yep. You're so close to her face right now and you're fighting yourself hard because all you want to do is grab the back of her neck and urgently put your lips on hers. You shake off the thought though and lean back a little and look into her ridiculously blue eyes. You know those oceans off Fiji and the Maldives that are so clear and vibrantly blue, that you can straight to the bottom of the ocean floor? That's what her eyes look like right now and you're scared for your own life because you know you're about to die any second now. She is just so gorgeous.
You don't know how, but Brittany is still a vision of beauty even with her make up slightly smudged and a doughy look in her eyes from the alcohol. Your heart is thumping.
"Brittany, would you believe me if I told you I'm having the most fun I've ever had?" she shakes her head. You laugh and continue, "Well I am." You hope that she gets the subtleness that it's her who's making you feel so alive right now.
Brittany closes her eyes and leans back onto the gutter and you cringe because it's not exactly clean and you don't want Brittany to pick up some sickness from the muck in the street.
"I'm having fun too, Santana," she whispers with her eyes close. You're smiling like a lunatic again as you rake your eyes over all her features. You spot the small freckles on her cheek that you only realised were there today. You start connect-the-dots with them and make countless shapes all over her perfect face.
She must feel you staring because she opens her eyes suddenly and it feels like she's smiling with them. Her mouth hasn't moved but the corners of her eyes have small, upturning creases. Her eyes are searching your own and you'd think that this moment would be incredibly awkward but its not.
You're staring into her eyes and you don't know what to do next. You can't move and your breathing has slowed downed to a snails pace. You're pretty sure you're stuck in some alternative universe where time moves 10 times slower than normal.
You gulp loudly.
"Brittany," you say so softly that you're not even sure she heard it. She did though, because she squeezes your hand. Holy fuck, you were still holding each other's hand? "I think we should get out of the gutter."
She nods lightly and goes to stand up but your still on top of her and she hits your head pretty hard.
"God, Britt." She's giggling again and you're rubbing your forehead to try and get rid of the pain.
"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!" She's still so cute and still slurring her speech so you really can't get angry with her. You chuck on a pout and go to stand up but this time Brittany avoids the head clash, kisses your bump and stands up a bit too quickly.
Holy fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Your cheeks are definitely the colour of an Englishman you has spent way too much time out in the sun. Holy shit.
You're rooted in your spot, but Brittany who still hasn't let go of your hand, quickly pulls you up.
She's leaning on your shoulder now. You think that all the alcohol has made her really sleepy and it's finally hitting her. God, you hope she doesn't throw up. You're really attracted to her and sure, you don't care if she is a little sick but it's not something you genuinely want to see.
Brittany's arms snake around your body as her head nuzzles into your neck. You don't know what to do because you really want to wrap your arms around her and melt into this embrace. God, fuck your life right now.
You turn into head slightly to look at her. She has her eyes shut and she's breathing very evenly and you think that she's actually fallen asleep.
"Brittany?" You ask. "Brittany, are you awake?"
You get no response.
Oh for fucks sake, you think to yourself. You're literally standing in the middle of the street just after midnight with the most beautiful girl, passed out on your shoulder. You look around, hoping that there's a taxi near. You think that you deserve some good luck after tonight. Seriously, all you wanted to do was talk to Brittany but nope, the Tour Gods once again decide be evil and laugh at you.
You sigh. This is fucking great.
Luckily, however, the Tour Gods throw you a lifeline and a taxi turns into the street your own.
"Brittany, you need to wake up," you say while tapping on her shoulder. She tightens her hold on you in response and burrows her head further into your shoulder. You manage to hail the taxi down so the only problem you have now is trying to get Brittany into the backseat.
You have no idea how you're going to do this.
You try to start walking to open the door but Brittany's dead weight on the side of your body is causing some serious issues. Even though you are having a lot of trouble, Brittany is so unbelievably warm and soft and you don't want her to let go.
You manage to open the door with some difficulty and while thinking about how you're going to lift Brittany into the back, her grip around you loosens and her eyes flutter open. You're met with a goofy, heavy-eyed smile and you can't help but reciprocate.
"S'rry, S'tana," she mumbles back into your neck. Fuck how are you meant to be angry with this perfect girl. Any other person who would have fallen asleep against you, you would have just pushed off immediately.
"It's okay, Britt," you reply with a grin. She continues to nod her head on your shoulder and you're just about to reach up and tuck a stray piece of hair over her ear but you stop yourself. You still don't know what's happening between the two of you and yeah sure, she's currently clinging to you like her life depends on it but you really cant make any assumptions. She's drunk and tired and at the moment you're pretty sure she just thinks you're being a good friend.
You wish you were more than that.
All of a sudden Brittany jolts up, blinks her eyes and barrels into the back of the cab. What the shit? You shake your head and laugh to yourself because this girl is crazy. You jump in the back, trying not to hurt Brittany as her feet are stretched out on the seat, and you tell the driver the address of your hotel. You look towards Brittany who is just staring at your with that same happy grin plastered across her face.
Your heart is going gooey at the sight.
"How are you feeling? Still tired?" You say softly.
"No I'm okay, I think. I didn't realise I drunk so much, I just thought I was really happy but then everything got dizzy," Brittany replies as she attempts to sit up properly. She slips slightly and you reach out and grab her hand, steadying her. She goes to snuggle into your side again, and you awkward drop your hand from her arm and place it around her shoulders.
You know you shouldn't be doing this but you really, really want to.
And Brittany just smells so nice.
"Thanks for looking after me, San." Holy shit, she just called you San. Nobody has called you that since you were at least 8-years-old. You've never been one for nicknames but you're pretty sure you're going to like Brittany calling you that.
"It's okay," you reply while still trying to process the whole situation going on.
"I was really sad at dinner," she says. You nod your head and grip her shoulders tighter because you remember her bored look at dinner and all you wanted to do was cheer her up. Or hug her. Yep, you definitely wanted to hug her and now that you are, you never want to let go.
"Why? Are you not having a good time?" you ask nervously.
"No, I'm having the greatest time. You're the greatest. I just, I don't know what's happening sometimes." You're super confused. You don't know if it's the alcohol or just Brittany but you don't really understand what she's talking about.
"Brittany I don't understand what you're trying to say," you reply in a whisper. She moves off your shoulder and reaches up to turn your head to look at her. Your face just became a thousand times hotter and your whole body feels like a furnace. You gulp really loudly as Brittany makes herself comfortable on the seat.
"I'm just confused and it's making me sad. At dinnerā¦" she stops and looks down. You wait patiently, not pushing her to continue. "I really wanted to hold your hand when you sat down next to me and I knew couldn't and it made me sad."
Well, shit.
You're still trying to process this information as Brittany moves her hand from your cheek down to your hand. She interlocks your fingers and starts to play with your thumb, lightly running her own thumb up and down. Your eyes flicker down to her hand in yours.
"And now I'm happy because I get to do this," she continues. "You're happy too, right?" You know it's her way of asking if this is okay. And you know you should be stopping this but you physically can't so you end up nodding your head like a maniac. Her smile comes back and she moves back slightly so she can rest her head on your should once more.
"I'm really happy, Britt," you finally say. "So happy." And you really are, because you don't think you've felt like this in a very, very long time, if not ever.
You sit in a silence for the rest of the car trip back to the hotel, as Brittany continues to play with your fingers. You want to stay like this forever but you know that your relationship with Brittany, if you can even call it that, is still confusing and you haven't even established what's really happening between the two of you.
You don't even know anything about her.
"Hey Britt?" you get a groan in return and you can't help but squeeze her hand tighter. "What's your favourite colour?" You hear a small giggle and feel Brittany's eyes on your face.
"Why do you want to know that?" she replies playfully.
"I just want to know everything about you."
You feel her fingers stop moving and her breath hitch slightly. You think you've fucked it all up and have moved things to fast with that previous comment. Shit you're an idiot.
"I don't have a favourite colour, I like them all the same. But if I had to pick one? At the moment it would definitely be brown." You arch your eyebrows up and look down at her. She's still looking at you intently.
"Why brown? It's not a very pretty colour," you retort with a giggle. She smiles back and goes back to running her fingers over yours.
"Because⦠brown is the colour of your eyes and they're super pretty." You feel a crazy big smile overtake your face. Is this really happening? You never thought in a million years that Brittany would reciprocate back your feelings. Well, you don't know if she actually is but she pretty much called you pretty. You know she's drunk and this could just be the alcohol talking but fuck, this is perfect.
You really hope she remembers this in the morning.
The cab comes to a stop outside of the hotel and you pay the driver. Brittany is still clinging to you quite forcefully and you wouldn't want it any other way. This has been the best cab ride of your life, and that's say something because you've had some pretty interesting ones.
"Come on, drunkie. Let's get you inside." Brittany starts to giggle at the nickname and as you turn to open the door you feel a warm sensation cross your cheek.
Brittany just kissed you. On the cheek.
Holy shit.
"Thanks, Santana," she whispers into your ear and you can feel her lips slightly ghost over the edge of your lobe. You shiver involuntarily and turn back to face Brittany.
"It's okay," you semi stutter out. Your stomach right now feels like somebody has set off a whole container of fireworks. You kind of feel sick from the feeling but it feels amazing.
A beep from the driver knocks you out of your trance and you give him the finger and an evil glare before pulling Brittany and yourself out of the back seat. All you can hear is giggling as Brittany makes a very ungracefully exit and lands on top of you once more.
You really don't give a fuck if she weighs a bit and your movement is slightly hindered. You have the most beautiful girl hanging off of you who just kissed you on the cheek and called you pretty. Yep, you're in heaven.
You both walk through the main entrance, hands still interlocked, and head straight towards the elevator. You think Brittany's sleep walking because her breathing has evened out again and her eyes are shut. Once you reach the lift you know she's barely holding on to consciousness because it takes her a couple of goes to get her floor number out. You chuckle at her cuteness and wait for the elevator to reach her floor.
You're arms are wrapped around her waist as her head buries into your neck. Her arms are so tight around your shoulders that you're finding it hard to breath. Although, you're not sure if it's because of that or because Brittany is just taking over all your senses and you're simply forgetting how to breathe.
Yeah that's probably it.
The elevator makes a ding and you walk out the door at a snails pace. Brittany doesn't seem to want to use her legs at the present moment.
"Britt, what number is your room?"
All you get in response is a lot of mumbling and pretty much a whole lot of nonsense. You laugh softly and reach up, put a stand of hair behind her ear and leave your hand on her cheek. She opens her eyes and you're looking into her eyes deeply. "What room, Britt?"
"45" she replies, it comes out in a massive slur and you're surprised you even managed to decipher her staggered speech.
You walk down the corridor and finally make it to her room. You're not even sure if Brittany has a key but she seems to sense you're standing outside of her suite, so she reaches into her pocket and moves away from you to open the door.
You instantly miss the feeling.
The door swings open and Brittany turns back to face you. You don't say anything. You're looking into her eyes and you feel tingly all over. She moves closer towards you and before you have any time to react, her body is flush against yours and her arms are tight around your neck.
This hug is probably the best hug you've ever received.
It does take you a while to realise what's going on before you wrap your arms around her waist and burry your head into her neck. She smells amazing and you never want to let go. You're pretty sure the hug lasts for about 5 minutes.
She moves away from you and runs her fingers down your arm and takes your hand softly.
"Thank you, Santana. So much. Tonight has been really crazy but so amazing. All thanks to you." Your smile must be taking up your face because Brittany starts to giggle at you. You're pretty sure you hear her mumble under her breath that you're super cute. Swoon.
"Call me if you need anything, okay?" you reply and she nods her head. You purse your lips knowing that you have to leave so you slowly start to back away from her, while still holding on to her hand.
Eventually you let go and you stay walking backwards so you can look at Brittany. You give her an awkward good-bye wave and she chuckles at you before giving you one back.
She's still smiling when she walks into her room and as soon as you hear her door close you turn around and start to jump up and down. You're in a euphoric state of bliss as you make it to the elevator.
Tonight has been the best night of your life and you're now so sure that your crush on Brittany is actually proper, adult feelings. You're so screwed and you know that you're going to throw your rule out the fucking window because Brittany is just so perfect and you can't wait to see her tomorrow.
You eventually make it back to your room and have a quick shower. You put on some sweats, set your alarm for 7am and fall back onto your bed, wrapping yourself in your blanket.
You close your eyes and fall asleep to numerous thoughts of Brittany
