It had been a month since Jasper talked to Carlisle… And, kissed me.

When I walked back to Carlisle, I didn't mention the kiss. He didn't need to know. I already was making shit worse just because I was breathing. I couldn't tell him Jasper kissed me. After he had kissed me I asked ''Jasper, what are you doing?''

He stepped back, searching for something ''I don't know. I'm sorry Bella. I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry.''

And we left it at that. I knew he was feeling confused mostly because of the break up, and then I was there to make his life a bit more confusing, by telling him the truth. Sometimes it was easier to keep things to yourself. That's why I decided to not say a thing to Carlisle about the kiss. It was enough already as it was… Plus, it didn't mean anything. I saw it in his eyes… I even felt it in his kiss.

It was a plea, I just didn't know what he was pleading for.

When I walked in, Carlisle was sipping whiskey. I almost vomited for a hundredth time that day, of the mere smell of it. I deserved it. I went and sat down next to him, on the lover seat.

He knew I would ask about Jasper, so he just went along with it ''He told me about last night. He asked me if it was true. I said that it was. I also mentioned that Alice didn't know. He asked about Edward, and I told him that he knew, but to better leave this topic out of his ear shot.'' He stated the facts in a monotone voice.

It scared me because I knew he was feeling awful again not only because of the age gap, but because of how we knew one another. I asked him ''Was he nasty? Rude?''

Carlisle closed his eyes for a minute ''No, he wasn't. He was very calm, and just asked me to be honest with him, and I was. He took it well.''

''But you didn't.'' I said before I could stop myself from speaking ''Carlisle, please don't feel guilty about us.'' I pleaded with him, sitting next to him. I couldn't lose him.

He smiled at me, with a smile that didn't reach his eyes, and it broke my heart. I couldn't believe I was getting teary eyed. I kissed him, even if he was drinking scotch, I had to show him, that I was there for him. Perhaps that was behind Jaspers kiss as well.

Carlisle felt as my salty tears fell on his face as it did on mine, and pulled away, looking at me surprised ''Bella, what?''

''I wished you didn't feel guilty about being with me.''

After that he pulled me in his arms and kissed my tears away. It was an emotional roller-coaster of a day.

xxxxxxxXXXxxxxxxx

For the past month, Carlisle and I had been going out, and just being with each other. I didn't want to see alcohol after that evening. I just started to introduce a glass of wine back at dinner. We might not go public, not that we had that talk yet, but we did become more and more comfortable around the house.

Carlisle and I knew, that Edward and Tanya were here, but it didn't stop us. We couldn't be ourselves out, so we stayed inside. And Tanya didn't know like Jessica knew. At least she never gave the vibe that Edward had told her.

I remember when Carlisle and I were watching a movie downstairs, eating popcorn, and just relaxing, when Tanya and Edward came through the door. I felt daggers in my back, so I turned around and saw her staring. I didn't think much about it, but ignored it, turning back to the screen. She didn't know who I was, and Edward could take care of it.

I heard them talking when I went to pee though.

''So, the girl is your dads girlfriend? That's why you don't like her?'' Tanya asked him. It sounded like she didn't understand it.

Edward sounded as frustrated and irritated with the topic as she was ''For the hundredth time, yes.''

''So, she's like a gold digger?''

I didn't get to hear the rest of the juicy gossip between them, about me and Carlisle, not that I really wanted to. I just went back to Carlisle and snuggled up. Sure, I was a gold digger. I should get used to people assuming the worst.

After a month I still was thinking about Jasper. He didn't call me and I wouldn't call him back. Even though I knew that the kiss meant nothing, we both were feeling awkward about it. I wanted to give him space as well – to accept me the way I was. Rosalie had no problem. Neither did Emmett. And, I loved them both for it. I just hoped that I could love Jasper for it as well sooner rather than later.

We didn't call, and we didn't text. We resorted to a more primal function of communication - we sent each other memes. Jup. That was all how I communicated with him, and he with me.

I facetimed Rosalie and told her the story too.

''Bella, you're in NYC for a month and a half, and this happens?'' She laughed ''I can't tell if it is your city or if it isn't.''

''He'll come around.'' Emmett jumped in ''Like, yeah it is kind of weird, but honestly, at the end of the day its your relationship and it doesn't break the law. You're cool – he's cool. Just, whatever you know. I could talk to him, if you want.'' Emmett was a great friend. I was happy Rosalie had him in her life and so did I. ''Plus, that kiss thing – not cool. I didn't like it.'' He added.

I heard Rosalie go ''Aww, babe.'' And I rolled my eyes.

''I don't think he meant anything… I think he's just trying to figure out the life of a single man, and what should he do. Maybe you should talk with him.'' I accepted Emmett's approach.

''You should just go public anyway – Alice and Charlie are the only ones you have to break the news to.'' Rosalie chipped in. It was true, for the most part. There still was his job and his placement, that could get implicated. As was Charlies… It seemed too easy, coming from her mouth, but I knew the truth. So did Carlisle.

We ended the conversation when it got lighter – Emmett and Rosalie travelled across California and were pretty much living on the beach. They loved it. It made me wonder if they would ever come back, trading the sunny days for the complicated city.

Carlisle came home around midnight, even if he had to be home around eight. I wasn't mad at him – that was the life of a doctor. Usually when he was held up for this long, I knew it was because of something horrible. He sometimes told me the gruesome details, sometimes he would write it in his journal.

After he showered, and came to bed, I couldn't help but to hug him. I was the big spoon this night. I didn't say anything and just let him be.

''You're upset about something.'' He suddenly said ''Is it still Jasper?''

I was taken back by what he had said ''Why do you say so?'' I didn't even deny it.

''I know you.'' He shrugged.

I know he had a hard day and he was trying to pay attention to something else. But… I didn't want to talk about Jasper.

''I talked to Rosalie and Emmett today, they'll have a word with him. Emmett agrees with me.'' Carlisle knew that I though that Jasper was confused. ''And Edward is leaving with Tanya tomorrow… We can have the house to ourselves… I'll finally walk in my birthday suit.'' I snaked my arms around him, hoping that he would see something good tonight.

And, I guessed he did, as he laughed ''Wearing my shirts without any panties isn't good enough for you huh?''