A/N: 1. Check out the slash/backslash contest that angstgoddess003 and I are holding. 2. I'm a participant in Fandom gives back, so I'm up for bid and stuff! Check out at thefandomgivesback .com. Finally, 3. I just began posting "The Price of Permanence" the Edward POV companion to Sin & Incivility, which a little novella I wrote last December that I'm still quite proud of. It's a "pornella" as I jokingly call it, since it's a PWP novella--although it's mostly just short and intense drama with strong Austenian themes. Anyhoo, I'm posting on Wednesdays and Saturdays for that one, so tune in for scheduled programming. Heh.
The Enlightened manuscript of one Jacob Black, the young coxcomb who figured out that sad girls weren't the end-all be-all, although... rather belatedly.
Entry 7:
::clears throat::
After much reflection, I can say that Bella had a deleterious effect on my hormone-driven, teenage boy self-esteem. 'Cuz, as you might imagine, a girl goggling at your dick like it's a rabid prairie dog tends to cause a young lad some degree of personal discomfiture.
Body image and stuff.
But then I discovered that other girls didn't look at me that way.
Case in point:
One day, I skipped class early to meet Bella after school. We were supposed to do cool stuff, notably watch old werewolf movies! Which, watching werewolf movies as an actual werewolf is like... I don't know, gallows humor or something. Sort of like how all jokes about death (even the bad ones) are funny when you're about to die or get kicked in the nuts or whatever? Well, anyway, all werewolf movies were funny now that I was an actual werewolf—and the more 1960's camp the movie was—the better. The very first time we watched them, I laughed to the point my lips went blue. Bella—occasionally—would chuckle when someone's neck exploded in blood (i.e. ketchup). I say "chuckle," since I don't want to really say she laughed, as her "chuckles" were so faint and dry-sounding that I always half-wanted to offer her water or tea, which could not exactly be encouraging to someone who's finally engaging in a positive (?) emotional response.
Anyway, so on the start of this pre-planned movie day, I was engaging in delinquent, school-skipping behavior, and I was out in the front of good old Forks High, minding my own beeswax and sitting on my bike, when these two chicks walk up.
One had, like, butch short blond hair but was really skinny, and she asked me, "Who are you?" in this really nasal tone.
It was really fucking bitchy, but like, I look up at her and her friend (who is wearing neon pink—we're talking dress, lipstick, purse, shoes, and so on—PINK), and they actually don't look mean or rude or anything… they look "appraising."
"I'm waiting for Bella?"
"Uh, why?" eyesore-pink friend-girl at her side asks.
I decide I don't like her, and not just because she's neon. "Because I said."
"Echk?!" she and her friend give me the aghast-girl sound.
"Huh, you two did that in chorus."
Hot pink girl turns her nose up at me, but blond girl has her hand on her hip, and she says, "It's just that we had yet to discover that Bella had once again condescended to talking to, you know, human beings. We thought she was still lost to her co-dependent sob fest or whatever." She flips her hand out and rolls her eyes at the same time, as if to show to the max how completely uncaring and what a hard-ass bitch she is.
First, I almost laugh at the "human being" part. Second, it's painful to admit, but Ms. Nasty Tone is really fucking hot. I ignore this, though, and I sorta try to defend my friend, "Uh, she talks to people?"
"Well, I can see why she talks to you."
"Uh, and why do you say that?"
Blonde girl rolls her eyes again.
Hhhhhot.
"You're... tall," she says with pursed lips, eyes narrowed, and her arms crossed, but then she uncrosses her arms. "Lauren," she introduces herself, and then she extends her hand, knuckles-up like an offering.
It's a tad bit outrageous to go all aristocratic-gentry on the native kid from the local rez, but she's hot, and she's totes hitting on me, so I take her hand, and lean down and press my lips, smirking the entire time because for some nitwit reason I'm enabling this charade. "Jacob."
Lauren smiles. It looks almost menacing, but in that predatory, take-me-behind-the-science-building-and-slam-me-against-the-bricks sort of menacing. Like, Jacob-is-glad-his-jacket-is-long-and-covering-his-lap sort of menacing.
Bella decides at this moment to join us.
She walks up.
She looks from Lauren and pink chick to me and then back again.
Lauren holds up her hand and gives her a pretty prat-like finger wave. "Bella... We were just talking to your friend Jacob."
Bella's brows knit, but then she shrugs and mutters, "Right," before throwing her leg over the seat of the bike.
"Uh, I guess I'll see you..." I trail off, not knowing what to say to my new acquaintances.
Lauren, clearly imitating Bella, gives an exaggerated shrug of the shoulders and says, "Right."
I shake my head.
Girls...
I kick the bike into gear. Behind me, Bella wraps her arms around my waist.
We roll on out.
Bella's e-Diary
Jacob came over yesterday.
I needed a plan for Jacob. Either, Plan A: some solid reasoning, or well... Plan B. I spent a few spare seconds contemplating making out with him. Yes, despite the aforementioned Willy scare. Because I more or less felt like his soul was in jeopardy.
After all, he'd been flirting with Lauren Mallory.
Jessica, I could understand.
Angela—were she not with Ben—I might even welcome.
BUT LAUREN MALLORY.
Jacob was flipping through various werewolf DVDs when I yanked him upstairs.
"Sit," I commanded him, pointing to my bed.
He raised his brows at me. I think the doggie commands were starting to wear a bit.
"Lauren Mallory is a nasty person. She's a bitch," I declared.
"Considering that you keep giving me the Fido treatment, telling me to stay away from a 'female dog," and he totally grinned at his bad joke, "might be at odds with your overall message."
I glared at him.
He gave me a stupid grin back.
Fuck.
Plan B.
I jumped him.
Jake having really good reflexes worked out well because he caught me. Then I grabbed the sides of his face and I kissed him. Soft at first—Edward-like soft kisses—but then hardand with half-open mouths and with so much teeth that it sometimes hurt, but then Jacob—fucking Jacob—is going along with the kiss but also starts tapping me on the shoulder—while we're making out—like he's trying to get my attention. Then he pulls back, and he's all like, "Bella-I'm-not-sure-we-shhhh—" but he cuts off again because I bite his bottom lip.
So, then, back to making out, Plan B, or however you would have it, and Jacob is making funny sounds—like he's trying to argue with me—even while not stopping the kissing—but it's this weird sort of resigned set of sounds like music heard from underwater—and I realize that the Jake isn't going to stop whatever it is that he's on about, so I break from his mouth with a sucking pop.
"What?" I demand.
"Back at ya."
"Huh?"
"What is this?" Jake crosses his arms, trying to look cross—although his exhilarated breathing takes away the effect.
"Me, protecting you. I don't want you hankering after that blond bint! She's a horrible person."
"And how is that?"
"She's shallow and catty and... blonde," I finish with a mutter, and now I'm thinking of Tanya—and Edward's distractions—and how I more or less wish I could go invizzy vamp on both their asses.
But then Jacob counters ever so intelligently, "So?"
"So, she'll eat you for breakfast and spit you out."
Then Jake nods. "Sure, sure, because that's so much better than me having my heart fucked with by my friend who makes out with me for kicks whenever she wants to—"
Jacob holds up his finger when my mouth flies open to protest, and then he continues, "And maybe you don't mean it or whatever, but seriously, Bella—you're still hung up on that bloodsucker who dumped you—and dragging me around by a leash as some form of security blanket doesn't exactly qualify as being my protective friend—if anything, with crazy red-haired vampires running around, maybe you should be aware that I'm the one who's protecting you."
I stare at him for a minute.
Then the anger—the anger that's always there—just wells up and I let out one long scream.
I'm stomping the floor with my foot, and I'm screaming and cursing—andPride and Prejudiceis on my desk—so I pick up the cover and rip so that only prejudice is in my fist, and pride is shredded with splayed pages and binding on the floor, and Jacob is staring at me with apoplectic awe, like someone watching a bomb going off—and then I go to reach for another Austen novel—but my heel comes down hard in just the wrong spot and...
And my floor board comes soaring up and smacks me in the knee.
I fall hard onto my floor.
I'm crying.
It hurts. Another bruise. More scratches.
Jacob is patting the top of my head like he would a ferocious toddler.
I'm still crying when Jacob reaches down to move the board back. He's about to slide it back in place, when I hear him mutter beneath his breath, "Lot of crap down here."
His comment makes no sense, so I look down, and there at the bottom...
CD case.
Pictures.
Letters.
I reach around Jacob and yank them out. Loose photographs go flying around the room.
I'm not crying anymore, though. I'm completely in control.
I open the CD case and grab both sides of the CD. I snap it into two mismatched crescents.
I start ripping pictures.
Shredding so-called love letters.
Both my room and Jacob are covered in a blanket of confetti and scrap.
I stop seething, and I look around. I've made a mess, but nothing has really changed.
I need to get the fuck out.
I reach into my bag. I pull out an insulated thermos, and from inside the thermos, I pull out a red baggie. I rip at the corner of the plastic with my teeth, and then I'm sucking and drinking, pulling in the nauseating, though now familiar, taste.
Jacob doesn't even try to stop me.
I run for the door.
I walk down the stairs.
I fade away with every ill-chosen step.
Jasper Whitlock Reconnaissance Report
15:47:04: Sights Target exiting school. Encounter with two human females, and male. Gets on motorbike with male. Leaves parking lot.
*Note: Strange smells. BAD, strange smells. Must be from male--he appears to be from Quileute reservation. (Ask Alice about that treaty business.) Alpha female smells good. Pink female smells good too, but the pink exhibitionism is frankly scary--no matter what Alice says about orange being scarier.
15:53:43: Target and male exit via motorbike. Leave bike in bushes behind house.
15:57:29: Target makes two turkey sandwiches. Partial visual. Obscured by trees.
16:10:04: Targets drags male up to room.
16:03:30: Targets engages in physical contact with male.
*Note: Male should expect to have his balls ripped off by a certain bronze-haired vampire.
16:18:23: Screaming. Creaking boards.
*Note: No visual. But fears for male, not female.
16:19:29: Smell of blood erupts into the air.
*Note: But the smell is neither male's nor Bella's.
16:21:02: Sounds of passage. Front door slams open. Truck door opens, and yet, Target is not visible.
16:22:49: Truck starts to drive away...
*Note: Prepares to follow, but then...
16:22:59: Front door thrown open again. Male emerges. Stands for a moment. Looks like he has a serious case of blue balls.
16:24:01: Male begins to remove clothing.
*Note: Considers making an anonymous call to a certain Chief Swan.
16:24:49: At a complete loss… as male turns into large ugly beast.
*Note: Edward may not be able to rip off his balls easily. Will require at least some effort.
16:24:52: Not following Bella. Running. Male-thing in pursuit.
16:27:03: Enters town. Lots of people. Cloud-cover. Evades he-wolf creature.
*Note: Always use one's ancient brilliance to outsmart idiots. Male's clothes still on Target's front porch.
16:27:29: Makes impromptu, anonymous call to Chief Swan. Reports possible "flasher" near Swan residence.
*Note 1: Hah-Hah.
*Note 2: What the fuck is up with Bella?
***Just in case this wasn't clear: the crap that Bella pulled out from the floorboards is her lullaby CD and birthday party pictures which Edward hid before she left. SMeyer never really did much with that plot line in New Moon...
