Everyone
glowered at Kakashi but no one made a move to remove his mask by
force.
"You
know," Hinata said, turning to Sasuke, "If you could activate my
Byakugan than you could look past the fabric and see his
face."
"Tch,"
Sasuke sniffed, "I don't care… besides, why didn't you ever
do it when you had access to your Byakugan?"
Hinata
smiled, "I never knew how much I wanted to know until just now."
"So
activate her Byakugan." Suigetsu said, "How hard can it
be?"
"Yea, Sasuke – how hard can it be?" Naruto nodded.
Sasuke
glared at the two, "Shut up! S-she can't activate my Sharingan!"
Hinata
nodded, "Guilty as charged. But I thought you were the powerful
Uchiha-san, Sasuke. And aren't I the weak little Hyuuga heiress?
Are you comparing your ultra-strength to little-ole' me?"
Sasuke's
eye twitched and he turned to Iruka, "Sensei, is the food
ready?"
"…food? OH! THE FOOD!" Iruka rushed away, "ARGH!
IT'S GONNA BURN!"
"You
call him sensei but not me?" Kakashi asked, "But I'm the cool
Jounin with the kick-ass hair."
Everyone stared at Kakashi as if
they'd forgotten he was there.
Kakashi
hung his head in defeat.
"I
saved it!" Iruka called, "Time to eat!"
--
It
was after breakfast when Kakashi pointed out that Hinata had
to go to the Hokage.
"No."
Sasuke said.
"Not
your call." Kakashi said, "Until this whole problem is solved,
the Hokage is planning on keeping a very close eye on Hinata."
"Too
damn bad." Sasuke hissed, "It's not happening."
"The
Hokage will be very suspicious of Hinata doesn't return. They'll
begin to think the whole thing was a ploy and that Hinata was never
really in your body, Sasuke, and that in fact it was you all along,
trying to devise a plan to kill the Hokage or destroy Konoha or
something!" Kakashi argued.
"Unless…"
Naruto said suddenly.
Everyone
stared at the blond.
"Unless
Hinata's body shows up and claims she woke up completely back to
normal." Naruto said smiling.
"Well,duh,"
Sasuke barked, "But Hinata's NOT back to normal, idiot!"
Naruto
rolled his eyes, "Well done, Captain Obvious. But her body IS here,
moron! YOU go in Hinata's stead, tell them you're Hinata and
you're all fine and dandy and everyone is happy – GET
IT!?"
Kakashi shivered. He wondered if hell had frozen over.
Iruka
gasped and ran to the window in search of flying pigs.
The
unthinkable had happened.
Naruto
had come up with a good plan (not that that was weird, mind you,
Naruto came up with good plans all the time) but Sasuke
hadn't understood!
Sasuke
opened and closed his mouth silently, in horror.
He'd
shown
slowness.
He'd
shown stupidity.
Judging
by the smirk on his face, Naruto would never let him live it down.
Kakashi
looked as though he wanted to laugh.
Iruka
looked uncomfortable but somewhat proud of the blond.
Hinata
looked lovingly at Naruto.
Karin
felt less attracted Sasuke – not merely because he was in a girl's
body at the moment.
Juugo
lost a little bit of respect for Sasuke.
Suigetsu
hadn't heard a thing that had happened and was instead staring at
Hinata's boobs.
Hinata
realized where Suigetsu's eyes were concentrated and she promptly
flung a chopstick at his face.
--
"You
stay here." Sasuke told Karin, Suigetsu and Juugo, "I'll be
back later. Don't cause any trouble or I'll kill you. Come on
Iruka-sensei, Kakashi. Let's go."
"Why don't you call me
sensei?" Kakashi could be heard asking as they left Iruka's
apartment.
The
five young people sat in Iruka's small apartment living room and
stared across the room at each other.
Suigetsu,
bored without the eye-catching entertainment of Hinata's boobs to
distract him, started wondering if he could fight someone. Anyone.
The blond. The chick in Sasuke's body. Yea… he wouldn't mind
kicking Sasuke's nuts in.
Karin
stared at Naruto. He was so different that Sasuke – the complete
opposite almost. He reminded her a lot of Suigetsu actually.
Juugo
stared at his hands.
He
stared at the ceiling. He stared at the wall.
Naruto
stared at the three.
He
wondered if they were planning something.
He
wondered just how dangerous these people were and where Sasuke found
them.
He
wondered if he could make a ramen-run.
He
shook his head, trying to clear it of delicious but distracting
thoughts of ramen.
Hinata
stared at Naruto.
--
Walking
between Iruka and Kakashi, Sasuke felt a familiar chill down his
back.
He
wondered just what
was happening back in Iruka's apartment.
"Hinata-chan!"
Tsunade said when Sasuke walked in, "You're back to
normal?"
"YUP!" Sasuke barked, "So I'm out of here."
He spun on his heel was immediately spun back to face Tsunade.
Iruka's
elbow dug into his side.
Sasuke
glared at the tanned man with the scar across his nose.
Iruka
stared back and Sasuke's gaze dropped, so great was Iruka's
stare!
"I-I
mean…" Sasuke stammered, trying to remember how Hinata acted, "I…
I woke up, Tsu-tsunade-sama… and… and I… I was b-back in my
b-body… s-so… I guess I… I'm fine…"
He
jabbed his fingers together and twirled them angrily as if he blamed
his fingertips for his predicament.
"Well,
we'll do another check on you today, Hinata-chan." Tsunade said
with just a slight hiccup, "Mmkay? Mmkay! Go wait in the same room
as yesterday!"
-
As
Iruka and Kakashi hustled Sasuke out of the Hokage's office, Iruka
huffed indignantly.
"No
wonder she didn't see through your poorly acted mockery of
Hinata-chan's personality." Iruka murmured, "Can you believe
her? She's already drunk and it's still morning!"
"Poorly
acted!?" Sasuke growled.
"Yup."
Kakashi said, not specifying who he was agreeing with.
--
"So…"
Everyone
turned their gaze to Naruto.
"Where
are you all from?"
"Oh, I'm from None-of-your-damn-business.
Ever been there? It's nice this time of year." Suigetsu smiled,
revealing his sharp teeth, "Hey – you wanna fight?"
Karin
smirked, "What do you want to know that for, anyway?"
Naruto
sighed, "Trying to make small talk."
"Very small." Juugo
said.
"Well,"
Hinata murmured softly in Sasuke's voice, "N-naruto-kun… tell
me more about… yourself?"
"Hm?
Sure. What do you want to know?"
Hinata
blushed bright red. EVERYTHING! She wanted to shout, "Um… uh…"
She felt dizzy. Faint.
"Uhmmmm…"
"What
are you good at? Ninjutsu? Taijutsu?" Suigetsu asked.
"Oh,
yes…" Hinata breathed a sigh of relief, "T-that's a good
question, Suigetsu-kun…"
Suigetsu
stared at Sasuke's blushing face, "Thanks,
girl-in-Sasuke's-body."
"Hm…" Naruto thought for a
moment, "Everything."
This earned him a raised eyebrow from
everyone.
"Haha!
I'm just kidding." Naruto laughed, "Ninjutsu. What are you
skilled at, Sungattu?"
Suigetsu
shot Naruto an ugly look and then shot Karin another one when she
laughed.
"Sword
play!" Suigetsu barked, "I can kill anyone with this sword. Want
to see?"
--
Sasuke
glared at the doctor as she approached to take a blood sample.
"I'm
fine." He growled, "That's not necessary."
"Its fine,
Hinata-chan." Iruka murmured, "It is
necessary so we can leave quickly, correct?"
Sasuke shook his
head and slapped the doctor's hand away, "I said it's not
necessary, fuckface! Back the fuck off!"
"Hinata-chan!"
Iruka barked.
"Such
language!" Kakashi laughed.
The
doctor turned red, "H-hyuuga-san! That kind of language is
unnecessary! Please allow me to do my job!"
"Come
any closer and it'll be your eye meeting the business end of that
needle, I swear!"
"Let's
just hold her down and get it done with!" Kakashi sighed, "Come
on, Iruka-kun."
"Please!" The doctor pleaded.
"Hey!
Don't you fucking touch me, Kakashi!" Sasuke yelled.
"Just
grab her arms!" Kakashi directed Iruka, "I've got her
legs!"
"BACK OFF!" Sasuke screamed, "I swear, Kakashi,
I'll make sure a future of fathering children is completely out of
the question, you get my gist!?"
"Shaddup!" Kakashi yelled
as he leapt at Hinata's body, "Don't make me hit you in the
ovaries!"
"Ovaries!?" Iruka repeated as he made a grab for
Hinata's arms.
"YEA! THE OVARIES! RIGHT IN THE BABY-MAKER!"
Kakashi yelled just as Sasuke landed a kick to his face.
"HA!"
Sasuke laughed maniacally, "Not so pretty now, are you!?"
--
"So
you guys are gonna kill Uchiha Itachi?" Naruto asked.
He
was sitting upside down on the couch, his legs in the air against the
back and his head hanging from the seat.
"That's
the plan." Suigetsu said, his mouth full, "Here, Juugo. Have an
apple." He flung the bitten fruit at the quiet man and successfully
landed a hit to the forehead.
"That's
Sasuke's plan, anyway." Karin said, dodging the apple as it
sailed through the air back towards Suigetsu, "Sasuke begged
me to come. I just know he has feelings for me!"
Suigetsu and
Juugo laughed loudly, the fruit quickly forgotten.
"Sounds
familiar." Hinata said, exchanging a look with Naruto.
A
knock sounded at the door.
Everyone
immediately went silent and tensed up.
"Hey…
you… girl-in-Sasuke's-body, you go get it!" Suigetsu whispered.
"No!
Sasuke can't be in the village!" Hinata hissed, "Naruto! You
go!"
Naruto nodded and leapt off the couch.
He
crept to the door and peeked out the peephole.
A
frowning face with cold white eyes stared back.
"I
see you, Naruto." Neji said.
Naruto
swallowed hard.
"And
I see everyone else in there too…"
--
Iruka
nursed a bitten finger, several bruises and a cut that Sasuke managed
using only Hinata's nails. He wondered if it would be a pretty new
scar to add to his collection.
'I
got off easy.' Iruka thought as he leaned against the wall,
applying antiseptic cream to his wounds.
Kakashi
had a big lump beneath his mask at his jaw from where Sasuke kicked
him in the face.
He
also had a dislocated shoulder (which Iruka and the doctor were able
to relocate), three bitten fingers and Sasuke had nearly managed to
make good on his promise to make Kakashi sterile.
Kakashi
was curled up in a little ball in the corner of the room, vowing to
kill Sasuke when he returned to his body.
Sasuke
was hissing at anyone who came near the bed. He couldn't do any
damage – Kakashi had made sure of that when he tied him down and
gagged his mouth.
But
that didn't stop Sasuke from shooting death-stares at everyone.
The
latest nurse scribbled something on a chart and made for the door,
"Oh, ah, Umino-san!"
Iruka
looked up, "Yes?"
"There is one more test and then you will
be free to leave, ok?"
"Ah, very good. Thank you."
Iruka
waited until she left.
"Sasuke-kun…"
Iruka sighed, "Why must you fight us at every turn? Aren't we
trying to work together?" He walked over and released Sasuke's
gag.
Sasuke
ignored the calm man, "Hey, Kakashi – how does it feel to be less
of a man!? AHHAHA!"
Kakashi
growled, "The only reason I'm not leaping over buildings to race
to your body and kicking your pitiful nuts in, Sasuke…" Kakashi
panted, "…is because I know Hinata would be severely injured.
Make no mistake, Sasuke, once you're in your own body." He
groaned, feeling nauseous, "I'm going… to make… you… pay…"
"Promises,
promises." Sasuke taunted.
Iruka
sighed, "Just one more test, Sasuke and then we can leave, ok?"
--
"Open
the door, Naruto." Neji said.
"Iruka
said no friends over…"
"Just
open the door."
"Hinata's not feeling well, Neji – just
let her rest, yea?"
"Open.The.Door… or else you'll be
sorry." Neji said softly.
"Psh!"
"Fine.
I'm not going to open this door by force, Naruto." Neji said,
"I'm going to get Gai-sensei and he can make a dynamic
entry."
Naruto
gasped. If Gai came around and saw everything it'd be all over
Konoha in five minutes!
Gai
was such a gossip-queen!
"Ok,
ok! Calm down, Neji…" Naruto sighed and opened the door, "Get
in here." He pulled the older boy in, "Using Gai-sensei as a
threat – that's not cool."
Neji
sneered and walked further in.
"Who
the hell are you?" Suigetsu asked, "Hey! You've got those
weirdo creepy eyes, too!"
Neji's jaw dropped,
"WHAT!?"
"Neji-niichan!" Hinata sighed, "What are you
doing here?"
"I
came to check on you, Hinata-chan!" Neji said, "And I find you
here with… who
are these people!?"
Naruto
and Hinata exchanged a glance. Neji had no idea that Sasuke was in
Konoha, too!
He had no idea that these three strangers were
Sasuke's companions!
"Doctors!"
Hinata said, "They… they're the doctors Tsunade-sama sent to
watch over me and study… me."
Karin
stared at Neji. He was gorgeous!
With that handsome face, exotic eyes and long flowing hair! She felt
her heart pound!
Neji stared at the three, "They do not
look like doctors!"
"Oh yea!?" Suigetsu jumped up, "And
you don't look like a dude with that hairstyle!"
"Uh
oh." Hinata murmured.
"Ooh…"
Naruto sighed.
Juugo
shook his head.
Karin
had no idea what was being said. Neji was just too beautiful to take
her attention off!
Neji's
eye twitched.
No
one. NO
ONE
talked about his hair!
TBC
For TaichiSpirit, who asked so nicely! XD
What Happened In The Bathroom...
Hinata
glared at Sasuke, "There! Are you happy?"
"Tch."
Sasuke pushed her aside and made his way to the toliet.
"WHAT
ARE YOU DOING!?"
Sasuke
glanced back at her, "What do you mean what am I doing!? I'm USING THE
BATHROOM!"
"YOU
CAN'T PEE IN FRONT OF ME!"
Sasuke
stared at her, "It's not like you're gonna see my junk! I'M IN YOUR
BODY!"
"YOU
CAN'T PEE IN MY BODY!"
"I'M
NOT! I'M RELIEVING YOUR BODY OF URINE!"
Hinata
ran to the sink and began filling it with water, "Do what you
will..." She said, "I'm going to drown myself."
"FINE!"
Sasuke yelled, "I just... HEY WAIT!"
--
Naruto
and Kakashi wondered what all the screaming in the bathroom was all about.
They
decided, though, that it was probably best not to get involved.
--
Later,
Sasuke's body shuffled into the kitchen, looking horrified and teary-eyed.
Hinata's
body followed looking somewhat perturbed but relieved.
Mm, mm! Crack!
Sorry this took forever to put up! I had a hard time writing it! (Who knew crack could be so hard to write!? I mean, come on! IT'S CRACK!)
I'm so sure I've lost so many readers due to my crack-tivity.
But I really want to thank everyone who has stayed to watch my quick descent into madness! XD
All the reviewers and favers and alerters! THANK YOU! (For liking crack!)
Anyway!
Poor Kakashi.
He may never be able to father kids.
Who knew Sasuke had a fear of needles?
I totally think if Karin ever saw Neji, she'd fall in love with him.
HA!
And you just know its true - you do not talk about Neji's hair.
Oh no.
He will kick your ass.
Yeaaa! Review the crack! Love the crack! You know you want to!
Or else I'll punch you in the ovaries! RIGHT IN THE BABY MAKER!!!
(no, I'm kidding! I won't! I promise! I won't punch your baby-makers! I just really like saying 'baby-makers'!)
-4ng3legg
