Around half an hour later, when he had finally ceased his hysterical screaming, Poland made a run for the door.
"Hey!" Prussia yelled, hurling himself after him. America and Germany looked on with wide eyes.
Poland made it a few inches away from the door before Prussia tackled him to the floor. He let out a loud shriek of protest.
"Aw, fuck!" Prussia groaned, climbing off. He glanced down at himself, his face crumpling in disgust when he caught sight of the vomit that had been transferred from Poland onto himself.
"Now you like, understand my woes," Poland moaned, glancing up from his position on the floor.
"Oh shut up, loser," Prussia snapped, angrily.
"I have to like, leave." Poland's voice was filled with distress. "I can't like, stay here. This is way to crazy for me to like, deal with."
"You aren't leaving." Prussia glared at him, viciously. "Now that you know about them, there's no way out."
"No!" Poland's eyes widened in horror. "I can't do this! This is like, so not squeal-worthy! I'm like, too young for parenthood!"
"But I don't want them to be my parents," America whispered, as he looked on at the scene with wide eyes. "I...I want my big brother back."
Germany shot him a sympathetic look, and wrapped an arm around him, comfortingly.
"You fiends," he called out to Poland and Prussia. "Stop making girls upset - it's not nice."
Prussia shot him an irritated glare "Oh shut up, loser."
"I can't do this!" Poland moaned. "They're like, total menaces. America already like, ruined my favourite pair of pajamas! I like, can't survive like this!"
"Well you're going to have to," Prussia snapped, "because you aren't getting out any time soon."
"No!" Poland's scream of distress echoed throughout the room.
"Take me to my one true love!" Germany demanded, his eyes narrowing dangerously.
"Maybe we should duck tape his mouth," Prussia muttered. Beside him, Poland continued to wail with distress.
...
Once things had calmed down (a feat that took quite a bit of time to actually happen) and once Poland and Prussia had cleaned themselves up (amidst cries of "fucking losers!" and "this is like, the worst day ever!") they sat down, staring at the children in front of them.
"...We need help."
Poland glanced at Prussia and raised his eyebrows slightly.
"Like, what makes you say that?" He shot a brief glance at Germany and America and shuddered slightly. "Can't we just like, lock them in a closet and leave?"
"Already tried that," Prussia responded. "Unfortunately, it didn't work."
"Well we can't like, do this on our own." Poland chewed on his lip. "I mean...we like, don't know the first thing about parenting."
Prussia snorted. "You may not but that brat -" He jerked a finger in Germany's direction. " - Is my brother. I've gone through this stage."
"You like, locked him in a closet," Poland pointed out. "You couldn't have like, been that great."
Prussia glared at him.
"So, who is he?" America murmured, shooting a glance in Poland's direction.
"I told you," Germany responded. "He's Poland. His country is really close to mine so I've met him a few times. He's really weird."
"He threw me at a wall." America lowered his eyes and frowned slightly.
"Don't take it personally," Germany replied, placing a comforting hand on the other nation's shoulder. "I'm sure he would have done it to anyone."
"Hey Ho?"
"Yes?" Germany glanced at America, questioningly.
America hesitated for a moment. "How come...how come all the people you know are so weird?"
Germany's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Well..." America pointed at Prussia. "You're brother is...um...not very nice. And a bit scary and weird too. And Poland is really weird. And Austria sounds...well, not very nice either."
"Italy isn't weird," Germany replied. "She is the most beautiful, angelic creature on earth. Not everyone I know has problems."
"Oh." America frowned slightly. "...Okay then."
"I like, totally got it!"
Both of the de-aged nations jumped at the sudden exclamation from Poland.
Prussia raised one eyebrow. "What are you talking about, loser?"
"I like, know what we can do to make sure that we don't like, kill the brats!" Poland looked ecstatic. "We'll just like, find ourselves some fabulous womanly-influence and things will like, go brilliantly!"
Prussia stared at him, uncomprehendingly. "I see your lips moving," he muttered, "but I don't understand a word you're saying."
"Um excuse me," America said, shyly. "Maybe you could stop saying 'like' so much?"
"Shut up brat." Prussia shot him a glare. "That wasn't what I meant. Stop making useless suggestions."
That, of course, set Germany off. "You fiend!" he howled. "How dare you speak to a girl -"
Prussia chose to tune him out.
"See what I mean!" Poland waved a finger in the direction of the children. "We can't handle this! We like, need a woman to be all motherly and stuff!"
"That's just fucked," Prussia snorted. "We don't need any woman! I've raised West on my own before -"
Poland raised one eyebrow, cutting him off. "I thought Hungary and Austria like, raised him?"
"...Shut up." Prussia glared at him. "What I'm saying is, I don't need an annoying girl butting into my life. Hungary is bad enough."
"We could like, dump all the work on her and like, leave," Poland pointed out.
Prussia cocked his head to the side, considering this. "...Good point," he said, at last. He turned to the two children, both of whom were looking on in confusion.
"How would you feel about a new mum?" he asked them.
"I don't want a new mum," America responded, shaking his head. "I just want my brother."
"I want my one true love!" Germany declared.
"...Yeah." Prussia turned back to Poland. "Let's get ourselves that bitch."
...
After going through a long list of woman, and after ruling out the majority of them (Hungary because well...that one was obvious, Belarus because she was too psychotic, Ukraine because she had intimidating boobs - "they're almost as awesome as me!" - and Liechtenstein because she would probably go and tell Switzerland, who would shoot them all).
In the end they had decided to go with Finland.
"Well..." Prussia coughed. "He is kind of like a woman...I mean, that loser who isn't a nation is always calling him 'Mama'..."
"Like, yeah." Poland nodded his head. "And Sweden calls him his wife...that's like, got to mean something!"
"Is Finland another crazy person?" America whispered to Germany.
"I don't know," Germany responded, shaking his head in confusion. "Probably."
...
"So loser - we need some help."
Finding Finland hadn't been too hard (it had only taken Prussia a little over an hour). The other nation looked slightly apprehensive as he stared at him, although Prussia couldn't imagine why. It wasn't like his awesome presence didn't bring fourth joy and happiness and...awesomeness everywhere he went.
"What do you want?" Finland asked, slowly.
"Well..." Prussia cocked his head to the side, studying the other nation for a moment. "You're kind of like a woman, right?"
"What?!" Finland stared at him with wide, stunned eyes.
Prussia raised one eyebrow. "Is that a yes?"
"Prussia!" Finland looked furious. "Why would you say something like that?!"
"Why?" Prussia looked confused. "You are."
"It's insulting!"
"...No it's not." Prussia shook his head. "Sweden and that other random call you a woman all the time."
"Yes, well..." Finland avoided his eyes. "...Su-san and Peter don't quite...well, they wouldn't stop anyway, so there really isn't any point in asking -"
"Great," Prussia interrupted. "And since I won't be stopping either, you can stop asking me!"
Finland frowned at him.
"So, as I was saying...you're a bit of a woman, which makes you the perfect option for what I need!"
"And what do you need?" Finland ground out.
"Womanly influence!"
There was a brief pause.
"Prussia," Finland said, slowly. "There are a lot of women around here. If you really need one that badly, go ask them!"
"I can't," Prussia replied. "None of them would work for what I need."
"Oh for gods -" Finland shook his head. "Prussia, I have to go. I told Su-san I'd meet him at -"
"Come on!" Prussia grabbed onto his arm and dragged him down the corridor, ignoring his protests. "When you see what I'm talking about, you'd be a loser to refuse!"
"Prussia!" Finland cried. "Let me go! I'm not a woman!"
"You might as well be one!" Prussia yelled back.
...
AN:
Hope you enjoyed this chapter and tell me what you think :D
